Social Life Question

[Gauss44]

Some personal problems that I suspect are common to non-traditional pre-meds:

The reason for my posting this on here is that I believe that pre-meds, more than some other groups, tend to include highly intelligent, very busy people.

My problem is that there is getting to be fewer and fewer intellectually stimulating people in my social/personal life since I've been out of school. At work there are plenty of people around my age who seem smart and interesting enough, but they frequently seem too busy to be approachable (probably like myself), and are often times several steps up the ladder from me. (The people who are my age, are usually much younger than myself.)

Does anyone have any suggestions for breaking the ice with "busy" people? Or for having a social life when you yourself are super busy? Or advice about socializing outside your occupational level?

(One more question would be about breaking the ice in a way that will not easily be confused with flirting or asking out, since that's been a theme in our workplace. - But thankfully not with me as of yet!)

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[Spydra]

I've found meetup groups are helpful in terms of meeting other busy smart people that are interesting and fun to be around. Like anything it takes time and every event you go to won't be ideal, but you just keep trying. I also keep my eyes peeled for social and charitable events hosted by professional associations or nearby graduate programs that are not closely related to my line of work. This way I find myself meeting lawyers, doctors, entrepreneurs, finance people, professors, etc. I never go anywhere with colleagues nor do I discuss my free time with them in detail. They're nice people, but seeing them at work is enough.

I haven't had a problem with my socializing being confused for flirting. I just keep things professional, yet friendly and don't extend one on one invitations to anyone. Like if there's an event I'm interested in attending I just put it out there to the group and say everyone is welcome. If people join me great, if they don't who cares.

 

[esob]

I think you just have to find people with similar interests. For me it motocross guys at the track or gamers I meet at school or online. Intellectually stimulating is kind of a personal preference. I know a lot of smart people that are really socially awkward. Conversely, I know a lot of social butterflies that pretty much are going nowhere in life. My preference is for people who have some balance of a healthy outlook on life but are sociable in meaningful ways (productive to society). I know lots of musicians who are so out of touch with reality that the only time they are tolerable to be around is when they are playing music; outside of that that microcosm they are unbearable human beings. I work with engineers who are veritable "code benders" that can reverse engineer in 10 minutes something that took a billion dollar dev team 2 years to compile, yet they can't have a normal face to face conversation with you about anything other than code. However, I can have a very stimulating conversation or outing with any of them provided the topic of discussion or the event is something we share a similar interest in.

 

[Goro]

Develop an interesting hobby.

Or join Mensa.

Some personal problems that I suspect are common to non-traditional pre-meds:

The reason for my posting this on here is that I believe that pre-meds, more than some other groups, tend to include highly intelligent, very busy people.

My problem is that there is getting to be fewer and fewer intellectually stimulating people in my social/personal life since I've been out of school. At work there are plenty of people around my age who seem smart and interesting enough, but they frequently seem too busy to be approachable (probably like myself), and are often times several steps up the ladder from me. (The people who are my age, are usually much younger than myself.)

Does anyone have any suggestions for breaking the ice with "busy" people? Or for having a social life when you yourself are super busy? Or advice about socializing outside your occupational level?

(One more question would be about breaking the ice in a way that will not easily be confused with flirting or asking out, since that's been a theme in our workplace. - But thankfully not with me as of yet!)

 

[timephone]

"As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other..." http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html

When you have a busy work/study life you will not have time for a lot of socializing. That's a tradeoff. I think the only way to improve this is better time management.

Meetup.com and other sites that promote casual social events are a great place to start. Facebook is great for networking with people of similar interests through group pages, e.g. search for "book lovers in boston". Obviously it's boring only having friends who are into the exact same things, but barring the above three criteria it's the only way to make lasting connections with strangers.

I find there are certain people I can have engaging conversations with. We might come from completely different backgrounds and have different interests, but the level at which we prefer to interact is similar, intellectually and emotionally. Chances are if you can have a really good discussion with someone, they'll be more than happy to trade contact details and get together in the future.

Just remember we're social creatures, and there are plenty of people out there with whom you'd be compatible as friends. The most important thing is putting yourself out there and in a position to meet new people, however briefly.

Edit: another great avenue for meetups is (don't kill me) Tinder. I've had a lot of fun on "dates" where it's more just getting coffee and talking to a stranger for a while. It's great practice for meeting new people in general. It's surprisingly not that hard to break into new social groups like this, the other person may invite you to a party or fun bar/club/cafe.

 

[QofQuimica]

Other suggestions besides the good ones you've already gotten:
- sign up for an interesting class either online or at your local university just for fun. You learn something new and you meet people with common interests.
- join a book club. Obviously you will meet people who like to read and discuss books. Your local library may have one.
- if you live near a university or even a CC, join an interest group there that appeals to you. Go to their lectures, concerts, and other fine arts performances.
- if you're religious (or even if you aren't but are interested in learning about religion), join a bible study group
- join your local museum (especially your local science museum or aquarium) and attend member events
- if you play any sports, join a team or take a group class. Even if you do an individual sport like running, you can join a running group.

 

[Gauss44]

I think you just have to find people with similar interests. For me it motocross guys at the track or gamers I meet at school or online. Intellectually stimulating is kind of a personal preference. I know a lot of smart people that are really socially awkward. Conversely, I know a lot of social butterflies that pretty much are going nowhere in life. My preference is for people who have some balance of a healthy outlook on life but are sociable in meaningful ways (productive to society). I know lots of musicians who are so out of touch with reality that the only time they are tolerable to be around is when they are playing music; outside of that that microcosm they are unbearable human beings. I work with engineers who are veritable "code benders" that can reverse engineer in 10 minutes something that took a billion dollar dev team 2 years to compile, yet they can't have a normal face to face conversation with you about anything other than code. However, I can have a very stimulating conversation or outing with any of them provided the topic of discussion or the event is something we share a similar interest in.

Lol, sadly the part in bold sounds very familiar.

My new years resolution was to surround myself with more intellectually stimulating people, or people who "sharpen" me intellectually. Those who can tactfully challenge you, confront you, cause you to rethink long held opinions, inspire, motivate, etc. The smarter and busier you are, the tough this might get. Cognitive functioning is not all about compiling textbook knowledge; it is also about being able to interact with others on more advanced levels. I think this is generally easy when people are young or in school, but gets more difficult afterwards.

 

[esob]

Lol, sadly the part in bold sounds very familiar.

What is the most appropriate and effective way of handling people like that (in bold above or people you just don't like) when you are new to a networking event (and do not know many people in the room)?

In the past, I've tried just tolerating them and the pitfall was that other people assumed that I was their friend. I tried hinting, and the pitfall was that the hint was NOT taken (perhaps I could have hinted better). I tried going to the bathroom to get away, but the pitfall was that the same person tracked me down again. I tried making conversation with others, but guess who came along.... (Don't get me wrong, I've been successful at dealing with this stuff before, but would like to improve further, given that I might give meetups another try... This time probably more brainy meetups or meetups that involve something that requires the qualities I feel are lacking in my social life.)

Personally, I like to engage people, at least if possible, right where they are. I see it as an opportunity to live a bit vicariously through them. I know and have played/recorded music with a RIAA certified diamond artist. Though I've never been into illicit drugs, I find it utterly fascinating when he tells tales of his drug escapades. The idea of someone being that out of control is so foreign to me, that it becomes a bit of a curious obsession. Even the groups I have a really hard time feigning interest in (the yugioh/magic/pokemon card gurus my son idolizes) present an opportunity to learn some other facet of the the diversity of human social groups. I like to imagine if these same groups somehow managed to assemble in primitive times, would they be at an evolutionary advantage or a disadvantage?

Honestly, I came from a small town and was never really exposed to any diverse social groups. Then when I got to basic training, I spent the first 9 weeks of my military career as the only white guy in a squad of all African Americans. They were my bunk mates and my battle buddies through one of the most life-changes experiences I've encountered, and over the course of those 9 weeks I was indoctrinated into a social order that was wholly foreign to me. Imagine my surprise when I realized I had spent the first two decades of my life with such a deep misunderstanding of a group of human beings that could bring such enrichment to my life and share experiences that I would not have otherwise had the opportunity to enjoy. Since that time I've found that even in the fringe groups, there are some things to take away, and almost always there exists a varying degree of members who do embrace that balanced outlook - at least most of the time

 

[CyrilFiggis]

(The people who are my age, are usually much younger than myself.)

But in all seriousness, one of the best things (if you're of the type) is to join a rec league of some sort - kickball, volleyball, table tennis, etc. I've met some great people who range in occupations from investment bankers, to asst. DAs, to TV show writers (I'm in SoCal). Now we're not discussing the relationship between quantum tunneling and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle, but they are certainly intelligent.

 

[Gauss44]

Lol, sadly the part in bold sounds very familiar.

My new years resolution was to surround myself with more intellectually stimulating people, or people who "sharpen" me intellectually. Those who can tactfully challenge you, confront you, cause you to rethink long held opinions, inspire, motivate, etc. The smarter and busier you are, the tough this might get. Cognitive functioning is not all about compiling textbook knowledge; it is also about being able to interact with others on more advanced levels. I think this is generally easy when people are young or in school, but gets more difficult afterwards.

FYI - I edited, albeit a little late. Thanks for above replies.

 

[TallPreMed]

I don't rate my friendships on intelligence level sooooo

I play softball, basketball (2x), and football every week. I have 8 credit hours and this summer will turn full time with 12. I don't really see friends... But I keep to myself. The sports leagues I play in keep me socialized enough to not really want any more social interaction on the weekends. I'll typically work 8-4:30 and then drive to the location of my sporting event and study in the car.

 

[Gauss44]

I don't rate my friendships on intelligence level sooooo

I play softball, basketball (2x), and football every week. I have 8 credit hours and this summer will turn full time with 12. I don't really see friends... But I keep to myself. The sports leagues I play in keep me socialized enough to not really want any more social interaction on the weekends. I'll typically work 8-4:30 and then drive to the location of my sporting event and study in the car.

View attachment 200481

I don't "rate my friendships" either. My friends are my friends.

Growing up in what was essentially an orphanage in the middle of nowhere, and coming to the city primed to relate to people in crisis, I naturally am very non-judgmental. In terms of personal growth, it was pointed out to me that if I want to continue to grow socially, I cannot only interact with people who I am inclined to help, but who I can run mental laps around. Thus, I am making a conscious effort to ALSO include more people in my life who are at least as smart as me.

I like your visual, the triangle with "choose two," because that is what my dilemma feels like (maybe substituting "work" for "grades").

There has been a lot of good advice on here so far. One solution might be visiting regular events where smart people generally go, and if there are people I'm interested in seeing more of, I can return. If not, trying a new event might work out better. (I will try to minimize time investment, keeping in mind that a lack of time investment might have been part of the problem that led to this trend initially.)

 

[TallPreMed]

I don't "rate my friendships" either. My friends are my friends.

Growing up in what was essentially an orphanage in the middle of nowhere, and coming to the city primed to relate to people in crisis, I naturally am very non-judgmental. In terms of personal growth, it was pointed out to me that if I want to continue to grow socially, I cannot only interact with people who I am inclined to help, but who I can run mental laps around. Thus, I am making a conscious effort to ALSO include more people in my life who are at least as smart as me.

I like your visual, the triangle with "choose two," because that is what my dilemma feels like (maybe substituting "work" for "grades").

There has been a lot of good advice on here so far. One solution might be visiting regular events where smart people generally go, and if there are people I'm interested in seeing more of, I can return. If not, trying a new event might work out better. (I will try to minimize time investment, keeping in mind that a lack of time investment might have been part of the problem that led to this trend initially.)

That's what it is like for normal people. For premeds? This is really what it's like!

 

[CyrilFiggis]

@TallPreMed There's an easy solution to that life decagon -
Marry your best friend. That'll combine Love Life, Friends, and Family.
Make your EC's your hobbies. That'll combine two more.
Sleep during class. That's another two.
Don't Eat. If you're not in a relationship, then not eating will make you skinnier and more attractive.

See. Easy.