RustedFox Rants: "OK BOOMER: Part 3"

Started by RustedFox
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RustedFox

The mouse police never sleeps.
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Psst, hey neighbors.

You know that series of S-turns that you use to leave our subdivision?
There’s like 3 or 4 of them right in a row.
Once you hit the end, it empties out on to state road six-seven.
Yeah, I know; not all the arcs are the same – there’s ponds on each side that you gotta engineer the roads around so the arcs don’t exactly match one another. Looks nice. I like ponds too.

Those ones. Y’unnerstand me now? Good. Pay attention.



STAY IN YOUR FUGGIN’ LANE, BOOMER.



At least twice a week, one of you braindead boomers figures that they’re too lazy to turn the steering wheel just a little more and adjust your speed to stay between the lines. Yeah; when you turn more sharply, your speed will increase; that’s physics.

You guys just figure “that’s too uncomfortable”, or maybe you forgot that you already took your two percocets (sic) in the morning already and took 2 + 2, for a total of four 10/325mg Percocets (shut up, it’s always “TENS” – that’s the only medication dose that you care enough to remember). Amazing that you can remember who played third base for the Yankees in 68, but can’t remember the names of your “heart pills”.

I could forgive it if you were “just crossing the line a smidge”, but 4-5 feet is too much. You’re halfway in my lane, about to kiss my front tire.

Here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna lay on my horn. You may or may not hear me because you may or may not have put your freaking hearing aids in. If your hearing aids ARE in, you may have “Hannity!” too loud on the radio. If you do hear me, you’re going to be startled and overcorrect, which now puts you in the OPPOSITE lane.

If you don’t hear me grandpa, then that’s on you bro. I’ll put my steel bumpers up against your little plastic sedan every day. If you DO hear me, grandma – don’t slam on the brakes so you “can figure out what’s happening”. Things are in motion around you. Move your head. PROTIP: Use your neck to move your head.

When I pull up next to you at the intersection, don’t roll down your window and yell at me to “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, KID!”. I do watch where I’m going. When I yell BACK at you: “I DO WATCH WHERE I’M GOING, AND SO DOES MY DASHCAM, GRANDPA JOE”, don’t sit there with your mouth slightly opening and closing like an aquarium fish. My dashcam has also your recorded your senility. You’re going to be at-fault in the accident.

There's over ten zillion more people on the road now than there were when you were driving your GTO in '65 because you boomer politicians have let most of the third world into this country thanks to your insatiable greed. Guess what? Most of them don't speak English, can't read the road signs, and have no intention of learning to do so. You're gonna have to stay alert out there.

I know you’re an incredibly busy retiree, with doctors appointments to make, lottery tickets to check, and percocets to take – but pay attention. You guys fought communism and saved the world and stuff – the least you can do is be aware of where your car is going. PROTIP: There’s lines on the road to indicate the lanes. Keep the FRONT of the car in between those lines.

If you can’t manage that, then it’s probably time for the nursing home, Gertrude. Or Myron. Or Irving. Or Blanche.



OK BOOMER !
 
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Psst, hey neighbors.

You know that series of S-turns that you use to leave our subdivision?
There’s like 3 or 4 of them right in a row.
Once you hit the end, it empties out on to state road six-seven.
Yeah, I know; not all the arcs are the same – there’s ponds on each side that you gotta engineer the roads around so the arcs don’t exactly match one another. Looks nice. I like ponds too.

Those ones. Y’unnerstand me now? Good. Pay attention.



STAY IN YOUR FUGGIN’ LANE, BOOMER.



At least twice a week, one of you braindead boomers figures that they’re too lazy to turn the steering wheel just a little more and adjust your speed to stay between the lines. Yeah; when you turn more sharply, your speed will increase; that’s physics.

You guys just figure “that’s too uncomfortable”, or maybe you forgot that you already took your two percocets (sic) in the morning already and took 2 + 2, for a total of four 10/325mg Percocets (shut up, it’s always “TENS” – that’s the only medication dose that you care enough to remember). Amazing that you can remember who played third base for the Yankees in 68, but can’t remember the names of your “heart pills”.

I could forgive it if you were “just crossing the line a smidge”, but 4-5 feet is too much. You’re halfway in my lane, about to kiss my front tire.

Here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna lay on my horn. You may or may not hear me because you may or may not have put your freaking hearing aids in. If your hearing aids ARE in, you may have “Hannity!” too loud on the radio. If you do hear me, you’re going to be startled and overcorrect, which now puts you in the OPPOSITE lane.

If you don’t hear me grandpa, then that’s on you bro. I’ll put my steel bumpers up against your little plastic sedan every day. If you DO hear me, grandma – don’t slam on the brakes so you “can figure out what’s happening”. Things are in motion around you. Move your head. PROTIP: Use your neck to move your head.

When I pull up next to you at the intersection, don’t roll down your window and yell at me to “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, KID!”. I do watch where I’m going. When I yell BACK at you: “I DO WATCH WHERE I’M GOING, AND SO DOES MY DASHCAM, GRANDPA JOE”, don’t sit there with your mouth slightly opening and closing like an aquarium fish. My dashcam has also your recorded your senility. You’re going to be at-fault in the accident.

There's over ten zillion more people on the road now than there were when you were driving your GTO in '65 because you boomer politicians have let most of the third world into this country thanks to your insatiable greed. Guess what? Most of them don't speak English, can't read the road signs, and have no intention of learning to do so. You're gonna have to stay alert out there.

I know you’re an incredibly busy retiree, with doctors appointments to make, lottery tickets to check, and percocets to take – but pay attention. You guys fought communism and saved the world and stuff – the least you can do is be aware of where your car is going. PROTIP: There’s lines on the road to indicate the lanes. Keep the FRONT of the car in between those lines.

If you can’t manage that, then it’s probably time for the nursing home, Gertrude. Or Myron. Or Irving. Or Blanche.



OK BOOMER !
You sound like a boomer.
 
Psst, hey neighbors.

You know that series of S-turns that you use to leave our subdivision?
There’s like 3 or 4 of them right in a row.
Once you hit the end, it empties out on to state road six-seven.
Yeah, I know; not all the arcs are the same – there’s ponds on each side that you gotta engineer the roads around so the arcs don’t exactly match one another. Looks nice. I like ponds too.

Those ones. Y’unnerstand me now? Good. Pay attention.



STAY IN YOUR FUGGIN’ LANE, BOOMER.



At least twice a week, one of you braindead boomers figures that they’re too lazy to turn the steering wheel just a little more and adjust your speed to stay between the lines. Yeah; when you turn more sharply, your speed will increase; that’s physics.

You guys just figure “that’s too uncomfortable”, or maybe you forgot that you already took your two percocets (sic) in the morning already and took 2 + 2, for a total of four 10/325mg Percocets (shut up, it’s always “TENS” – that’s the only medication dose that you care enough to remember). Amazing that you can remember who played third base for the Yankees in 68, but can’t remember the names of your “heart pills”.

I could forgive it if you were “just crossing the line a smidge”, but 4-5 feet is too much. You’re halfway in my lane, about to kiss my front tire.

Here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna lay on my horn. You may or may not hear me because you may or may not have put your freaking hearing aids in. If your hearing aids ARE in, you may have “Hannity!” too loud on the radio. If you do hear me, you’re going to be startled and overcorrect, which now puts you in the OPPOSITE lane.

If you don’t hear me grandpa, then that’s on you bro. I’ll put my steel bumpers up against your little plastic sedan every day. If you DO hear me, grandma – don’t slam on the brakes so you “can figure out what’s happening”. Things are in motion around you. Move your head. PROTIP: Use your neck to move your head.

When I pull up next to you at the intersection, don’t roll down your window and yell at me to “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, KID!”. I do watch where I’m going. When I yell BACK at you: “I DO WATCH WHERE I’M GOING, AND SO DOES MY DASHCAM, GRANDPA JOE”, don’t sit there with your mouth slightly opening and closing like an aquarium fish. My dashcam has also your recorded your senility. You’re going to be at-fault in the accident.

There's over ten zillion more people on the road now than there were when you were driving your GTO in '65 because you boomer politicians have let most of the third world into this country thanks to your insatiable greed. Guess what? Most of them don't speak English, can't read the road signs, and have no intention of learning to do so. You're gonna have to stay alert out there.

I know you’re an incredibly busy retiree, with doctors appointments to make, lottery tickets to check, and percocets to take – but pay attention. You guys fought communism and saved the world and stuff – the least you can do is be aware of where your car is going. PROTIP: There’s lines on the road to indicate the lanes. Keep the FRONT of the car in between those lines.

If you can’t manage that, then it’s probably time for the nursing home, Gertrude. Or Myron. Or Irving. Or Blanche.



OK BOOMER !

I’m assuming you live in Florida?
 
“It’s in the system doc”
-What clinic do you go to?
-I go here.
-This is a hospital.
-Oh. I go to the clinic in town.
-Which clinic?
-The one with my doctor.
-Who is your doctor?
-I can't remember but I think they work here.
-This is a hospital.
-Oh. I go to the clinic in town.
-Okay, I'm going to step out so they can get the lab work started.
 
By the way, I’m with you on the number of people who seem to have no idea which medications they’re taking. If you take a boatload of pills, then hey, keep a list with you. But at least do something so that people know.
"I dunno. it's a little green pill..."
"You'll have to call my ex-wife, I don't keep up with that stuff..."
"Don't you have it in the computer?"

ad infinitum, ad nauseaum
 
The "you'll have to ask my ex-wife" response is a classic.

For REAL.
I hear on a DAILY basis: "Uhh, you'll have to ask my wife, lemme get her on the phone" in response to "What medications do you take?"

NO.

You're a man.
YOU need to know your medications.
I've said (to the right patient): "No, no, no. She doesn't take your medications. YOU do... YOU need to know them."
[Aquarium fish movements]
 
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For REAL.
I hear on a DAILY basis: "Uhh, you'll have to ask my wife, lemme get her on the phone" in response to "What medications do you take?"

NO.

You're a man.
YOU need to know your medications.
I've said (to the right patient): "No, no, no. She doesn't take your medications. YOU do... YOU need to know them."
[Aquarium fish movements]

Ohhhhhh yes. This annoys me too.

I donno if this is happening in the ER, but lately I’ve had a bumper crop of male clinic pts who present with their wives/girlfriends/whatever…except that it’s clear they don’t want to be there, and the WAGs basically run the visit and try to campaign for healthcare for their apathetic partners. (In one case, some guy’s wife hijacked his MyChart account and started sending messages to our office impersonating her husband, asking for all sorts of random tests etc.) It is beyond annoying, especially since the male partner is usually grouchy as hell about all of it.

Also…what is it with adults bringing their parents to medical visits. You're 20, 30, 40+ years old…the **** is your mommy coming with you to your medical visits, asking questions you don’t care about and don’t want to know the answers to, remembering the medications you never bother to take, etc etc? These visits are so unbelievably annoying. Usually the 18-30 set that arrives with mommy cares even less about being there than the guys dragged in by the WAGs described above. I donno about you, but as soon as I went away to college, my parents never knew anything else about my healthcare going forward. They were the last people in the world I’d want to bring with to my doctors appointments.

Why do we have an entire generation that has failed to grow up?
 
Ohhhhhh yes. This annoys me too.

I donno if this is happening in the ER, but lately I’ve had a bumper crop of male clinic pts who present with their wives/girlfriends/whatever…except that it’s clear they don’t want to be there, and the WAGs basically run the visit and try to campaign for healthcare for their apathetic partners. (In one case, some guy’s wife hijacked his MyChart account and started sending messages to our office impersonating her husband, asking for all sorts of random tests etc.) It is beyond annoying, especially since the male partner is usually grouchy as hell about all of it.

Also…what is it with adults bringing their parents to medical visits. You're 20, 30, 40+ years old…the **** is your mommy coming with you to your medical visits, asking questions you don’t care about and don’t want to know the answers to, remembering the medications you never bother to take, etc etc? These visits are so unbelievably annoying. Usually the 18-30 set that arrives with mommy cares even less about being there than the guys dragged in by the WAGs described above. I donno about you, but as soon as I went away to college, my parents never knew anything else about my healthcare going forward. They were the last people in the world I’d want to bring with to my doctors appointments.

Why do we have an entire generation that has failed to grow up?

I have seen 60 year old men bring their 80 year old mommy with them to the ER.

I see men and women in their 20s bring both parents with them. They let their parents talk for them.

It is a gross generational, cross sex problem. Humanity is weak.
 
Ohhhhhh yes. This annoys me too.

I donno if this is happening in the ER, but lately I’ve had a bumper crop of male clinic pts who present with their wives/girlfriends/whatever…except that it’s clear they don’t want to be there, and the WAGs basically run the visit and try to campaign for healthcare for their apathetic partners. (In one case, some guy’s wife hijacked his MyChart account and started sending messages to our office impersonating her husband, asking for all sorts of random tests etc.) It is beyond annoying, especially since the male partner is usually grouchy as hell about all of it.

Also…what is it with adults bringing their parents to medical visits. You're 20, 30, 40+ years old…the **** is your mommy coming with you to your medical visits, asking questions you don’t care about and don’t want to know the answers to, remembering the medications you never bother to take, etc etc? These visits are so unbelievably annoying. Usually the 18-30 set that arrives with mommy cares even less about being there than the guys dragged in by the WAGs described above. I donno about you, but as soon as I went away to college, my parents never knew anything else about my healthcare going forward. They were the last people in the world I’d want to bring with to my doctors appointments.

Why do we have an entire generation that has failed to grow up?
Maybe my single biggest pet peeve in medicine (and I have a lot) is when you get someone who does this with their spouse or parents but doesn’t even bother to bring them in the room.

Then as soon as my hand touches the door handle to leave, I get “Hey, could you tell Karen/Chad all of that? They’re sitting in the waiting room/car and they want to know this stuff.”
 
Psst, hey neighbors.

You know that series of S-turns that you use to leave our subdivision?
There’s like 3 or 4 of them right in a row.
Once you hit the end, it empties out on to state road six-seven.
Yeah, I know; not all the arcs are the same – there’s ponds on each side that you gotta engineer the roads around so the arcs don’t exactly match one another. Looks nice. I like ponds too.

Those ones. Y’unnerstand me now? Good. Pay attention.



STAY IN YOUR FUGGIN’ LANE, BOOMER.



At least twice a week, one of you braindead boomers figures that they’re too lazy to turn the steering wheel just a little more and adjust your speed to stay between the lines. Yeah; when you turn more sharply, your speed will increase; that’s physics.

You guys just figure “that’s too uncomfortable”, or maybe you forgot that you already took your two percocets (sic) in the morning already and took 2 + 2, for a total of four 10/325mg Percocets (shut up, it’s always “TENS” – that’s the only medication dose that you care enough to remember). Amazing that you can remember who played third base for the Yankees in 68, but can’t remember the names of your “heart pills”.

I could forgive it if you were “just crossing the line a smidge”, but 4-5 feet is too much. You’re halfway in my lane, about to kiss my front tire.

Here’s what’s gonna happen: I’m gonna lay on my horn. You may or may not hear me because you may or may not have put your freaking hearing aids in. If your hearing aids ARE in, you may have “Hannity!” too loud on the radio. If you do hear me, you’re going to be startled and overcorrect, which now puts you in the OPPOSITE lane.

If you don’t hear me grandpa, then that’s on you bro. I’ll put my steel bumpers up against your little plastic sedan every day. If you DO hear me, grandma – don’t slam on the brakes so you “can figure out what’s happening”. Things are in motion around you. Move your head. PROTIP: Use your neck to move your head.

When I pull up next to you at the intersection, don’t roll down your window and yell at me to “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, KID!”. I do watch where I’m going. When I yell BACK at you: “I DO WATCH WHERE I’M GOING, AND SO DOES MY DASHCAM, GRANDPA JOE”, don’t sit there with your mouth slightly opening and closing like an aquarium fish. My dashcam has also your recorded your senility. You’re going to be at-fault in the accident.

There's over ten zillion more people on the road now than there were when you were driving your GTO in '65 because you boomer politicians have let most of the third world into this country thanks to your insatiable greed. Guess what? Most of them don't speak English, can't read the road signs, and have no intention of learning to do so. You're gonna have to stay alert out there.

I know you’re an incredibly busy retiree, with doctors appointments to make, lottery tickets to check, and percocets to take – but pay attention. You guys fought communism and saved the world and stuff – the least you can do is be aware of where your car is going. PROTIP: There’s lines on the road to indicate the lanes. Keep the FRONT of the car in between those lines.

If you can’t manage that, then it’s probably time for the nursing home, Gertrude. Or Myron. Or Irving. Or Blanche.



OK BOOMER !
You really need to move already.
 
Maybe my single biggest pet peeve in medicine (and I have a lot) is when you get someone who does this with their spouse or parents but doesn’t even bother to bring them in the room.

Then as soon as my hand touches the door handle to leave, I get “Hey, could you tell Karen/Chad all of that? They’re sitting in the waiting room/car and they want to know this stuff.”

Yes, especially when they want you to call this spouse or parent.

“Hey, can you call my mom to tell her all this?”

No, you can tell them yourself or you can bring them to the visit to hear it.

Recently I had a situation like this where I was seeing a middle aged male pt whose daughter was apparently an NP. He would come to the visits, we would agree to a plan of action, all was well…except the next day, we would get a stream of MyChart messages from daughter NP (who hijacked his account) disputing everything we did. She was never at the visits, but she would try to argue with everything we did.


Beyond annoying.
 
Yes, especially when they want you to call this spouse or parent.

“Hey, can you call my mom to tell her all this?”

No, you can tell them yourself or you can bring them to the visit to hear it.

Recently I had a situation like this where I was seeing a middle aged male pt whose daughter was apparently an NP. He would come to the visits, we would agree to a plan of action, all was well…except the next day, we would get a stream of MyChart messages from daughter NP (who hijacked his account) disputing everything we did. She was never at the visits, but she would try to argue with everything we did.


Beyond annoying.
I have a small handful of people who do this now. If it's more than a minor change to the plan, I have them come back in for a followup visit where we can go over those things. If the daughter from california wants to weigh in she can come with the patient or she can be put on speakerphone when the visit starts. I don't really like the speakerphone thing, but I have no issue telling people they have no idea what they're talking about both in person and via telephone.