Pre-marital counseling
Started by Pembleton
Why do you feel it's necessary?
I know some religious factions (read as: Catholics) mandate premarital counseling, but unless you are forced to do it by your faith, or unless your relationship is plagued with serious issues which need to be addressed, I do not see much point in premarital counseling.
I know some religious factions (read as: Catholics) mandate premarital counseling, but unless you are forced to do it by your faith, or unless your relationship is plagued with serious issues which need to be addressed, I do not see much point in premarital counseling.
My fiancee is Catholic. I am not. But we do have some issues that we haven't honestly confronted. We talk about them and resolve them temporarily but then they resurface. I don't know why it is we can't get them out of the way. I feel like we need an objective third person at times. I want this marriage to work and I want both of us to know what we're heading into.
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Deleted member 72527
Pembleton said:
Not getting married any time soon, but having talked to my friends who have done it, I think it's really important. Gives you a chance to talk about potential differences before you are forced to confront them - differences in finances, raising kids, really important stuff. DO IT - it's a lot less expensive (perhaps free) than a divorce attorney.
I highly recommend it. If my ex and I had gotten premarital counseling, we probably would not have gotten together.
If there are issues you can't talk about between you - DO NOT GET MARRIED until those issues can be talked about.
If there are issues you can't talk about between you - DO NOT GET MARRIED until those issues can be talked about.
Seconded. When my ex and I got married, we were both too young and stupid to even know we had serious compatibility problems.
Research shows that the number one predictor of a relationship's longevity is the ability of the parties to discuss issues that come up. If nothing else, counseling can give you practice in doing that.
ref: http://www.amath.washington.edu/~swanson/WashingtonTimes10Aug03.htm
<< unless you are forced to do it by your faith, or unless your relationship is plagued with serious issues which need to be addressed, I do not see much point in premarital counseling. >>
Spoken like someone who has never been divorced... or married. 😀
Research shows that the number one predictor of a relationship's longevity is the ability of the parties to discuss issues that come up. If nothing else, counseling can give you practice in doing that.
ref: http://www.amath.washington.edu/~swanson/WashingtonTimes10Aug03.htm
<< unless you are forced to do it by your faith, or unless your relationship is plagued with serious issues which need to be addressed, I do not see much point in premarital counseling. >>
Spoken like someone who has never been divorced... or married. 😀
What's wrong with that statement? If there are no issues, or any issues are handled adequately why involve an outside party? It seems rather redundant- like calling the fire department for a grass fire that was put out before you dialed 911.
Or am I missing something here?
Or am I missing something here?
I think I agree with everyone. It can be good, it's not essential, or it can be pointless. It's, like everything else, what you make of it.
My husband and I did have a serious issue we needed to work though before we got married. We decided to contact the minister who was going to marry us (my grandpa- he lived very far away from us)- so we did it over the phone. For us, it was more- he would give us some suggestions to discuss among ourselves and report back to him. He helped start conversations about things we wouldn't normally get so far into. Also, he gave us passages from the Bible to read and study together. So, it wasn't really like traditional therapy in the sense one might think.
If we wouldn't have had any particular issue to discuss, we probably would not have chosen to have any pre-marital counseling. I can't speak for certain, but we may not have had such a strong marriage if we didn't. It helped pave the way for our spiritual life together.
My husband and I did have a serious issue we needed to work though before we got married. We decided to contact the minister who was going to marry us (my grandpa- he lived very far away from us)- so we did it over the phone. For us, it was more- he would give us some suggestions to discuss among ourselves and report back to him. He helped start conversations about things we wouldn't normally get so far into. Also, he gave us passages from the Bible to read and study together. So, it wasn't really like traditional therapy in the sense one might think.
If we wouldn't have had any particular issue to discuss, we probably would not have chosen to have any pre-marital counseling. I can't speak for certain, but we may not have had such a strong marriage if we didn't. It helped pave the way for our spiritual life together.
<< If there are no issues, or any issues are handled adequately why involve an outside party? It seems rather redundant- like calling the fire department for a grass fire that was put out before you dialed 911. >>
Well, I was only half-serious. If two people truly have wonderful communication and conflict-resolution skills, and they have had occasion to put them to the test, and they are both confident they can handle whatever life throws at them, then you're absolutely right. But people who think they're great at handling problems are much more common than people who actually are. What can it hurt to check in with an experienced, professional, neutral party?
And your fire analogy is maybe not what I was thinking. I would say it's more like taking your car in to the mechanic just before a huge cross-country road trip. Even if there are no particular issues you know about, you want to make sure it's road-worthy.
Well, I was only half-serious. If two people truly have wonderful communication and conflict-resolution skills, and they have had occasion to put them to the test, and they are both confident they can handle whatever life throws at them, then you're absolutely right. But people who think they're great at handling problems are much more common than people who actually are. What can it hurt to check in with an experienced, professional, neutral party?
And your fire analogy is maybe not what I was thinking. I would say it's more like taking your car in to the mechanic just before a huge cross-country road trip. Even if there are no particular issues you know about, you want to make sure it's road-worthy.
ok, this may seem really stupid but I found out alot about someone using this. 1000 questions for couples
Honestly after this I'm not sure there isn't anything I don't know his standpoint on. Additionally we have had many discussions of the future and outlook on kids, money, future careers, etc.
Anyone who just wants to see how well you know your SO, i HIGHLY suggest this small investment.
Honestly after this I'm not sure there isn't anything I don't know his standpoint on. Additionally we have had many discussions of the future and outlook on kids, money, future careers, etc.
Anyone who just wants to see how well you know your SO, i HIGHLY suggest this small investment.
mshheaddoc said:
My BF and I picked up this book from Borders that was filled with questions that we had to answer about each other and our relationship. We bought it when we went through a period where we really did not like one another and were on the verge of breaking up. I cant think of the actual name of the book, but it is red. I think it is called the book of us. We haven't finished it yet, but we do have some issues to resolve before we get married, mainly religions. We have been together for 8 years and have 1 son.
If you think counseling will work for you, go for it but make sure you and your SO are both willing participants, or one of you will end up with possible regrets.
