Question for DESI MEN

[gujuDoc]

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I don't think that is true at all. There are both advantages and disadvantages to the Indian system compared with the American one; it's not like all of our marriages go so happily ever after and last until death do us part in this country, even though the spouses are so madly in love when they get married. 🙄 And I'd sure love to finally bring home a guy that I knew my parents liked. Just once! 😛

I'm not Indian, but I work with several, and the ones who are married all had arranged marriages. But like you said, it's not like they were forced to marry some girl against their will. Their families introduced them to several girls, and they (and the girls) had every right to turn any or all prospective spouses down for any reason. My best friend's parents wanted him to marry a girl they introduced him to last year when he went home to visit, and she wanted to marry him too, but he didn't want to marry her, so he didn't. But eventually, when his parents find the right girl, then he will marry her. (He's FOB.) I did introduce him to one ABCD, but it didn't go well, even though she was really cute. She doesn't even like Indian food, and she hates science. I asked his parents once to find a guy for me, and they thought that was hysterical, but I was only half kidding. 😛

at your last comment.

I agree that not all people are forced into arranged marriage.




To everyone else,


Also if we look at historically one will see arranged marriages existed in places like Europe in the olden days of the earlier centuries......like when kings and queens of different countries were married off to each other for political reasons, or when people married their cousins like shakespeare did back in the earlier centuries.

So it is not as if arranged marriage was invented in India and desi or middle eastern countries.

In regards to the issue of arranged marriage, I was talking to my mentor at the research lab where I work..........Quimica knows him. But anyhow, he is sri lankan and told me that when he was younger and in Sri Lanka, he had had his fair share of girlfriends. But in the end he got an arranged marriage and went the traditional route. You will see that happen a lot in our desi countries of Pakistan, India, Sri Lanka, and Bangladesh.

And even if people get an arranged marriage, you know a lot of times they develop a very strong relationship and love throughout the years of their life.


Nonetheless, you do have to be careful about who you find, because as some pointed out here there are those people out there who will do anything to become a citizen of america too and use you and then dump you.

Let me give you an example of that as well.......one year I was reading the india abroad, and there was this story that caught my attention. One desi born and raised here to traditional values was arranged to marry a man from the homeland. They got married, had a child, and then bought a convenient store. Later on, he dumped her and their child because he was using her to get a green card. Once he got the green card he married the person he was " in love with".


So in conclusion, there are the ups and the downs of arranged marriage. I am a female desi and don't really want an arranged marriage, but do understand why a lot of people prefer to go that route.

In the end marriage is what you put into it, and whichever way you choose your spouse, you should be able to trust them and know that through the ups and downs they will be there for you and you for them.

 

[PublicEnemy]

arranged introductions.

"we think you might like this person, why don't you meet them..."

take it from there. if it works out, great. its a little mix of networking and speed dating.

for the most part, thats the extent of arrangement nowadays.

 

[tinkerbelle]

We know what we want...back me up tink!

WE WANT BIG BUTTS AND WE CANNOT LIE
YOU OTHER NINJAS CANT DENY
WHEN A SDNER WALKS IN WITH A ..

HAHA

(i need to stop posting on this thread)

ditto. i'm off to the lounge. Come to the Louge Diesel! And what's a JITT?

 

[PublicEnemy]

HAHA



ditto. i'm off to the lounge. Come to the Louge Diesel! And what's a JITT?

i believe JITT is for junk in the trunk.

 

[tinkerbelle]

i believe JITT is for junk in the trunk.

ohhhhh. right. i should have known that I though Diesel was talking about an Indian term or something

 

[Premedtomed]

Oooh competition for the indian girl....but not reallly.....see the truth is that I wouldn't date a white girl because I don't want the type that would date me(aka liberal). I am looking for a morally conservative-american desi girl 🙂

So you want to date someone who doesn't share the same values as you??
May be it is different for you but ABCD girls hardly look at immigrants like me.
May be that is why...

 

[swifteagle43]

So you want to date someone who doesn't share the same values as you??
May be it is different for you but ABCD girls hardly look at immigrants like me.
May be that is why...

And white girls prefer us?

 

[LadyBulldog]

So you want to date someone who doesn't share the same values as you??
May be it is different for you but ABCD girls hardly look at immigrants like me.
May be that is why...

maybe that's cause ABCD's are too confused.....

go for the ABDs who've actually figured out what they want--and the value of their culture.

 

[junebuguf]

maybe that's cause ABCD's are too confused.....

go for the ABDs who've actually figured out what they want--and the value of their culture.

I agree....a lot of Indian girls, ABCDs or whatever, are totally clueless about what they're looking for and string guys along forever. Every girl is looking for something different. Guys, on the other hand, have simple, universal wants: T&A...the essentials of life. That and good ras malai. 😛

 

[Premedtomed]

And white girls prefer us?

Good question. It depends. BUt I know of quite a few guys , straight from India,
with white girls - basically the ones they go to school with/ work with

In my personal experience, white girls have been helpful and nice
Of course there are all kinds of girls, may be the choice is large, may be it is just that we are a minority

ABDs are so freakin rare and they usually have a Desi bf 🙁

 

[masterMood]

My parents are from Pakistan and there's a 13 year old difference in their ages.

Sometimes i think arranged marriages are bad because u can't fully know your partner beforehand.

A combination of dating and arranged marriage is a good strategery.

P.S.
I hate bollywood.

 

[Premedtomed]

I hate bollywood.

Why???
How about Lollywood
j/k

 

[priyanka]

Why???
How about Lollywood
j/k

👍

 

[virilep]

arranged introductions.

"we think you might like this person, why don't you meet them..."

take it from there. if it works out, great. its a little mix of networking and speed dating.

for the most part, thats the extent of arrangement nowadays.

Amen... you're totally right. and by the way junebug, the bashing of the girls won't do you any good. i mean, venting frustrations on SDN only breeds more frustration.

 

[swifteagle43]

bump

 

[junebuguf]

Amen... you're totally right. and by the way junebug, the bashing of the girls won't do you any good. i mean, venting frustrations on SDN only breeds more frustration.

Umm....dude, I'm not bashing anyone, I made an observation....unlike the scores of pseudo insults being thrown around by the girls on here. Whats with all the guys on this forum trying to be ultra sensitive...are you trying to pick up girls on SDN? I would think that would be a more frustrating enterprise.

 

[tank you]

for the guys here, would u date white girls even though ur parents/family are traditional? i really like white girls, but i know that if i had a white girlfriend, i wouldnt tell anyone in my family...

 

[LadyBulldog]

for the guys here, would u date white girls even though ur parents/family are traditional? i really like white girls, but i know that if i had a white girlfriend, i wouldnt tell anyone in my family...

well, u'd have to tell them eventually if it ever got super serious.....or just take her to a tanning salon, lol,

 

[ForceField]

for the guys here, would u date white girls even though ur parents/family are traditional? i really like white girls, but i know that if i had a white girlfriend, i wouldnt tell anyone in my family...

Yeah, if it got serious you'd have to tell your parents, but if it's still in the beginning, then stay hush hush.

The only generalization I'd make about a lot of the Desi girls I've met are that for the ones that are a little pretty to the ones that are gorgeous, they walk around like they're God's gift and think that the whole world should worship them. They are very unapproachable. Why do they front like that, and why can't they be more down to earth? I would never want to put up with a high maintenance girl, regardless of race.

 

[shivalrous]

Yeah, if it got serious you'd have to tell your parents, but if it's still in the beginning, then stay hush hush.

The only generalization I'd make about a lot of the Desi girls I've met are that for the ones that are a little pretty to the ones that are gorgeous, they walk around like they're God's gift and think that the whole world should worship them. They are very unapproachable. Why do they front like that, and why can't they be more down to earth? I would never want to put up with a high maintenance girl, regardless of race.

Not to create any controversy here, but I totally disagree with that generalization because I've seen an equal number girls that fit that description of all races. And in my personal experiences, any desi girl I've tried to approach to talk to are usually pretty cool. Unless of course you're making a pass at them, I don't see why they wouldn't respond. I'm sorry but I don't believe your post is accurate.

 

[virilep]

Umm....dude, I'm not bashing anyone, I made an observation....unlike the scores of pseudo insults being thrown around by the girls on here. Whats with all the guys on this forum trying to be ultra sensitive...are you trying to pick up girls on SDN? I would think that would be a more frustrating enterprise.

Ha, seems like you don't read your own posts. You've got countless "girls are wearing some kind of shoes" and they're just stuck up. ha, definately. I'm just saying that the ranting on here won't do you any good. And I'm not the "ultra-sensitive" type. definately not trying to pick up desi girls on here. I have better things to do with my time than pick up SDN girls. anyhow, gluck on picking up those coach girls in the mall.

 

[DieselPetrolGrl]

BASH
SMASH
KILL!


who cares! you all made this thread scarey!!
OP asked a stupid personal question and he already has a answer in his mind so i dont know why we are mulling it over...he just asked it to watch us beat ourselves into a frenzy!

....and why is everyone picking on junebug...he/she/it is a living breathing human being for god's sake!

....and if we are high maintance thats our deal not yours, we earn too (stop living in the 50s) if i want to spend all my work money on rebar wire and red sandals then i will! pox on any man who tells me how to spend my money..nobody asked you to stop salivating over sweets, maids, and prostitutes. if thats what you want by all means - pig the hell out.

 

[parasiteatwork]

Sometimes I wonder if there are any decent, non-psychotic indian guys out there.

Ofcourse....they do exist......the only probelm is that they r always interested in someone else 😀

 

[tinkerbelle]

Ofcourse....they do exist......the only probelm is that they r always interested in someone else 😀

*sigh* so true

hence why i've moved on to cute white boys

 

[parasiteatwork]

1. i personally avoid girls at all time..my parents have told me to focus on my studies...they told me i have to become a doctor or else they will disown me...they told me girls are evil....unfortunately i go to a college where there are a lot of desis so whenever a desi girl walks by i just close my eyes to avoid the temptation

2. yes they will be different culturally to American culture...but if you are into the desi culture as much as yours truly then they will be same culturally, no? plus the fobby accent is tooooo fruity 😉

3. don't go for ABCDs...they will leave you in a second for another richer, cooler, funnier, smarter, more handsome, taller guy..trust me when i tell you to go for the traditional girl mera bhai...they're GRRRRRREEEEAT (throws pointed finger in the air)....a traditional girl from the homeland will make a perfect wife: she'll be very very smart, very very pretty (look exactly like aishwariya rai), plus she'll make great desi food (hmmmm biryani...) every single day after you come back from a long days work, iron your clothes before you go for that long day of work, take care of your eight kids, clean the house, wash the dishes, do the laundry, etc. see you can't find these types of girls here..see if u marry a girl who has been raised here..u'll become the traditional house-wife mere yaar...think only overseas..thats why I plan on going to Pakistan (which literally means "Land of the Pure") where all the girls are pure (ahh sigh....). Once I get my M.D. (which for me stands for Medical Dullah*) I'll sooo be in demand...the aunties and uncles will practically be handing me their beautiful, smart, pure daughters when they find out I have an M.D. and a US passport.

4. my friends would fall to the ground on their knees and kiss my feet..i'd be their role-model...ahh that'll be the life...finally respected by society for being a doctor, respected by your wife for being such a great husband, respected by your friends for having the perfect wife, but being respected by your parents is a big iffy because even with a GPA of a 3.99 I still get beaten with a sandal.

if any hot desi girls out there want to chat with a cool, perfect desi guy like me 😎 can you wait a few more years until I get my M.D. please? thank u come again.

P.S. aishwarya rai rocks my world! 😍

yeah...my friend but for all this you have to be a doc first 😱 😱

 

[parasiteatwork]

personally im going for the traditional wife whether she is a ABD or FOB...and let it be known to all the desi girls out there..i will treat my future wife like a RANI...a QUEEN..if she wants to work she can, but after a long hard days of work I'll come home and cook the food for her, and feed it to her with my own hands, we'll go out holding hands under the moonlight, won't let her EVER be sad, plus i'll suck it up and be man and watch all the shahrukh khan movies she wants to watch, and even after all that...I'll consider myself to be the luckiest man alive 😍

Wow.....now you sound more like the person whom girls would like to marry.....you really shocked me in the first message 😉

 

[parasiteatwork]

Dude- I think for the most part indian girls themselves are confused as hell! I think indian guys mature much faster than indian women in some respects(especially relationships).

hey.....this is impossible whether a desi or not....you haven't met the right girls yet 😉

 

[parasiteatwork]

Umm....dude, I'm not bashing anyone, I made an observation....unlike the scores of pseudo insults being thrown around by the girls on here. Whats with all the guys on this forum trying to be ultra sensitive...are you trying to pick up girls on SDN? I would think that would be a more frustrating enterprise.

 

[virilep]

BASH
SMASH
KILL!


who cares! you all made this thread scarey!!
OP asked a stupid personal question and he already has a answer in his mind so i dont know why we are mulling it over...he just asked it to watch us beat ourselves into a frenzy!

for some reason, I agree with you. but it does make for good reading. and i think the goras are figuring it out.

....and why is everyone picking on junebug...he/she/it is a living breathing human being for god's sake!

no one is picking on him. he's his own man. us guys are just watching out for our kind ;-) we don't wanna start you, tinke, and priyanka... for some reason, I don't think we'd win.

....and if we are high maintance thats our deal not yours, we earn too (stop living in the 50s) if i want to spend all my work money on rebar wire and red sandals then i will! pox on any man who tells me how to spend my money..nobody asked you to stop salivating over sweets, maids, and prostitutes. if thats what you want by all means - pig the hell out.

no one is telling you how to spend your money. you make it, you spend it. we're just saying we wouldn't spend it there. and... funny, i've never heard anyone say "pox on you" since like... watching a movie like Willow (which by the way is an awesome movie)

 

[swifteagle43]

BASH
SMASH
KILL!


who cares! you all made this thread scarey!!
OP asked a stupid personal question and he already has a answer in his mind so i dont know why we are mulling it over...he just asked it to watch us beat ourselves into a frenzy!

....and why is everyone picking on junebug...he/she/it is a living breathing human being for god's sake!

....and if we are high maintance thats our deal not yours, we earn too (stop living in the 50s) if i want to spend all my work money on rebar wire and red sandals then i will! pox on any man who tells me how to spend my money..nobody asked you to stop salivating over sweets, maids, and prostitutes. if thats what you want by all means - pig the hell out.

Backup a litte. I never wanted girls to post on this thread in the first place because I KNEW this would happen. I wanted a way of keeping the forum pure male thought and a way to express individual thoughts without judging of females(not that virlie did that-he said what he felt) or men feeling they have to lash out at women(not that junebug did-he was talking about his experiences). This forum was created as a way for older desi males to give constructive advice to younger desi males. I was being a gentleman by not asking you to stop posting(hence it said "question for DESI MEN" with desi men capitalized). You have worn out your welcome.

Second- traditional mairrage has to be discussed and thought out instead of just shunned as a backward idea. A lot of desi people run around ashamed of their culture and the mechanisms built into it. I on the other hand wish to explore these options and chose to take them if I FELL LIKE IT. I never said I was going for introduced mairrage(READ THE ORIGINAL POST!).

The truth is that I like a few girls in the states and have dated quite a few. But sometimes you get frustrated as a male desi and think "hmm this looks interesting option." Sue me for thinking outside the box and thinking about trying to figure why people in my culture do things a certain way.

Chill the hell out with the female pride. It is uncalled for because I am not bashing females and junebug was just talking about his experiences. You don't have to defend the whole female race just because junebug had a problem with some women or because I don't have the greatest affinity for the local desi women. In fact, junebug didn't become hostile until tink started to insult him personally by calling him materialistic.

I never want a *slave* as pakidoc20 made in his funny dialoge but a life partner(as i said in my earlier posts). All I am looking for is someone to connect with and to cut through the BS that we all go through. Relationships are frustrating as it is and being first generation desi males we have no older generation to look up to in america. I tried to open the topic up to forums so desi males could share their experiences in solidarity whether they be pro or anti introduced mairrage.

 

[virilep]

Can I get an Amen?

 

[ForceField]

Not to create any controversy here, but I totally disagree with that generalization because I've seen an equal number girls that fit that description of all races. And in my personal experiences, any desi girl I've tried to approach to talk to are usually pretty cool. Unless of course you're making a pass at them, I don't see why they wouldn't respond. I'm sorry but I don't believe your post is accurate.

You're free to believe what you want based on your experiences, but in my experience, this is what I've seen with Indian girls. Sure there are gorgeous girls of every race who'll be stuck up, but even for the Indian girls that are just a little pretty, or heck, may not be pretty at all, I've seen a huge chunk of them with their noses so high I wonder if they can even breathe at such altitudes.

 

[swifteagle43]

You're free to believe what you want based on your experiences, but in my experience, this is what I've seen with Indian girls. Sure there are gorgeous girls of every race who'll be stuck up, but even for the Indian girls that are just a little pretty, or heck, may not be pretty at all, I've seen a huge chunk of them with their noses so high I wonder if they can even breathe at such altitudes.

True in some respects. I think they were a bit more liberal in college but they still hold back. It is really really weird. I think they are all a little bit "daddy's little girls."

I think it might be a combo of crazy desi parents, never having dated before and well...a little bit cockiness 🙂

 

[Stratus2675]

1. i personally avoid girls at all time..my parents have told me to focus on my studies...they told me i have to become a doctor or else they will disown me...they told me girls are evil....unfortunately i go to a college where there are a lot of desis so whenever a desi girl walks by i just close my eyes to avoid the temptation

OH MY GOD!!!!!!! 😱 Are you SERIOUS????? Man...you lead a sheltered life!!!! Please tell me you're kidding

 

[Premedtomed]

You're free to believe what you want based on your experiences, but in my experience, this is what I've seen with Indian girls. Sure there are gorgeous girls of every race who'll be stuck up, but even for the Indian girls that are just a little pretty, or heck, may not be pretty at all, I've seen a huge chunk of them with their noses so high I wonder if they can even breathe at such altitudes.

Just relax bud, don't be so hard on yourself 😉
Even I have had such experiences.
Take it easy, relax. There are a lot of good girls out there.
You will know when you like one, just chill 😀

On the other hand, what you girls think if I date a few chicks in my free time - final semester, nothing to do but chill - will it make me look more appealing to Desi chicks??? The good ones that is - who realize how terrible my life has been so far and really really like me?? 😍
Is it possible 😕 ?

 

[4 Ever]

was this just another post for desi guys to find out who the SDN desi girls are? then the PM's will fly - "im premed TOO!!"

 

[tank you]

Just relax bud, don't be so hard on yourself 😉
Even I have had such experiences.
Take it easy, relax. There are a lot of good girls out there.
You will know when you like one, just chill 😀

On the other hand, what you girls think if I date a few chicks in my free time - final semester, nothing to do but chill - will it make me look more appealing to Desi chicks??? The good ones that is - who realize how terrible my life has been so far and really really like me?? 😍
Is it possible 😕 ?

im thinking the desi chicks would definately get jealous, especially if ur dating a non-desi girl. but i think that having a girlfriend just to make other girls mad/jealous/attracted to u is kind of silly, why not just try asking the girls u do like out on a date? or are u saying that the girls u do like think theyre too good for u? if thats the case, i say f*ck them and go crazy with other girls. 👍

 

[swifteagle43]

im thinking the desi chicks would definately get jealous, especially if ur dating a non-desi girl. but i think that having a girlfriend just to make other girls mad/jealous/attracted to u is kind of silly, why not just try asking the girls u do like out on a date? or are u saying that the girls u do like think theyre too good for u? if thats the case, i say f*ck them and go crazy with other girls. 👍

woop woop 🙂

 

[ULTRON]

I plan to get married only after I:

1) Finish school
2) Get a job
3) Buy a house
4) Buy a Porsche

 

[bettyboo]

What is DESI???

 

[i77ac]

was this just another post for desi guys to find out who the SDN desi girls are? then the PM's will fly - "im premed TOO!!"

just remember tho, premed is not = med.

 

[tinkerbelle]

In fact, junebug didn't become hostile until tink started to insult him personally by calling him materialistic.

Oh please. He insulted me first.

 

[tinkerbelle]

What is DESI???

people from india, pakistan, etc.

 

[swifteagle43]

Oh please. He insulted me first.

Like i mentioned earlier- this is not supposed to be a male/female debate. It was meant to be an advice column for older desi kids to advise young ones on.

 

[Premedtomed]

im thinking the desi chicks would definately get jealous, especially if ur dating a non-desi girl. but i think that having a girlfriend just to make other girls mad/jealous/attracted to u is kind of silly, why not just try asking the girls u do like out on a date? or are u saying that the girls u do like think theyre too good for u? if thats the case, i say f*ck them and go crazy with other girls. 👍

Just date non desi girls I like (I go to a school with no Desi girls, there are one or two - they are too darn shy/plain weird)
About girls thinking that they are too good for me, I dunno .
It is difficult to understand a confused state of mind
j/k
I think my stupidity/urge to act stupid ( hey Greenday is my avatar) will surely help me get a girl

 

[tank you]

I think my stupidity/urge to act stupid ( hey Greenday is my avatar) will surely help me get a girl

speaking of which, i thought american idiot was the best rock album last year. i love the song "jesus of suburbia"

 

[parasiteatwork]

I plan to get married only after I:

1) Finish school
2) Get a job
3) Buy a house
4) Buy a Porsche

wow.....n then you will have zillions of females to choose from. 👍 but what if u fall in love first n the girl cannot wait that long? 😀

 

[tofurious]

Let me ask you guys this: how do you feel about Desi girls who are with non-Desi guys?

 

[swifteagle43]

Let me ask you guys this: how do you feel about Desi girls who are with non-Desi guys?

What do you think? This is no scientific endeavor.....you know the answer already. I won't say it on the board because it would make it sound worse than it actually is but it is a natural instinct.

You bite your lip and smile and say "man that bastard got lucky." But if she is not hot then you say "suckerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!" and laugh it off.

 

[flash]

If I hear you right, I don't think it's a natural instinct at all. It is an insecurity thing to feel that way. People are people - who cares. I don't get people, or threads for that matter, that use the word "desi". I can rant about this for 2 pages, but I wont.

You spelled jealous wrong.