Speaking

[Algophiliac]

I seem to have huge issues speaking, and not just in front of crowds. Apparently, I tend to mumble, can't speak with the fluid ease of those business majors at my school, and tend to find myself in situations where I honestly can't think of anything to say! Then I have this other weird habit of trying not to breathe all over people when I talk (because it annoys me when people do it to me), so speaking at a close distance one-on-one is a WHOLE other issue!

Anyway...what can I do? How do I get that organized, sales-person-like logical flow of conversation going?! I know people are going to tell me to just practice more, but it's the getting started part that doesn't seem to be happening. I can put myself in a zillion social situations without feeling awkward, and yet I still can't seem to be an excellent communicator. Help!

EDIT: Hmm, this could probably use some clarification. Like, for example, during book discussions, I am not necessarily afraid of raising my hand and speaking in front of the whole class, but when I do so, I can't seem to say exactly what I want to say, forget my train of thought, and cut off abruptly...things like that. There are writing classes all over the place, but no speaking classes.

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[TopSecret]

Medical students and doctors do a lot of face-to-face counseling.

It's not just the medical school interview that you need to overcome....

Also, do you have a significant other? I imagine that you would have difficulties in maintaining any sort of relationship given your fear of breathing on others.

 

[Algophiliac]

Everyone everywhere does a lot of speaking and face-to-face talking, TopSecret. Looking cute and shy doesn't really work that well after age 10 or so. Hence my question.

 

[BlueElmo]

You can try Toastmasters or something. Or just practice talking to yourself in front of the mirror.

 

[TopSecret]

Everyone everywhere does a lot of speaking and face-to-face talking, TopSecret. Looking cute and shy doesn't really work that well after age 10 or so. Hence my question.

Ah. You might want to try acting classes or the local community theater group. Seriously. Stage acting. There are clubs for that and they are free.

 

[bellakk]

I seem to have huge issues speaking, and not just in front of crowds. Apparently, I tend to mumble, can't speak with the fluid ease of those business majors at my school, and tend to find myself in situations where I honestly can't think of anything to say! Then I have this other weird habit of trying not to breathe all over people when I talk (because it annoys me when people do it to me), so speaking at a close distance one-on-one is a WHOLE other issue!

Anyway...what can I do? How do I get that organized, sales-person-like logical flow of conversation going?! I know people are going to tell me to just practice more, but it's the getting started part that doesn't seem to be happening. I can put myself in a zillion social situations without feeling awkward, and yet I still can't seem to be an excellent communicator. Help!

EDIT: Hmm, this could probably use some clarification. Like, for example, during book discussions, I am not necessarily afraid of raising my hand and speaking in front of the whole class, but when I do so, I can't seem to say exactly what I want to say, forget my train of thought, and cut off abruptly...things like that. There are writing classes all over the place, but no speaking classes.

Does your school have a career-services type office? Mine does and you can set up mock-inverviews. Though they are used to doing business/job interviews and wont be able to help much with "why do you want to be a doctor?" questions, but they will be able to help with speaking and mannerisms. Also, set up a mock interview with your premed advisor or even a faculty member you like. Just tell them that you have problems articulating clearly (or whatever you want to tell them), if they wrote you a letter, im sure they'd be glad to help.

I should also add that I know exactly what you mean. I'm a fast thinker, but have problems turning the toughts into clear words.

 

[J ROD]

Go to your local clubs and bars and get drunk. Then, start hitting on people until you feel comfortable. Then, drink less until you can do it without liquid courage.

Before you know it, you will be a champion of the tongue!

 

[lstone13]

I seem to have huge issues speaking, and not just in front of crowds. Apparently, I tend to mumble, can't speak with the fluid ease of those business majors at my school, and tend to find myself in situations where I honestly can't think of anything to say! Then I have this other weird habit of trying not to breathe all over people when I talk (because it annoys me when people do it to me), so speaking at a close distance one-on-one is a WHOLE other issue!

Anyway...what can I do? How do I get that organized, sales-person-like logical flow of conversation going?! I know people are going to tell me to just practice more, but it's the getting started part that doesn't seem to be happening. I can put myself in a zillion social situations without feeling awkward, and yet I still can't seem to be an excellent communicator. Help!

EDIT: Hmm, this could probably use some clarification. Like, for example, during book discussions, I am not necessarily afraid of raising my hand and speaking in front of the whole class, but when I do so, I can't seem to say exactly what I want to say, forget my train of thought, and cut off abruptly...things like that. There are writing classes all over the place, but no speaking classes.

There are tons of self-help books on public speaking, and what I would recommend is buying an audio version of one of these books. Listen to it in your car or in your apartment and practice with it when you are alone.

 

[Yudid]

I seem to have huge issues speaking, and not just in front of crowds. Apparently, I tend to mumble, can't speak with the fluid ease of those business majors at my school, and tend to find myself in situations where I honestly can't think of anything to say! Then I have this other weird habit of trying not to breathe all over people when I talk (because it annoys me when people do it to me), so speaking at a close distance one-on-one is a WHOLE other issue!

Anyway...what can I do? How do I get that organized, sales-person-like logical flow of conversation going?! I know people are going to tell me to just practice more, but it's the getting started part that doesn't seem to be happening. I can put myself in a zillion social situations without feeling awkward, and yet I still can't seem to be an excellent communicator. Help!

EDIT: Hmm, this could probably use some clarification. Like, for example, during book discussions, I am not necessarily afraid of raising my hand and speaking in front of the whole class, but when I do so, I can't seem to say exactly what I want to say, forget my train of thought, and cut off abruptly...things like that. There are writing classes all over the place, but no speaking classes.

Take more speech classes. I dont know if it will make you feel better but ur situation is not as bad as mine because i love to talk, usually talk as nonstop but not all people understand me!;( Because i speak with accent and my english is bit broken... So, sometimes i have to explain my ideas twice, because of that i get nervious, and forget what i wanted to say initially lol. But its ok, i try to practice, read more and not to use my nattive language.....

 

[calnation]

Ah. You might want to try acting classes or the local community theater group. Seriously. Stage acting. There are clubs for that and they are free.

I agree with this 100%. Worked for me.

 

[echolalia16]

I have the same problem, but its only with authority figures. I have no trouble articulating when I'm with friends or family (in fact I'm usually the clown of the group), but when it comes to bosses, professors, etc, I continuously lose my train of thought mid-sentence, or can't find the right word to use. Sometimes I'll actually plan out sentences on paper before I say them when I'm about to call someone I do not know
It seems that its actually a positive feedback, because it appears to be caused (in part) by when I focus too much on what I say. When I focus too much I tend to goof up mid-sentence, and that makes me more conscious of what I'm trying to say later on.

Anyway my plan is to review common interview questions ALOT and come up with good answers for them, and hopefully squeak in some light humor to ease the stress of speaking early on.

If it makes you feel better, I know of a resident in the department that I work with (radonc) who is a total social cripple down to where he can't even make eye contact when speaking to you. Sure the patients aren't going to be too pleased with his social skills, but he made it this far, right? We should be able to, also.

 

[searun]

Ah. You might want to try acting classes or the local community theater group. Seriously. Stage acting. There are clubs for that and they are free.

I am pretty outgoing and I took both acting classes and public speaking classes in college, even though I was a biochemistry major. The skills I learned in these classes have been very useful in med school. So good suggestion. These classes would be even more useful if you are naturally introverted.

 

[ChemEngSoonMD]

I seem to have huge issues speaking, and not just in front of crowds. Apparently, I tend to mumble, can't speak with the fluid ease of those business majors at my school, and tend to find myself in situations where I honestly can't think of anything to say! Then I have this other weird habit of trying not to breathe all over people when I talk (because it annoys me when people do it to me), so speaking at a close distance one-on-one is a WHOLE other issue!

Anyway...what can I do? How do I get that organized, sales-person-like logical flow of conversation going?! I know people are going to tell me to just practice more, but it's the getting started part that doesn't seem to be happening. I can put myself in a zillion social situations without feeling awkward, and yet I still can't seem to be an excellent communicator. Help!

EDIT: Hmm, this could probably use some clarification. Like, for example, during book discussions, I am not necessarily afraid of raising my hand and speaking in front of the whole class, but when I do so, I can't seem to say exactly what I want to say, forget my train of thought, and cut off abruptly...things like that. There are writing classes all over the place, but no speaking classes.

The self help section at barnes and nobles is pretty big.

 

[Trexate]

I second the talking to yourself in a mirror thing.

There are few things more insane than looking at yourself while talking to yourself. Once you can do it seriously, you should be good to go.

 

[Algophiliac]

Thanks. I guess I could try joining a theater club, but unfortunately my family (i.e. wallet) frowns upon taking such classes in college. But I wonder how reading off a memorized script helps?

I'm very much like you, echolalia16, except that I can talk easily only around people I'm very comfortable with, and that's not very many people at all. This probably has something to do with me thinking all of the time...and sometimes having to slow those thoughts down and relate them in a way others (who are not in my head) can understand proves difficult.

 

[mirrorpair]

/[begin rant]

In my experience, it tends to boil down to a confidence issue. To be more confident you have to know what you want, why you want it, and knowing what your boundaries are in social settings. This sounds easy. It isn't.

The first two are more of a competency issue: if you know what you're talking about you tend to speak more freely. For instance, have you ever helped somebody with a class you know really well? You probably have a much easier time speaking in that case than with helping someone in a class you aren't so good at. If someone argues with you (and you know they're wrong), you're probably more willing to stand up for yourself.

If you know what you want and why you want it, then you'll stop caring so much about what other people think because their concerns are secondary to your desires.

Knowing the boundaries in social settings is a bit harder and I'm still working on that myself. We're more apt to be confident around people who don't have much power over us (e.g. friends) than we are around people who do have power over us (e.g. professors, adcoms, etc.). Even then, if you know what you really want then this issue tends to resolve itself. I used to have trouble asking for help from professors because I didn't want to look incompetent; later, I decided I cared more about learning the material so I didn't hesitate in asking a bunch of stupid questions and stopped caring what they thought. Oddly enough, they respected my determination. Just don't be so confident that you're a jackass.

The techniques mentioned in this thread will help but you should keep in mind that having supreme confidence is a powerful tool that is often poorly wielded. Supremely confident people can get what they think they want but it may not be what they really want because they haven't thought it through. For instance, someone who thinks they want to go to med school may get in via artificial confidence but years down the road they might find they made a terrible mistake. Even worse, supreme confidence can hurt other people. Used-car salesmen come to mind...

In short, spend a lot of time really trying to discover yourself and a lot of these issues will resolve themselves.

/[end rant]

 

[ChemEngSoonMD]

 

[mirrorpair]

Spence's book is basically the same as the argument I gave, except he talks more about how to empower people so they'll side with your argument (which is important but I didn't want to make my post too long).

 

[ChemEngSoonMD]

Spence's book is basically the same as the argument I gave, except he talks more about how to empower people so they'll side with your argument (which is important but I didn't want to make my post too long).

I have come to realize that people can only help themselves. Thats why I just give them the book name. If they aren't going to read the book, why should I type out a 2 page response?

 

[Zona Pellucida]

Hmm. Is this a confidence issue?

Edit:

Oops sorry mirrorpair... kinda missed your blob of text up there but I completely agree.

 

[mirrorpair]

Hmm. Is this a confidence issue?

Maybe not--but a lot of times it is. I'm just putting it out there since no one else mentioned it.

 

[Algophiliac]

WOW, mirrorpair, you're absolutely right! When I'm passionate about something, speaking is so easy...so I decided to test your theory by feigning confidence and happiness...and ended up having a decent conversation with a new freshman on campus! Thank you!

 

[premad]

You can try Toastmasters or something. Or just practice talking to yourself in front of the mirror.

To the suggestion of Toastmasters. I haven't gone through it, but one of my professors swears by it and recommends it to students in my program all the time. He feels that it really has made a big difference in students feeling more comfortable and more fluid at extemporaneous speech, even if the program sounds pretty cheesy.