22 yo F w/ a hx of anemia and pseudoseizures presents for hematemesis. Pt states she has been having off and on hematemesis for 4-5 months. She is in the waiting room because we have no beds. I get a report from nursing staff that patient had a hematemesis episode in the bathroom and passed out, now looks pale, and has blood surrounding her mouth, with a piece of blood clot hanging on her lips. I walk in to the restroom to see a morbidly obese woman lying on the bathroom floor who is awake, with blood smeared around her mouth. She denies any hx of ulcers, liver disease, alcohol abuse, and NSAID use.
They place her into one of our triage rooms to start lab work on her. VS are all perfect. I get called in again to see her because she is having a seizure. I walk in to find the patient flailing her arms and legs around.
"Ma'am, this is really important, I need to know what medications work for your seizures, because giving the wrong meds can kill you!"
"Ativan"
"Sorry, I don't think that is an appropriate medication, but I'll see what you've received in the past."
"I'm going to have another seizure if I don't get ativan, doctor."
"I'm sorry ma'am, but that is a risk we are going to have to take."
......
5 minutes later: "Doctor, she's seizing again."
"Okay, let her tire herself out."
......
We get labs on her with everything coming back normal. Before I can go talk to her to let her know she will be going home, the nurse calls me into the bathroom again.
"Doctor, she threw up blood again and passed out on the floor." She is lying on the floor feigning loss of consciousness with another blood clot attached to her lips. No blood in the toilet. No blood around toilet. No blood in her teeth or in her throat. The only other place blood is present is on her fingernails.
"Did anyone actually witness her throw up blood?"
"Well, no."
"Ma'am, please open your eyes so we can talk and I can figure out what's going on."
*She opens her eyes*
"Are you currently on your menstrual period?"
"Yes."
"Ma'am, please stop smearing period blood on your face to fake throwing up blood."
This is where she starts yelling that she is going to call her lawyer and she is going to get her fiance to come get me for thinking she would fake throwing up blood. I then feign that there is a test I can perform to definitively tell whether that blood around her mouth is definitively coming from her stomach. At this point, she starts faking a seizure again. I then tell the nurse loud enough for the patient to hear, "I don't have time for this sh**. Call security to escort her off of hospital property." The patient then begins to yell at me again.