something has to give... advice, please!

[queenbee]

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[The Bell Jar]

Well maybe you could hire someone to help out with the cooking and cleaning at home,and transporting your mom to and from the doctor.

 

[MiesVanDerMom]

I feel for you. I've got a similar load. Here are some thoughts that may or may not help you sort it out:

1)If you left your job, you could receive COBRA insurance but would have to pay 102% of what your company was paying for the insurance. It lasts for 18 months. It's saved me.

2)How much sleep do you require? I study from 11pm to 2am after my kids go to bed but I don't have to wake up until 730 or 8.

3) Are you the kind of person that does better when very busy/stressed or one who does better in a more balanced situation? If you don't do best with 100 balls in the air, it would make sense to switch to a less time consuming and stressful job. On the other hand, if you've done well in such situiations in the past, maybe all you need is a pep talk.

I have a special needs son and I've been operating at 110% lately but if something were to happen with my son (such as your situation with your mom and aunt) I would slow things down. Family is obviously very important to you, so do what you have to to be there for them and pick things back up afterwards. Unless, as stated above, you know deep down you CAN and WANT to do all of this at once. In that case, come back for a pep talk.

 

[QofQuimica]

I am sorry to hear about your uncle and also your mom having cancer. 🙁

I agree with The Bell Jar that you are going to need to hand off the housework and caretaking in order to have any chance of being able to balance the rest. You said your siblings are adults; why is it still mainly your responsibility to do everything? Presumably your siblings are also living at home and are not also trying to go to medical school like you are. If you've been taking all of the responsibility of caring for your family up to this point, maybe it's time for them to take a turn so that you have some time to devote to your studies. Can the three of you take turns with the doctor visits, housework, etc.? Second, since you must work, can you lighten your class load? It will take you longer to finish, but it's more important to do your classes well than it is to do them quickly. I don't think it's realistic for you to be taking 12-15 hours with everything else you have going on, unless you somehow never need to sleep. Cut your hours in half, or even just take one class, and your schedule will be much more manageable.

Even if you take these two suggestions, I hope your bf is a very understanding man. Because he is literally never going to see you unless he tags along with you on all of your errands.

 

[remo]

You have a full plate to say the least but one thing to keep in mind is that in general you should plan to devote 2-3 hours studying for each hour of class time for your classes. This has been quoted to me by multiple professors and I think it is acccurate when you are striving for A's. Of course this may vary for different people, classes, etc... but I think you might want to consider that you may need more than a 1:1 ratio of class time to study time.

 

[queenbee]

thanks to everyone for responding so quickly. i truly commend all the people out there, like miesvandermom, for being able to make time for their family, follow their dreams and balance all the other responsibilities out there (job, money, etc).

you're all right in saying that i need more than 1:1 study/class ratio. i think that my job will have to take a backseat to the rest of the priorities in my life. i think that i will do cobra and work less, take a leave of absence, or take another job altogether.

i guess i just wanted to vent. thanks for the realistic voice of reasons. if anyone else has anything to add, keep 'em coming.

 

[blee]

queenbee, welcome to SDN.

Some people can actually handle that kind of workload, but most can't. If I were you, I'd cut back as far as possible on your work hours. If you're going to be in class from 6-10, then you will have to study in the morning or early afternoon; if you're working for three days a week from 7-5, you essentially will not be able to study at all on those days! If quizzes, homework, or exams are ever required/administered on those days, you're just asking for disaster in my opinion.

If you have the means, I recommend you cut back even further on your work schedule. If you can avoid work altogether, you might even be able to add another class to your schedule and concentrate on school for a year.

 

[kimmcauliffe]

Hey Queen Bee!

Similar situation here. Three weeks into the new year, one grandma is diagnosed with colon cancer and diabetes, the other falls and breaks her hip... I know how you feel somewhat.

I am also involved with someone who has a chronic back problem (two herniated discs), so I am responsible for the household stuff- cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, ironing. I'll tell you, it's hard, and you will have moments of resentment. But just remember that you're doing this for your family, as well as it will take a lot of time to figure out your own schedule.

Working is important, of course, to pay bills. But your GPA is more important in the long run, so for the time being I would wait and see how you're able to handle the load and then cut hours from there.

Trust me when I say that you will be able to figure it all out. Speaking from experience, you will need to give yourself time to get used to this new schedule. But you WILL figure it out, as you do with all important things.

Another piece of advice for you- you definitely need to set some time aside for yourself. Even with as crazy and bogged down as I get here with my responsibilities and school, all it takes is an hour for a run or 45 minutes surfing to recharge my batteries.

Good luck to you!

 

[Maurizio]

warning - LONG POST. the anonymity of internet... makes it a lot easier to bare my soul. 😉

here's my situation. i have a very difficult schedule that i'm about to start and i need some advice on how to manage all this or what i should bow out of in my life. it's fairly obvious, i'm sure, but i suppose i just need affirmation.

1) i am starting post bac classes next week. specifically, bio & lab, chem & lab & study workshop. classes alone are M-Th, approx 6PM - 10PM (12-15 hours class, i need to set aside the same amount of time for studying)

2) i work in finance and have been offered to work part time so i can make money, pay bills, receive insurance, etc. however, working part time in finance is not really part time. it would be from M-W, approx 7AM - 5PM. (30+ hours)


3) my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. 🙁 i live with my family (mom, dad, 2 adult siblings) and as the oldest, it's my responsibility to take care of cleaning, cooking, taking my mom to the hospital for chemo, talking to her doctors, etc. my siblings are wonderful and help out in anyway possible, but i still have so much to do at home.

4) my uncle passed away last week due to cancer as well. he leaves behind my aunt-in-law and my 13 year old cousin. i would love to see them more often to check up on them. i've always been an older sister to her and take care of her as much as i can.

5) i'm also starting a volunteering program at the hospital my uncle passed away at. that will be about 4 hours a week or so.

will i be able to do all this? should i take a leave of absence of work or take on a less strenuous part time job, perhaps in the medical field (receptionist or something?). will Th - Sun be enough time to study, take care of my mom and family, clean/cook, maintain a healthy relationship with my boyfriend and friends? i would regret if something happened to my mom and i didn't spend enough time with her. but, i need to make money to support my family too, so i can't be unemployed.

i'm tired just reading my post... please help, i think i'm going to collapse of exhaustion, and i haven't even started class yet.

thanks, i hope that you can all offer me some third party insight.

Most hospitals have volunteers that can take patients to treatments and help with some day to day chores. Maybe you can get a volunteer to help you. Maybe you can volutneer for that yourself, this way you can do your volunteer work and help your mother at the same time.

Another option is to skip the volunteer work (for now). If you explain your situation on your applications (about how you couldn't volutneer from this date to that because you're taking care of your family) most adcomms would understand. At least I hopr they would.

Good Luck 👍

 

[queenbee]

thanks again everyone. it's so hard to explain these things to people without their eyes glazing over. i appreciate the honest feedback. in a strange and twisted way, these setbacks in my life give me more motivation to not give up and truly show my family that i can follow my dream if i put my mind to it. they've been so supportive of everything i've done thus far with my life, i just don't want to disappoint anyone, especially my mother.

unlike some mothers that look forward to their daughters getting married, my mother looks forward to me pursuing my dream, once and for all. how could i ever let her down. 😀

thanks again. i will most def keep coming back here for venting/updates.

post bac classes at city college new york start thursday!!

 

[noonday]

first, my deepest condolensces. i lost my godmother to stomach cancer when i was in college, and it's really not fun for anyone involved.

second, it sounds like your siblings need to step up and take some responisbility for helping out (granted, depending on how old they are, but i'd say if they're old enough to drive, they're old enough to help).

third, you're clearly really committed to going to medical school down the line. my question is, how much difference will putting the process of getting there off for a year really make in the long run, as compared to having the kind of experience that you and your mother need to have with each other right now? i know personally that i wish i had taken a year off of college to be with my godmother and grandmother (who was end-stage emphysema at the same time). again, that's just me. you could cut back on work, do a little volunteering, and put off the classes until your mom's situation is resolved (hopefully for the better!). and you would only be a year "off schedule" at most.

that's my $0.02 from my experiences. personally, no matter how important other things may seem in the moment, it's the people close to you who end up really mattering most in the end.

good luck!

 

[mswise34]

thanks to everyone for responding so quickly. i truly commend all the people out there, like miesvandermom, for being able to make time for their family, follow their dreams and balance all the other responsibilities out there (job, money, etc).

you're all right in saying that i need more than 1:1 study/class ratio. i think that my job will have to take a backseat to the rest of the priorities in my life. i think that i will do cobra and work less, take a leave of absence, or take another job altogether.

i guess i just wanted to vent. thanks for the realistic voice of reasons. if anyone else has anything to add, keep 'em coming.

Queenbee,
My professional situation was similar to yours when I decided to go back to school for my med school prereq's. I ended up quiting my job and found a job installing hard wood floors. This gave me the flexibility I needed to focus on my classes which were also from 6-10. Therefore, my advice would be to find a job that is suitable and flexible for you so that you can focus on your classes. Right now, professionally speaking, that is what is important. There are a lot of jobs you can take where you can study at work...it looks like you are working but you are really preparing for your chem test 🙂 I also found study refuge at the local 24 hour restaurant after I got out at 10. It's a perfect time to review what you learned in class that day, get something to eat, and relax.
Also, you might want to cut back on the volunteer hours...I volunteered 1-2 hours a week during this time...every hour you can get helps. It's a busy time but it is worth it and you will probably find that there are people in your class that are also making a career change to medicine and they can be a great support group. Good luck with everything!!

 

[cfdavid]

warning - LONG POST. the anonymity of internet... makes it a lot easier to bare my soul. 😉

here's my situation. i have a very difficult schedule that i'm about to start and i need some advice on how to manage all this or what i should bow out of in my life. it's fairly obvious, i'm sure, but i suppose i just need affirmation.

1) i am starting post bac classes next week. specifically, bio & lab, chem & lab & study workshop. classes alone are M-Th, approx 6PM - 10PM (12-15 hours class, i need to set aside the same amount of time for studying)

2) i work in finance and have been offered to work part time so i can make money, pay bills, receive insurance, etc. however, working part time in finance is not really part time. it would be from M-W, approx 7AM - 5PM. (30+ hours)

3) my mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer. 🙁 i live with my family (mom, dad, 2 adult siblings) and as the oldest, it's my responsibility to take care of cleaning, cooking, taking my mom to the hospital for chemo, talking to her doctors, etc. my siblings are wonderful and help out in anyway possible, but i still have so much to do at home.

4) my uncle passed away last week due to cancer as well. he leaves behind my aunt-in-law and my 13 year old cousin. i would love to see them more often to check up on them. i've always been an older sister to her and take care of her as much as i can.

5) i'm also starting a volunteering program at the hospital my uncle passed away at. that will be about 4 hours a week or so.

will i be able to do all this? should i take a leave of absence of work or take on a less strenuous part time job, perhaps in the medical field (receptionist or something?). will Th - Sun be enough time to study, take care of my mom and family, clean/cook, maintain a healthy relationship with my boyfriend and friends? i would regret if something happened to my mom and i didn't spend enough time with her. but, i need to make money to support my family too, so i can't be unemployed.

i'm tired just reading my post... please help, i think i'm going to collapse of exhaustion, and i haven't even started class yet.

thanks, i hope that you can all offer me some third party insight.

First thing. Can the hospital volunteering for now. When your family matters settle down you can pick something like that up again. But, can the volunteering. You're too busy.

Second. You can't be everything to all people. STOP IT. I understand being there for your family, but you can't do everything.

You obviously have a hard time saying no. That's not healthy. You're a typical care-giver, but you need to check that a bit.

You can always have your aunt drive your cousin over for a few hours on Saturday. Try to arrange for someone else to take your mom to the doctor when it's not possible for you to do so.

You can be a good son/daughter and maintain a healthy life of your own. I am sorry about your mom by the way. That can't be easy. But, don't try to do everything. You need to establish some boundaries.

 

[NeuroResearch]

Hi queenbee,

I'm in NYC too, and will be starting my post-bacc premed courses this semester. I'll be taking Chem I and Physics I. If you'd like a study-buddy, let me know. : )

Best,
NeuroResearch

 

[liverotcod]

I did my post-bacc under a similar load (although, thank God, with no chronic sickness in my family), and it was rough. One thing to keep in mind is that 3rd year and intern year will be even rougher, but that (like most things) they are of finite duration.

I'm with those who suggest not volunteering for now. The only important thing non-trads get from that is clinical experience, which you can get from a few shorter-term shadowing experiences later on.

The school work will depend on how smart you are, frankly. I didn't find the post-bacc work very hard or time-consuming, so it was mostly a matter of putting in all the class and lab hours and a little bit of studying. It's mostly freshman and a few sophomore classes anyway. This is in contrast to med school, which is seriously kicking my butt.

Best wishes and try to stay involved here as your available time evaporates. It will (usually) help you stay sane. Until you start reading the MCAT results threads, anyways.