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PTCAS essay edit??

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Zlove

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Hi all,

I was wondering if i could have a few people read my essay to see if this edited version is a strong one.

some questions I have are

1. is this version a strong and personal, yet still effectively answering the prompt?
2.does it have a good flow ?
3.any more i should add and take out?
4. are there any repetitive sections?

Thanks :)
 
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