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I need to disclose that I am not a psychiatrist, doctor, or student, but have been lurking these boards to try to find an answer and not having found it thought I might post (hope no one minds).
Even though I am not a psychiatrist, I feel I know a lot about psychiatry having been a psychiatric patient since I was 14. I am not sure about how much background to give, so I'll get right to the pertinent background info and question and finish with the longer background info if you're interested.
I have been on Ativan for a long time. I am now 26. I started it when I was 14/15 at about 2 mg/day prn. There were times I was off of it because I was taking it prn it was not so difficult to go off of. I wasn't even aware of the difficulties of going off of it. My anxiety has been extremely severe, never truly under control. I went to college on no meds and was quickly put back on meds. I was put on Klonopin (I'm skipping details about other meds and just focusing on the benzos). After I had to do a medical withdrawal from college, I was put on Ativan in addition to the Klonopin. I may have done that for a couple of years. I then saw another doctor who upped my Ativan and took me off of Klonopin.
I think I've been on 4 mg of Ativan daily now for about 5-6 years. My anxiety level is still quite high and I live at home with my folks. I am going to have to face more and more stressful life situations and get back into life. But I am trying to look at this realistically. I feel like I understand this better than any psychiatrist I have seen. I have seen psychiatrists who tell me I am crazy for wanting to go off of Ativan and that I should up the dose. I have seen some that tell me to go into a Phenobarbital-induced coma for three days and come off of it. I have seen some who tell me I can go off in a few months time. I think they're all nuts. Everything I have read indicates I need to cross taper to Valium and go down very slowly. But I have not come across any psychiatrist where I live who seems to understand how serious my tolerance/addiction to Ativan is. My current psychiatrist says Valium is "dirty" and very much prefers Ativan because of its cleaner side effect profile (I don't consider the fact that I could die or have grand mal seizuresif I stopped taking it to be a clean profile).
I have even tried describing the way the benzodiazepines modulate the benzodiazepine receptors which strengthens GABA's influence, but over time the brain wants to reach homeostasis and produces less GABA, and the brain actually becomes more hyperactive at the same dosage of medication. They just sort of laugh me off when I try to explain what I think is happening and why I should try to taper off.
I have exhausted myself researching this topic. The most recent lead I found was that a natural compound called l theanine could be helpful in that it crosses the brain blood barrier and stimulates GABA production. My psychiatrist laughed that off as witch craft and suggested I add buspar to augment my SSRI, but I don't understand at all how something affecting serotonin would help my withdrawal from a completely unrelated neurotransmitter.
I am terrified to try to go down by myself because I am terrified of having a seizure. I know that I would go slowly (believe me I would go slower than any doctor would recommend). But I am terrified. I am frustrated that I can't even find a doctor who seems to realize what the consensus is about tapering with Valium versus Ativan or who is any intellectual curiosity at all. I have read that withdrawing from Ativan is harder than Heroin. And I just don't know how any psychiatrist ever could have thought that someone as anxious as me would be up for that challenge. I just wish I had known when it was prescribed to me this way that I would have this challenge. I worry about my heart's ability to take it. I already have panic attacks that approach 170 bpm. I have inderal I can take if I need it to lower my heart rate which I suppose could help as well during withdrawal. I also wonder if something like clonidine could help.
I have just been exasperated searching the web for any type of research into medications that help the brain during the trauma of withdrawal.
I know I am getting no benefit from the Ativan now and a lot of detrimental effects, I feel like I take it just to not go into terrible seizure withdrawal symptoms. I want my brain to heal. I want to be able to cry. I have dealt with the psychological issues that originally were bothering me as a child that the psychiatrist told me to "put back in the closet." I know I am sounding very whiny, but does anyone know of any research into benzodiazepine tolerance? Any medication that can help the brain produce GABA during the period of withdrawal? Drunks have AA. Junkies have methodone. What do benzo addicts have? How can you go through Hell getting off of it if you're kind of already there?
After writing all this I decided not to post the extended background info because I am pretty sure I have overwhelmed you all. Thank you.
Even though I am not a psychiatrist, I feel I know a lot about psychiatry having been a psychiatric patient since I was 14. I am not sure about how much background to give, so I'll get right to the pertinent background info and question and finish with the longer background info if you're interested.
I have been on Ativan for a long time. I am now 26. I started it when I was 14/15 at about 2 mg/day prn. There were times I was off of it because I was taking it prn it was not so difficult to go off of. I wasn't even aware of the difficulties of going off of it. My anxiety has been extremely severe, never truly under control. I went to college on no meds and was quickly put back on meds. I was put on Klonopin (I'm skipping details about other meds and just focusing on the benzos). After I had to do a medical withdrawal from college, I was put on Ativan in addition to the Klonopin. I may have done that for a couple of years. I then saw another doctor who upped my Ativan and took me off of Klonopin.
I think I've been on 4 mg of Ativan daily now for about 5-6 years. My anxiety level is still quite high and I live at home with my folks. I am going to have to face more and more stressful life situations and get back into life. But I am trying to look at this realistically. I feel like I understand this better than any psychiatrist I have seen. I have seen psychiatrists who tell me I am crazy for wanting to go off of Ativan and that I should up the dose. I have seen some that tell me to go into a Phenobarbital-induced coma for three days and come off of it. I have seen some who tell me I can go off in a few months time. I think they're all nuts. Everything I have read indicates I need to cross taper to Valium and go down very slowly. But I have not come across any psychiatrist where I live who seems to understand how serious my tolerance/addiction to Ativan is. My current psychiatrist says Valium is "dirty" and very much prefers Ativan because of its cleaner side effect profile (I don't consider the fact that I could die or have grand mal seizuresif I stopped taking it to be a clean profile).
I have even tried describing the way the benzodiazepines modulate the benzodiazepine receptors which strengthens GABA's influence, but over time the brain wants to reach homeostasis and produces less GABA, and the brain actually becomes more hyperactive at the same dosage of medication. They just sort of laugh me off when I try to explain what I think is happening and why I should try to taper off.
I have exhausted myself researching this topic. The most recent lead I found was that a natural compound called l theanine could be helpful in that it crosses the brain blood barrier and stimulates GABA production. My psychiatrist laughed that off as witch craft and suggested I add buspar to augment my SSRI, but I don't understand at all how something affecting serotonin would help my withdrawal from a completely unrelated neurotransmitter.
I am terrified to try to go down by myself because I am terrified of having a seizure. I know that I would go slowly (believe me I would go slower than any doctor would recommend). But I am terrified. I am frustrated that I can't even find a doctor who seems to realize what the consensus is about tapering with Valium versus Ativan or who is any intellectual curiosity at all. I have read that withdrawing from Ativan is harder than Heroin. And I just don't know how any psychiatrist ever could have thought that someone as anxious as me would be up for that challenge. I just wish I had known when it was prescribed to me this way that I would have this challenge. I worry about my heart's ability to take it. I already have panic attacks that approach 170 bpm. I have inderal I can take if I need it to lower my heart rate which I suppose could help as well during withdrawal. I also wonder if something like clonidine could help.
I have just been exasperated searching the web for any type of research into medications that help the brain during the trauma of withdrawal.
I know I am getting no benefit from the Ativan now and a lot of detrimental effects, I feel like I take it just to not go into terrible seizure withdrawal symptoms. I want my brain to heal. I want to be able to cry. I have dealt with the psychological issues that originally were bothering me as a child that the psychiatrist told me to "put back in the closet." I know I am sounding very whiny, but does anyone know of any research into benzodiazepine tolerance? Any medication that can help the brain produce GABA during the period of withdrawal? Drunks have AA. Junkies have methodone. What do benzo addicts have? How can you go through Hell getting off of it if you're kind of already there?
After writing all this I decided not to post the extended background info because I am pretty sure I have overwhelmed you all. Thank you.
