Relationships........

[GreekPre-Med]

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I haven't posted on this forum in a long time, but every time I do I seem to get really great advice. Here's my background. I am going to go next year to a state school that I really love, although now I am in a relationship.

Although it is not very serious, I love being around the girl that I am with now- incredibly attractive, smart, etc. She makes me very happy- and I know I will miss her. We will be separated about 80 miles- but that is a pretty big distance with everything considered.

As she is a freshman (please no comments regarding age) there is a significant age gap between us, but I would love if things worked out. In all of your experiences, do relationships from undergrad last? Is my head in the clouds? I would like to consider myself a pretty rational person- so please don't hesitate to give an honest opinion Anyone with a comment if they face/faced a similar situation is welcome to post.

Thank you very much

GreekPre-Med

 

[Messerschmitts]

We will be separated about 80 miles- but that is a pretty big distance with everything considered.

Don't mean to make light of your situation, but 80 miles honestly doesn't sound that bad...I mean, when I went off to college to go from L.A. to Berkeley, that was about 500 miles, but it didn't really feel that far. I wasn't even out of the state. I went home all the time, it was less than a 1 hour plane ride. And it looks like I'm going to be attending medical school in Ohio next, so that's 3,000+ miles away from my home in California. I'm sure with 80 miles apart you could see each other on weekends enough to continue to make it work. I think the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship can be avoided if you make the time and effort. Maybe this would be considered a "medium-distance relationship"? 😛

Then again, having relatively little experience with relationships myself, everything I say should be taken for entertainment value only. I am not approved by the US Dept. of Health to diagnose or treat any relationship problem, and I should be taken only as a dietary supplement.

 

[marcus_aurelius]

I haven't posted on this forum in a long time, but every time I do I seem to get really great advice. Here's my background. I am going to go next year to a state school that I really love, although now I am in a relationship.

Although it is not very serious, I love being around the girl that I am with now- incredibly attractive, smart, etc. She makes me very happy- and I know I will miss her. We will be separated about 80 miles- but that is a pretty big distance with everything considered.

As she is a freshman (please no comments regarding age) there is a significant age gap between us, but I would love if things worked out. In all of your experiences, do relationships from undergrad last? Is my head in the clouds? I would like to consider myself a pretty rational person- so please don't hesitate to give an honest opinion Anyone with a comment if they face/faced a similar situation is welcome to post.

Thank you very much

GreekPre-Med

depends on how much you like her.

i've always thought there was a big difference maturity wise betw frosh and those leaving undergrad...but depends on her.

being in a relationship means taking a chance...bottom line is u're open to being hurt or hurting her, but on the opposite side u're open to the benefits of the relationship.

if it were me i'd be honest with her and talk out your concerns....see where it leads.

 

[neovenom]

i was in a great relationship for 2 years, but i called it off so that i could focus on school/myself during med school. the reason why is that i didn't feel like dragging her any deeper and THEN hurting her. i just didn't think i could handle the stress of school and then having to deal with a relationship, because any worthwhile one takes a lot of time and effort.

my advice, talk to her about how you both honestly feel about your future. if you both decide that it's worth the risk and time, then stick with it. if it were me, anything short of truly believing long term potential for you two is not worth it.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

I haven't posted on this forum in a long time, but every time I do I seem to get really great advice. Here's my background. I am going to go next year to a state school that I really love, although now I am in a relationship.

Although it is not very serious, I love being around the girl that I am with now- incredibly attractive, smart, etc. She makes me very happy- and I know I will miss her. We will be separated about 80 miles- but that is a pretty big distance with everything considered.

As she is a freshman (please no comments regarding age) there is a significant age gap between us, but I would love if things worked out. In all of your experiences, do relationships from undergrad last? Is my head in the clouds? I would like to consider myself a pretty rational person- so please don't hesitate to give an honest opinion Anyone with a comment if they face/faced a similar situation is welcome to post.

Thank you very much

GreekPre-Med

80 miles??? what i'd give for 80 miles! I have NEVER been as close as 80 miles to any girlfriend. well except the high school girl i met who lived in the town i went to college in...until she moved away to her college hundreds of miles away. and now she's in Australia...ok try THAT distance and see how you like it. 🙁 So far it's been 3 years so yes long distance relationships (even from undergrad) can last. And she is two years younger than me, not 4 but she is in college while i'm in med school and was in high school two years of my college years. If you work at it and are committed to each other it certainly can work. But there will be temptations and there will be lonely times. You have to try to get together, and honestly 80 miles is CLOSE as far as I'm concerned so there's no reason you can't see each other every other weekend or so. And in the meantime stay connected with the phone and internet. Good luck.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

Don't mean to make light of your situation, but 80 miles honestly doesn't sound that bad...I mean, when I went off to college to go from L.A. to Berkeley, that was about 500 miles, but it didn't really feel that far. I wasn't even out of the state. I went home all the time, it was less than a 1 hour plane ride. And it looks like I'm going to be attending medical school in Ohio next, so that's 3,000+ miles away from my home in California. I'm sure with 80 miles apart you could see each other on weekends enough to continue to make it work. I think the pitfalls of a long-distance relationship can be avoided if you make the time and effort. Maybe this would be considered a "medium-distance relationship"? 😛

yea, agreed, my gf in my freshman year of college was home very sick and i flew home from NY to GA every single weekend to see her, sometimes twice a week, so it can be done.

Then again, having relatively little experience with relationships myself, everything I say should be taken for entertainment value only. I am not approved by the US Dept. of Health to diagnose or treat any relationship problem, and I should be taken only as a dietary supplement.

 

[DrKitty]

Come on, 80 miles is only 1.5 hours of driving. You can easily see each other during weekends. If this is an issue, you should evaluate how much you REALLY want to be with her.

 

[Psycho Doctor]

Come on, 80 miles is only 1.5 hours of driving. You can easily see each other during weekends. If this is an issue, you should evaluate how much you REALLY want to be with her.

an hour if you drive quickly 😀

 

[Law2Doc]

I haven't posted on this forum in a long time, but every time I do I seem to get really great advice. Here's my background. I am going to go next year to a state school that I really love, although now I am in a relationship.

Although it is not very serious, I love being around the girl that I am with now- incredibly attractive, smart, etc. She makes me very happy- and I know I will miss her. We will be separated about 80 miles- but that is a pretty big distance with everything considered.

As she is a freshman (please no comments regarding age) there is a significant age gap between us, but I would love if things worked out. In all of your experiences, do relationships from undergrad last? Is my head in the clouds? I would like to consider myself a pretty rational person- so please don't hesitate to give an honest opinion Anyone with a comment if they face/faced a similar situation is welcome to post.

Thank you very much

GreekPre-Med

FWIW- long distance relationships do not last. I agree with the others that 80 miles isn't all that long distance, but it may be prohibitive of the regularity you desire, especially if you find you need more time with the books than others. But most important is that your gf is just a freshman. Most relationships with someone of that age don't turn into anything. Very few 18 year olds have dated enough to even know if they have found their lifemate. Give the long distance thing a try, but start to brace for the inevitable.

 

[Pinner Doc]

FWIW- long distance relationships do not last.

Not so, my friend. I met my boyfriend while I was living in NC and he in VT. Now, I live in NYC (he's still in VT). We've *never* lived together (aside from the summer between M1 and M2, which I spent in VT with him), and we're now going on 2.5 years.

It can be done! 😍

 

[Law2Doc]

Not so, my friend. I met my boyfriend while I was living in NC and he in VT. Now, I live in NYC (he's still in VT). We've *never* lived together (aside from the summer between M1 and M2, which I spent in VT with him), and we're now going on 2.5 years.

It can be done! 😍

Your exception does not disprove the general rule. But congrats. 😀

 

[Psycho Doctor]

Your exception does not disprove the general rule. But congrats. 😀

make it another exception; i'm going on 3 yrs and we've never lived together, although for 8 months I went to school in her hometown.

 

[aragonh]

Hmm, the love & distance relationships is a recurring theme here.

Heres what people said to the previous person who asked a very similar question:

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=212426

 

[GreekPre-Med]

Thank you very much for all of your responses! Keep them coming. I guess my question to any of you is: have relationships in which one party is in medical school and the other in undergrad still work out? If you have any experience with this, post.

Also, is medical school (especially first year) conducive to relationships or is it just better to start fresh and find someone else in med school? Please let me know if you made the decision one way or another- thanks alot.

greekpremed

 

[jllander]

Hey. So briefly here's my story. I met my boyfriend when we were both freshmen at UCSD and we dated throughout. I am now an MSI in NC and he's getting his master's at Florida State. We saved up and have been able to fly to see each other every month and a half since school started. It's been expensive but definitely worth it. We got engaged last Thursday so we've obviously been able to make it work. My situation is different from yours in that I had a solid 4 years with him and we are both older while we're doing this long distance thing. But I think that given enough effort, you can make it work if you want to. Like everyone has said before, 80 miles is nothing. If you really like her, give it a chance. Can't hurt right?

 

[lushmd]

Its definitely do-able (not necessarily easy though). My girlfriend (and now wife) and I have been at a distance (~1000 miles...c'mon man, 80 miles isn't bad at all) for the past 5 years or so (with at least another 2 more to go...damn MD/PhD...). It is not easy...definitely requires committment and understanding on both sides (frequently, you will not be able to spend much time on the phone/with her...school has to come first...however, when you aren't studying, you need to make your relationship a priority). All the best.

 

[Samoa]

80 miles is the distance from one side of Houston to the other. People drive that far just to go to work. In fact, my first job was in a small town 90 miles from my apartment, and I made that drive 5 days a week. If people do it for jobs they hate, surely you and she can make it work for the sake of love.

Personally, I think the distance in years is bigger at this point.

 

[tupac_don]

Thank you very much for all of your responses! Keep them coming. I guess my question to any of you is: have relationships in which one party is in medical school and the other in undergrad still work out? If you have any experience with this, post.

Also, is medical school (especially first year) conducive to relationships or is it just better to start fresh and find someone else in med school? Please let me know if you made the decision one way or another- thanks alot.

greekpremed

Dude, stick with this chick. You are in academic prison for next 4 years. You don't want to hook up with your classmates trust me. She is hot, she likes you and you like her, trust me 80 miles ain't a thang. You can easily do once every two weeks. Eazy. Yea first year is conducive to relationships, just be organized and plan ahead. SO long as you know you are going to visit on say Saturday. Get up early like at 8-9 study till 5-6 drive over there, hang out till 11-12, drive home or even better hang out at her place. I mean you can stay over there and bring your crap with you and study at her place. I mean it's very doable, you just need to want to do it. Lates.

 

[MarzMD]

If 80 miles is enough of a barrier to make you question this relationship.....I wonder if it is really worth it.

 

[omgwtfbbq?]

a good friend of mine is in med school while her husband unfortunately had to stay 2 and a half hours away. they see each other constantly and are making it work. BUT they are also married and that commitment is there. i think if you want to make it work you can try. there are no guarantees in any relationship close or long. i think what it comes down to is priorities. is she a big studier? very independent? someone who can commit? you may run into trouble because its not serious yet, and you will have serious time constraints on you during med school. will you be able to develop a fledgling relationship? i think it depends on patience. if she is interested in a boyfriend who can go out often and get together it may put pressure on things. she's very young, just starting college. and this has nothing to do with age, but experience. there is a lot to do and a lot of new things. if she says she can experience these new things and still remain faithful to you long distance try it out. if she doesn't feel that she can be understanding to your schedule it may not work. i lost a lot of friends even as an undergrad who were fussy when a test came up and i had to cancel plans. or i didn't have time to go to dinner AND drinks because of school work.

Talk to her. its the best thing to do. tell her what you've heard from others the workload is like, let her know you will have time and will try, but it'll take a lot of patience on her part. the thing is, balance. if you do stick it out, even a 5 minute phone call every day (EVERYONE has time for that) will make her feel like she's not the only one trying. but talk to her. if you want a long distance relationship, then you should be allright with opening up.

let us know how it goes

Thank you very much for all of your responses! Keep them coming. I guess my question to any of you is: have relationships in which one party is in medical school and the other in undergrad still work out? If you have any experience with this, post.

Also, is medical school (especially first year) conducive to relationships or is it just better to start fresh and find someone else in med school? Please let me know if you made the decision one way or another- thanks alot.

greekpremed

 

[kayakgirl]

Oh my goodness- I'm not even on the same continent as my boyfriend and we've made it work for the past year and a half- through an 8 hour time difference, 300 dollar phone bills, and multiple 14 hour plane rides. If I was within 3,000 miles of him it would be cake! It's not ideal, but our relationship has been really solid, and if anything we've gotten closer.

If you believe the relationship is worth it, go for it. The worst that happens is you find it doesn't work, and you've learned something. (and that does happen to a lot of couples) But there's a lot of proof in this thread alone that it can definitely work if you're committed to it.

 

[neutropenic]

80 miles is the distance from one side of Houston to the other. People drive that far just to go to work. In fact, my first job was in a small town 90 miles from my apartment, and I made that drive 5 days a week. If people do it for jobs they hate, surely you and she can make it work for the sake of love.

Personally, I think the distance in years is bigger at this point.

80 miles is the distance from NY to Philly, then again you can drive across entire states in 80 miles: NY, NJ, CT, RI, VT, NH, DE, MD.

Seriously though 80 miles is not that bad, but if it were 90...

 

[Nittany Lion]

80 miles is the distance from NY to Philly, then again you can drive across entire states in 80 miles: NY, NJ, CT, RI, VT, NH, DE, MD.

Seriously though 80 miles is not that bad, but if it were 90...

I do the Philly-NYC commute all the time, and it is SO not bad. Totally doable.

In general, long distance relationships are all about wanting to stay together. If you both want to stay together, then you'll stay together. If there is too much doubt on either end, then things might be harder. I think it's also about how needy each person is. If you or your significant other is not really ok with alone time and is more like someone who kind of needs attention all the time, the situation will be harder to tolerate. But we all have the power to become very adaptable and creative in almost any situation - anything is tolerable once you get used to it.