Social Life in Grad School?

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gonl

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Can any current grad students or recent graduates give some perspective about quality of life in a PhD program? Is there time to have a personal life/ date/ enjoy where you are living?

I am currently working as a clinical research assistant. I like my job, like the creativity of coming up with research questions, working with study participants, and feeling like my work is making a difference in people's lives. My intention starting this job was to apply to clinical psychology PhD programs after 2 years.

Recently I have been having doubts though. I currently live in a really small town and feel like I have not been able to have much of a life here because my job is isolating and there are not a lot of people my age in the area. I'm concerned that if I go into a PhD program, I will not have a chance to enjoy any of my 20s. I am not averse to hard work but want to experience living in a city, go out occasionally with people around my age and dating. I know that PhD programs located in major cities tend to be super competitive, and have heard there is not much time to explore the surrounding area anyway.

I have thought about taking more time off to work as a research assistant in a different environment, but want to have a family at some point and feel like its pretty much now or never for a PhD program.

My questions are: Are you or did you enjoy your time as a grad student? Does the experience tend to be isolating, or is it easy to meet people? If you are/were in your 20s while in grad school, do you feel like you missed out on anything and do you have regrets?
 
Being a graduate student in Clinical Psychology is hard work, definitely. One thing about graduate school is that you can always do more--try to get more papers published, see more clients, prep more for classes you teach, etc. So, Clinical Psych can be hard for highly motivated folks who want to do their best and have a poor ability to set limits for themselves. However, if you decide for yourself what limits you want to set, you can absolutely find time for socializing, having a family, etc. It took me a few years to find how I could balance my time--the first two years were the hardest with all the coursework and then starting to see clients, teach, and continue with research on top of that. Even then I did have time to have a relationship and spend time with friends. Some of my fellow students were much better, i.e. they came in to the lab at a reasonable time, worked hard, left at 5pm, studied some at home, and took some time on the weekends for fun. It's a give and take, but if it's important for you, set a good balance of work and non-work and stick to it the best you can. I don't have any regrets really, only wishing I had chosen to take a little bit more time off.
 
it depends on you and your lab environment. My mentor liked to have fun but was an extremely efficient worker, so that helped a lot with regard to having a good social life- he valued it and picked students who valued it as well. Enjoying my late 20s was very important to me, so I made it work (i.e., going to shows, playing music, doing hobbies, reading for fun, hanging with friends 3-4 nights a week, getting married, all that jazz).

I worked extremely efficiently in huge chunks- like 15+ hour days in the lab- rather than spreading it out. and focused on doing what was necessary (e.g., do I want to spend time formatting this to look nice? NOPE, only content counts). I also didn't do as much research as I could've, but did "enough". Worked great for me, so I write to show one way of doing it, but it certainly isn't for everyone.
 
Yep. I feel like I totally missed out on my 20's and it is one of my regrets about earning a PhD rather than a master's degree (or having a undergrad degree that leads to decent employment). Grad school was pretty miserable.

However, it had a few high points. My cohort was 4 awesome women that I still stay in touch with. I also participated in some church activities that were meaningful and allowed me to meet people. But it was certainly a different experience from the experiences of my UG friends who had significantly more enjoyable experiences that decade of life.

That said, I don't know if that is a sufficient reason for another career path.

Dr. E
 
I have a better social life in grad school than I did in undergrad. You just have to make time for it.
 
My sense is that this varies significantly according to both the climate of your program and how efficiently you are able to complete your work. I'm in a very friendly and collaborative program where we really enjoy socializing outside of class, which definitely facilitated having a fun social life in my 20s. However, within my program I see that the people who have difficulty having a life outside of school are people who way overcommit or who spend more time than others might on coursework and assignments. I turn out papers and the like pretty quickly, so I have time to enjoy my weekends and do some fun activities during the week as well, but your mileage will vary based on your work habits and style.
 
cara susanna said:
I have a better social life in grad school than I did in undergrad. You just have to make time for it.
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My experience was similar--I don't know if I'd actually say my social life was better in grad school than undergrad, but it was certainly comparable, and I was more productive to boot.

I strongly agree with the comments regarding setting limits and working on time management. Some people find that it helps to treat grad school like a full-time job in terms of work schedule (i.e., spend 8-10 hours per day, every day, on campus and in your office doing something), and in so doing they're able to very often protect their weekends and most evenings. Conversely, others stay on campus/in lab/on site when needed, go home when not scheduled, and then work in overnighters as necessary.

Either way, I don't know that I personally have met anyone who didn't have any time for a social life in grad school. You certainly do have to prioritize and schedule to make it work, though.
 
The whole time I was getting my Masters I worked part time at a (now very successful) restaurant that my friends own. Even though it was my job, it was definitely also a party, and I probably had a little too much fun when i should have been studying. That being said, I maintained a 3.84 GPA and worked in my psych lab all day Friday and throughout the week after class. BUT I didn't try to publish or get posters done, which is my only real regret. I'm about to enter a PhD program in the same city (the most fun city in the world, imo), and although I will most definitely be tempted to get involved in a lot of social events that could detract from work, I think this time around I will be able to balance it a lot better. Ill also say that while getting my MA, I felt enormous amounts of guilt when I hung out with friends and watched members of my cohort getting published and accepted into PhD programs right away. However, I'm 28 now and my twenties have been a blast. Life is all about balance. Achieving that balance in my 20s wasn't the easiest thing in the world to do, but looking back, I have few regrets.
 
gonl said:
Recently I have been having doubts though. I currently live in a really small town and feel like I have not been able to have much of a life here because my job is isolating and there are not a lot of people my age in the area. I'm concerned that if I go into a PhD program, I will not have a chance to enjoy any of my 20s. I am not averse to hard work but want to experience living in a city, go out occasionally with people around my age and dating. I know that PhD programs located in major cities tend to be super competitive, and have heard there is not much time to explore the surrounding area anyway.
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At least from my experience (my cohort would agree), graduate school in clinical psychology is more work than college or being an RA. You are juggling 3-4 "jobs" at the same time, including being a student, teaching assistant, researcher, and therapist. I get the impression that most people work about 60+ plus hours per week, but hours vary depending on time of year. You can def. have a social life, but I wouldn't count on having most weekends off though. I went out on Friday/Saturday nights, but during the day I was usually working on weekends. This was very similar to others in my program.

My initial goal was to treat graduate school like a job, and work only 5 days per week. This was impossible for me since courses, research meetings/supervision and practicum alone (16 hours +commute) took up 5 days per week.
 
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I think you're finding that plenty answers take into consideration your program of choice, research and time management into account. I'm finishing my Master's (not in Clinical Psychology, it's in MHC) and I can tell you the last two years have been stressful. I was doing research, doing a 900 hour internship, going to classes, and seeing clients everyday for my job. It definitely took a toll on me and some friendships. My social life was almost non existent until the last two semesters where I finished my internship and started managing my time appropriately. I have friends doing PhD and I rarely hear from them. It can be a tough journey, but it depends on how much you want it.
 
PHD12 said:
I get the impression that most people work about 60+ plus hours per week, but hours vary depending on time of year. You can def. have a social life, but I wouldn't count on having most weekends off though. I went out on Friday/Saturday nights, but during the day I was usually working on weekends. This was very similar to others in my program.
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Similar in my program. Usually we could afford a Friday or a Saturday night off, but most people only took one of those off during the school year. First year, we usually had "stats parties" on Friday nights where we would order pizza and work on stats homework together (probably pretty different from what we all did in UG, right?)

I also clearly remember one incident where I was thinking how sad it was when I had an Easter brunch for my grad school friends and almost everyone ate and ran because they had some school related project that they had to get to work on. It was one of those "this is no way to live" kind of moments.

Does anyone have a copy of that forward that goes around now and then saying you know you have been in grad school too long when you start wishing that you were in prison instead and then it lists all the things about prison that are better than grad school (3 meals a day, not struggling to pay rent, get to sleep a reasonable amount every night). I love that one.

Again, not a reason to avoid grad school, but maybe to delay a few yrs. At the very least, know what you are getting into!

Dr. E
 
During grad school, I met my wife, got married, and had a child. Yes, having a personal life is possible. You just have to make it a priority.
 
It really depends on your program, POI, and frankly your personality. I have managed to keep a very busy social/hobby life in grad school, though there are definitely periods when I had to really focus in on school and barely anything else. I feel like I have definitely gotten to enjoy the city I'm living in, but I also only applied to places where I'd actually want to live and explore. If you have a lot of energy and have historically juggled a lot of commitments, you can likely make it work.
 
I worked like mad in grad school, but had plenty of time for fun. I'm pretty sure I worked less in grad school than I do now....but that is not the topic of this thread. Fellow students from my cohort went out for dinner/drinks regularly, in addition to the aforementioned stats "parties," later on in grad school we had regular "wine and cheese" nights or game nights, and I went to grad school in a city with a lot of things to do (music, theatre, shopping, etc.). For several years I managed a part time job in a department store while doing grad school full time and maintaining a social life....as others have suggested, it's all about making grad school PART of your life, rather than defining your ENTIRE life.
 
psycguy85 said:
During grad school, I met my wife, got married, and had a child. Yes, having a personal life is possible. You just have to make it a priority.
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Also found my S.O. during grad school. Never hurts to prioritize (and know?) what you're after. And it's a latent function of higher ed after all. 🙂
 
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HomeworkHelper said:
Being a graduate student in Clinical Psychology is hard work, definitely. One thing about graduate school is that you can always do more--try to get more papers published, see more clients, prep more for classes you teach, etc. So, Clinical Psych can be hard for highly motivated folks who want to do their best and have a poor ability to set limits for themselves. However, if you decide for yourself what limits you want to set, you can absolutely find time for socializing, having a family, etc. It took me a few years to find how I could balance my time--the first two years were the hardest with all the coursework and then starting to see clients, teach, and continue with research on top of that. Even then I did have time to have a relationship and spend time with friends. Some of my fellow students were much better, i.e. they came in to the lab at a reasonable time, worked hard, left at 5pm, studied some at home, and took some time on the weekends for fun. It's a give and take, but if it's important for you, set a good balance of work and non-work and stick to it the best you can. I don't have any regrets really, only wishing I had chosen to take a little bit more time off.
Click to expand...
Very good post...it is all about setting boundaries and sticking to them. Where you set those boundaries depends a lot on how long you intend to be in the program.
 
Getting married and having kids is not in itself any evidence of having a social life. Workaholics are often married with kids (think surgeons, corporate lawyers etc). I think it depends on whether on you make time for your spouse on a regular basis.
 
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