r u married or engaged? if so...

[DoHzA]

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So I have a question for all of you that are already married or currently engaged while in med school.

Would u say it'd be best to get married before school started so you can get established before the headache begins???

Is it better to wait until the first two years of school are over so that you have time w/ your spouse rather than havin your significant other fight w/ your books for attention?

or is it better to marry during your clinical rotation years???

is waitin til residency even logical?

THE HARD PART IS OVER...I FOUND THE GIRL THAT I'M GONNA LOCK DOWN FOREVER BUT KNOW THE QUESTION IS WHEN DO I MAKE IT HAPPEN!?

thanks so much
😕 😍 😕 😍 😕

 

[StealthFille]

Don't wait because of logistics. There's no "best time" for everyone. For example, you suggested waiting for after the first two years so you wouldn't have to choose between books and "the girl you're going to lock down forever", but for me personally, it was much easier when my boyfriend was in classes and studying than now that he's doing rotations.
If you know who you want to be with, you're already ahead of the curve. Just don't make the poor girl wait four years because you're worried about timing.

 

[mudbug]

Originally posted by DoHzA
THE GIRL THAT I'M GONNA LOCK DOWN FOREVER

That's good! You should try to work that into your vows! Or maybe make that the engraving in her ring.

😉

 

[sgilani]

i hope your girl knows she's gonna be on lock down. i wonder how she's gonna take that

go with your heart (as corny as that sounds). the more you delay b/c of something liike school the more sour the relationship gets.

 

[DoHzA]

i think she has a pretty good idea what she's in for

according to her it doesn't matter what we have to endure as long as we endure it together


wow

 

[Wifty]

Since she wants to be together, and you want to be together......then get married and be together. 🙂

There is no perfect time I think but I know that it helped hubby in his first (and now second) year having me with him.

There is definately some adjustment....but it really is not all that bad in my opinion.
Plus, if she is married to you are the start of this whole process, then she gets to be a part of the process. She also gets to meet other spouses and have a support network and she gets to know your classmates and so will feel more a part that way.

If you want her in your life, go ahead and include her to totally - thats what I say! 🙂

Congratulations on finding love!
Wifty

 

[dancelover]

I got married in the summer following the 1st year of med school. Timing was perfect b/c we had the summer off (i did research before starting med school, so i didn't need to apply for one of those positions) which gave me plenty of time to plan all the wedding details that i had been putting off b/c of school. I think med school has been that much easier b/c of being engaged/married.

There is something wonderful about knowing who you are going home to at night-no more awkward dates, no game playing, no "where is this relationship going", etc. Having a husband who is in no way involved in the medical field keeps me in touch with life outside of med school. It also helps that he is very understanding about my time constraints.

 

[dancelover]

I guess i didn't really address the OP's question with my last post. I'm in agreement with all the others who've posted-get married whenever it feels right to the two of you. Don't base it on what year of med school you are in. Also, it is my impression that you have less free time in 3rd year, as opposed to the first two.

Congrats on finding the woman you want to be with!

 

[DoHzA]

you know for being complete strangers...you're one hell of a bunch

you've all been great and i'd love to hear any more comments!

waitin till after year one sounds good to me but i think poppin the question before leavin to school sounds good too

who knows what'll happen

let the chips fall where they may

right?

 

[Sophie]

I really wish I could offer you advice, DoHzA, but I'm in pretty much the same situation. My boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage for the last year or so and have been trying to figure out the best time to do it. We keep getting hung up on not having the money to pay for a nice wedding and not wanting to get married at a certain time just out of convenience (it seems less romantic that way).

I have no experience to back me up, but I'm leaning towards the summer before med school starts or the summer after first year. The clinical and residency years are way too far away!

 

[smc927]

I'm mid-twenties and married - still undergraduate. We talked about what would be involved in my journey through many years of school before we got married. There is no perfect time. There are always and will always be distractions and difficulties. For us it was a commitment to face them together, willing to make some sacrifices now for a long and happy life together. We don't drive a new car, we live in a basement apartment, but we are as happy as clams. <br>
If you know this is the right person, tie the knot.<br><br>
Marriage, it's a wonderful institution. I highly recommend it. - Wilford Woodruff.

 

[thewzdoc]

A friend of mine was married for 2 years before starting. After 2 months of school she just up and left. She was nice and seemed well grounded. She decided that she didn't want to "live like this" any more. Good luck with whatever you do, it's stressful either way for relationships.

 

[frog4brooke]

I agree with those who have said that you need to go with what you feel.

My husband and I were together through out college. I went away to medical school (~3hrs apart) and we got enganged between 1st and 2nd year, then got married in fourth year. This worked for us b/c I was able to schedule a lot of my rotations near him so we can live together (starting tomm.) and I could schedule time in for the wedding. In the spring we will be having a laid back graduation/wedding party.

The first couple of years of medical school were tough, quite a few of my classmates who had been in long relationships broke up or got divorced. It was a very scary thing to watch, but keep your chin up and be honest with yourself.

Best of luck,
B

 

[Dr.Wolkower]

divorced,separated-or-cheating-on-mate

why-arent-you-more-complete-it-reflects-badly-on-u 👎

 

[DoHzA]

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😕 😕 😕

 

[johnk]

Don't do it.. Some programs don't take kindly to that or having kids during residency. Budget problems are on the rise as well as hospital admittance's. Residencies are becoming more and more difficult to complete because of all this pressure so relationships & kids are something you will have absolutely no time for. If you don't believe me then try it & five years from now think back to this letter.


JK
spouse of resident
Texas

 

[jennie 21]

My fiance and I are both MS1's and are getting married this summer, between MS1 and MS2. The timing works well for us, we have the summer off and time for a honeymoon. I'm surprised what everyone's saying about the first two years being so stressful and difficult and people breaking up and stuff...we're BOTH in med school and we haven't found it all that enormously stressful, except maybe for anatomy. I guess the fact that we've made it this far and are still happy and in love and not enormously stressed out is a good sign. Anyway, yeah, I would say between first and second year is probably ideal timing because you actually have the summer off which you probably won't after that, but really you can do it anytime. Don't put off getting married if you're ready and want to because of school. You can't put your life totally on hold; it might require some sacrifices and be tough at times but you can work it out.

 

[smc927]

Originally posted by johnk
Don't do it.. Some programs don't take kindly to that or having kids during residency. Budget problems are on the rise as well as hospital admittance's. Residencies are becoming more and more difficult to complete because of all this pressure so relationships & kids are something you will have absolutely no time for. If you don't believe me then try it & five years from now think back to this letter.

I suppose it depends on the program, but marriage and family is real life and any residency program that discourages it isn't for me.