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- Aug 12, 2007
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How do you all keep your marriages open and happy when you are so busy with school? I am entering my junior year as a psychology student and I have nine children. I am 38. My husband (a math/computer science degree holder and state worker with the pathology lab) is the nicest man on the planet and extremely understanding of why I need to volunteer and maintain a high GPA. Since returning to school, I kind of bark orders to the kids. Everything has gotten regulated. I feel like Captain von Trapp in The Sound of Music-- but that slacker only had seven kids! When I spend time with the kids, I bring out the Chess board or the books and we read. Or we hike or whatever. We do have fun, but then it comes to romance with my poor husband-- oh, that poor man! The other night I was like, "Look, I am enjoying this but are you close to being done?"
He laughed, "Finals were last week. You don't need to study for two weeks. Relax!"
I couldn't turn off my mind. I said what I needed to finish it up and got up and went into the living room to read a text book. I do mail art for fun and drew the inner workings of the brain on some blank post card and notes off to a couple of friends. I am a creature of habit-- I read text books before bed and I write. Then I was able to relax and sleep.
He took me to a bookstore sans kids and made me take off my watch before we went in and bought me a book on falconry-- something I will do when I have time or when Hell freezes over, whichever comes second. He told me to stay out of the med text/self help areas when he went off to his geek books and I went into the art area. We are in Alaska and the sun being out made me forget what time it was and it was a really nice day. We walked in a wildlife preserve.
He told me to enjoy the couple of weeks that I have off and not stress. I am trying not to. I feel badly because I need to be in college and I know that if I don't go for an MD that I will go into some area of counseling psychology and work on the medical side. It won't get easier for a long time. My husband just smiles and says that we both know how it will be and to just get through it, that marriages endure worse than college stressors and that we are lucky.
How do I make it easier on him?
Our kids, btw, are great. My eldest daughters are int heir late teens and help keep the house running smoothly. They recently thanked me for not letting them think of anything BUT college as an option for after high school. They'd lived with their bio father for a while and he wanted them to go into retail "where you don't need a degree!" The younger ones study when they come home and hell, they are smart and wise kids. I attribute all this to working together.
Does anyone have any advice for laying a foundation for keeping the romance alive in the coming years? I have no intention of weening myself or my husband off sex or romance. We are too damned young for that, but when you are worn out from Life, that tends to be the first thing that goes!
He laughed, "Finals were last week. You don't need to study for two weeks. Relax!"
I couldn't turn off my mind. I said what I needed to finish it up and got up and went into the living room to read a text book. I do mail art for fun and drew the inner workings of the brain on some blank post card and notes off to a couple of friends. I am a creature of habit-- I read text books before bed and I write. Then I was able to relax and sleep.
He took me to a bookstore sans kids and made me take off my watch before we went in and bought me a book on falconry-- something I will do when I have time or when Hell freezes over, whichever comes second. He told me to stay out of the med text/self help areas when he went off to his geek books and I went into the art area. We are in Alaska and the sun being out made me forget what time it was and it was a really nice day. We walked in a wildlife preserve.
He told me to enjoy the couple of weeks that I have off and not stress. I am trying not to. I feel badly because I need to be in college and I know that if I don't go for an MD that I will go into some area of counseling psychology and work on the medical side. It won't get easier for a long time. My husband just smiles and says that we both know how it will be and to just get through it, that marriages endure worse than college stressors and that we are lucky.
How do I make it easier on him?
Our kids, btw, are great. My eldest daughters are int heir late teens and help keep the house running smoothly. They recently thanked me for not letting them think of anything BUT college as an option for after high school. They'd lived with their bio father for a while and he wanted them to go into retail "where you don't need a degree!" The younger ones study when they come home and hell, they are smart and wise kids. I attribute all this to working together.
Does anyone have any advice for laying a foundation for keeping the romance alive in the coming years? I have no intention of weening myself or my husband off sex or romance. We are too damned young for that, but when you are worn out from Life, that tends to be the first thing that goes!
