Question for MS4 students

[ExpressMaiL]

Advertisement - Members don't see this ad

Hi everyone. My girlfriend is about to start 4th year and submit her residency apps. Can you give me some advice on how to better support her during this intense time? I’d like to be supportive and do what I can, even if she doesn’t ask. I am not a med student or have any knowledge of your lingo so please dumb it down to layman’s terms. TIA.

 

[stickgirl390]

Plan outings with a group of non-medical school friends. We med students find ourselves comparing our worth to each other very often, especially during residency apps; it’s nice to be the “smartest one” in the group again.

 

[Redpancreas]

Hi everyone. My girlfriend is about to start 4th year and submit her residency apps. Can you give me some advice on how to better support her during this intense time? I’d like to be supportive and do what I can, even if she doesn’t ask. I am not a med student or have any knowledge of your lingo so please dumb it down to layman’s terms. TIA.

1st year: lectures, exams
2nd year: large stakes board exams coming up!
3rd year: introduction to the hospital
4th year: applications!

This year’s stressful as people are looking to convert all that they’ve worked for the last 3 years into the residency of their choice and there’s not much in their control.

1.) Provide her with reassurance that where she matches you’ll be supportive and encourage her to rank the programs as she sees fit, unless there’s a very big you don’t think the relationship will survive when she goes somewhere.

2.) The rest is just listening and reassurance. You will have to put up with endless rants from her about rearranging her rank lists almost daily (only a slight exaggeration).

3.) Reassurance. There will be points where she will irrationally feel like she won’t match and other crazy stuff. Your job is just to be the calm voice of reason, constantly.

4.) Lastly, there will be disappointments and your job is to just tell her whenever she ends up all her goals are still ahead of her even if she doesn’t match at Harvard. She’ll do good for people ultimately wherever she goes.

 

[aaronrodgers]

Schedule her interviews for her when she’s busy in the hospital 😁

 

[Chads2]

1.) Provide her with reassurance that where she matches you’ll be supportive and encourage her to rank the programs as she sees fit, unless there’s a very big you don’t think the relationship will survive when she goes somewhere.

I applaud this part and I was going to say something similar but then I realized I don’t have the context of your relationship. Residency, IMHO, is the hardest portion of the life we chose.
So yes, be supportive...if you plan to follow where she goes, then mean it. But don’t tell her you’re willing to, if you’re not.

If you’re both from San Diego, CA and she really wants to do dermatology but only gets one interview in Detroit, don’t get too excited that she matched at her backup in Internal Medicine in SoCal. What sounds like a victory to you could be crushing for her.

So I guess what I’m saying is...use this forum to educate yourself about the process and what is in her control and what isn’t, so that you don’t become another variable. It may sound callous but we’re offering to help you understand in some small way what she’s going through.

 

[Redpancreas]

I applaud this part and I was going to say something similar but then I realized I don’t have the context of your relationship. Residency, IMHO, is the hardest portion of the life we chose.
So yes, be supportive...if you plan to follow where she goes, then mean it. But don’t tell her you’re willing to, if you’re not.

If you’re both from San Diego, CA and she really wants to do dermatology but only gets one interview in Detroit, don’t get too excited that she matched at her backup in Internal Medicine in SoCal. What sounds like a victory to you could be crushing for her.

So I guess what I’m saying is...use this forum to educate yourself about the process and what is in her control and what isn’t, so that you don’t become another variable. It may sound callous but we’re offering to help you understand in some small way what she’s going through.

Exactly this OP. Words are one thing, but the real support comes from not only verbally respecting her decisions, but truly finding happiness in her happiness. If you’re not able feel that way, I think it’s OK to be honest about your feelings so long as you’re being mature about tempering your motives and providing her with support along the way. At the end of the day, realize that her medical career is her biggest priority and give her the freedom to pursue her dreams guilt free regardless of where it takes her. Any repercussions can always be discussed after match day. Don’t try to guilt her to compromise on what she could be doing.

That was kind of dark, and there’s a good chance you won’t have to resort to that and that she will match at a place you’re both very happy with not necessitating this mindset but the above is a good thing to keep in mind long term as she progresses through her medical career.

 

[ExpressMaiL]

I agree with the statement to not say I will follow her if I don't plan to. Also, another mentioned not knowing the context of the relationship, which matters tremendously as well.

Luckily, I'm taking 3-5 years off after exiting my industry and selling various businesses to enjoy life and I will have the freedom to follow her in wherever she matches. She seems to be very competitive in her field (ENT) and I'm positive she will match in her top 5. I am currently doing research on the best camera/lighting/background/microphone equipment to use for residency interviews and will be with her every step of the way in assisting her. Thank you for your guys' feedback! Much appreciated.

 

[deleted1064759]

Researching cameras? Lighting?? Geez dude, stop bending yourself backwards for some chick.

 

[TelemarketingEnigma]

She seems to be very competitive in her field (ENT) and I'm positive she will match in her top 5.

While she very likely may match her top choices, definitely prepare for the event in which she matches lower on her list. Don't be negative about her chances but maybe try to hype up ALL the programs on her list, not just the top ones, so that in the event she matches lower you can still help her find things to be excited about and it won't seem like she disappointed you or something

 

[Redpancreas]

Researching cameras? Lighting?? Geez dude, stop bending yourself backwards for some chick.

It seems like he’s taken a break from work and is really proud of her and I’m guessing they’ve been together for at least a year now so we’re not really talking about “some chick”.

That said, Zoom’s not that hard. I sat at my desk with my Macbook camera with a light manila painted wall as my background with a stand up light pointed towards me. Maybe I’m biased because I wasn’t interviewing for a super competitive specialty and maybe for Plastics/Derm the stereotypes hold and aesthetics matter, but the people who sat at desks with office spaces/etc. seemed like overkill. Food for thought. Set ups are low-hanging fruit, nothing to spend >10 minutes thinking about.

 

[Cranjis McBasketball]

Researching cameras? Lighting?? Geez dude, stop bending yourself backwards for some chick.

I was gonna say, this is Jack Pearson status

 

[Chads2]

Also, another mentioned not knowing the context of the relationship, which matters tremendously as well.

I will have the freedom to follow her in wherever she matches.

Well this indeed does give more context. I will assume a future cohabiting relationship if not already. (“Girlfriend” can be a nebulous term.)

It sounds to me that she has more capability than most and more support than most, given your situation. I would simply advise then that you don’t lose your own identity. Thoughts like “I moved with you to Massachusetts and I hate the winters here and I never see you anyway” could creep in.

So, during the process, give her honest input, help her survive all the things in 4th year that AREN’T interviews, and use this forum to better understand the application and match process.

 

[Redpancreas]

seriously ..... lol
just get a logitech C920 for $60 and call it a day. It'll balance out the light in the room and look better than what 95% of people are using.

Maybe it's me but it seems these pharmacists/pharmacy forum only talk about stocks, investing, how much pharmacy sucks, and everything but pharmacy itself. Gives off a bad vibe.

Don't see how that has to do with this topic of helping GF in M4, but it's an interesting point. When you graduate you will likely be invited by some of your classmates/friends to physician-only-groups on social media that give off the same vibe. To be fair, the groups are specifically for side-gigs, FIRE, etc. but there is that same mentality of do-less-for-more with tons of them complaining about having to teach medical students, work in medicine, etc. and instead want to open up a medspa with a FM background and make bank. Then, they get all upset when they're undercut by midlevels trying to do the same thing and invoke patient safety. Right now there's so much talk about "telemedicine" and doctors working from home exclusively with cash-based practices which is why I laughed so hard at this dose of reality from @gutonc.

Maximum compensation pathway offered during first three years as attending?

Every hospital has to file a 990 form, which reports something like its 25 top earners. Its a favorite pastime of mine when I'm working like a dog overnight during my 3 hour break to leisurely peruse them. (For bonus excitement, its pretty easy to then look up where they live... if you're into...

forums.studentdoctor.net

 

[MedLife20]

Hi everyone. My girlfriend is about to start 4th year and submit her residency apps. Can you give me some advice on how to better support her during this intense time? I’d like to be supportive and do what I can, even if she doesn’t ask. I am not a med student or have any knowledge of your lingo so please dumb it down to layman’s terms. TIA.

Give her as much sex as she wants and offer it to her as a surprise sometimes when she gets home just be undressed on the couch ready to go. Better yet show up at the hospital and be ready to go in one of the closets or sleeping areas. It would be like a hot scene from Greys Anatomy.

 

[ExpressMaiL]

seriously ..... lol

just get a logitech C920 for $60 and call it a day. It'll balance out the light in the room and look better than what 95% of people are using.

Maybe it's me but it seems these pharmacists/pharmacy forum only talk about stocks, investing, how much pharmacy sucks, and everything but pharmacy itself. Gives off a bad vibe.

Speak for yourself kid. Nothing like people in 2021 still categorizing and labeling things/people as a whole 🤦‍♂️

 

[ExpressMaiL]

It seems like he’s taken a break from work and is really proud of her and I’m guessing they’ve been together for at least a year now so we’re not really talking about “some chick”.

That said, Zoom’s not that hard. I sat at my desk with my Macbook camera with a light manila painted wall as my background with a stand up light pointed towards me. Maybe I’m biased because I wasn’t interviewing for a super competitive specialty and maybe for Plastics/Derm the stereotypes hold and aesthetics matter, but the people who sat at desks with office spaces/etc. seemed like overkill. Food for thought. Set ups are low-hanging fruit, nothing to spend >10 minutes thinking about.

You’re perceptive. I’ve exited the pharmacy space after selling three of my infusion pharmacies and selling off remaining patients, equipment and IP to business partners. I maintain my PHY license now solely for consulting and expert witness billing. Funny how many of you are quick to bash the teleconference research or talk **** about what I’m doing. Makes sense though- over the internet and all.

 

[Chads2]

I love how easy it is to derail a topic on this (and so many other) forum(s). If I were to play pop psychiatrist, I would say that ExpressMaiL is trying to be helpful in any way he knows how. Says he’s not familiar with our world and our lingo...so what can he do? Maybe he understands lighting and video. Or maybe he understands lighting and video but not bandwidth and the limitations of zoom. Who knows? But he’s trying to help his significant other.

Heck, even if he knew nothing at all but was filthy rich, maybe he’d say “the best way I can help is invest in your future” and pay for her schooling or give her a no interest loan so that she never has to worry about anything.

OP, back to your original topic. I have several students right now at the end of their third year clinical rotations and there’s a wide standard deviation, but they’re all looking toward fourth year and applications and ERAS etc. The good ones are the ones who still perform and learn on their rotations.

I think right now, show interest by looking at programs together. I’d say, identify her 5 dream/prestige programs, 5 good local programs, 5 programs in places where you haven’t been but wouldn’t mind living, 5 places you have connections to, like family, and 5 “safeties.” On your end, you’ll be playing an active roll and on her end, she’ll now have at least 25 programs to apply to. I think that’s a good early move for this point in the game.

 

[Steve_Zissou]

I agree with the statement to not say I will follow her if I don't plan to. Also, another mentioned not knowing the context of the relationship, which matters tremendously as well.

Luckily, I'm taking 3-5 years off after exiting my industry and selling various businesses to enjoy life and I will have the freedom to follow her in wherever she matches. She seems to be very competitive in her field (ENT) and I'm positive she will match in her top 5. I am currently doing research on the best camera/lighting/background/microphone equipment to use for residency interviews and will be with her every step of the way in assisting her. Thank you for your guys' feedback! Much appreciated.

Personally think that’s a great idea. I’m doing the same thing for myself but keeping it on the cheap side. Would love it if someone were putting it together for me. It sounds like you’re trying to be a supportive partner, and I think things like this are the right way to go. Make her meals when she doesn’t have the time, support her, be an advisor and a friend, hear out her concerns with different programs and provide whatever thoughts you have even if you think they may not be very insightful. My fiancée has done all of these things at one point or another throughout our time together between getting into med school, starting med school, step 1, etc, and I can tell you that it’s strongly increased our bond and trust in each other over time.

 

[ExpressMaiL]

I appreciate the feedback- that was very insightful and helpful. Sometimes we just have to filter out the refuse. I offered to clear her loans but she said her parents will help (another great idea Chads2). She mentioned the step exam and since she has a competitive score, we are going to plan off that and her publications. The matching process is actually quite fascinating as is the published stats on matched residents. I did not know that some specialties have too many positions and not enough applicants.

 

[sunshinefl]

I appreciate the feedback- that was very insightful and helpful. Sometimes we just have to filter out the refuse. I offered to clear her loans but she said her parents will help (another great idea Chads2). She mentioned the step exam and since she has a competitive score, we are going to plan off that and her publications. The matching process is actually quite fascinating as is the published stats on matched residents. I did not know that some specialties have too many positions and not enough applicants.

I don’t know of any residency specialty (not fellowship) that doesn’t have enough applicants.

but as far as how to support her, I absolutely hated when people said to me “oh I’m sure you’ll get your #1” or any other stupid meaningless platitude. Also if you do plan on moving with her, don’t put any pressure or expectations on where she ends up matching. Like don’t spend all season saying “oh yeah I’d love to be in Cali” or “i hate snow” when 2/3 of her invites are in snow states. No one going through this needs the added pressure of pleasing someone else when we don’t have full control over where we end up.

Oops that accidentally turned into what *not* to say instead of what to do.

 

[husky_doc16]

I find it very admirable that you went on SDN for advice on how to support your partner. In addition to what everyone else posted, maybe you can help her find a nice suit for her interviews or find someone to take a professional headshot for her. I'm not quite sure what the timeline events for ERAS will be this year is, but a small getaway after submitting her app to keep her mind off of things would be great too.