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most secondaries have word limits. if i go into detail on one thing, i can't cover everything i want to say. if i write in concise, to the point language, i can say more but in less depth. below is an example:
"I am impressed by the student body?s commitment to serving the community. Einstein Community Health Outreach (ECHO), dedicated to providing to the economic disadvantaged is truly inspiring as I understand the importance of medical care for the underprivileged, especially after coming from that background myself. I hope to bring my experience and talents to ECHO and contribute to its future endeavors.
this is the concise form. after writing this, i feel that i hvae expressed MY INTEREST in ECHO, instead of WHY i am interested in ECHO. Alternatively, I can go into details, telling a story of how being uninsured most of my childhood has affect me and how my personal experience inspired me to join ECHO. If i do this however, this will take up the whole essay and i can't say much else.
what do you think guys? focus on one thing...or get your point across?
"I am impressed by the student body?s commitment to serving the community. Einstein Community Health Outreach (ECHO), dedicated to providing to the economic disadvantaged is truly inspiring as I understand the importance of medical care for the underprivileged, especially after coming from that background myself. I hope to bring my experience and talents to ECHO and contribute to its future endeavors.
this is the concise form. after writing this, i feel that i hvae expressed MY INTEREST in ECHO, instead of WHY i am interested in ECHO. Alternatively, I can go into details, telling a story of how being uninsured most of my childhood has affect me and how my personal experience inspired me to join ECHO. If i do this however, this will take up the whole essay and i can't say much else.
what do you think guys? focus on one thing...or get your point across?