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angel5

Hello all,

My friend who isn't an SDNer wanted me to post this.

Last month, she was accepted to her top choice school. She isn't married (but engaged) and just found out she's one month pregnant :scared:

She is not considering abortion.

Do you think she should defer? Her due date is cutting it close with when she will be starting med school.

Thanks for any advice you may have.

Angel
 

masterMood

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Can she ask the med. school if she can defer a semester or even a year? I'm sure that would be a pretty unique situation.
 

Risa

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Wow, those are two of the most exciting things I can think of; congrats to your friend!

I think that if I could, I would defer. The school will still be there for next year, and that way she'll get to spend some quality bonding time with her baby, and not have to make two such major adjustments in her life all at once.
 
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jebus

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Hermit MMood said:
And not to spark a flamewar, but why can't she have an abortion since the baby is 4 weeks old?
Because, maybe she wants the baby, you silly goose!
 

BradenDO

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Hermit MMood said:
Can she ask the med. school if she can defer a semester or even a year? I'm sure that would be a pretty unique situation. Just don't tell the med. school that she was born out of wedlock, I'm sure that's not an option.

And not to spark a flamewar, but why can't she have an abortion since the baby is 4 weeks old?
She *can* have an abortion but she doesn't want one.
 

bootz

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Wow congrats to your friend! She has a tough decision in front of her. I guess it depends on what she would be comfortable with. Would she be open to scheduling an induced labor or does she want to wait it out? What is her support network like once the baby is born? If she has already been accepted, then I think it wouldn't hurt to ask for a deferment and try to be a mother for a year. Plus, she might avoid the situation of having to describe her personal situation to others before she is comfortable being a mother. Good luck!
 

QofQuimica

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I agree with the previous posters that deferring is a good idea. Most schools will consider deferrals on a case by case basis. Tell your friend congratulations and best of luck. :)
 

FrkyBgStok

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congrats to your friend. a baby will change her life and it isn't easy. my wife and I are talking about another kid, but I told her I don't want it to be less than 9 months old when I actually start. it really does suck ALL your sleep, however it is totally worth it. it will be very very hard to have ample study time (when i am sure it's needed) and devote enough attention to the baby. exciting time.
 

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I gave birth to my son 2 weeks into first year. I had amazing family support and UCONN gave me the option to defer or start the year...competely my choice. They also let me know that if I had started and found it was all too much to handle I could take a medical leave and would have only been charged tuition for the time I had been in school. I decided to give it a shot, took a no-take on the first exam (since I was 2 weeks post-partum), and returned to lecture 2 1/2 weeks after having my son. Lecture was only 8-12 M-F and then a few weeks later I started attending clinical skills and clinic two afternoons a week.
 

JonnyG

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If your school starts you with anatomy she really should defer. Those chemicals arent go for a fetus and they can be absorbed through the skin so breat feeding would be a problem. Enjoy the kids first year of life, she is going to miss a good deal of the next few years of its life.


I am not saying that doctors can't have family's etc.........its just hard to be at everything you want
 

tigress

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JonnyG said:
If your school starts you with anatomy she really should defer. Those chemicals arent go for a fetus and they can be absorbed through the skin so breat feeding would be a problem. Enjoy the kids first year of life, she is going to miss a good deal of the next few years of its life.


I am not saying that doctors can't have family's etc.........its just hard to be at everything you want
Actually, many pregnant women go through gross anatomy. Most professors say there's no problem with it, but others prefer pregnant students to wear masks. And some women are able to take gross anatomy while pregnant by doing alternate things like computer-based dissections, using the cadavers only after the dissecting has been done to prepare for tests. (And in any case, this woman will be having her baby before or right at the beginning of school -- so no matter what it will be the end of her third trimester if she is actually in gross while pregnant, and it's really not a danger then.)

OP, I PM'd you. I also want to say that it partially depends on alternatives. If the alternative to starting is to defer a year but have to work full time to pay rent, med school may be better -- definitely more flexibility of schedule as a student, and potentially much more time available for baby.
 
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Telemachus

Hermit MMood said:
Just don't tell the med. school that she was born out of wedlock, I'm sure that's not an option.
I'm not sure what f*cking cave you live in, but stay there. People can and do have babies out of wedlock, including med students.
 

gujuDoc

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Hermit MMood said:
Can she ask the med. school if she can defer a semester or even a year? I'm sure that would be a pretty unique situation. Just don't tell the med. school that she was born out of wedlock, I'm sure that's not an option.

And not to spark a flamewar, but why can't she have an abortion since the baby is 4 weeks old?

Why would she have an abortion if the father is her fiance?

I think she should probably see if she could defer for a year. I'm sure there will be a way to work it out somehow because school's really do try to work with their students.
 

masterMood

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ah i didn't read that part, then in that case you wouldn't want to have an abortion then would ya :)
 

Em1

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It might be wise for her to continue interviewing, just in case her top choice won't work with her or refuses a deferrment. Just something else to think about.

And congratulations to her!
 
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angel5

Thanks for all your posts!! It certainly is a tough decision. I'll pass your messages on to my friend.

Angel
 

Sooz

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angel5 said:
Hello all,

My friend who isn't an SDNer wanted me to post this.

Last month, she was accepted to her top choice school. She isn't married (but engaged) and just found out she's one month pregnant :scared:

She is not considering abortion.

Do you think she should defer? Her due date is cutting it close with when she will be starting med school.

Thanks for any advice you may have.

Angel
Well tell your friend congrats! Now, although I've never been in med. school, I have indeed given birth. So, from someone with a little experience on that, I would very much recommend that she defer if at all possible.
 

medmom

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First off, to whom ever suggested abortion:
Ya know, some people don't believe in abortion whether they are married, engaged, widowed, single, whatever. Therefore, I think it wise of you to keep your abortion suggestions to yourself. I am sure if this friend was interested in abortion she could get the info.
To the OP:
I am the mother of three and I would suggest defering absolutely. While it can be done I would not recommend it. I have been in school whith the birth of all three of my kids and I can't imagine it during med school. You can't gaurantee that the baby won't be a colicky, crying,up all night mess. And if that is the case, hats off to anyone who can do that in med school. If she isn't opposed to taking an additional year than go for it. Even the best of spouses can't relieve the guilt of being away from your newborn.
medmom
PM me if you have any Q's.
 

blee

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Congrats to your friend on both counts. :)

ABSOLUTELY DEFER. ABSOLUTELY!!!

If future mommy is 1 month along, she will most likely give birth around July. That would give her roughly one month before starting school, or maybe even less, depending on the school. Unless she is an extremely rare case, there is no way she will be physically or emotionally able to successfully take on a heavy course load just one month after giving birth! For starters, I don't know of any daycare places that will take a child under eight weeks of age. Furthermore, if she's going to breastfeed, we're talking 8-12 times a day around the clock. If you do the math, it literally amounts to an hour or so of "rest" between feedings, and think of everything else that needs to be done -- eating, sleeping, changing, etc. Finally, if she's like most moms (or even dads), being away from baby for any length of time is incredibly hard at first. Most new moms back from maternity leave at my old office were bawling by day 2. Everything settles into a routine, of course, but you just can't miss a day or two of class or study time.

The bottom line is that a newborn sets the schedule of the parents for a few months after birth, and trying to get anything really signifcant done around the same time is very difficult. At two months, maaaaybe with a lot of family support. At one month, no way.

Oh, I'm speaking from experience. I've been a dad for three weeks and two days now. I'll be starting med school next August, and I still don't know just how I'm going to balance everything at that point. Had I been an M1 or M2 this year, I think I would have had to defer; either that or resign myself to being an absentee father when my wife needs me the most.
 

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Hermit MMood said:
Can she ask the med. school if she can defer a semester or even a year? I'm sure that would be a pretty unique situation.
You wouldn't want to defer for "a semester" (assuming the school even works on a semester system). Bad idea. Med school is tough enough when you are starting at the same place as everyone else, but is going to be a lot tougher when you jump right in to a course where they expect you to be familiar with exam styles, already are in a groove with studying, have friend and study group networks in place, and perhaps even know some basic material from the prior course. Most places ease you into the pace of med school in the first course (although it doesn't feel like easing at the time).
 

IlianaSedai

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I'd ask about deferring a year, as starting med school just after you've had a baby would be way too much change to handle. Plenty of people have done it before.
 

beanbean

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Another thought from someone who has been there....

Ask the school if there are other students who have been in the same situation and could you talk to them. I spoke with a couple of students who had given birth early in the first year and their advice was very helpful. M1 is in some ways the easiest year to have a child in. Lecture attendance is usually not mandatory, boards aren't right around the corner, no crazy clinical rotation hours, etc. The hard part is that your friend will be giving birth right as the year starts which gives her no time to figure out her study methods and schedule.

Best of luck to her. It is possible to be a great mom and a med student (whether she starts this year or next).
 
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