It was said well in another yet similar thread, that some of this is an American cultural thing where we have some expectation that people move out as soon as they're done with high school and become completely financially independent.
One person makes the case to "visit when you're free." Which is when exactly?
I lived 2 hrs from my parent and fully intended to visit at least one weekend a month in med school. Having a partner as well, that meant half the time for holidays with my parents. My parents and my partner's parents being divorced, meant 4 homes to split the holidays into. My parent died while I was in med school. I treasure the rotations I lived in that motorhome because we had coffee every morning, and dinner every night. Because truth be told I just didn't see them as much as I would have liked, otherwise. Something always comes up that seems more pressing.
As pointed out, one day having a partner of your own, with parents of their own, and then their other relatives, and kids of your own, and an attending's schedule, will not make it easier to spend time with your parents, who are just getting closer to their death before yours (statistically speaking).
I lived at home for most of college, I spent some time homeless on my own, and I lived with a couple fiances, and I lived on my own for med school and residency. At some point in all of that, I went back home for a few years here and there. All of this has led me to conclude: there is no magic to living on your own beyond a certain point. Yes, I think there is value in doing it, and everyone should do it until they've gotten maximum benefit, and I do think there is a maximum. That time is different for everyone. You become an adult, you pick up adult skills, and much like "sleep deprivation" is not an activity that through practice you have great gains, I argue that there's sort of a limit to what you need/gain on your own, and you don't exactly get rusty and fail the test or fail to earn your black belt by living with your parents again. But I've been a caretaker to mine my whole life, it's part of why I went into medicine. So they've hardly stunted my ability to take responsibility or make independent choices. I just like saving money and having their sympathetic ear - having support doesn't mean you don't grow.
In other cultures where adults stay in the family home, I would hardly call them less "adult" "independent" etc etc. Here I'm thinking of India and China. In fact, it's sort of insulting to say so. Certainly there are factors that determine how someone grows or doesn't grow from these arrangements in different cultures.
Personally, I reject the ethos that it's more important I spend money on rent and vacations abroad, and that family is to be avoided because they "cramp my style", and that parents are best ignored until ready for a home - how very capitalist.
Someone might appreciate how important family is to you. You can certainly make it clear that you are living at home because it is what makes your parents happy, and is no skin off your back. That you have lived on your own before, and are ready to do so again to facilitate a relationship. If I go out with someone, I might be taken aback that they live with their parents - and then it's going to come down to why. Are they financially irresponsible? Are they otherwise unable to keep their life together re: paperwork, bills, credit, chores? That doesn't describe the typical physician. Also, do their parents play such an important role emotionally that this person would not be willing/able to move cross-country away from them, if necessary for some reason?
I've decided that when I look back on my life, I want to have made the choices that gave me more days and hugs with the people that really matter - that is what matters. I gave up a trip to Europe for a friend's wedding, so I could have Christmas at home. I'll go to Europe after Gramma dies, or not at all I suppose.
OP, at the end of the day, you should live the way you want. It's OK to live at home if you want, if it makes your life easier. It doesn't mean you don't know how to fold your own laundry or dress yourself. (Although you might want to challenge yourself to develop some cooking skills if you haven't otherwise, and to do some other housework). If you have your own little space, then see to it you take care of everything yourself, including meals, and just come inside to do your own laundry, bathe, (depending on the facilities in your space) and have a bite with the 'rents. If life is seriously a biatch for a rotation or something, mom can help. The reality is that a lot of residents can afford to pay for some housekeeping, and do. So again, it's hardly "stunting" you to have your mom help you as much as any adult might pay for help. Don't let them dictate how you live - threaten to move out, that's what I did any time my parents were tempted to become overbearing, and I only had to follow through twice over a lifetime to send the message.
In some ways, you might actually have to become *more* independent and responsible living at home. Because you likely will have to set boundaries and make conscious decisions for how to live, what skills to develop/exercise. As far as how it might stunt you as a physician, again, boundaries. You don't have to discuss your work with them. If you do, much as you would with any attending, you may have to defend your thought process, look things up, and ultimately come to grips with having a differing opinion and standing by your guns.
Honestly, I think some people get lazy at home, and ironically enough, the "lazy" way to ensure this doesn't happen, is to move out. I argue that you can grow just as much or more with the "adversity" of your parents, as you can with the adversity of living on your own. The former might actually be harder in some respects, just as it is easier in others ($$$, housework). Despite being "harder" maybe in some ways, I still think the pros/cons are in favor of it, for the person who values time with family and is willing to exercise some free will.
You could also do this in reverse - live on your own until you've gained skills and come to my conclusion, that at this point you're mostly spending more money to be alone and cook your own meals, and have little to lose moving in with your parents. You will be in a position to truly compare your life with and without living with them. Maybe you decide to never go back. Maybe you figure been there, done that as I have.
There really are pros/cons, but OP, I just urge to you follow YOUR own values more than your parents, more than anyone giving you advice. Don't let pressure or shame dictate what you do. Do your best to determine the course of action that you think is best for who you are and who you want to be. Now that is adulting.
