Revised Personal Statement-Thanks Again

[Miss155]

“Benefit not from the illness of mankind”
Throughout my life I have been wrestling with this complex conflict, which was a personal cultural proverb of mine as I was growing up, surrounded by traditional medicinal healers. My resolution to this paradox was revealed, as I became the patient and not the observer, which is when the answer to my dilemma began to slowly unravel. “Benefit not from the illness of man” was a premise upon which my grandfather based his practice of traditional medicine. Never charging anyone a dime for his services, he believed that the herbs (roots, leaves, tree-barks and stems) are God’s free gift to humanity and the knowledge of his traditional medicine is a divine favor. A farmer by trade, medicine was his calling – a sort of “hobby”. I became interested in medicine during childhood from a series of unfortunate events and it dawned upon me that in their profession, western or traditional, physicians meet most people as “patients”. Patients, sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable people in need of help. It also concerned me that physicians in the western hemisphere are immeasurably rich compared to their traditional counterparts and hence a conflict with my grandfather’s syllogism. Being born and raised in Houston, I have always asked how one practices medicine here without “benefiting from man’s illness”.

This was my predicament until about four and half years ago when I became ill with uterine bleeding. The intense and excruciating pain radiating through my body from my abdomen was unbearable. I ended up in a local hospital’s emergency room and in an instant; I became a ‘patient’ – a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable person in need of help. I was no longer an observer, an outsider looking in. I was an insider and the reason for action. I was made comfortable and cured. After my ailment, I became interested in gynecology and did some research on ovarian cyst, which was the cause of my sickness. My personal experience only partially provided the resolution to my original problem; it was not until I witnessed my sister in the hospital bed that the answer laid right in front of my eyes. She was found under the bus with fractures from her right femur through four ribs to the radius and right ulna. Again, we ended up in the hospital where my little sister was transformed to a ‘patient’ – a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable person in acute need of help. Once again, I was an insider, a bit distant an insider, but an insider regardless. Metallic pins, plates and needles were used to mend her broken frame together. I experienced how it felt to be a patient and would like to become as proficient as Dr. Yusaville at giving hope and strength to people in those difficult times.

During my undergraduate studies, I volunteered at the Labor and Delivery Unit at a local hospital. Observing the strength and vitality of these awe-inspiring women became a parallel depiction later in my life as I also became a mother. I vividly remember doing my Princeton Review assignments, in preparation for the upcoming April 2005 MCAT, while my daughter and I waited to see her pediatrician. The Spring 2005 semester was very difficult due to studying for the April MCAT, taking full-time classes including Organic Chemistry II, attending Princeton Review classes four times a week, and caring for my child who was still under the age of one. But with determination, drive, passion and good time management skills, I tried to maintain a competitive GPA and perform equally well on the MCAT.

I also shadowed a local doctor in my area, Dr. Mohney, where I was humbled by his selfless and indiscriminate efforts of the physician to treat the homeless, poor immigrants and citizens without health insurance coverage. This physician risked his life to treat his patients (some with H.I.V and other communicable diseases) knowing the consequence of any mistake. I was touched and impressed by the passion of doctors and their intense commitment to saving lives. I was struck deeply by their dedication to intricate details and near omniscient nature in the scientific art of medicine. That is noble, and that evoked my utmost veneration for the profession.

Through my various encounters, I came to terms with my grandfather’s paradox. I realized that as they treat to save priceless lives, these physicians, in avertedly, expose themselves to the same sicknesses being treated, hence, any remunerations received by doctors during their services may never be equated to their invaluable sacrifice and love for life and well being of mankind.

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[ShyRem]

Ok. Still don't like the "vividly remember". Sounds like something else was going on and everything else about school, parenthood, etc. was a blur.

That is noble, and that evoked my utmost veneration for the profession.

I've never been a fan of the word "that". What EXACTLY does "that" refer to?

I experienced how it felt to be a patient and would like to become as proficient as Dr. Yusaville at giving hope and strength to people in those difficult times.

Sorry, you lost me here. I thought your sister was the patient you were just talking about? Or are you referring back to a previous subject of when you were a patient? And given this question, whose doctor was Dr. Yusaville?

and near omniscient nature in the scientific art of medicine.

This may still be a problem. Medicine is FAR FAR from omniscient. Adcoms may look upon this as a sign of ignorance of the profession (I know it sounds that way to me). Perhaps a rewording about the depth of knowledge required?

I realized that as they treat to save priceless lives, these physicians, in avertedly, expose themselves to the same sicknesses being treated, hence, any remunerations received by doctors during their services may never be equated to their invaluable sacrifice and love for life and well being of mankind.

check "in avertedly". Inadvertently? (where's my dictionary...) Hence sounds a bit stilted. And this particular sentence, for me, is along the lines of "omniscient". Much too saccharine.

Another small thought - OChem II, review classes and having a young child made for a difficult semester? It brings to mind the question how will you manage a whole semester of classes as difficult as OChem, review classes for USMLE, being in a new city, and your child if you get into med school? (not saying it wasn't hard - I have kids, too). If you think this will make the adcoms also question, perhaps rethink the wording on this as well.

Overall, for me, MUCH MUCH better than last time. The above are merely my own humble thoughts, however, and my last message still stands: the only ones who really have to be happy with it are you and the adcoms.

 

[beanbean]

I like it. A few sentances need to be tweaked, but it is interesting and reads well. I wound nix the part about being impressed by the physician you shadowed treating HIV patients and putting himself at risk. Everyone treats pts with communicable diseases and you don't want to sound like you are intimidated by treating HIV folks. Great points about shadowing with a doc who helps the underprivledged....important side of medicine to see. I like the part about balancing life with your daughter and succeeding...balance will be key in med school and demonstrating your abilities in this area is a good thing to write about.

Doesn't it feel good to have the darn thing almost done!

 

[Dr. Donkey]

Thanks for the personal statement. Hope were don't apply to the same schools. THAT could be a little embarassing.

 

[gujuDoc]

Thanks for the personal statement. Hope were don't apply to the same schools. THAT could be a little embarassing.

Are you trying to make a point???

 

[Avenue Q]

don't talk about your Princeton Review course, just say studying for whatever subject. Don't make it about the MCAT or the fact that you used a prep service.

 

[Miss155]

Hi

Thanks for reading my personal statement. I am glad that it is a little bit better.