Pressured into being a pre-med, I want out (cliff notes)

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BoxinMoxin

BoxinMoxin

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Cliff Notes:

- went to high school in a really bad area, high school wasn't that good, parents had the money to move to a better area but decided to stay in the bad school zone to save themselves 10 minutes on commute, they told me this

- parents would not let me take part in extra curricular activities my 9th and 10th grade years, they said it is for poor people who cause trouble, when I tried to talk to them they yelled like monkeys and would not even pick me up after school

- parents are really ignorant about college admissions and being a doctor, in their view, doctors barely work, they just see patients for 5 minutes and then make 6 figures a year and live in mansions. you can get into harvard with a 3.5 or higher GPA and extra curricular activities will make the admissions people think you aren't that focused on your academics, GENIUSES RIGHT!?

- never had a choice of my major. dad just went to school and made my major biochemistry out of nowhere, finished first year of college with a 2.8 GPA and parents just said well study and try harder. they keep telling me I am a "quitter" and with my mentality I will never get anywhere in life but THEY DID NOT EVEN LET ME PICK MY MAJOR!!!!

- I am in organic chemistry right now. I study so much on weekends for it but still I have absolutely no interest in the course. The material does not sit with me. I do not want to do this for the rest of my life, I do not see myself in medicine. The course is kicking my ass, it is having its way with me and nailing me in all possible positions, no pun but seriously. I study, study, study, study, go to SI, do everything, yet I made a 56 on my first test, fail nearly all the quizzes, and I make 70s on my lab reports.

- Love economics and wanna major in that. I live with my parents because due to their genius idea of not participating in after school activities, I was not able to get into a decent university and my GPA wasn't that high because they wouldn't let me go to a library. We lived in an apartment as well where it was hard to find a place to study so ya! Live with my parents, they pay for all my college, and are pushing me into medicine, they will not let me apply for financial aid or scholarships either.

I am born into a culture where it is very common for people to push their kids into medicine and my parents are pretty much doing the same. In their eyes, being a doctor is like being a god and all you have to do is see patients for 5 minutes a day and make six figures. In their eyes, being a doctor is easy, you just stand around and make 6 figures and barely have to work. Anything else is bad! THEY HAVE LITERALLY TOLD ME THIS.

I am really miserable, these people have messed up my life so bad and now they are trying to push me into a profession which honestly I want no part in.

What do I do?
 
I feel very strongly that there are two sides to your story.

Get a job, move out, and do what you want.
 
Hey there,

Sorry to hear that your parents are pressuring you in a direction you don't want to go. It seems they are doing it because they honestly think this is what is best for you. Unfortunately, they also seem very, very uneducated about the profession they want so badly for you.

For starters, I might try and get some information for them regarding what exactly being a doctor is like. Do you know a doctor that could talk to your parents and maybe enlighten them a bit? Especially good would be a doctor from the same culture that you come from. Is there someone at your school that could sit them down and explain that what they are expecting from you is doing more harm than good?

While I would love to tell you to just move out and do your own thing, part of me thinks that at THIS point, that might not be the best idea. For starters, I think they just need to have someone educate them on what this whole doctor thing entails. If they won't listen to you, try and find someone else that they WILL listen to. Then take it from there.

PM me if you need any more advice or a sounding board. Good luck! 👍
 
zma21 said:
I feel very strongly that there are two sides to your story.

Get a job, move out, and do what you want.
Click to expand...

I agree.


And I understand your plight and the difficulty in breaking free, but it has to be done. Remember that as an adult, you should worry about what makes you happy; what your parents think should be secondary to what you think.

Get a job, take out loans, whatever it takes. The cost of the loans will be far less than having your parents wield that type of control over your life.
 
This situation is really disturbing. Hope it turns out well for you, OP.
 
Stop thinking like a victim and take charge of your life.
 
roseglass6370 said:
Hey there,

Sorry to hear that your parents are pressuring you in a direction you don't want to go. It seems they are doing it because they honestly think this is what is best for you. Unfortunately, they also seem very, very uneducated about the profession they want so badly for you.

For starters, I might try and get some information for them regarding what exactly being a doctor is like. Do you know a doctor that could talk to your parents and maybe enlighten them a bit? Especially good would be a doctor from the same culture that you come from. Is there someone at your school that could sit them down and explain that what they are expecting from you is doing more harm than good?

While I would love to tell you to just move out and do your own thing, part of me thinks that at THIS point, that might not be the best idea. For starters, I think they just need to have someone educate them on what this whole doctor thing entails. If they won't listen to you, try and find someone else that they WILL listen to. Then take it from there.

PM me if you need any more advice or a sounding board. Good luck! 👍
Click to expand...

+1 . . . It's worth a try. If they cut you off, it wouldn't be pleasant... Better to try seriously and directly talking it out first before taking more drastic measures.
 
You realize you can choose your own classes and you can change your major without your helicopter parents doing jack, right? Nut up and talk to your parents. If you don't communicate clearly with them, you cant complain. If they still don't listen, change your major and schedule your own classes. If they cut off your gravy train, move out and get loans. They cannot control you as an adult and stop you from getting loans or financial aid. Best of luck
 
If you absolutely can't handle it and dislike it(which seems to be the case from what you said), figure out a plan if they were to stop supporting you financially. Once that's done, tell them to back off and leave home. Either that or try to reason with them(but it sounds like you've done that already too).

Good luck man. I hope everything turns out okay. It sounds like a nasty situation to be in. 🙁
 
Just become a rapper man it's easy, quick and famous money.
 
Wow, I seriously feel bad for you. I agree with pretty much everyone who has already posted, but I would like to add this: Withdraw from Organic Chemistry. There's no point in you taking it. You hate it, you have no use for it, and it's not a prerequisite for you since you don't want to be a doctor. It's better to get a W than an F. Remember that.
 
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This guy started so many self-pity threads in the last month that I don't want to see him in medicine.
 
If you have second thoughts now, I'd get out before you start investing thousands of dollars in medical school application.

I somewhat understand your situation - I wasn't financially independent from my parents until medical school, so understand not wanting to let them down or upset them (heck, this is the same reason I stayed in the closet until graduation).

Doing medicine to please your parents is *never* a good idea. I've seen the repercussions of it - there are a handful of kids graduating with me who were more business-minded but ended up being pressured into medicine. Now in their final year, they've been miserable, can't imagine doing residency, and are scrambling to find consulting jobs.

My first question is, have you even talked to your parents yet? I mean a sincere, honest, big conversation (that maybe even ends in a slammed door)?
 
You're either a troll or in desperate need of some confidence judging by your past threads.
 
i get people telling him to move out, get a job etc but the op talks about his family's culture alot... in some cultures, it can be deadly to go against your fam, literally "death before dishonor"... if it isnt that serious then op should def take the advice of acting like an adult. GL
 
RavishingB said:
i get people telling him to move out, get a job etc but the op talks about his family's culture alot... in some cultures, it can be deadly to go against your fam, literally "death before dishonor"... if it isnt that serious then op should def take the advice of acting like an adult. GL
Click to expand...

Be that as it may, the correct way to handle the situation isn't to let his parents run his life. In the end, it's your life. If being forced into things by your parents is how you want to live it, it's not our place to say anything. OP, clearly, isn't of that persuasion. Yes, his family might hate him. Yes, that might sever ties. But if he's happy as a result [and has thought it through down to the last detail] then that's what he should do.
 
Dude if you never wanted to go to med school in the first place...why the hell did you waste everyones time with all your OMG I DID BADLY FRESHMEN YEAR HAAAAAALPPPPP threads?


You clearly have malignant parents...time to cut the cord (and get yourself the help you need psychologically...because whatever your parents have done to you has left you with zero self esteem, zero self identity, and zero confidence).
 
Again dude. You're back here AGAIN with the same crap!!

I felt bad for you in the first few threads but this is enough man. You have to man up and get out of your parents' basement. Move to another city/state, do whatever you gotta do to get your act together. If you don't feel like studying medicine, that is fine. There are so many cool things out there, medicine is just one of them.

Do whatever makes you happy.

But for the love of whatever god you believe in, please stop looking for pity here bro! Thats not going to solve your problems.
 
😴 Judging by your previous 12 Threads, you's a sissy.
Get a shrink
 
BoxinMoxin said:


- parents are really ignorant about college admissions and being a doctor, in their view, doctors barely work, they just see patients for 5 minutes and then make 6 figures a year and live in mansions. you can get into harvard with a 3.5 or higher GPA and extra curricular activities will make the admissions people think you aren't that focused on your academics, GENIUSES RIGHT!?

- never had a choice of my major. dad just went to school and made my major biochemistry out of nowhere, finished first year of college with a 2.8 GPA and parents just said well study and try harder. they keep telling me I am a "quitter" and with my mentality I will never get anywhere in life but THEY DID NOT EVEN LET ME PICK MY MAJOR!!!!


I am born into a culture where it is very common for people to push their kids into medicine and my parents are pretty much doing the same. In their eyes, being a doctor is like being a god and all you have to do is see patients for 5 minutes a day and make six figures. In their eyes, being a doctor is easy, you just stand around and make 6 figures and barely have to work. Anything else is bad! THEY HAVE LITERALLY TOLD ME THIS.

I am really miserable, these people have messed up my life so bad and now they are trying to push me into a profession which honestly I want no part in.

What do I do?
Click to expand...


I say a very lonely troll. First, your parents think that doctors barely work and then you are saying that they think doctors are like Gods. Which is it? Do they look down on doctors or have high regard for them?

How can your dad change your major???? :meanie:
 
you should probably talk with your parents about all of these issues that you're having, not sdn
 
I agree with others in that you are an adult, but clearly you're in a delicate situation. There really is only one option here: open communication with your parents, expressing your desires. If they do not receive the news well, you should work towards something they can accept that still allows you to pursue your interests (e.g. picking your major but not getting kicked out of the house). If such a setup is impossible after you try, then I would recommend looking into taking out student loans and forging some independence. It's a scary step but every college has financial aid people to help you with the process, and no amount of parent money now is worth misery for entire career. Be you.

Best of luck.
 
if youre miserable before medical school imagine what you will be like as a medical student, resident and attending.

get out before you get in if you dont want to do it.
 
newdoc2013 said:
if youre miserable before medical school imagine what you will be like as a medical student, resident and attending.

get out before you get in if you dont want to do it.
Click to expand...

I always love these threads where someone is asking the greater SDN community to talk them into being a doctor. As if there aren't plenty of applicants for every med school (and soon residency) spot. If you don't have the personal drive to make the transition from pre-med to applicant, I fear their chances of getting up at 4:30 during a surgical rotation.
 
stop being a *****. act like an adult and take control of your life
 
Good for you! I'm glad you're admitting to yourself what you want.

No one should be on this path for a reason of feeling forced... it won't actually get you into med school (as rightly it shouldn't) and it's much better to realize this now rather than after years and years of pouring time, money and effort into it.

Your college campus has a pre-med advisor, right? Speak with your advisor about this. Let them know that your parents have these beliefs about medicine and that you understand they're untrue and you don't want to go into the field. Ask your advisor to speak to your parents and explain the way things really are in medicine.

Or ask a doctor you know personally, if they have the time. Or maybe one of the medical students here - someone who is an authority on what the real conditions of med school and medicine are like, someone who your parents will accept as an authority.

Get a third party like this to intercede.

Also, your campus will have resources to help you find out what you can do to make your own living while going to school, or survive independently from your parents. A career center, other advisors...

There are people out there at every university whose job it is to speak to people in your position... people who are familiar with the issues of early adulthood, overbearing families, and career uncertainty. This is their specialty. They know their stuff. They'll be able to help you find what other careers you might be interested in, and how you might be able to apply your coursework to something that suits you better. So seek out help at your campus career center or advising office and ask what to do with this.

A huge percentage of people change their majors, many of them against family wishes... you'll be one of many they've seen!

Guys, stop harrassing the OP. It's clear that, this whole time, he's known there was a problem but hasn't been certain what it was. Now he knows and has admitted it.

Self-knowledge is not always easy to come by. Do all of you admit your problems to yourself the first time through? Better yet, do you have the guts to admit it in public if you were wrong the first time? That's something the OP has managed to do, despite what sounds like a very unhappy life situation. It's pretty impressive when you stop and think about it.

Why does anyone spend their energy trolling a confused undergraduate when there are so many better things to do in the world? Never ceases to amaze me.
 
HumbleMD said:
I always love these threads where someone is asking the greater SDN community to talk them into being a doctor. As if there aren't plenty of applicants for every med school (and soon residency) spot. If you don't have the personal drive to make the transition from pre-med to applicant, I fear their chances of getting up at 4:30 during a surgical rotation.
Click to expand...

What time are you going to sleep?
 
Hastur said:
Good for you! I'm glad you're admitting to yourself what you want.

No one should be on this path for a reason of feeling forced... it won't actually get you into med school (as rightly it shouldn't) and it's much better to realize this now rather than after years and years of pouring time, money and effort into it.

Your college campus has a pre-med advisor, right? Speak with your advisor about this. Let them know that your parents have these beliefs about medicine and that you understand they're untrue and you don't want to go into the field. Ask your advisor to speak to your parents and explain the way things really are in medicine.

Or ask a doctor you know personally, if they have the time. Or maybe one of the medical students here - someone who is an authority on what the real conditions of med school and medicine are like, someone who your parents will accept as an authority.

Get a third party like this to intercede.

Also, your campus will have resources to help you find out what you can do to make your own living while going to school, or survive independently from your parents. A career center, other advisors...

There are people out there at every university whose job it is to speak to people in your position... people who are familiar with the issues of early adulthood, overbearing families, and career uncertainty. This is their specialty. They know their stuff. They'll be able to help you find what other careers you might be interested in, and how you might be able to apply your coursework to something that suits you better. So seek out help at your campus career center or advising office and ask what to do with this.

A huge percentage of people change their majors, many of them against family wishes... you'll be one of many they've seen!

Guys, stop harrassing the OP. It's clear that, this whole time, he's known there was a problem but hasn't been certain what it was. Now he knows and has admitted it.

Self-knowledge is not always easy to come by. Do all of you admit your problems to yourself the first time through? Better yet, do you have the guts to admit it in public if you were wrong the first time? That's something the OP has managed to do, despite what sounds like a very unhappy life situation. It's pretty impressive when you stop and think about it.

Why does anyone spend their energy trolling a confused undergraduate when there are so many better things to do in the world? Never ceases to amaze me.
Click to expand...

B/c it's not the first time he's done this and SDN has little patience for dragged out sympathy fishing
 
OP, do you really think anyone on here is going to say "your parents are right."... I think you already know exactly what people are going to say
 
Sutton said:
I say a very lonely troll. First, your parents think that doctors barely work and then you are saying that they think doctors are like Gods. Which is it? Do they look down on doctors or have high regard for them?

How can your dad change your major???? :meanie:
Click to expand...
never said he did, the first day when we were enrolling in college and while I was at home he went to college and had my major set up already, it happened just like that

problem isn't the emotional damage but academic damage that has been done, Withdrawal deadline passes yesterday and I did not drop any classes, my currently GPA is a 2.9 something (due to summer courses bring it up from a 2.8)

my issue is the following

1. I am a pre-med, other kids party and have great lives and stable lives and ace nearly every test while I am left with the C's and D's

2. I feel that the damage has been done and if I was majoring in economics or something I wanted, I would have had near a 4.0 GPA.

Even if I switch my major and get good grades from here on out, there are so many doors closed for me AFTER college.
 
Hastur said:
Good for you! I'm glad you're admitting to yourself what you want.

No one should be on this path for a reason of feeling forced... it won't actually get you into med school (as rightly it shouldn't) and it's much better to realize this now rather than after years and years of pouring time, money and effort into it.

Your college campus has a pre-med advisor, right? Speak with your advisor about this. Let them know that your parents have these beliefs about medicine and that you understand they're untrue and you don't want to go into the field. Ask your advisor to speak to your parents and explain the way things really are in medicine.

Or ask a doctor you know personally, if they have the time. Or maybe one of the medical students here - someone who is an authority on what the real conditions of med school and medicine are like, someone who your parents will accept as an authority.

Get a third party like this to intercede.

Also, your campus will have resources to help you find out what you can do to make your own living while going to school, or survive independently from your parents. A career center, other advisors...

There are people out there at every university whose job it is to speak to people in your position... people who are familiar with the issues of early adulthood, overbearing families, and career uncertainty. This is their specialty. They know their stuff. They'll be able to help you find what other careers you might be interested in, and how you might be able to apply your coursework to something that suits you better. So seek out help at your campus career center or advising office and ask what to do with this.

A huge percentage of people change their majors, many of them against family wishes... you'll be one of many they've seen!

Guys, stop harrassing the OP. It's clear that, this whole time, he's known there was a problem but hasn't been certain what it was. Now he knows and has admitted it.

Self-knowledge is not always easy to come by. Do all of you admit your problems to yourself the first time through? Better yet, do you have the guts to admit it in public if you were wrong the first time? That's something the OP has managed to do, despite what sounds like a very unhappy life situation. It's pretty impressive when you stop and think about it.

Why does anyone spend their energy trolling a confused undergraduate when there are so many better things to do in the world? Never ceases to amaze me.
Click to expand...

you have been really nice to me and for that I thank you but no need to stick up for me, from the abuse i have endured in real life to the abuse online, the words here telling me to go kill myself and calling me a b*tch don't even put a dent on me

my focus now is to somehow get that A on the organic test monday, I have tried nearly everything but maybe you guys can give me some last second advice or what I should be doing

and believe me, I have barely used the internet this week, I just really want to do good on that upcoming organic test
 
Say I was a huge company on Wall Street and I was thinking about hiring you. I look at your transcript and overall, you finished undergrad with a solid GPA. I see though that at the start of college you were taking science courses and didn't fare so well. I ask you about this in your interview and your response if the story you told me above. You think I'll blame your parents for your grades? You think I'll give you the job?
 
BoxinMoxin said:
never said he did, the first day when we were enrolling in college and while I was at home he went to college and had my major set up already, it happened just like that

problem isn't the emotional damage but academic damage that has been done, Withdrawal deadline passes yesterday and I did not drop any classes, my currently GPA is a 2.9 something (due to summer courses bring it up from a 2.8)

my issue is the following

1. I am a pre-med, other kids party and have great lives and stable lives and ace nearly every test while I am left with the C's and D's

2. I feel that the damage has been done and if I was majoring in economics or something I wanted, I would have had near a 4.0 GPA.

Even if I switch my major and get good grades from here on out, there are so many doors closed for me AFTER college.
Click to expand...

Too bad, so sad. You have been whining for so long - grow a pair, quit things you don't like and learn to make decisions. Learn to live with your decisions.

And PS: I am a pre-med, I partied (enough) and have a great and stable life and I have pretty good grades. If you like what you do, you will do great. If you don't, don't do it.

And you don't know if the doors are closed until you knock on them.
 
ya know, I just realized, when they told us our freshman year that organic chemistry is going to weed a lot of pre-meds out, they were not playing!!!
 
BoxinMoxin said:
ya know, I just realized, when they told us our freshman year that organic chemistry is going to weed a lot of pre-meds out, they were not playing!!!
Click to expand...

Untitled-1.jpg


All you seem to do is whine, and you want to be a doctor? 👍
 
Longest Cliff Notes for a forum post ever...

Stop posting these threads and do something.
 
BoxinMoxin said:
Even if I switch my major and get good grades from here on out, there are so many doors closed for me AFTER college.
Click to expand...

Boo hoo. Grow up and try your best or get out of town. If you are a sophomore then you still have a lot of college (and life) left to excel at.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition." - Steve Jobs
 
I'm pretty sure it is impossible to live without any dogma.
 
Boxinmoxin, I think I've read this thread before...

Oh wait, I have...

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?p=11603851#post11603851

And I think I answered it with this

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showpost.php?p=11607895&postcount=13

I'm pretty sure this applies here, this is not the first time people on this board have told you this. I will be nice and assume that you missed this the last time I posted it and re-post it just for you.

UnclePhil said:
Dude, what is even the point of posting on this forum if you are just going to ignore what other people tell you?

Again... and I do want to make it perfectly clear so there is no misunderstanding... if it's not bad enough that you are not willing to take some action, then it's not that bad. If you don't care enough to do something about it yourself, then trust me, do not expect anonymous strangers on the internet to either. If you just want to talk about how crappy your life is, there are people who are paid to listen to you whine, they are called therapists. If your confidence is really this bad, then I think you probably need one.
Click to expand...

I really hope you see my post this time, because I think you might have missed it the last time.

The more you keep posting these "woe is me, my parents ruined my life, my school ruined my life, my professor ruined my life, my major ruined my life" threads, fewer people are going to feel bad for you and more and more people are just going to tell you to either sack up and do something or to shut up and deal with it.
 
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Seriously OP, stop blaming your parents and take control of your life. I suggest you drop the classes you don't need, get a job, file your taxes independently next year, and apply for financial aid.

If you seriously think you're gonna make it anywhere by ignoring what you really want and spending your life trying to make your parents happy, think again.
 
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