Rejecting an acceptance to medical school for marriage + financial benefit and re-apply to one school: Is this academic suicide?

[Hiphophippocrates]

Hello all! I have used SDN for a long time to answer many of my questions related to the applications process and all other things related to medicine. I've scoured the forums already for any kind of case like mine but I could not find any listed. I decided to make a formal account with SDN because I am searching for some relatively unbiased feedback from a group of individuals that fully understand the applications process, residencies, ect.
As stated above, I am planning to get engaged to my girlfriend of 3 years, and she has been very awesome and supportive of my pursuits of medicine; she is currently in her third year at a pharmacy school. I was recently accepted to a competitive school in Southern California. The problem is, that she is planning on moving back home to the Central Valley to start her pharmacy residency (she needs to be home for personal reasons, this is non-negotiable), and we would be 4-5 hours apart. Our original plans were to wait to get married until after school, and we are both still willing to do that.
However, it was recently brought to my attention that a new DO medical school (California Health Sciences University) with provisional accreditation opening near her pharmacy residency location, and I am considering rejecting my current acceptance to pursue this option. Another piece of pertinent info is that there will be significant financial benefits to attending this other school, (IE: living expenses covered, fiance willing to cover cost of tuition as a low interest loan), and this could halve the amount of time needed to pay off my student loans with my expected salary.
What I want to know, is how severely is a re-applicant blacklisted/scrutinized if they decline an acceptance from a competitive school for personal reasons such as pursuing marriage and better financial security?

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[westsidestoryz]

From what I have read here, 99.9% of people will tell you to take the acceptance unless it was for a health reason or other dire circumstances. Your situation is neither.
4-5 hours isn't bad and you'll also be risking not getting any acceptance next year and lose a year's worth of doc salary. And youre not even guaranteed for the new school..

I say take the acceptance and forego the current benefits. Not 100% sure about being blacklisted tho.

 

[DrStephenStrange]

If the other "competitive" school you got in is an MD, definitely attend instead of the new DO school. It's just gonna be the best career choice for you in the long run. About your original question, yes, if you applied MD, other MD schools will definitely see that you were accepted to another school before. Courtesy of AMCAS. DO schools won't because they use a different system AACOMAS, but many schools will ask you (mostly in their secondaries) if you have ever been accepted to any medical school, and to that you are going to have to answer "YES". That may or may not cause ADCOM to question your will to really pursue a career in medicine.

 

[deleted480308]

Keep your med school.

She can drive to visit you

 

[Goro]

Hello all! I have used SDN for a long time to answer many of my questions related to the applications process and all other things related to medicine. I've scoured the forums already for any kind of case like mine but I could not find any listed. I decided to make a formal account with SDN because I am searching for some relatively unbiased feedback from a group of individuals that fully understand the applications process, residencies, ect.
As stated above, I am planning to get engaged to my girlfriend of 3 years, and she has been very awesome and supportive of my pursuits of medicine; she is currently in her third year at a pharmacy school. I was recently accepted to a competitive school in Southern California. The problem is, that she is planning on moving back home to the Central Valley to start her pharmacy residency (she needs to be home for personal reasons, this is non-negotiable), and we would be 4-5 hours apart. Our original plans were to wait to get married until after school, and we are both still willing to do that.
However, it was recently brought to my attention that a new DO medical school (California Health Sciences University) with provisional accreditation opening near her pharmacy residency location, and I am considering rejecting my current acceptance to pursue this option. Another piece of pertinent info is that there will be significant financial benefits to attending this other school, (IE: living expenses covered, fiance willing to cover cost of tuition as a low interest loan), and this could halve the amount of time needed to pay off my student loans with my expected salary.
What I want to know, is how severely is a re-applicant blacklisted/scrutinized if they decline an acceptance from a competitive school for personal reasons such as pursuing marriage and better financial security?

You'd be hurt at my school. My students make life sacrifices all the time to become doctors.

I've heard a few sketchy things about this new school, something like very limited rotation slots.

 

[IMGASMD]

Competitive school vs brand new school that most people have not heard of?

No ring means there is nothing tying you together. What if something happens during this year? What if you never get a residency in California? Are you welling to throw away your life and/or career?

Just asking.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

Competitive school vs brand new school that most people have not heard of?

No ring means there is nothing tying you together. What if something happens during this year? What if you never get a residency in California? Are you welling to throw away your life and/or career?

Just asking.

These are great questions that I have also been asking myself. I want to clarify that I am 100% committed to medical school and I am willing to make whatever sacrifices are necessary (within ethical bounds) to make this a reality, my girlfriend is also in agreement on this.
On a scale of 1-10 how risky would you say this move is from a career standpoint?

 

[NITRAS]

Please don't have your fiancé give you a student loan. It can really mess up the relationship.

I'm not sure what "non-negotiable" means, but my wife and I both make decisions on where we are going to live. If we decided to live in Timbuktu because it is best for our family, then we would move there.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

If the other "competitive" school you got in is an MD, definitely attend instead of the new DO school. It's just gonna be the best career choice for you in the long run. About your original question, yes, if you applied MD, other MD schools will definitely see that you were accepted to another school before. Courtesy of AMCAS. DO schools won't because they use a different system AACOMAS, but many schools will ask you (mostly in their secondaries) if you have ever been accepted to any medical school, and to that you are going to have to answer "YES". That may or may not cause ADCOM to question your will to really pursue a career in medicine.

Thank you for your advice! To clarify, this school is also a DO school (Western COMP) but it is well regarded as a D.O. Program. Furthermore, I also may receive an acceptance from a UC affiliated school, but the status is still pending on that program.

 

[Osminog]

There's no guarantee you'd get into the new school, since the admissions game can be very random. Also, the financial benefits you discuss would most likely be outweighed by the opportunity cost of a year of attending salary. Take the Western acceptance and run with it.

 

[ohmanwaddup]

Never gamble with an acceptance. It is far more likely that you will not get in another cycle, just based on the odds of applying to medical school.

 

[DO2015CA]

Thank you for your advice! To clarify, this school is also a DO school (Western COMP) but it is well regarded as top tier from a D.O. standpoint. Furthermore, I also may receive an acceptance from a UC affiliated school, but the status is still pending on that program.

No it’s not. It’ll get the job done. There is no tier system, but even in those that make a list, Western is never in the top tier. It’s so competitive because it’s in LA

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

Please don't have your fiancé give you a student loan. It can really mess up the relationship.

I'm not sure what "non-negotiable" means, but my wife and I both make decisions on where we are going to live. If we decided to live in Timbuktu because it is best for our family, then we would move there.

Thank you for your response! I understand that matters of family and money are dicey affairs and they can affect relationship dynamics. She seems to be pretty set on it though, due to the long term financial benefits they would pose for potential family unit. Her family members are involved in small businesses together, and I believe that for her, loaning family money is a rather normalized affair. On the surface, it seems to work for her family pretty well. Personally, I believe that her money would be better spent accruing wealth, making investments, etc. once she is out of school.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

No it’s not. It’ll get the job done. There is no tier system, but even in those that make a list, Western is never in the top tier. It’s so competitive because it’s in LA

Thank you for the correction. I'll edit "top tier" out of my OP, and make it "competitive".
Personally, being from SC, I have always heard Western COMP to be well regarded amongst the DO programs, they seem to fill competitive residency spots pretty nicely, so long as you aren't vying for Derm/Plastics or something like that. Personally, I am proud of my acceptance to this program, and i think attending school there will do more than "getting the job done." Now, going to a non-accredited Uni would be "getting the job done" IMO

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

You'd be hurt at my school. My students make life sacrifices all the time to become doctors.

I've heard a few sketchy things about this new school, something like very limited rotation slots.

Hello Goro. Thank you for your advice. I have not personally heard that, but I can imagine why that would be the case given the location in such a medically underserved area.

 

[DO2015CA]

Thank you for the correction. I'll edit "top tier" out of my OP, and make it "competitive".
Personally, being from SC, I have always heard Western COMP to be well regarded amongst the DO programs, they seem to fill competitive residency spots pretty nicely, so long as you aren't vying for Derm/Plastics or something like that. Personally, I am proud of my acceptance to this program, and i think attending school there will do more than "getting the job done." Now, going to a non-accredited Uni would be "getting the job done" IMO

It’s a good school. Getting the job done is a relative term. All DOs get the job done. You should definitely be proud of your acceptance. It’s a very big accomplishment. Not many get med school acceptances let alone California

 

[DO2015CA]

One quick corrective note. Pharmacists don’t do residency. This is a term that is physician specific that has gained ground in recent years amongst nps/ pas/ pharmacists in order to further blur the lines between them and physicians all under the umbrella term “provider.”

That out of the way, you currently are on your way to be a physician (known quantity). You are risking that versus the possibility of never being a physician ever.

Up to you, choice seems clear. A 4 hour drive is cake. I’ve lived away from SO (thousands of miles) for close to 4 years. You’ll make it.

Pharmacy residencies exist to my knowledge. They are relatively new. They aren’t requirements like physicians but there are some that help pharmacists get their foot in the door to specific fields. The only one I’m familiar with is the clinical pharmacist one

 

[deleted480308]

Thank you for your response! I understand that matters of family and money are dicey affairs and they can affect relationship dynamics. She seems to be pretty set on it though, due to the long term financial benefits they would pose for potential family unit. Her family members are involved in small businesses together, and I believe that for her, loaning family money is a rather normalized affair. On the surface, it seems to work for her family pretty well. Personally, I believe that her money would be better spent accruing wealth, making investments, etc. once she is out of school.

You. Aren’t. Family.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

Pharmacy residencies exist to my knowledge. They are relatively new. They aren’t requirements like physicians but there are some that help pharmacists get their foot in the door to specific fields. The only one I’m familiar with is the clinical pharmacist one

That's correct. She wants to work in the hospital setting, which is easier to achieve by residency, even if you attended a good pharmacy program.
Also I apologize for assuming what you meant in the phrase "getting the job done." I see now that this is a wholistic statement over a derogatory one. Thank you for your supportive response

 

[NecFasc92]

Pharmacy residencies exist to my knowledge. They are relatively new. They aren’t requirements like physicians but there are some that help pharmacists get their foot in the door to specific fields. The only one I’m familiar with is the clinical pharmacist one

I understand what are saying. My point is that these "residencies" are in fact NOT a residency. A residency is a physician specific term which denotes training in your field upon graduation from medical school. Over the last few years nps/ pas/ pharmacists are doing extra training and calling it a "residency" and these are being named "residency" in order to further blur the lines between physicians and midlevels. What they do may in fact be extra training but it is 100% not a residency.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

You. Aren’t. Family.

True, and I want to clarify that according to my girlfriend, any financial involvement on her part would only be considered after being married. As I previously stated, it would be effective to some ends, as my ability to pay off my education would be maximized, and I would whittle down 2-3 years of excessive call hours or other means to get back to a financially stable position. Of course the risks of straining a marriage through debt must also be equally considered, and I am open to all opinions on this matter also.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

Looking for some clarity

I don't know if this is necessarily the right spot to post this, so if I'm in the wrong spot I apologize in advance. I'm a nurse practitioner (FNP) student who is interested in joining the air force as a fnp. I plan on doing a fellowship in primary/rural/emegency medicine after graduation to get...

forums.studentdoctor.net

This answers things much more eloquently that I could. All I can as a former hospital administrator is that these terms are used specifically and used such to make physicians and everyone else appear interchangeable.

Thank you for this insight. This is a very fair point about being cautious about how we label things, as many terms and phrases have deep-rooted historical and medical meaning. I also believe the writer of this post may be correct in their critique that this phrasing carries a not so hidden intent to elevate certain positions in medicine at the cost of lowering the esteem of physicians. However, I am very lucky that my girlfriend does not care about prestige, she is just seeking to be challenged in a more diverse pharmacy-based medical environment, and is thus seeking employment opportunities outside of the community pharmacy setting. I want to be as supportive of her as possible for choosing to undertake additional training to better herself.

 

[Magus5454]

LA to central valley is nothing. I live 4 hours from home and I go there when i can

 

[IMGASMD]

These are great questions that I have also been asking myself. I want to clarify that I am 100% committed to medical school and I am willing to make whatever sacrifices are necessary (within ethical bounds) to make this a reality, my girlfriend is also in agreement on this.
On a scale of 1-10 how risky would you say this move is from a career standpoint?

0 being worst idea ever? 10 being you’re f-ing brilliant?
I’d give a 2.

I think it’s very clear what SDN community feels. I am also honored that you actually value my opinion. I think the reason why you’re actually getting good/real advice is most of us identify with some elements of what you’re expressing.
Moving for love? Cold feet before taking a big step in life? Scared about finances? All these things I/we all have experienced.

“Happy wife, happy life.” Note, it does not say happy girlfriend, happy life. If this was my wife needs to move back, maybe it’d be a different conversation. TBH, medical school is going to be hard on ANY relationships. What IF you don’t get in next year and you feel it’s because of your GF so you had to give up your in hand acceptance. I guarantee you, you will not have a relationship at that time (nor a medical school acceptance.)

As many have pointed out, including Goro, it’s an uphill battle to reapply especially when you have already an acceptance in hand. I submit to you as evidence, I have not seen a single thread from anyone who threw away an acceptance then report back, “oh it was super easy to reapply and I moved up from low tier school to higher tier school...”

The opportunity cost to matriculate one year later, salary alone is at least low to mid 100s. You also need to consider, are you really going to reapply ONE school and one school alone? Just out of curiosity, did you apply to any schools in SC?

I graduated from a low-tier medical school. I had classmates from MIT, Harvard, Yale, UPenn, Stanford, Princeton.... This is the major league, dude. You don’t throw away a signed contract. (Unless you have another offer which you don’t or you’re Babe Ruth which you are not).

Good luck.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

0 being worst idea ever? 10 being you’re f-ing brilliant?
I’d give a 2.

I think it’s very clear what SDN community feels. I am also honored that you actually value my opinion. I think the reason why you’re actually getting good/real advice is most of us identify with some elements of what you’re expressing.
Moving for love? Cold feet before taking a big step in life? Scared about finances? All these things I/we all have experienced.

“Happy wife, happy life.” Note, it does not say happy girlfriend, happy life. If this was my wife needs to move back, maybe it’d be a different conversation. TBH, medical school is going to be hard on ANY relationships. What IF you don’t get in next year and you feel it’s because of your GF so you had to give up your in hand acceptance. I guarantee you, you will not have a relationship at that time (nor a medical school acceptance.)

As many have pointed out, including Goro, it’s an uphill battle to reapply especially when you have already an acceptance in hand. I submit to you as evidence, I have not seen a single thread from anyone who threw away an acceptance then report back, “oh it was super easy to reapply and I moved up from low tier school to higher tier school...”

The opportunity cost to matriculate one year later, salary alone is at least low to mid 100s. You also need to consider, are you really going to reapply ONE school and one school alone? Just out of curiosity, did you apply to any schools in SC?

I graduated from a low-tier medical school. I had classmates from MIT, Harvard, Yale, UPenn, Stanford, Princeton.... This is the major league, dude. You don’t throw away a signed contract. (Unless you have another offer which you don’t or you’re Babe Ruth which you are not).

Good luck.

IMGASMD, holy crap! this response was so beautifully crafted. You hit me with a metaphorical fire hose on that first part, as well as such an excellent synthesis of all the other arguments for why I should attend. You guys have all made excellent points, and I want to personally thank everyone who contributed to this thread. You all took the time out of your likely busy schedules to give me such good pointers and insights to this situation I have been so indecisive about.
I think I will have a long conversation with my girlfriend tonight about how going to a better medical school and pursuing a residency in the central valley is a worthwhile trade off to starting marriage this year and having all of the extra work and uncertain future that will strain the marriage anyhow.
Let me know if you are all interested in the outcome of how that conversation goes
Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors,
Hiphophippocrates

 

[chemdoctor]

How is this even a question? 4-5 hours isn't even that bad dude...

Wait to get married after school or something. DO NOT GIVE UP THIS ACCEPTANCE for a cHANCE of applying to another school!

 

[wb100]

What the actual hell.

FI went to grad school 4 hours away BY FLIGHT. We made it three years of long distance. We've lived together for the last two years and now I'm going to medical school on the other side of the country with no hesitations. Maybe I'm super career focused but I don't think your future and livelihood should not be based off one person, even if she was your wife. Relationships change, people break up, get divorced, go on breaks. It's too risky to throw away a good opportunity. I'm saying this as someone who is in a dedicated relationship and I really love this man (since others here may be single), and I'm still moving across the country to pursue my goals. You can make it work if you two are invested in the relationship.

Besides, a 4-5 hour drive is nothing.

 

[DO2015CA]

What the actual hell.

FI went to grad school 4 hours away BY FLIGHT. We made it three years of long distance. We've lived together for the last two years and now I'm going to medical school on the other side of the country with no hesitations. Maybe I'm super career focused but I don't think your future and livelihood should not be based off one person, even if she was your wife. Relationships change, people break up, get divorced, go on breaks. It's too risky to throw away a good opportunity. I'm saying this as someone who is in a dedicated relationship and I really love this man (since others here may be single), and I'm still moving across the country to pursue my goals. You can make it work if you two are invested in the relationship.

Besides, a 4-5 hour drive is nothing.

I moved across the country,coast to coast. We ended up breaking up (like 80% of relationships going into medical school will). If we were 4-5hour drive it would’ve been a whole hell of a lot easier

 

[wb100]

I moved across the country,coast to coast. We ended up breaking up (like 80% of relationships going into medical school will). If we were 4-5hour drive it would’ve been a whole hell of a lot easier

You could have broken up while 4-5 hours away. It's not easy to make LDR's work, but with time, communication, and dedication it can. It all depends on how much you want to work on it (and if this person really is THE one for you).

 

[DO2015CA]

You could have broken up while 4-5 hours away. It's not easy to make LDR's work, but with time, communication, and dedication it can. It all depends on how much you want to work on it (and if this person really is THE one for you).

I agree with still could’ve but without starting medical school you don’t understand exactly how busy you are. You get told but can’t truly fathom until you are in it. What I’m saying with 4-5 hours away you can study on the amtrack

 

[chemdoctor]

You could have broken up while 4-5 hours away. It's not easy to make LDR's work, but with time, communication, and dedication it can. It all depends on how much you want to work on it (and if this person really is THE one for you).

For what it’s worth, I tried long distance with my ex for my freshman year of college... we broke up

 

[dohopeful13]

She is putting her interests first by being non negotiable on her residency. Nothing wrong with that btw. You should be doing the same thing.

Take your acceptance. The cycle is so random you may think you’re a lock at this school but there are no guarantees. 4 hours isn’t even that long and honestly if your relationship is meant to work then it will work. I didn’t turn down acceptances, but I did take an extra gap year to improve my app for my hometown school so I could stay with my girlfriend who was starting PHD school. Guess what? We ended up breaking up anyway (lmao) last year, I still didn’t get in the hometown school this year, and I’ve spent the last year twiddling my thumbs. I have no regrets because I got accepted and had some fun this year, but put yourself first always man (exeption being married w/ kids). Relationships will come and go but your dreams need to come first.

 

[tlccreepwaterfalls]

From my experience, I don’t think you’ll be hurt at most DO schools. I turned down a DO school for personal reasons, re-applied early, and got 7 DO interviews this cycle (5 I attended, and I was accepted to all). All the schools I called said it would only hurt if I had matriculates and dropped out. Not once was me dropping that acceptance mentioned in my interviews— it seemed like adcoms didn’t even know (I can’t vedify this). I had decent work experience though, EC, ~3.4ogpa ~3.3sgpa, ~505-507MCAT


With that being said...

If it’s a competitive school, you’re better off going there than hoping you get into an in state DO school. What if you only get into out of state schools? The competitive school will make you much more likely to get your desired residency, which includes location.
There are a ton of things that can go wronf with a new school. You’re taking a big risk (might not get in anywhere next cycle) to be less competitive for residency (another risk) to save money (you’ll lose a year salary) .

You’ll have rotations after 2 years— maybe you can rotate closer to her?

If you’re planning on getting married, you’ll make it work. It will be hard but if you’re that dedicated you can make it work.

 

[theKingLT]

I don't think anyone's mentioned this yet, but does the new DO school have an EDP? How competitive are you as an applicant? Could you talk to the Dean now, before dropping your acceptance, explain your situation and get EDP approval? I wouldn't risk it otherwise but if you're a great candidate and get approval from the Dean to apply EDP then I would consider it personally, bc my understanding of EDP is that if you're "over-qualified" for the school and get pre-approval, you have very good odds of an acceptance provided no huge red flags pop up. Family is important and I wouldn't want to spend 4 years away from the wifey if it was preventable.

 

[IMGASMD]

I turned down a DO school for personal reasons, re-applied early, and got 7 DO interviews this cycle (5 I attended, and I was accepted to all). All the schools I called said it would only hurt if I had matriculates and dropped out. Not once was me dropping that acceptance mentioned in my interviews— it seemed like adcoms didn’t even know (I can’t vedify this).

I stand corrected.

 

[puahate]

Even with marriage i would not give up an A.

 

[Synchronous]

Do Not Give Up an Acceptance. No one can really say what will happen in a new cycle. 4-5 hours drive really isn’t that bad of a distance. My (now) husband and I lived in different states during my time in Medical school (I moved to a different state for school). We were just dating at that time but managed to see each other 1-2 times a month. That was fine for me, the distance was actually tougher on him because he had more free time. As long as you and your fiancé are confident in the relationship and in yourselves things will work out. Good Luck to you both!

 

[IMGASMD]

IMGASMD, holy crap! this response was so beautifully crafted. You hit me with a metaphorical fire hose on that first part, as well as such an excellent synthesis of all the other arguments for why I should attend. You guys have all made excellent points, and I want to personally thank everyone who contributed to this thread. You all took the time out of your likely busy schedules to give me such good pointers and insights to this situation I have been so indecisive about.
I think I will have a long conversation with my girlfriend tonight about how going to a better medical school and pursuing a residency in the central valley is a worthwhile trade off to starting marriage this year and having all of the extra work and uncertain future that will strain the marriage anyhow.
Let me know if you are all interested in the outcome of how that conversation goes
Wishing you all the best in your future endeavors,
Hiphophippocrates

I take from the silence it was not an easy conversation. Report back whenever, but seems like this thread generated some interest.

 

[DrStephenStrange]

What happened to @puahate?

 

[Goro]

What happened to @puahate?

I imagine that despite being on probation, s/he ignored multiple warnings from the Mods to knock off whatever it was they were doing.

 

[Hiphophippocrates]

I take from the silence it was not an easy conversation. Report back whenever, but seems like this thread generated some interest.

Hi, just keeping you guys updated that this conversation with my GF is still ongoing, but my mind has been made up to go to Western. Thank you again!

 

[On_The_Way_Up]

When you talk to your GF about this remind her you will withhold sex if she doesn’t agree with you.

 

[redrosesfi]

Hi, just keeping you guys updated that this conversation with my GF is still ongoing, but my mind has been made up to go to Western. Thank you again!

Did you ever consider defering the acceptance for a year? Tell the school your situation. Maybe you can use that year to apply to allopathic schools if you are interested (and if the school has no stringent requirements about applying to other graduate schools/programs), but you probably can't apply to any more osteopathic schools during that deferment year.

 

[DK0828]

Did you ever consider defering the acceptance for a year? Tell the school your situation. Maybe you can use that year to apply to allopathic schools if you are interested (and if the school has no stringent requirements about applying to other graduate schools/programs), but you probably can't apply to any more osteopathic schools during that deferment year.

This is bad advice.

I'm making things up in my head but she seems resistant to accommodating the op. He has to be the one sacrificing his future, taking risk, not her. From my understanding of skimming this thread, she wont loan him money as a gf (which is the correct choice) but once they are married she will LOAN him money WITH interest? The eff?!

 

[fldoctorgirl]

once they are married she will LOAN him money WITH interest?

lol I just saw that part........OP, I don't think your girlfriend is as "incredibly supportive of your medical career" as you write in your first post.

 

[Goro]

This is bad advice.

I'm making things up in my head but she seems resistant to accommodating the op. He has to be the one sacrificing his future, taking risk, not her. From my understanding of skimming this thread, she wont loan him money as a gf (which is the correct choice) but once they are married she will LOAN him money WITH interest? The eff?!

Jeeze, OP, run from crazy. Otherwise, your life is going to be a living hell.

 

[nimbus]

I would never move to the Central Valley for a girl or a guy. Have you ever lived there? Sounds like a strange situation all around.

 

[SLC]

I can’t believe that nobody picked up on the “low interest loan” that op would be taking out from their spouse until the last couple of posts.

Needing to “borrow and pay back” money from one’s spouse tells me that the OP’s girlfriend isn’t high on the chances that marriage truly works out.

If my wife wanted to go back to school right now, we’d pay for it. There would be no “borrowing” money from me because my income is her income. We share everything. That’s what married folks are supposed to do. Source: My own 17 years of happy marriage.

As for distance, that can be worked out; but the unnatural financial situation the OP seems to be walking toward probably won’t lend (pun not intended) itself to a successful long term relationship.

 

[IMGASMD]

I like how this discussion like many SDN or online discussion, made a few very unexpected turns.

I do remember OP mentioned taking a loan from GFs family, but can’t find it anymore.

 

[SLC]

I like how this discussion like many SDN or online discussion, made a few very unexpected turns.

I do remember OP mentioned taking a loan from GFs family, but can’t find it anymore.

It’s in the OP, he says “fiancé is willing to cover cost of tuition with a low interest loan”.

I guess I can sorta see it if girlfriend is a fiancé when money is given, but once married I think the idea that it’s a “loan” needs to be forgotten about and both partners consider it mutual debt and work toward repaying together.