I don't mean any offense, but I know for a fact that you're not a dude based on this response.
So take this as you will, but I think it's worth reaching across the aisle here in the name of understanding - Guys tell each other to chill every single day, and it's never personal or an attack.
It frustrates me when my female friends do certain things (compliment people when they don't actually mean it, tell me something isn't my fault to be nice even though it is), but then I realize that trying to "correct them" doesn't make sense because that that's how they socialize with each other and they mean well.
I think in cases like these, a lot of intra-communication between these groups is hampered by lacking understanding of the typical inter-communication within.
Sorry for the derail - I'm just big on closing communication gaps.
As for the schools, if I'm not mistaken, Rutgers is moderately cheaper and they have similar reputations, so that's how i'd lean, but I'm ignorant on the programs themselves.