psychiatrist do you ever have problems dating???

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psychMDhopefully

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And for those of you who are married how/when did you meet your significant other? I'm interested in psychiatry and always wonder if the title would scare women away because they think I would be always analyzing them. Or I wonder if the training would make me overly critical of partners.
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Married, to someone I met while a medical student. It's a pretty rare woman as far as I can tell that would avoid dating you because she can't handle your being a psychiatrist. If that actually happens be grateful that she screened herself out! Most people find it attractive when someone makes good money at meaningful work that they enjoy, so psychiatry will probably work in your favor.

As for being overly critical of partners I don't think that will be an issue, unless you are already overly critical. In which case it will probably carry over. I do find that when I'm around new people I sometimes pick up on red flags for potential personality pathology that I previously might not have, but what I choose to do with that is up to me. I also don't go around seeing many/most people as seriously character disordered, and if you find that you do you should probably recalibrate your standards.
 
Bartelby said:
Married, to someone I met while a medical student. It's a pretty rare woman as far as I can tell that would avoid dating you because she can't handle your being a psychiatrist. If that actually happens be grateful that she screened herself out! Most people find it attractive when someone makes good money at meaningful work that they enjoy, so psychiatry will probably work in your favor.

As for being overly critical of partners I don't think that will be an issue, unless you are already overly critical. In which case it will probably carry over. I do find that when I'm around new people I sometimes pick up on red flags for potential personality pathology that I previously might not have, but what I choose to do with that is up to me. I also don't go around seeing many/most people as seriously character disordered, and if you find that you do you should probably recalibrate your standards.
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I'm a little confused by the red part, of course I don't expect people to be perfect, but I do find most people seriously lacking in positive character traits. I've been used, lied to, and betrayed so much that if people I deal with start to show signs of dishonesty I just pull away. I don't think asking someone I'm going to take seriously to be honest ( about major stuff, I can handle little lies) is asking too much.
 
psychMDhopefully said:
And for those of you who are married how/when did you meet your significant other? I'm interested in psychiatry and always wonder if the title would scare women away because they think I would be always analyzing them. Or I wonder if the training would make me overly critical of partners.
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usually the line "so are you analyzing me?" which is usually a joke, I will follow up with "if I am you'll know when you get your bill for $300/hr", which is not.
 
Just tell them you're in the CIA bro. "I work for the company." wink.
Wear a clean suit and be mysterious. Its easy
 
I don't think analysis has been a prevailing stereotype of psychiatrists for quite some time, unless a person exclusively watches Woody Allen films and is generally detached from goings-on.
 
birchswing said:
I don't think analysis has been a prevailing stereotype of psychiatrists for quite some time, unless a person exclusively watches Woody Allen films and is generally detached from goings-on.
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Every single person that I've ever told I was a psychiatrist has responded with one of the below:
1) they joke that they and their whole family or coworkers are in need of a psychiatrist.

2) they ask if I'm analyzing them.

For the OP, no it wasn't a problem for me dating, however. No one seemed put off by it.
 
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psychMDhopefully said:
I'm a little confused by the red part, of course I don't expect people to be perfect, but I do find most people seriously lacking in positive character traits. I've been used, lied to, and betrayed so much that if people I deal with start to show signs of dishonesty I just pull away. I don't think asking someone I'm going to take seriously to be honest ( about major stuff, I can handle little lies) is asking too much.
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Asking someone you care about to take their own ethical conduct seriously and to treat you well is totally fine. All people (myself included) sometimes lie or otherwise don't live up to our values. I don't find, though, that most people exhibit patterns of chronic and habitual misconduct. When I refer to serious character disorder I am referring to picking up on deficits in the person's personality which may well be predictive of pretty serious and ongoing problems.
 
Just a heads up... once you say you are a psychiatrist/psych resident, the "doctor appeal" goes away so you better have other things going for you!
Typical tinder/bumble conversation:
"Oh so you're a doctor... what kind?"
"Doing residency in psychiatry"
/end convo
 
psychMDhopefully said:
I don't expect people to be perfect, but I do find most people seriously lacking in positive character traits. I've been used, lied to, and betrayed so much that if people I deal with start to show signs of dishonesty I just pull away.
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All of your relationships have had one thing perfectly in common: you. If you focus on how other people fail to live up to your expectations, you will be an unhappy mental health professional in addition to being unhappy in relationships.
 
HarryMTieboutMD said:
Just a heads up... once you say you are a psychiatrist/psych resident, the "doctor appeal" goes away so you better have other things going for you!
Typical tinder/bumble conversation:
"Oh so you're a doctor... what kind?"
"Doing residency in psychiatry"
/end convo
Click to expand...

I'd be willing to bet that if someone alternated the words physician and psychiatrist in a dating profile they'd get a lot more messages on the phsyican days. That said, it would probably be an effective screen for the interesting and open minded people that you'd want to date anyways. The number of "oh that's nice" looks that I've gotten in the past year with all the sincerity I'd expect if I were graduating from an online school and becoming a tax collector.

All that said... I probably did way, way more judging of potential mates on the basis on occupation than happened to me...
 
HarryMTieboutMD said:
Just a heads up... once you say you are a psychiatrist/psych resident, the "doctor appeal" goes away so you better have other things going for you!
Typical tinder/bumble conversation:
"Oh so you're a doctor... what kind?"
"Doing residency in psychiatry"
/end convo
Click to expand...

Goes with anyone in life ... the borderlines will gravitate towards you once you've announced it.
 
Finances, physical attractiveness, interpersonal skills, social status. Those are really the biggies. All psychiatrists have two of those. If you don't have the interpersonal skills and the good looks, not even your patients will like you. :bag:
 
birchswing said:
I don't think analysis has been a prevailing stereotype of psychiatrists for quite some time, unless a person exclusively watches Woody Allen films and is generally detached from goings-on.
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I get it a lot, actually. People think they know what I do and they're never accurate unless they've seen a psychiatrist themselves, work in medicine, or know one already. The "so are you analyzing me right now?" Is the classic jocular question for both first dates and parties. Usually followed closely by one of the following:

"I'll save you the trouble, I already know I'm crazy."

"You could make a living just on me/my family/my ex/my boss. You should write a book!"

On dating site profiles, I usually stuck to "I work in the healthcare field". But I'm female and even physician can be off putting to guys. An occ med physician friend of mine said she was an elementary school teacher on hers, but I didn't want to straight out lie. Seems like that would cause problems later.

I did have a conversation with an internist on Tinder. I told him what I did and he's like "OMG! The last girl I dated was a psychiatrist. That b- was crazy! Holy S! She broke up with me, trashed my place and then got mad at me when I wouldn't have sex with her!"

I ended convo on that one. I haven't been active on dating sites/apps in months. Too disheartening.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
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sunlioness said:
I did have a conversation with an internist on Tinder. I told him what I did and he's like "OMG! The last girl I dated was a psychiatrist. That b- was crazy! Holy S! She broke up with me, trashed my place and then got mad at me when I wouldn't have sex with her!"
Click to expand...
I think i know her...
 
She is definitely out there . . . The funny thing is dating outside of medicine, you deal with the female doctor thing and then the psychiatrist thing. Dating within medicine, you deal with the cluster B female psychiatrist thing . . . They're really not the rule. But I think everyone's met one. And one is enough.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
sunlioness said:
I get it a lot, actually. People think they know what I do and they're never accurate unless they've seen a psychiatrist themselves, work in medicine, or know one already. The "so are you analyzing me right now?" Is the classic jocular question for both first dates and parties. Usually followed closely by one of the following:

"I'll save you the trouble, I already know I'm crazy."

"You could make a living just on me/my family/my ex/my boss. You should write a book!"

On dating site profiles, I usually stuck to "I work in the healthcare field". But I'm female and even physician can be off putting to guys. An occ med physician friend of mine said she was an elementary school teacher on hers, but I didn't want to straight out lie. Seems like that would cause problems later.

I did have a conversation with an internist on Tinder. I told him what I did and he's like "OMG! The last girl I dated was a psychiatrist. That b- was crazy! Holy S! She broke up with me, trashed my place and then got mad at me when I wouldn't have sex with her!"

I ended convo on that one. I haven't been active on dating sites/apps in months. Too disheartening.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I see a lot of female physicians on dating sites lie about or play down their profession, is it just that the only men not intimidated by female MDs are male MDs?
 
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sunlioness said:
She is definitely out there . . . The funny thing is dating outside of medicine, you deal with the female doctor thing and then the psychiatrist thing. Dating within medicine, you deal with the cluster B female psychiatrist thing . . . They're really not the rule. But I think everyone's met one. And one is enough.
Click to expand...

Seriously, the only psych applicant in my class this year who I have any concerns about being successful in the field has several cluster B qualities...nice girl but someone who I definitely never want to work with in the future.

psychMDhopefully said:
I see a lot of female physicians on dating sites lie about or play down their profession, is it just that the only men not intimidated by female MDs are male MDs?
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I think it is an issue of intimidation combined with knowing that most female physicians do not fit a "traditional" female role of being the primary child raiser. Most non medical people (and even more true for those of us involved in medicine) know that being a physician is more than a full time job which raises realistic questions concerning the timing of having children mixed with balancing a demanding career. Personally, being around so many intelligent and successful women in medical school has set my expectations noticeably higher for my future wife and has the opposite effect.
 
It can also be quite the opposite. I am engaged to a surgeon and she specifically stated shed be unlikely to have dated me at all had I been in a more time demanding field and she liked that I was in a field that allowed for a good life style. There's apparently something sexy about having a good job where you can help people, make good money, and still have a personal life.
 
Assuming those aren't actors, I think publishing that video is unethical.

Recording it as a way to contain your own emotions is fine. I think one-party-consent recording is fine. But not publishing the recording.

And that guy, if that's real, is completely egging her on. In situations like that, the best thing you can do is either leave the situation or if you can't leave it to not respond. Granted he's not a high-reactor, but it was worse than giving an authentically angry response. He was just saying enough to fan the flames and it was like entertainment for him.
 
birchswing said:
Assuming those aren't actors, I think publishing that video is unethical.

Recording it as a way to contain your own emotions is fine. I think one-party-consent recording is fine. But not publishing the recording.

And that guy, if that's real, is completely egging her on. In situations like that, the best thing you can do is either leave the situation or if you can't leave it to not respond. Granted he's not a high-reactor, but it was worse than giving an authentically angry response. He was just saying enough to fan the flames and it was like entertainment for him.
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They're both children.
 
MacDonaldTriad said:
If your lucky, telling people you are a psychiatrist ends all conversation. If you are unlucky, it has the opposite effect.
Click to expand...

So true, for a little while I felt left out in social settings because I couldn't really have the socially expected 10 minute work conversation as people are uncomfortable with the subject. But now I've realized people seem to be fascinated by hearing about interactions with sociopaths, so thats my go to.

Them:"Your a psychiatrist <uncomfortable silence> man you should meet my in laws, they could use you."
Me: Oh, so who did they murder with a hammer?

(Obviously not going to go well when I meet a murders family at a party, but guess that would give me a new go to story so may be worth it)
 
My Psychiatrist is happily married, but if that were to ever change I'm sure he wouldn't be short at least one suitor -- considering the following exchange I had with a friend visiting from interstate last year.

Friend - "So these are the three main photographers and artists I've shortlisted to purchase some original works from when I've saved up some money..."
Me - "Ooh, hang on, I know someone here who does some awesome land and seascape photography, you might wanna check out some of their stuff as well." *brings up online photographic collection for her to peruse, completely forgetting said collection also contains professional shots of my Psychiatrist taken at a martial arts event*.
Friend - "Oh wow, these are really beautiful. Do they have a site where you can purchase their work?" *continues browsing*
Me - "Yeah, I'll bring it up for you in a sec when you've..."
Friend - "...Well hello there, cutie. Hey, who's this hottie?"
Me - (*looks at photo* Oh cr@p :smack:) "Um, that's my Psychiatrist you're currently drooling over."
Friend - "Damn! :heckyeah: No wonder you enjoy going to your therapy sessions so much, I would too if I had that little honey sitting across from me." :naughty:
Me - "Oh god, shut up, that's my Doctor you're talking about." 😱
Friend - "So does he have any appointments available? How quickly do you reckon it would take for me to book in?" 😏
Me - "I don't know, how quickly do you reckon he could take out a restraining order?" :thinking:
 
To be fair, in regards to the dating (especially on-line stories) you could probably replace the word "psychiatrist" in this thread with any other profession.

Although I echo the statements from random people who meet me and one of the first things known about me is that I'm a psychiatrist.

I got married before med school, so I can't help much except be glad that I'm not in that mess. 🙂
 
Ceke2002 said:
My Psychiatrist is happily married, but if that were to ever change I'm sure he wouldn't be short at least one suitor -- considering the following exchange I had with a friend visiting from interstate last year.

Friend - "So these are the three main photographers and artists I've shortlisted to purchase some original works from when I've saved up some money..."
Me - "Ooh, hang on, I know someone here who does some awesome land and seascape photography, you might wanna check out some of their stuff as well." *brings up online photographic collection for her to peruse, completely forgetting said collection also contains professional shots of my Psychiatrist taken at a martial arts event*.
Friend - "Oh wow, these are really beautiful. Do they have a site where you can purchase their work?" *continues browsing*
Me - "Yeah, I'll bring it up for you in a sec when you've..."
Friend - "...Well hello there, cutie. Hey, who's this hottie?"
Me - (*looks at photo* Oh cr@p :smack:) "Um, that's my Psychiatrist you're currently drooling over."
Friend - "Damn! :heckyeah: No wonder you enjoy going to your therapy sessions so much, I would too if I had that little honey sitting across from me." :naughty:
Me - "Oh god, shut up, that's my Doctor you're talking about." 😱
Friend - "So does he have any appointments available? How quickly do you reckon it would take for me to book in?" 😏
Me - "I don't know, how quickly do you reckon he could take out a restraining order?" :thinking:
Click to expand...

The plot thickens
 
HooahDOc said:
The plot thickens
Click to expand...

What plot? Sorry that was pretty much it, bar some mutual teasing and laughter involving me jokingly handing her some serviettes so she could mop up the drool. She lives over a 1000kms away from me, I hardly think she's going to seriously try and make a move on my Psychiatrist. :laugh:
 
Is he hot? Maybe I should stop deleting those recruiter emails from Australia. But those all tend to be in Queensland for whatever reason.

Actually I should be saving those in case Trump gets elected. Canada might not be far enough.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 
thoffen said:
I got married before med school, so I can't help much except be glad that I'm not in that mess. 🙂
Click to expand...

Same (married before grad school). Where I've run into the most awkwardness is conversations with my seat-mates on airplanes. No one seems to have conversations on airplanes any more, so I guess I'm OK. On the flip side, sharing what I do for a living has led to some above-average conversations in airport bars. Go figure.
 
sunlioness said:
Is he hot? Maybe I should stop deleting those recruiter emails from Australia. But those all tend to be in Queensland for whatever reason.

Actually I should be saving those in case Trump gets elected. Canada might not be far enough.
Click to expand...

Is my Psychiatrist hot? Um, depends on what you're definition of 'hot' is I guess. I wouldn't say he was Hollywood type pin up material, or a mainstream, tall, dark and handsome, style of what might be considered hot for a guy, but I wouldn't say he was unattractive either. I base physical attractiveness on more than what a person looks like, so yeah I guess I'd say he's an attractive guy with attractive qualities to him, but 'hot' isn't really a term I'd use to describe my Doctor -- if I had to describe him from that point of view I'd probably go with something more along the lines of cute, in an adorkable kind of way. I don't know, it's hard for me to say, I mean he's my Doctor so I don't exactly sit there checking him out (it'd feel like I was perving on a priest or something if I did) but at the same time I'm not completely incapable of recognising when someone has good physical qualities about them either. I suppose the best answer to that question I could give would be something along the line of, "Do I think my Psychiatrist is attractive?" The answer to that would be 'yes' ~ "Am I attracted *to* my Psychiatrist?" The answer to that would be a definitive 'no'.

(edited to add: and as per my response to Splik, yeah I might have WAAAAYYY over thought that answer, just a tad, a smidge perhaps 🤣...And holy mother of wow I just re-read that and, um, gee do ya think I could over-explained things any more *sarcastic thumbs up* )

And if you're thinking of coming to Australia if Trump gets elected, I'd suggest waiting until our next election and seeing if our current Government gets voted out. Yes, unfortunately we, as a nation, were stupid enough to elect the Australian equivalent of the Tea Party at our last election (we may have gotten rid of our equivalent of Trump as Prime Minister since then, but apart from that we're still stuck with a Government that's managed to alienate almost everyone except conspiracy toting racists, and those in certain upper level tax brackets). There's a reason many of our Doctors, and other health care workers, have been staging nation wide protests at various points in time since the Liberal party have been in power.
 
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Ceke2002 said:
Is my Psychiatrist hot? Um, depends on what you're definition of 'hot' is I guess. I wouldn't say he was Hollywood type pin up material, or a mainstream, tall, dark and handsome, style of what might be considered hot for a guy, but I wouldn't say he was unattractive either. I base physical attractiveness on more than what a person looks like, so yeah I guess I'd say he's an attractive guy with attractive qualities to him, but 'hot' isn't really a term I'd use to describe my Doctor -- if I had to describe him from that point of view I'd probably go with something more along the lines of cute, in an adorkable kind of way. I don't know, it's hard for me to say, I mean he's my Doctor so I don't exactly sit there checking him out (it'd feel like I was perving on a priest or something if I did) but at the same time I'm not completely incapable of recognising when someone has good physical qualities about them either. I suppose the best answer to that question I could give would be something along the line of, "Do I think my Psychiatrist is attractive?" The answer to that would be 'yes' ~ "Am I attracted *to* my Psychiatrist?" The answer to that would be a definitive 'no'.
Click to expand...

me thinks the lady doth protest too much
 
splik said:
me thinks the lady doth protest too much
Click to expand...

Haha, yeah I may have over thought that answer a wee bit, although in this case a simple 'yes or no' wasn't going to suffice. :laugh: Seriously though, asking if I think any of my Doctors are 'hot', for me at least, is roughly the equivalent of nudging a Catholic friend during mass and asking if they think the Priest is a bit of a looker 😵 But I will admit my GP can be kinda cute sometimes as well, especially when whoever cuts his hair messes up a basic bowl cut, and you just know he couldn't be bothered trying to tame that one section that keeps sticking up at the back, because it's 8 am on a Sunday morning and he has better things to think about than his hair... that sort of thing is kind of adorable to me. :joyful:

edited to add: So see, @[URL='http://forums.studentdoctor.net/members/psychmdhopefully.738777/']psychMDhopefully[/URL] , there's all sorts of things people can find cute, or attractive about someone, it doesn't always have to come down to what they do for a living. 🙂
 
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sunlioness said:
Is he hot? Maybe I should stop deleting those recruiter emails from Australia. But those all tend to be in Queensland for whatever reason.

Actually I should be saving those in case Trump gets elected. Canada might not be far enough.


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Click to expand...

Australia! I get those recruiter calls too. I hadn't put that together with the Trump prospect yet, but now I will! If he wins, It'll be me calling those recruiters begging for a job.
 
sunlioness said:
She is definitely out there . . . The funny thing is dating outside of medicine, you deal with the female doctor thing and then the psychiatrist thing. Dating within medicine, you deal with the cluster B female psychiatrist thing . . . They're really not the rule. But I think everyone's met one. And one is enough.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Yep. I never voluntarily tell anyone I'm a doctor or much less a psychiatrist. I don't lie either, I just try to avoid the subject. Sometimes I will say something like "I work in a hospital." Or, "I'm in health care."
 
birchswing said:
Assuming those aren't actors, I think publishing that video is unethical.

Recording it as a way to contain your own emotions is fine. I think one-party-consent recording is fine. But not publishing the recording.

And that guy, if that's real, is completely egging her on. In situations like that, the best thing you can do is either leave the situation or if you can't leave it to not respond. Granted he's not a high-reactor, but it was worse than giving an authentically angry response. He was just saying enough to fan the flames and it was like entertainment for him.
Click to expand...

That's because it IS entertaining. And I'm not sure there's a code of ethics for marriages that are falling apart.
 
How much do you publicize that you are a physician on public dating apps/sites? Any obvious encounters with gold diggers? I vary between trying to make myself the most appealing as possible vs. being concerned a women is only interested in me because of my future earning potential. I figured something vague like"healthcare" might do the trick...but I keep wondering if I would get more interest from the women I am looking for if I provided greater details.
 
You'll get more interest from women if you're a borderline criminal with an unknown source of income, clean shoes and friendly eyes.
 
MMADoc said:
How much do you publicize that you are a physician on public dating apps/sites? Any obvious encounters with gold diggers? I vary between trying to make myself the most appealing as possible vs. being concerned a women is only interested in me because of my future earning potential. I figured something vague like"healthcare" might do the trick...but I keep wondering if I would get more interest from the women I am looking for if I provided greater details.
Click to expand...

I definitely put "physician". I deleted Tinder/Bumble/JSwipe because I had become burnt out, but in the world of dating apps you have to sell yourself... and putting physician will increase right swipes and matches by a lot (anecdotally at least)
 
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