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Tell me a dirty joke.

Discussion in 'Pre-Medical - MD' started by whyadoctor?, Nov 2, 2002.

  1. whyadoctor?

    whyadoctor? Senior Member
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    Interviewer - "Know any jokes."

    Me - "No clean ones."

    Interviewer - "Knock my socks off."

    Me - "I don't think so."

    What would you have done? Told a nasty joke? I probably shouldn't have said, "No clean ones." But, assuming you said that, would you tell a dirty joke to your interviewer?

    :)
     
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  3. johnstoner

    johnstoner Ben Franklin on Hashish
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    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?

    a stick
     
  4. poloace

    poloace Senior Member
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    what do you call a shi*ty ass dog?

    a cat

    peter
     
  5. Stan

    Stan Senior Member
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    A termite walks into a bar and asks: Is the bar tender here?


    Why do Europeans bring a car door to the desert? So they can roll down they window if it gets too hot. :)
     
  6. Doctor Octopus

    Doctor Octopus Hospitalist
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    At one of my interviews, me and my two interviewers exchanged lawyer jokes.
     
  7. Woots32

    Woots32 kinda funky, kinda fine
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    Where do generals keep their armies?

    IN THEIR SLEEVIES!

    What do you call a jack-o-lantern's circumference divided by it's diameter?

    PUMPKIN PI! (assuming my math's right... ) ;)
     
  8. JScrusader

    JScrusader Senior Member
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    How are women and clams alike?





    You don't eat them when the red tide comes.




    Sorry, I know its gross
     
  9. Zoobaby

    Zoobaby Monkey Wrench
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    What's brown and sounds like a bell??




















    DUUUUNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!
     
  10. poloace

    poloace Senior Member
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    how does shiz sound like a bell? sorry- i just woke up-
    p

    wait- i just got it.
    p
     
  11. Exene

    Exene Senior Member
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    Oh god, Peter, I have to tell you this joke is dumb as hell but just made me insuppressibly laugh out loud so that the dude next to me in the computer lab asked what I was laughing at...I had to tell him the joke, he rolled his eyes and didn't laugh at all. Beat him up, beat him up!

    PS This from a girl whose favorite joke is:
    Q: What's brown and sticky?
    A: A stick!
    This is what I would have told my interviewer, and then would have gotten rejected because I can never control my own laughter whenever I tell that joke. Nothing worse than laughing at your own ******ed joke- but at least I realize the joke sucks! Why I am so taken with it continues to be a mystery.
     
  12. Random Access

    Random Access 1K Member
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    [sometimes I tell the dialog in Scottish accent]
    So there's this guy sitting in a bar, and he strikes up a conversation with the guy next to him.

    He says to the guy, "my name's Malcolm. I built the bridge across the street. But do they call me Malcolm the Bridge Builder? No, they don't do that.

    "I built half the people in this town's houses, but do they call me Malcolm the Housebuilder? No, they don't do that.

    "I even built this bar. But do they call me Malcolm the Bar Builder? No, they don't do that.

    "But ya f**k one goat..."
     
  13. Meridian

    Meridian Senior Member
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    sorry had to bring up an old thread, but here's one..

    I got this from maxim

    an ant and an elephant share a night of romance. the next day, the ant wakes up to find hte elephant dead. the ant says "damn, one night of passion and I end up digging a frickin' grave for the rest of my life"
     
  14. gramcracker

    gramcracker Emergency Medicine Attending
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    Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?




    A: A fish.




    Q: How do you kill a circus?






    A: Go for the juggler.
     
  15. cabruen

    7+ Year Member

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    Q: How many French men does it take to defend Paris?



    A: Nobody knows, they've never tried to.
     
  16. Naphtali

    Naphtali superific member
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    Heh... when I interviewed at Temple, my interviewer asked me if I ever drank. But asked it in a certain way... what a loaded question! I gave some bs wimp-out answer about having one now and then, but, seeing as I've decided I'm not going to Temple, I wish I would have said "Drink?!? I drink like a fish."

    And speaking of jokes, here's a science joke I like:

    A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time. The physicist says, "Look at those waves. I'm going to study their harmonic motion." He wades out into the water and drowns.

    The biologist says, "Wow! The sea is teeming with life! I'm going to study the flora and fauna." He wades out into the water, and also drowns.

    The chemist stands on the shore, and thinks for a moment. Then he pulls out his notebook, and writes, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in seawater."

    -Naphtali
     
  17. Adcadet

    Adcadet Long way from Gate 27
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    My statistics-major fiance told this biostat-loving epidemiology person this one:

    a chemist, physicist, and statistician are in a room when a fire breaks out in the trash can. The chemist yells to the others "quick, smother it with water so as to deprive the chemical reaction of oxygen." The physicist yells back, "no, we must cool it down so as to reduce the energy below that required for combustion." The two start bickering back and forth, when they see the statistician running around the room setting lots of little fires. They ask him what he's doing, to which he replies "if we're ever going to get to the bottom of this, we're going to need a larger sample size!"
     
  18. X

    X

    Here is my favorite clean doctor joke:

    So a guy calls the hospital and the nurse picks up the phone:
    Guy: Yes I was calling to see how Mr. Norton is doing.
    Nurse: Oh Mr. Norton, he is doing fine, In fact Mr. Norton will be released tomorrow. May I tell Mr. Norton who is calling?
    Guy: Yeah this is Mr. Norton. Doctors don't tell me nuthin.



    EXENE: here is a stupid one that I love (funniest thing I ever heard), but most people don't like it. I thought you might appreciate it...here it goes.

    Why did the first monkey fall off the tree?

    He got shot

    Why did the second monkey fall off the tree?

    He was stapled to the first monkey.

    Why did the third monkey fall off the tree?

    Peer Pressure



    X
     
  19. surge

    surge Medicinski Znanstvenik
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    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: LMAO

    This was really funny!!!


    So here's my only experience at interviews....
    I was at UTSouthwestern in Dallas for my first interview and we were getting a tour of Parkland Memorial (actually Children's) which is awesome and sort of famous in the area for this huge room by the lobby which has a huge model train set. Seriously, it's a small world all around the room, you actually walk through it and can go upstairs....mountains, bridges, everything.... The kids go there and watch the trains go around....

    So we're getting the tour from a student, and she is telling us about the trains. We're all standing there, and suddenly, this classic joke comes to my mind.... And, of course, my stupid ass tells it out loud w/o thinking....:D

    What's the similarity between toy trains and women's breasts?
    .
    .
    Both were meant for children, but grown men love to play with them.


    Naturally, all the guys in the tour group start cracking up.... you should've seen the looks I got from the ladies :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
     
  20. imperator

    imperator Member
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    A man slips and falls down in a pool of mud.
     
  21. X

    X

    Surge


    Here is another one:

    So this guy goes to the psychiatrists office and he says, "doctor I have a problem, i think i am a dog."
    the psychiatrists looks at him for a second and is puzzled and he finally answers - "no problem, I think I can help you, have a seat over there on the couch."
    The guy goes "but doctor, I am not allowed on the couch."

    X
     
  22. desertscholar

    desertscholar Math Rocks
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    okay,
    ever since I read that during that someday time when I finally get to interview, that someone might ask me to tell a joke, the only one I could tell that I know, probably would not be acceptable. But I'll share my only and favorite joke with you.

    Okay its creation time and God is busy doing his creating. Finally it's time to decide who gets to stand up and pee--Adam or Eve?
    Of course Adam tells God "I want to be able to stand up and pee." And of course Eve asks God to be able to do the same. So God asks them to give him a moment so he can think about this and come up with a solution. After pondering awhile, God comes up with his answer. "Okay Adam you get to stand up and Pee" Eve looks crestfallen. "But Eve," God continues "You get the multiple orgasms."
    :D drum roll ba da bang!
    Of course in mixed company the women are rolling on the floor laughing and the men are looking a little uncomfortable.:laugh: :laugh:
     
  23. Iffy premed

    Iffy premed Premed No More
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    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
    that is funny!! However, I don't think many female get the golden opportunity of having multiple orgasms very often.
     
  24. JumboFool

    JumboFool Fantasy Baseball Addict
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    Two men were drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State
    Building.

    One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."

    The bartender overhears this and just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping down the bar.

    The second man says, "What are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen!"

    The first man says, "No, it's true. Let me prove it to you."

    He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens toward the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window, where he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

    The second man says, "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one-time fluke."

    The first man says, "No, it isn't. I'll prove it again!" And again he
    jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.

    Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

    The second man says, "Well, what the hell, it works, I'll try it."

    He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, and passes
    the...11th.......10th.......9th.......8th.......7th.......
    6th........5th.......4th........3rd........2nd...... 1st........ And
    hits he sidewalk with a splat.


    Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker and says,

    "You know, Superman, you're a real dingus when you're drunk."
     
  25. AAKRAZY

    AAKRAZY Member
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    Why are Pirate jokes so funny?

    The just ARRRRRRRRRE!
     
  26. JumboFool

    JumboFool Fantasy Baseball Addict
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    What was the pirate movie rated?


    (see punchline to previous joke)
     
  27. badgergirl

    badgergirl look! i have no avatar...
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    So a chick and a horse live on a farm together. One day after a rainstorm, the chick hears the horse yelling for help. The chick runs to the horse to find that he is stuck in a huge muddy pit and can't get out. Of course, the chick knows what to do -- she runs off and gets the farmer's Mercedes, backs it up to the horse, throws a rope around him, and pulls him out. The very next day, though, the horse hears the chick crying for help. The mud pit has mostly dried up, but the chick is now stuck and can't get out. The horse, however, sees that he can actually straddle the muddy part, so he stands over the chick, extends down his you-know-what, and the chick grabs on and is pulled to safety. So you know what the moral of the story is, right? If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks. :D
     
  28. Moskeeto

    Moskeeto Feminist
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    I think this one gets my gold star, i was leaning towards the boomerang/stick one, but this, this is nice.:)
     

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