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[EngrSC]

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My husband is pre-menstrual again. About 1 day a month he acts all hurt that I'm so busy and "do whatever I want". He can do whatever he wants too but he chooses not to.

On Saturdays he likes to clean the house and go grocery shopping and every single Friday I tell him I'm happy to shop with him on Sunday and he can leave some cleaning for me but he just grumbles about it. There's nothing I can say or do to snap him out of his pre-menstrual period, he seems to need to come out of it on his own.

It's just frustrating to me :/

 

[Emiloo4]

My husband is pre-menstrual again. About 1 day a month he acts all hurt that I'm so busy and "do whatever I want". He can do whatever he wants too but he chooses not to.

On Saturdays he likes to clean the house and go grocery shopping and every single Friday I tell him I'm happy to shop with him on Sunday and he can leave some cleaning for me but he just grumbles about it. There's nothing I can say or do to snap him out of his pre-menstrual period, he seems to need to come out of it on his own.

It's just frustrating to me :/

Men definitely have menstrual cycles and bleed out their feelings.

 

[MommaFox]

Men definitely have menstrual cycles and bleed out their feelings.

The scientific term is "Manstruating" I believe.

 

[felinelvr44]

My husband is pre-menstrual again. About 1 day a month he acts all hurt that I'm so busy and "do whatever I want". He can do whatever he wants too but he chooses not to.

On Saturdays he likes to clean the house and go grocery shopping and every single Friday I tell him I'm happy to shop with him on Sunday and he can leave some cleaning for me but he just grumbles about it. There's nothing I can say or do to snap him out of his pre-menstrual period, he seems to need to come out of it on his own.

It's just frustrating to me :/

It's frustrating because he's acting like a martyr. I would call him out on it. If its important to him that he does these chores on a specific day that you are unavailable then he has no right to be pissy about it. You are not trying to hurt him. However, if he would like your help with the chores then he can wait until Sunday when you a free. I can say this as someone who in the past has been reeeeally good at playing the martyr and is trying to be better about it 🙂

 

[EngrSC]

The scientific term is "Manstruating" I believe.

HAHAHA!!!!

I'm glad my husband isn't the only one that does this. Every so often I feel he really guilts me about having so much going on - 2 jobs, school, volunteer-work. I get up earlier than I need to every day so I can do all the dishes, clean the kitchen, and pick up dog poop (which he refuses to do) before I leave for the day. Every evening we walk the dogs together except Monday/Wednesdays because I'm gone from 6:30 til 10ish. He says we never do things together and he says he only sees me for an hour a day and blah blah. But when I suggest we go do something fun together he always puts it on me to pick something then later turns it around and says "we always do what EngrSC wants to do". Yet tomorrow he's running a half marathon so I'm sacrificing my 1 day to sleep in to go to his race to cheer him on ... Yet that seems to not count for anything.

Blegggghhhh thanks for letting me vent. I love him to death but every so often I really feel like he's subconsciously telling me I need to choose him or vet med. Choosing between the 2 isn't even an option as they both mean so much to me, so when I am home I feel like I shouldn't relax but I should do chores and what not so he doesn't get all manstrual but what I do never seems to be enough. PLUS on top of everything, I'm planning our wedding and that is a huge time sink - he's barely helping.

 

[MommaFox]

HAHAHA!!!!

I'm glad my husband isn't the only one that does this. Every so often I feel he really guilts me about having so much going on - 2 jobs, school, volunteer-work. I get up earlier than I need to every day so I can do all the dishes, clean the kitchen, and pick up dog poop (which he refuses to do) before I leave for the day. Every evening we walk the dogs together except Monday/Wednesdays because I'm gone from 6:30 til 10ish. He says we never do things together and he says he only sees me for an hour a day and blah blah. But when I suggest we go do something fun together he always puts it on me to pick something then later turns it around and says "we always do what EngrSC wants to do". Yet tomorrow he's running a half marathon so I'm sacrificing my 1 day to sleep in to go to his race to cheer him on ... Yet that seems to not count for anything.

Blegggghhhh thanks for letting me vent. I love him to death but every so often I really feel like he's subconsciously telling me I need to choose him or vet med. Choosing between the 2 isn't even an option as they both mean so much to me, so when I am home I feel like I shouldn't relax but I should do chores and what not so he doesn't get all manstrual but what I do never seems to be enough. PLUS on top of everything, I'm planning our wedding and that is a huge time sink - he's barely helping.

Buy him some manpons, he will get over it.


Serious though, have yall ever sat down and talked about this?

 

[EngrSC]

Buy him some manpons, he will get over it.


Serious though, have yall ever sat down and talked about this?

Every month or two we do. It's never a fight really, like no yelling involved, he just goes all emo.

 

[Meatballerina]

The scientific term is "Manstruating" I believe.

New favorite thing.

 

[Darrka]

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[MarxistPreVet]

This whole thread sort of confirms my decision not to even think about entering a relationship until I'm done with vet school. I will have it hard enough just getting quality time with my daughter most days; the very LAST thing I'll need is to be worrying about a man's feelings on top of that.

 

[EngrSC]

This whole thread sort of confirms my decision not to even think about entering a relationship until I'm done with vet school. I will have it hard enough just getting quality time with my daughter most days; the very LAST thing I'll need is to be worrying about a man's feelings on top of that.

Great plan until Mr. Wonderful comes along

Really, I love my husband more than anything. He just goes manstrual/emo when I'm not giving him the attention and affection he needs. I need to work on it - when he feels loved and appreciated he is so incredibly supportive. I couldn't do it without him 🙂

 

[MarxistPreVet]

Great plan until Mr. Wonderful comes along

LOL! Luckily for me, being a single mom seems to act as a natural Mr. Wonderful repellent. Not that there aren't great guys from time to time, but it's hard to justify spending time away from my kid to go on a date.

 

[EngrSC]

LOL! Luckily for me, being a single mom seems to act as a natural Mr. Wonderful repellent. Not that there aren't great guys from time to time, but it's hard to justify spending time away from my kid to go on a date.

I think that makes you a great mom 😉

 

[BlackDog17]

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[prevetdreamer]

This weekend I accidentally found out that my bf is thinking that he doesn't really want to attempt a long distance relationship when I go to vet school. He doesn't think he can handle it.

I know a big part of it is probably fear - he attempted long distance with another girlfriend a few years ago and from what I understand it ended VERY badly for both of them. I know he's probably just worried and that this isn't necessarily a death sentence for our relationship, at least not yet. But it's still shocking and upsetting. Things have been going so well lately, I guess I just assumed that we were going to stay together. Now I'm sad and worried. 🙁

He doesn't know yet that I know how he's feeling. I want to discuss it with him, but he's obviously not ready to talk about it yet and rushing him will likely only make things worse. But it's stressing me out and I would really like to get things out in the open. It doesn't help that he seems to be acting more distant than usual these past few days, although for all I know that could be completely unrelated and my worried self is just making mountains out of molehills.

I know there's not a whole lot of advice to be had here, I just needed to vent. It helps knowing there's a whole forum full of people here who have been in similar situations. 👍

I'm sorry you're in that situation 🙁 The only advice I have is that you should talk to him, but you already know that. Maybe just let him know you want to talk about it and that when he is ready and has thought things through he can come talk to you. I think long distance can be a lot of pressure...

Which leads me to my situation. I've been dating this guy for maybe a month now (I haven't been keeping track of dates...😳). School ends this week, I'm graduating this Saturday, and then he's going to a different state for the summer after mother's day. I'm definitely not afraid of long distance, but I feel like a month long relationship doesn't stand much chance of making it through. And then in the fall we will be in the same state, but still an hour and a half away. I know I should bring it up, but I don't want to spoil the last few days I have with him if he says that he doesn't want to do the long distance thing. ignorance is bliss, right? lol. but he is meeting my family at my graduation and he wants me to meet his mom, so I'm hoping that's a good sign.

Hopefully we both find solutions!

 

[MarxistPreVet]

I think that makes you a great mom 😉

Aw, thanks. 😳 😎 I try.

 

[Emiloo4]

This weekend I accidentally found out that my bf is thinking that he doesn't really want to attempt a long distance relationship when I go to vet school. He doesn't think he can handle it.

I know a big part of it is probably fear - he attempted long distance with another girlfriend a few years ago and from what I understand it ended VERY badly for both of them. I know he's probably just worried and that this isn't necessarily a death sentence for our relationship, at least not yet. But it's still shocking and upsetting. Things have been going so well lately, I guess I just assumed that we were going to stay together. Now I'm sad and worried. 🙁

He doesn't know yet that I know how he's feeling. I want to discuss it with him, but he's obviously not ready to talk about it yet and rushing him will likely only make things worse. But it's stressing me out and I would really like to get things out in the open. It doesn't help that he seems to be acting more distant than usual these past few days, although for all I know that could be completely unrelated and my worried self is just making mountains out of molehills.

I know there's not a whole lot of advice to be had here, I just needed to vent. It helps knowing there's a whole forum full of people here who have been in similar situations. 👍

I know you won't understand this until you get to vet school, but having the person physically with you doesn't mean you aren't in a LDR in vet school. 🙄 Unless he enjoys watching you study
The only break ups in my class have been from people not in LDRs who's SO feels neglected. Personally, my LDR works awesome and we never have that feeling of someone picking their job/school over the other person. I would maybe try and bring up that in your discussion. That an LDR can actually leave you with extra quality time when you're together. When my SO is here its no school and all play.
It can definitely work LDR or not, but unfortunately you both need to want it. I would say let him state his concerns and listen. Then maybe discuss what he's scared of and how you will try to relieve those fears while in an LDR.

 

[that redhead]

Agreeing with Emiloo, although we had plenty of LD people break up. An LDR isn't a death sentence to a relationship, but so many people have heard how they never work out, etc, that it's ingrained their heads that it can't work and you shouldn't even bother.

It can work, and it is worth a shot, but you really do need to want it- there's no half-assing an LDR. I will say that I think my relationship changed for the positive because of the distance and that I personally grew as a person, as cliche as that sounds. I miss him like hell but the time we do have together is so much better for it. And yeah, even if he were to come with you I feel like you'd be torn between spending time with him and studying/school, which can be even more stressful than LDR!

Yeah, you need to talk to him about it. If he can't be on-board with trying his darnedest, I'd say cut your losses now before you leave. It's terrible to put it that way but in the end I think you'd be better for it. (Fingers crossed that it works out of course!)

 

[BlackDog17]

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[CanHardlyWait]

I think a big part of it is that he doesn't want to come with me. He graduates next year and will be free to go wherever he wants, but I highly doubt he would want to move to PEI with me.

Are y'all Canadian? I looked into vet school on PEI and for Americans bringing a SO is practically impossible. I'm married, but Canada won't even grant temporary residence visas to spouses of students, much less offer any work visas. It was a Catch 22 situation, can't get a job w/o a work visa, can't get a work visa w/o a job. Best case was a tourist visa that would last 6 weeks I think, but then he couldn't come back to Canada for 6 months or something crazy like that.

Sorry, not the most constructive advice, just wanted to throw that out there. Best of luck.

 

[BlackDog17]

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[that redhead]

Are y'all Canadian? I looked into vet school on PEI and for Americans bringing a SO is practically impossible. I'm married, but Canada won't even grant temporary residence visas to spouses of students, much less offer any work visas. It was a Catch 22 situation, can't get a job w/o a work visa, can't get a work visa w/o a job. Best case was a tourist visa that would last 6 weeks I think, but then he couldn't come back to Canada for 6 months or something crazy like that.

Sorry, not the most constructive advice, just wanted to throw that out there. Best of luck.

American, but I'm aware of that particular problem as a friend was trying to find a way for her so to work here. Essentially not possible, but its frustrating because there are plenty of people up here collecting unemployment for the off season (not all but a lot of the seasonal workers) and don't even try to get a job. But islanders only want to hire islanders 🙄 (welcome to pei...) so it's super tough. The work here is really limited by season anyway, so even if you could get hired it wouldn't likely be something you wanted to do.

 

[PetPony]

I met someone and already like him way too much. haha🙂

It's finally giving me the motivation to get rid of everything I have here from my ex. Gonna box it all up and bring it to his old boss because he's probably gonna work for him when he comes back from Mexico. Feels good to get rid of pictures on my laptop too. Never had the motivation to do all that stuff until now.

 

[MommaFox]

I met someone and already like him way too much. haha🙂

It's finally giving me the motivation to get rid of everything I have here from my ex. Gonna box it all up and bring it to his old boss because he's probably gonna work for him when he comes back from Mexico. Feels good to get rid of pictures on my laptop too. Never had the motivation to do all that stuff until now.

Good for you. The best way to get over a man is to get und.....well, nevermind. 😳

But for reals, getting rid of all the stuff that sparks memories will deff help.

 

[EngrSC]

Over the weekend we took "engagement" photos (though technically just pre-wedding photos since we're already married). My mom snapped this one using her cell phone (pretty pixelly) but it makes me excited to see the real photos once they're edited!! 😍

 

[felinelvr44]

Over the weekend we took "engagement" photos (though technically just pre-wedding photos since we're already married). My mom snapped this one using her cell phone (pretty pixelly) but it makes me excited to see the real photos once they're edited!! 😍

View attachment 23720

very cute!!

 

[MommaFox]

I need advice, or something. Idk.

I feel like I cannot connect with SO, or maybe that he just lacks empathy. Ive been super bummed lately. He knows that due to the fact that I straight up told him "I am very depressed and I think I need help." (Im not trying to be a bummer here, Im just being factual and honest). I got a "=/" back from him and that was about it. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I cant say, because I really dont know whats wrong and cannot put my finger on any particular thing.

I feel like he just doesnt care. Either that, or he doesnt have any idea how to help me so he is just pulling away from me. I cant tell if my ability to handle his indifference is failing due to my mental state or if he really is just being an arsehole about things.

I slept on the couch friday night. We went out with friends and it honestly took alot out of me to have alot of "fun" and human interaction. When we got home he played CS for a few games while I laid in bed and tried to sleep. I told him I was feeling very mentally exhausted and generally just ugh. I was almost asleep when he came to bed and tried to initiate relations. I told him that I really wasnt wanting to do that and was on the verge of tears (I have no idea why, I really dont. It's weird.) he then rolled over and let out a huge sigh and said "alright, fine", making me feel even more worthless and sad then I had been. I just dont even know what he was thinking. I told him that he just made me feel like the worst gf ever and I grabbed my things and moved to the couch because I didnt even want to lay next to him anymore.

I just dont know why he did that or if he just did it without thinking/listening/caring about anything else other than himself.

ugh.

Edit: I am seeking help for myself, I promise.

 

[dyachei]

I need advice, or something. Idk.

I feel like I cannot connect with SO, or maybe that he just lacks empathy. Ive been super bummed lately. He knows that due to the fact that I straight up told him "I am very depressed and I think I need help." (Im not trying to be a bummer here, Im just being factual and honest). I got a "=/" back from him and that was about it. He asked me what was wrong and I told him that I cant say, because I really dont know whats wrong and cannot put my finger on any particular thing.

I feel like he just doesnt care. Either that, or he doesnt have any idea how to help me so he is just pulling away from me. I cant tell if my ability to handle his indifference is failing due to my mental state or if he really is just being an arsehole about things.

I slept on the couch friday night. We went out with friends and it honestly took alot out of me to have alot of "fun" and human interaction. When we got home he played CS for a few games while I laid in bed and tried to sleep. I told him I was feeling very mentally exhausted and generally just ugh. I was almost asleep when he came to bed and tried to initiate relations. I told him that I really wasnt wanting to do that and was on the verge of tears (I have no idea why, I really dont. It's weird.) he then rolled over and let out a huge sigh and said "alright, fine", making me feel even more worthless and sad then I had been. I just dont even know what he was thinking. I told him that he just made me feel like the worst gf ever and I grabbed my things and moved to the couch because I didnt even want to lay next to him anymore.

I just dont know why he did that or if he just did it without thinking/listening/caring about anything else other than himself.

ugh.

Edit: I am seeking help for myself, I promise.

yes, seek help for yourself. I will say that the symptoms of depression can be very hard for outsiders to understand and they may feel like they can't help/don't know how to help.

 

[BlackDog17]

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[MommaFox]

Thanks for your input, guys. I forgot what it was liek dealing with a depressed person when I am not depressed. It can be incredibly frustrating.

I saw someone this morning and feel alot better. I think I just needed some healthy tools to help me deal with recent stress.

SO and I also talked last night. I think the majority of my ill feelings towards him lately have been because of the comment his father made about us moving for my schooling (about how SO doesnt have to move just because I am). I think I was just beginning to feel like SO wasnt on board anymore and may be starting to feel like his dad does. Thats not the case and he is actually excited to move and looking forward to it.

I can be a real crazy person sometimes. 🙄

 

[bdeusebio]

The scientific term is "Manstruating" I believe.

LOL!! That made my morning.

Well, I am so glad to see that I'm not the only one freaking out about this!
I have some big decisions I need to make for my life and I would SUPER appreciate advice!!

I have a boyfriend from college (who also happens to live in my hometown but we had never met before, funny stuff!), and we want to get married.
He just graduated and is going to Western U for Optometry. His dad is an optometrist with a business here in town, and he will have that work to look forward to after graduation.
I'm a year behind him in school, starting senior year, and am now applying to vet schools.
We really really want to get married by the end of next summer. This next year will be long distance for us, and he'll be really busy with opt school, so I don't think we'll see each other much, but I'm not worried about it, although it's obviously no fun!
BUT. I'm at a loss for what to do about applying to schools besides Western. I think Western would be a great school for me, and the cost would probably not be quite as much as they estimate because we would be able to share a car, at least for the first few years, and get free room & board at a place his parents own. We would both be freaking busy, but at least we'd be on the same page and could come home to each other and be near our families and such.
The alternative is applying/going to Davis.... we would be long distance for 4 or more years and probably could not make the trip up and down California very often at all... but it would be way cheaper in terms of tuition. I'd have to buy a car and deal with living expenses up there, though. And I'd be pretty miserable with all the work and without my family and my man at my side. We are also people who really don't like space or separation, although we can survive it if we have to.
I've been telling people I only want to apply to Western U and they seem shocked and disapproving... there are a number of reasons I think that school should be my number 1 but obviously my relationship plans are the main reason. I feel immature and unwise when I tell people about that decision, but I'm not really being that naive, am I? It's not as bad as undergrad or something when you're still 18 and nowhere near knowing what you want for your life...
I also want to have a few kids eventually, but it'll be like years and years until I'm out of school and even then my finances will be a joke... by then my eggs will be dried up... lol. 🙁

Anyways what do you all think? Pay more money in the long run and get married sooner so that we can go through this crazy time together? Or suffer long distance for years to save some money?

 

[that redhead]

We got married this summer (after second year) and have been LD for the first two years of vet school and will be LD for the last two years of vet school. No one likes separation, but it's worth considering. I think where you apply depends on your stats - I had to apply broadly because I had a poor GPA, and only got in one place.

You could always get married at the courthouse and throw a party after you graduate?

 

[485501]

The alternative is applying/going to Davis.... we would be long distance for 4 or more years and probably could not make the trip up and down California very often at all... but it would be way cheaper in terms of tuition. I'd have to buy a car and deal with living expenses up there, though. And I'd be pretty miserable with all the work and without my family and my man at my side. We are also people who really don't like space or separation, although we can survive it if we have to.
I've been telling people I only want to apply to Western U and they seem shocked and disapproving... there are a number of reasons I think that school should be my number 1 but obviously my relationship plans are the main reason. I feel immature and unwise when I tell people about that decision, but I'm not really being that naive, am I? It's not as bad as undergrad or something when you're still 18 and nowhere near knowing what you want for your life...

First, don't feel immature and unwise that your relationship is one of your considerations for school. If you're planning to many the man, he's important to consider (as is having someone to emotionally support you through school).

Second, you don't need to buy a car in Davis, at least if you live in town. There are many many people here who don't have cars. This is the most crazily bike-friendly place I've ever been.

Third, regarding making the trip up and down CA, I don't know how much time you'll have, but if cost is an issue there, look at the Amtrak lines. There's a direct train from Davis to LA that connects to lots of other train and bus lines that's pretty cheap and always has tickets at the last minute. I've taken it down a few times to visit family and every time has been relaxing and lovely, and it's easy to get tons of work done and sleep on the train.

 

[MommaFox]

SO and I have a pretty open relationship. We don't involve other people but I have accepted the fact that he looks at other girls and I will look at other guys.

What cracked me up recently is that we went to a topless bar with friends for a birthday party and he had to be badgered into a dance by our friends and I. The girl was young and explained that she was new and charged less(?) because she wasn't as experienced. SO spent more time telling her she was doing just fine and that her acrobatic skills will improve with practice than he did oogling. He did a fair share of that too though and it was hilarious.

Then he paid her full price and thanked her. Then wished her good luck.

I just....he is just...that was a typical "him" thing to do.

Not a usual rave about an SO....but it sure did remind me why we work so well.

 

[twelvetigers]

Amtrak is amazing. That is definitely a good possible way to travel.

 

[adams30]

We got married this summer (after second year) and have been LD for the first two years of vet school and will be LD for the last two years of vet school. No one likes separation, but it's worth considering. I think where you apply depends on your stats - I had to apply broadly because I had a poor GPA, and only got in one place.

You could always get married at the courthouse and throw a party after you graduate?

My SO and I are considering getting engaged soon (we've been together 3.5 years) and maybe married by the time my second year of vet school is over. I was just wondering what it's like to have your first year of marriage as an LDR - but I am planning on moving to his place during my winter & summer breaks to work there and be with him, so I'm sure that would help. We will have to do the LDR thing in vet school because of his job out of state. We have done LDR before every summer in college where he'd work in another state for an internship and we'd see each other only a few times. He did not get this great job offer however until after I had already applied to vet schools and there are no vet schools in the city he is working in anyways (nor are there really companies he can work for near the vet schools I applied too as it's a pretty specialized profession). It's his dream job, the pay is excellent, and I want him to take it just as much as he wants me to go to vet school. We both know it is the right decision to make.

It's encouraging to hear that LDRs can work - I think it just depends on the couple.

Anyone have any couples in their class get married with LDRs too?

 

[Emiloo4]

I'm in an LDR and getting married. It sucks, but if you both want it to work, it will.

 

[adams30]

I'm in an LDR and getting married. It sucks, but if you both want it to work, it will.

Thanks for your input. I have no doubts that it will suck and be hard but as long as both are willing to put 100% in then it'll work 🙂

 

[Emiloo4]

Thanks for your input. I have no doubts that it will suck and be hard but as long as both are willing to put 100% in then it'll work 🙂

That's my feeling about it. And be willing to deal with each other's frustrations without them turning into arguments. I will say the whole "absence makes the heart fonder" thing, is definitely true. We've become much closer over this past year. Good luck to you two!

 

[gugoodoll]

I'm in an LDR and getting married. It sucks, but if you both want it to work, it will.

^This. My bf and I have been LD for 1.5 years now. It's hard and trying on our relationship but we know we want to get married so we just have to suck it up. If anything, it's made our relationship stronger (the whole "if we can get through this we can get through anything" mantra).

 

[adams30]

That's my feeling about it. And be willing to deal with each other's frustrations without them turning into arguments. I will say the whole "absence makes the heart fonder" thing, is definitely true. We've become much closer over this past year. Good luck to you two!

👍 Thank you! Same to you! communication is key (and thank God for phones and Skype)

My bf and I have been LD for 1.5 years now. It's hard and trying on our relationship but we know we want to get married so we just have to suck it up. If anything, it's made our relationship stronger (the whole "if we can get through this we can get through anything" mantra).

I 100% agree. if it is what you want then it will work out. Good luck to you two! The way my SO and I see it is that if you want to get married, marriage is part of life and life isn't always perfect. Things will happen in life that are out of your control and will stress you out and it is important to be able to handle those situations together as a couple. For example my SO's father passed away last week (mine did too 7 years ago), but it's things like that that happen and you just can't control them - but they will affect your relationship in certain ways. We are just very thankful that we have each other for support and can understand each other since we've had similar life experiences. Him and I feel like vet school will make us stronger.

 

[su_grad2007]

I have a bit of a different LDR problem. My husband just finished his PhD and landed his dream job. We have been very fortunate to be able to live together for the first half of vet school and I feel nothing but grateful that he has been given such a wonderful opportunity right out of school. I have two choices though. Stay where I am at, which is a school I love and am doing very well at and very involved in. Or, I can to transfer to a school about an hour and a half away from him. It's still LDR, but I would be able to see him a lot more than I would when we're several states apart.

I have an application for transfer but I keep going back and forth. I've heard nothing but great things about the school i would be transferring too and it is a great school, but I'm concerned about transferring this late in my program. Also, with him in a brand new job and me finishing vet school, I'm wondering if we're really going to see each other much more than we will if i'm I stay where I'm at. I'm going up to visit the new school soon and I hope that will answer a lot of my questions.

 

[that redhead]

I was just wondering what it's like to have your first year of marriage as an LDR - but I am planning on moving to his place during my winter & summer breaks to work there and be with him, so I'm sure that would help.

Frankly, we've been together so long that it doesn't really feel like we're married - nothing has changed drastically and I doubt it will during the school year either. I come home over my winter and summer breaks (well, this is my last one) and intend to take the maximum number of external rotations I can fourth year and take them close to home so I can see him.

It's no fun for anyone but, like Emiloo, I think our relationship has really matured because of the challenge. Fortunately we already had a strong relationship going into the LDR thing so it was really just a matter of adjusting. The biggest things are communication, obviously, but also commitment to making it work. It seems one of the biggest reasons people fail in LDR is that they have all of these pre-conceived notions and just throw in the towel from the start. It's easy to be lazy when you're close together, but distance is like altitude - it makes everything harder Give it your all at first and if you can't do it, you can't do it. But you'll know pretty quickly if you'll be able to soldier through it.

Also, feel free to PM me if you have any questions!

 

[BlackDog17]

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[that redhead]

For those who saw my earlier post in this thread about my bf being afraid of doing an LDR while I'm in vet school - good news! Bf and I discussed it very briefly this weekend, and it sounds like we'll definitely be staying together when I go to vet school! I am so relieved and feeling a lot better about everything. 😀😍

Really happy to hear that! 🙂

 

[adams30]

Frankly, we've been together so long that it doesn't really feel like we're married - nothing has changed drastically and I doubt it will during the school year either. I come home over my winter and summer breaks (well, this is my last one) and intend to take the maximum number of external rotations I can fourth year and take them close to home so I can see him.

It's no fun for anyone but, like Emiloo, I think our relationship has really matured because of the challenge. Fortunately we already had a strong relationship going into the LDR thing so it was really just a matter of adjusting. The biggest things are communication, obviously, but also commitment to making it work. It seems one of the biggest reasons people fail in LDR is that they have all of these pre-conceived notions and just throw in the towel from the start. It's easy to be lazy when you're close together, but distance is like altitude - it makes everything harder Give it your all at first and if you can't do it, you can't do it. But you'll know pretty quickly if you'll be able to soldier through it.

Also, feel free to PM me if you have any questions!

Thank you for your input too! 🙂 I'm happy to see that these relationships very well can work out for others too. I will let you know if I ever have more questions!

 

[adams30]

I have a bit of a different LDR problem. My husband just finished his PhD and landed his dream job. We have been very fortunate to be able to live together for the first half of vet school and I feel nothing but grateful that he has been given such a wonderful opportunity right out of school. I have two choices though. Stay where I am at, which is a school I love and am doing very well at and very involved in. Or, I can to transfer to a school about an hour and a half away from him. It's still LDR, but I would be able to see him a lot more than I would when we're several states apart.

I have an application for transfer but I keep going back and forth. I've heard nothing but great things about the school i would be transferring too and it is a great school, but I'm concerned about transferring this late in my program. Also, with him in a brand new job and me finishing vet school, I'm wondering if we're really going to see each other much more than we will if i'm I stay where I'm at. I'm going up to visit the new school soon and I hope that will answer a lot of my questions.

Congrats on his dream job. Good luck with your decision too.

 

[adams30]

AND! For those who saw my earlier post in this thread about my bf being afraid of doing an LDR while I'm in vet school - good news! Bf and I discussed it very briefly this weekend, and it sounds like we'll definitely be staying together when I go to vet school! I am so relieved and feeling a lot better about everything. 😀😍

👍

 

[Kpowell14]

SO and I are getting married 3 days before vet school starts .. Then we have 8 days together before he leaves to go back to NY where he is stationed... Our first year of marriage will be LD.. And potentially first four years if he decides to reenlist in the Army and is declined a transfer to a post closer to me... But it will all work out. We have been LD for almost 2.5 years now ( holy cow has it really been that long?!?) .... But the time has flown by.. LD definitely makes you cherish those moments that you are together , bc you know you only have a limited amount of time to share with one another.

 

[adams30]

SO and I are getting married 3 days before vet school starts .. Then we have 8 days together before he leaves to go back to NY where he is stationed... Our first year of marriage will be LD.. And potentially first four years if he decides to reenlist in the Army and is declined a transfer to a post closer to me... But it will all work out. We have been LD for almost 2.5 years now ( holy cow has it really been that long?!?) .... But the time has flown by.. LD definitely makes you cherish those moments that you are together , bc you know you only have a limited amount of time to share with one another.

👍 thank you and I totally agree! SO and I went to one of our friend's wedding today and talked about our relationship more today. He is about ready to propose (he's been asking me what kind of rings I want lately and took me to a jeweler last week to look), but it'll be a surprise (maybe this summer or several months from now he'll ask). Glad we are not the only one's considering a LD relationship/marriage. We both know that if we can get through vet school we can get through anything life throws at us. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding & marriage!