Speciality jokes

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Serous Demilune said:
Scalpels are really sharp you guys.
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It's not the sharp end that worries us; it's the dullness at the other end. ;)
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What is a urologist's favorite keyboard shortcut?

Ctrl-P
 
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So, exactly where is the line in this thread?
UVYlaAT.jpg
 
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A colorectal surgeon was sued for malpractice.

He claimed the patient was just butthurt.
 
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What do surgeons think when they hear thunder/lightning from inside their OR? That god is taking a picture of them

What do you call a doctor who is always on the phone? An onCALLogist huehuehuehue
 
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"Well I have some good news and bad news - your smear test came back okay, but I'm the Janitor."
 
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What's the difference between a physician, a surgeon, a psychiatrist, and a pathologist ?

The physician knows everything and does nothing.
The surgeon knows nothing and does everything.
The psychiatrist knows nothing and does nothing.
The pathologist knows everything, but always a week too late.
 
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DermViser said:
Five doctors went on a duck hunt: a GP, a pediatrician, a psychiatrist, a surgeon, and a pathologist. After a while a bird came winging overhead, the GP raised his shotgun but didn't shoot because he wasn't sure if it was a duck or not. The pediatrician also raised his gun, but then he wasn't sure if it was a male or female duck, so he didn't shoot. The psychiatrist raised his gun and then thought, I know that's a duck, but does the duck know it's a duck?" The surgeon was the only one who shot. Boom!! He blew it away. Then he turned to the pathologist and said, "Go see if that was a duck."
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There are many variations on this one. The one I heard was a Surgeon, internist and EM doc. The first bird flies by and the surgeon says, overly confidently, "it's a duck !" and shoots it. The next bird flies by and the IM doc scratches his head saying, "it looks like a duck, but could be an eagle", letting the bird escape. The third bird comes by and the EM doc shoots it, and then turns to the other two and asks "was it a duck?"
 
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tco said:
You misspelled, "is hilarious."
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He's either an MS-0 or a just starting MS-1. He still has the clutching of pearls moment when he deems certain jokes to be unprofessional. He just had his white coat ceremony after all.
 
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Q. Who do you call for a dermatologic emergency?
A. The Burn Surgeon.
 
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AsclepiusMD said:
Q. Who do you call for a dermatologic emergency?
A. The Burn Surgeon.
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This actually isn't a joke. This is what really happens, assuming the hospital has a burn unit. I mean, I realize all jokes need a kernel of truth to be funny, but this one is just flat out true.
 
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What's the difference between an MD anesthesiologist and a CRNA?

One has better job prospects, less debt, and less training.
 
Wait. That wasn't funny.

Sorry. :shrug:
 
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AsclepiusMD said:
I like it to poke fun at dermatology.
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You're not getting it. A joke is if it doesn't happen in real life. It's like if you said:
Q. Who do you call for a trauma?
A. The Orthopedic doc.

It's not funny, bc it happens in real life. There is no actual punchline.
 
DermViser said:
You're not getting it. A joke is if it doesn't happen in real life. It's like if you said:
Q. Who do you call for a trauma?
A. The Orthopedic doc.

It's not funny, bc it happens in real life. There is no actual punchline.
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Could be an anti-joke.

Examples:

Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He was hit by a bus
An irishman walks out of a bar.
What would george washington do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch the lid of his coffin
 
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DermViser

(pssst.... thats the whole joke)
 
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Let's throw some nurse jokes in here.

What are the 3 differences between a bullet and a VA nurse?
1- A bullet will reliably draw blood.
2- A bullet usually kills only one person at a time.
3- A bullet can be fired.
 
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DermViser said:
You're not getting it. A joke is if it doesn't happen in real life. It's like if you said:
Q. Who do you call for a trauma?
A. The Orthopedic doc.

It's not funny, bc it happens in real life. There is no actual punchline.
Click to expand...

In a life or death situation, when things really matter, you don't call the dermatologist. That's whats in between the lines that your inherent bias prevents you from seeing/admitting. Stop singling me out on this forum over the most mundane and irrelevant things, you pedant. Humor takes all forms, there's more than one right way to do it. Now get over yourself and dermabrate this rash on my thigh. Thanks.

masaraksh said:
DermViser

(pssst.... thats the whole joke)
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100% agree @masaraksh
 
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AsclepiusMD said:
In a life or death situation, when things really matter, you don't call the dermatologist. That's whats in between the lines that your inherent bias prevents you from seeing/admitting.
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You see, though, it's not funny or clever. No Dermatologist thinks they are the person to be handling an obviously severe burn case that is likely to involve surgical care. There's no "between the lines" there whatsoever.

Your "joke" wasn't good. It wasn't even dadjoke quality. It really was akin to the ortho nonjoke example given above.

We get that you were trying to pick on Derm, that's fine. But at least make it clever so we can appreciate it.


AsclepiusMD said:
Humor takes all forms, there's more than one right way to do it.
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Humor indeed takes many forms. I encourage you to find one of them.
 
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Frankly, I'm not worried if you personally think I'm funny or not.
 
This is a good one I found, not specialty related, but funny. Credits to http://www.doctorslounge.com/humour/jokes.htm
  • The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to play doctor."
    "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
    "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company."
 
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AsclepiusMD said:
In a life or death situation, when things really matter, you don't call the dermatologist. That's whats in between the lines that your inherent bias prevents you from seeing/admitting. Stop singling me out on this forum over the most mundane and irrelevant things, you pedant. Humor takes all forms, there's more than one right way to do it. Now get over yourself and dermabrate this rash on my thigh. Thanks.
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You don't get it (not surprised). I am more than happy to laugh at Derm jokes that poke fun at Derm in all aspects, including lifestyle, and there are tons of them. The reason that your joke fell flat (except with a circlejerk laugh from an MS-0), is that something like a burn many times involves surgery getting involved. THAT'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

That's why your joke sucked. If you're going to make a joke about lifestyle, then do so, as I find those funny too. Right now, the only place where your joke was actually funny are the neurons in your own head (and the MS-0).
 
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Man, serious business in this joke thread these days.
 
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DermViser said:
You don't get it (not surprised). I am more than happy to laugh at Derm jokes that poke fun at Derm in all aspects, including lifestyle, and there are tons of them. The reason that your joke fell flat (except with a circlejerk laugh from an MS-0), is that something like a burn many times involves surgery getting involved. THAT'S WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENS.

That's why your joke sucked. If you're going to make a joke about lifestyle, then do so, as I find those funny too. Right now, the only place where your joke was actually funny are the neurons in your own head (and the MS-0).
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TL;DR - because this is over a passing joke, you gigantic tool. By all means, feel free to continue wasting your time with long messages directed at me - they are met by blind eyes.
 
AsclepiusMD said:
TL;DR - because this is over a passing joke, you gigantic tool. By all means, feel free to continue wasting your time with long messages directed at me - they are met by blind eyes.
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Never mind. Understanding what the words "joke" and "punchline" are, is apparently above your paygrade.
 
Here's another one:
000h437t
 
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