Rough semester M1

[md437]

Hi all -- I am a first year medical student who had a pretty rough first semester. I failed my first exam back in the fall (it was a midterm) but luckily ended up doing well on the final and passed the class. Since my school is pass/fail, there are no adverse consequences for my transcript. I've passed all of my other exams since then, except that I failed my anatomy practical by one question at the end of this semester (mostly because I was second guessing myself -- changed two right answers to wrong answers and since there were only 10 q's that dropped my grade on that part of the test significantly). Since that is just one component of my anatomy midterm exam grade I passed the exam overall, but the caveat is I have to pass the practical component on the final to pass the entire course since that is a requirement of the course. Given that I only missed passing by one question on the midterm, I think that I should be able to do that.

The reason I am having trouble is that I have been feeling pretty depressed the entire semester -- I have had bouts of depression/anxiety over the past few years, although I feel that it has been exacerbated in the past few months due to feelings of loneliness from moving to a new city, a recent breakup, and some issues with my family. I see a therapist regularly and just started taking antidepressants, so I am hoping that will help. I feel bad because I feel like my anatomy group is annoyed with me because I wasn't always on top of my game this semester (I always prepared for class but since I felt like my head was in a cloud concepts just weren't clicking as quickly) and we didn't do as well on our group portion of the practical as we had wanted to, although I don't think that was any one person's fault. I also worry that the deans at my school are starting to get a bad impression of me since I have had some shoddy exam grades (those exams I have passed have been mostly in the 70s -- and while it's pass/fail and no internal ranking during pre-clinical years, I still would like to do better for myself). I also feel embarrassed because I am a scholarship student and while I am very grateful to have gotten my scholarship, I worry that perhaps the school feels like they made a poor investment since I am struggling (no one has said this to me, but those are just thoughts I have). Finally, I don't want anyone to think I am not taking this seriously -- I am so grateful to be in medical school and don't want this semester to adversely affect my career in anyway.

Not all is bad - I have gotten involved in great extracurriculars and am doing well in them, and already have an interesting gig lined up for the summer. So, I am trying to remain positive.

My question is -- has anyone ever had similar issues and will this semester matter at all in the end as long as I pass my remaining classes and stay on track? I have no actual failing course grades or any negative notations on my transcripts, and while I think some of my lab partners might not understand why I am not getting everything right away, I think I can get past that. I did tell one dean who I met with after my first exam that this was the first time in my life that I have ever had test anxiety and was working on managing it, but I am afraid to even mention the word "depression" because while it does help to explain why I have been performing my best, I know that, sadly, it does sometimes alter how one is viewed in this profession.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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[Señor S]

As far as pre-clinical courses go, there isn't a bigger ****** than Gross Anatomy. I found second semester of 1st year and 1st semester of 2nd year a breeze compared to fall of M1. I can't really comment on loneliness, breaking up or anything like that; in my experience people react to those circumstances in wildly different ways. You'll probably find new friends and a new boyfriend/girlfriend soon enough.

Based on my experiences so far, I wouldn't advise anyone to quit just because they had a rough first semester. If your dream entering med school was to be a department chair at Mass General and blah blah blah, well, you're probably realizing that you're not that type of person. Rest up, pass the practical and soldier on. Being a physician is still a decent way to make living, imo, even if you're not a superstar.

 

[operaman]

Sorry to hear you had such a rough semester but I'm glad you've managed to come through it relatively unscathed. Props to you for seeking help early on in the process; too often we see people post here who waited far too long to start getting help. I also think you're wise to avoid mentioning depression to anyone other than your physician and therapist at this point. Medical school brings out all sorts of things in people; you may have struggled with depression/anxiety for years but your intelligence allowed you to cope in the past but wasn't enough when the volume of material changed.

Plenty of successful students struggle in the beginning, even superstars who become department chairs at major centers. I can think of one incredibly well funded academic surgeon-scientist who makes 7 figures (verified via tax returns) who even failed a class as a first year student. Obviously these people found their stride and became very successful; just illustrating that your first semester does not define your potential.

Your number one priority right now needs to be passing. Nothing else really matters more at this point, and I'm sure you know this. Definitely make sure your availing yourself of every possible resource at your disposal, every spare minute that faculty are willing to give extra help, etc. I got a lot of extra points on practical exams just by meeting the profs whenever they offered additional teaching time. Never could figure out why people wouldn't want to spend an hour in the lab with the guy who would be pinning most of the stations!

I wouldn't worry much about what other people think. The truth is that human beings are incredibly self-centered. Any annoyance your lab partners felt was dismissed and forgotten in minutes when it was replaced with their own personal issues. Faculty impressions can fluctuate as your performance changes; they can see you as a borderline student one semester and a star the next depending on how you do. Do whatever it takes to pass this semester, then start again in January with a clean slate and see what you can do when the rest of your life is more under control.

 

[gleevec1945]

Hi all -- I am a first year medical student who had a pretty rough first semester. I failed my first exam back in the fall (it was a midterm) but luckily ended up doing well on the final and passed the class. Since my school is pass/fail, there are no adverse consequences for my transcript. I've passed all of my other exams since then, except that I failed my anatomy practical by one question at the end of this semester (mostly because I was second guessing myself -- changed two right answers to wrong answers and since there were only 10 q's that dropped my grade on that part of the test significantly). Since that is just one component of my anatomy midterm exam grade I passed the exam overall, but the caveat is I have to pass the practical component on the final to pass the entire course since that is a requirement of the course. Given that I only missed passing by one question on the midterm, I think that I should be able to do that.

The reason I am having trouble is that I have been feeling pretty depressed the entire semester -- I have had bouts of depression/anxiety over the past few years, although I feel that it has been exacerbated in the past few months due to feelings of loneliness from moving to a new city, a recent breakup, and some issues with my family. I see a therapist regularly and just started taking antidepressants, so I am hoping that will help. I feel bad because I feel like my anatomy group is annoyed with me because I wasn't always on top of my game this semester (I always prepared for class but since I felt like my head was in a cloud concepts just weren't clicking as quickly) and we didn't do as well on our group portion of the practical as we had wanted to, although I don't think that was any one person's fault. I also worry that the deans at my school are starting to get a bad impression of me since I have had some shoddy exam grades (those exams I have passed have been mostly in the 70s -- and while it's pass/fail and no internal ranking during pre-clinical years, I still would like to do better for myself). I also feel embarrassed because I am a scholarship student and while I am very grateful to have gotten my scholarship, I worry that perhaps the school feels like they made a poor investment since I am struggling (no one has said this to me, but those are just thoughts I have). Finally, I don't want anyone to think I am not taking this seriously -- I am so grateful to be in medical school and don't want this semester to adversely affect my career in anyway.

Not all is bad - I have gotten involved in great extracurriculars and am doing well in them, and already have an interesting gig lined up for the summer. So, I am trying to remain positive.

My question is -- has anyone ever had similar issues and will this semester matter at all in the end as long as I pass my remaining classes and stay on track? I have no actual failing course grades or any negative notations on my transcripts, and while I think some of my lab partners might not understand why I am not getting everything right away, I think I can get past that. I did tell one dean who I met with after my first exam that this was the first time in my life that I have ever had test anxiety and was working on managing it, but I am afraid to even mention the word "depression" because while it does help to explain why I have been performing my best, I know that, sadly, it does sometimes alter how one is viewed in this profession.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Wow hang in there brah.

 

[Serous Demilune]

Hi all -- I am a first year medical student who had a pretty rough first semester. I failed my first exam back in the fall (it was a midterm) but luckily ended up doing well on the final and passed the class. Since my school is pass/fail, there are no adverse consequences for my transcript. I've passed all of my other exams since then, except that I failed my anatomy practical by one question at the end of this semester (mostly because I was second guessing myself -- changed two right answers to wrong answers and since there were only 10 q's that dropped my grade on that part of the test significantly). Since that is just one component of my anatomy midterm exam grade I passed the exam overall, but the caveat is I have to pass the practical component on the final to pass the entire course since that is a requirement of the course. Given that I only missed passing by one question on the midterm, I think that I should be able to do that.

The reason I am having trouble is that I have been feeling pretty depressed the entire semester -- I have had bouts of depression/anxiety over the past few years, although I feel that it has been exacerbated in the past few months due to feelings of loneliness from moving to a new city, a recent breakup, and some issues with my family. I see a therapist regularly and just started taking antidepressants, so I am hoping that will help. I feel bad because I feel like my anatomy group is annoyed with me because I wasn't always on top of my game this semester (I always prepared for class but since I felt like my head was in a cloud concepts just weren't clicking as quickly) and we didn't do as well on our group portion of the practical as we had wanted to, although I don't think that was any one person's fault. I also worry that the deans at my school are starting to get a bad impression of me since I have had some shoddy exam grades (those exams I have passed have been mostly in the 70s -- and while it's pass/fail and no internal ranking during pre-clinical years, I still would like to do better for myself). I also feel embarrassed because I am a scholarship student and while I am very grateful to have gotten my scholarship, I worry that perhaps the school feels like they made a poor investment since I am struggling (no one has said this to me, but those are just thoughts I have). Finally, I don't want anyone to think I am not taking this seriously -- I am so grateful to be in medical school and don't want this semester to adversely affect my career in anyway.

Not all is bad - I have gotten involved in great extracurriculars and am doing well in them, and already have an interesting gig lined up for the summer. So, I am trying to remain positive.

My question is -- has anyone ever had similar issues and will this semester matter at all in the end as long as I pass my remaining classes and stay on track? I have no actual failing course grades or any negative notations on my transcripts, and while I think some of my lab partners might not understand why I am not getting everything right away, I think I can get past that. I did tell one dean who I met with after my first exam that this was the first time in my life that I have ever had test anxiety and was working on managing it, but I am afraid to even mention the word "depression" because while it does help to explain why I have been performing my best, I know that, sadly, it does sometimes alter how one is viewed in this profession.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Is this Mt. Sinai by any chance? Either way, don't feel bad. Anatomy is the hardest course in med school for a certain type of student, as you have to brute force memorize every detail rather than understand concepts. Stick it out and see if it gets better.

 

[MedWonk]

Is this Mt. Sinai by any chance? Either way, don't feel bad. Anatomy is the hardest course in med school for a certain type of student, as you have to brute force memorize every detail rather than understand concepts. Stick it out and see if it gets better.

Can vouch for this myself. Thorax and abdomen were OK, but when we did the pelvis/perineum it was game over for me. We did renal physiology at the same time, which I was also freaked out by, but did really well with. The anatomy not so much. I just kept thinking during the practical, "I really shouldn't be a surgeon."

 

[Jabbed]

As far as pre-clinical courses go, there isn't a bigger ****** than Gross Anatomy. I found second semester of 1st year and 1st semester of 2nd year a breeze compared to fall of M1. I can't really comment on loneliness, breaking up or anything like that; in my experience people react to those circumstances in wildly different ways. You'll probably find new friends and a new boyfriend/girlfriend soon enough.

Based on my experiences so far, I wouldn't advise anyone to quit just because they had a rough first semester. If your dream entering med school was to be a department chair at Mass General and blah blah blah, well, you're probably realizing that you're not that type of person. Rest up, pass the practical and soldier on. Being a physician is still a decent way to make living, imo, even if you're not a superstar.

What six letter swear word did you use?

 

[touchpause13]

Sooo you failed 2 exams and are passing everything else? Really in the grand scheme of things you are doing well.

I know depression messes with your thinking but you should be proud of yourself for what you have accomplished

 

[Amygdarya]

Can vouch for this myself. Thorax and abdomen were OK, but when we did the pelvis/perineum it was game over for me. We did renal physiology at the same time, which I was also freaked out by, but did really well with. The anatomy not so much. I just kept thinking during the practical, "I really shouldn't be a surgeon."

Haha, just wait for head and neck! Most of anatomy actually made sense to me, but head and neck - forget about it.

OP, I second operaman: kudos to you for doing the right things at the right time. Many students struggle in the first semester, especially with anatomy; it's not unusual at all. Don't worry about what anyone thinks at this point (faculty know that first semester of medical school may be a tough adjustment for students and I'm sure they haven't labeled you "weak" or anything; fellow students - who cares? - you can make great friends in medical school, which doesn't mean you have to be friends with everyone). Just keep doing what you're already doing - seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants if necessary, while studying hard and striving to do your best - and you should be fine. By the way, I commend you on getting involved with extracurricilars; while studying should be the top priority, especially if you're struggling, doing something other than studying actually helps staying sane.
Best of luck! You have a very reasonable approach to solving your problems, I believe you'll be just fine!

 

[MedWonk]

Haha, just wait for head and neck! Most of anatomy actually made sense to me, but head and neck - forget about it.

OP, I second operaman: kudos to you for doing the right things at the right time. Many students struggle in the first semester, especially with anatomy; Tis not unusual at all. Don't worry about what anyone thinks at this point (faculty know that first semester of medical school may be a tough adjustment for students and I'm sure they haven't labeled you "weak" or anything; fellow students - who cares? - you can make great friends in medical school, which doesn't mean you have to be friends with everyone). Just keep doing what you're already doing - seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants if necessary, while studying hard and striving to do your best - and you should be fine. By the way, I commend you on getting involved with extracurricilars; while studying should be the top priority, especially if you're struggling, doing something other than studying actually helps staying sane.
Best of luck! You have a very reasonable approach to solving your problems, I believe you'll be just fine!

So I've heard. Last year some of the anatomy profs held sort of individualized tutoring (by lab group) for head and neck for more than half the class over multiple sessions per group.