An accurate portrayal of a real ER would be
"Ma'am, sorry I don't know what is causing your pain. But you can go home."
"Sir, sorry I don't know what is causing your pain. But no emergency!"
"Ma'am, I know what is causing your stomach pain. TOO MUCH WEED."
"Sir, I know what is causing your pain. Your bad hip is getting worse. Sorry I don't hip replacements."
"Ma'am, I know why you can't breathe. You didn't take your COPD medications for 2 weeks. What a surprise."
"Ma'am.....sir.....ma'am.....sir......ma'am......sir......"
"Sir, I know what's going! Yes YOU ARE HAVING A HEART ATTACK!"
"Sir, I'm being serious I'm not joking."
"Sir...why would I lie to you?"
"Sir...I don't think you should leave. 100,000s of people a year die from heart attacks."
"Sir...that wasn't nice. Don't wave your finger at me again."
"Sir...I don't give dilaudid to people who are having a heart attack."
"Sir...it matters not that the ER doc three days ago gave you dilaudid for your chest pain and sent you home."
"Sir...yes I just looked at the chart and you have been given dilaudid 14 times over the past 9 months for your so called chronic pericarditis. But this time you are having a heart attack!"
"SIR!!!! I'm NOT F'ING AROUND HERE!"
"SIR!! Fine, if you want to leave AMA then please repeat after me. I FULLY UNDERSTAND AND COMPREHEND THAT I PREDICT YOU WILL DROP DEAD IN 2 HOURS, MAYBE LESS."
"SIR, your wife is in the lobby and she wants to come back"
Wife: "SIR! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU GET ADMITTED! JUST GET THE F ADMITTED. DON'T PLAY WITH ME"