"Things I learn" & "Medicine Sucks" discussion thread

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Some of the side discussions and posts from the patient perspective are changing the intended focus of the thread. The EM mods have discussed this and consequently we are going to move the posts which are not in line with the thread's original intent to this seperate thread. We hope everyone enjoys both threads going forward.
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khereva said:
Delurking long enough to wonder if said nutbar tried pressing "Eject"... :idea:
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Eject the coax cable?

I would love it if there were some off-the-****ing-wall movie in there, like FernGully or something.
 
"" Your primary nurse will have to be restrained from clubbing you upside the head with the external pacemaker. ""


Good one. Some people should have a " Here's Your Sign " :smack:on there head to Warn us of them.
 
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telenurse said:
When you are s/p open heart surgery and are in afib with occasional pauses, your pacer wires are hooked up to the external pacer with vpacing on demand, DO NOT UNPLUG THE EXTERNAL PACEMAKER BECAUSE THE POUCH IT IS CARRIED IN "CHAFES" YOUR NECK!!!!!!
When you arouse after 9 seconds of asystole to find your nurse reattaching the pacemaker, your bed in the low CPR position, alarms going off, one person with their hand on your carotid, another getting ready to do compressions on that fresh sternotomy inc. and you say "I feel dizzy..." Your primary nurse will have to be restrained from clubbing you upside the head with the external pacemaker.
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VERY nice. :thumbup:
 
beanbean said:
UTox +opiates with ~$200 of heroin in her purse: " I don't use drugs, I rub it on my gums to stop the pain when I have a toothache."
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How stupid do people think doctors/cops/etc. are?
 
comawhite said:
2. If you get drunk and decide to dance, don't fall over and fracture your tibia. If you do, don't wear expensive lingerie to the hospital. If you must, please wear something over it. If you can't manage that, don't be an overweight, sweating mountain of a middle-aged man.

3. Apparently if I ask you if there is any chance you could be pregnant, it is acceptable to answer 'no' even if you have had a LOT of unprotected sex and you skipped your last period.
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Were these from the same patient.

:D
 
Here is one from my own experience as an ER patient.

If you are awakened at 4:45 a.m. from a sound sleep by one of your cats making "I am a Mighty Hunter and have just caught my wily prey" noises, by all means go to investigate. If the light in the room where the cat is doesn't work, it's a good idea not to put on your glasses or turn on the hall light. You wouldn't actually want to see what's going on, after all.

If your cat is batting at a dark object on the floor, and your differential list is a sock, a pile of poop, or a pile of vomit, definitely reach down to attempt to pick the object up.

After the object bites you, finally turning on the hall light is a good idea. When the object turns out to be a bat who has somehow gotten into a room through a half-inch opening in the window, it's a really good idea to toss the bat out the window, so that it can't be tested for rabies.

(BTW, it's also a good idea to have your titers done at the recommended intervals...)

When choosing a local ER, it's a good idea to bypass the local university teaching hospital, which at that hour on an early Sunday a.m. is probably full of drunks, in favor of the quieter private hospital ER. (I actually was smart enough to do this.)

It's also a really good idea to be extra-polite to the desk staff, nurses, and doctor, because they will treat you nicely, not laugh at you in front of you (I was laughing at myself, which probably also helped), and get you out of there in under 90 minutes with a sore thumb, a sore upper arm, and a really sore butt, but no rabies.
 
Truth74 said:
Go ahead and light that m160 and crouch nearby with your butt facing the rocket. Your wife won't laugh at you on the way to and from the hospital.
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LOL Truth I am hoping this is not a "personal experience" post... if it is, I hope Dear Hubby is okay!!!!! :laugh:
 
49 years ago on July 3 1960 I was burned while playing with matches with a friend of mine, I received 3 rd degree burns over 35% of my body. PLEASE parents watch out for your children and the children of others. -- status on facebook...needs to be spread to the above patients prior to their doing stupid things
 
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In two straight weeks we had two young guys get their left orbit and part of their frontal lobe blown off after looking down the hole of a mortar style firework. I took care of the guy that had just made it through a tour of duty in Iraq. IED's are everywhere, especially this time of year.
 
Delurking to comment on fireworks. My five-year-old daughter was burned at a community fireworks display when a rocket went off sideways. Only a minor injury, but she was scared of fireworks for years afterwards.

Folks recall this from 2007 July 4th?

From a witness:
When the fuse lit , it went immediately. Her face happened to be directly over the area the first mortor shot out and it exploded as soon as it hit her face knocking her back a couple feet . I was sitting about 50 feet away with my 6 yr old son who luckily didn't realize what happened. I immediately ran him back home which is only about 80 to 90 feet away from the scene , had my wife call 911 and I ran back . As she was laying there the mortars were still blowing off and no one was trying to help, they were all running around screaming . I then ran up in a crouched position to try and keep from not getting burned because I wanted to pull her away from the flames and sparks shooting out so she wouldn't catch on fire. Once I got close enough to her I just turned around and ran to get myself to safety because I saw there was no saving her. Her face, eyes, nose mouth teeth and brain were gone .
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dchristismi said:
If you happen to have a condition-dependent rash, it would help to know your condition for me to even have a shot at guessing the rash.

Like that third trimester pregnancy... you know, why you keep having weird "gas" pains. And no period for, like, 8 months.

(She was a nice enough gal, just didn't put two and two together. Once we figured out she was not only pregnant, but very pregnant, the pruritic and urticarial plaques and papules made a lot more sense.):laugh:
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Stuff like this always baffles me. I just don't understand how someone could be pregnant and not know it. If anything, didn't she wonder why she was suddenly gaining so much weight? :confused:
 
I don't imagine she gained that much weight. She was a big girl to begin with. She certainly didn't scream "30 weeks pregnant" to me.
 
starlene45 said:
LOL Truth I am hoping this is not a "personal experience" post... if it is, I hope Dear Hubby is okay!!!!! :laugh:
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Oh, it was only a graze when they got his shorts off. He's just fine. Man, did I laugh and laugh...:rolleyes: Phew, it's still funny. I still love him, though.
 
Riblah said:
If you are a SI/HI psych patient that is drunk and high, with "PSYCHO" tattooed across your abdomen and have to be restrained due to being combative, you should definitely whistle ear-piercingly-loud to get somebodies attention. When we come to find out what you want, tell us that you want the f*#k out.

When we tell you that you can't be let out of the restraints, cuss us out some more and keep up this act of whistling and demanding to be let out so that we just draw your curtain, shut the door and ignore you. Because after a while you'll stop whistling because you want out and start whistling because you really need to crap.

Since we can't tell the difference we'll keep on ignoring you. You should then stick your butt out the back of your gown, between the rails of the gurney, and proceed to take the largest crap in history all over our floor while somehow managing to keep yourself strikingly clean.

Oh and be sure to be Hep C positive for all this, it will really brighten your nurses day!
Click to expand...

thorazine 25 mg IV....nite nite:laugh:
 
Kittenmommy said:
Now see, this is why you should never give your doctor a hard time; s/he has access to the Big Guns of the drug world! :D
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:laugh:

When I rotated on floors and the ER I had my own cocktail call haldavan.

Haldol and Ativan mixed together in the same syringe. Nighty-nite!
 
Tigerz_Fan said:
:laugh:

When I rotated on floors and the ER I had my own cocktail call haldavan.

Haldol and Ativan mixed together in the same syringe. Nighty-nite!
Click to expand...

I'm not a medical person (I'm in this thread and a couple of others strictly for the lulz), so I had to look those up. Nighty-night indeed! :D
 
B-52
benadryl 50, haldol 5 and ativan 2 in the same syringe....can even be injected through blue jeans.
 
exi said:
That... sounds tasty.
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Benadryl by itself puts me right out (and I have crazy crazy allergies, and so have developed a tolerance for it). Benadryl with that other stuff? Wow. Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite! :eek:
 
Kittenmommy said:
Benadryl by itself puts me right out (and I have crazy crazy allergies, and so have developed a tolerance for it). Benadryl with that other stuff? Wow. Good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs bite! :eek:
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Exactly my thinking. Benadryl plus a benzo... they should put that in some new Ben & Jerry's product. Sweet cream ice cream, maybe some chocolate bits, whatever else, and name it "Sweet Dreams" or something.

I'll buy a few pints at a time.
 
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exi said:
Exactly my thinking. Benadryl plus a benzo... they should put that in some new Ben & Jerry's product. Sweet cream ice cream, maybe some chocolate bits, whatever else, and name it "Sweet Dreams" or something.

I'll buy a few pints at a time.
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My God, we could make a fortune selling that stuff! :laugh:
 
Winged Scapula said:
We commonly use it for upper GI post-operative hiccups...lots of good use for that drug. :D
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Oh really? Just 2 days ago I had a patient that was hiccuping their way into the PACU.... now I know what to do. Thanks for the tip.
 
howelljolly said:
Oh really? Just 2 days ago I had a patient that was hiccuping their way into the PACU.... now I know what to do. Thanks for the tip.
Click to expand...

Not sure its the best thing to be sedating an immediate post-operative patient for something as relatively minor as hiccups.

However, for violent ones that threaten to open the wound or those "its 2:00 am and the patient has intractable hiccups" its reasonable (all other CI notwithstanding).
 
Winged Scapula said:
Not sure its the best thing to be sedating an immediate post-operative patient for something as relatively minor as hiccups.

However, for violent ones that threaten to open the wound or those "its 2:00 am and the patient has intractable hiccups" its reasonable (all other CI notwithstanding).
Click to expand...

What causes that? Is it having the tube down one's throat during surgery?

I had an operation when I was a kid, and I still remember waking up in the recovery room and just puking everywhere. I wonder if there's a connection there.
 
Kittenmommy said:
What causes that? Is it having the tube down one's throat during surgery?

I had an operation when I was a kid, and I still remember waking up in the recovery room and just puking everywhere. I wonder if there's a connection there.
Click to expand...

It happens when the surgeon diddles the diaphragm.
 
Riblah said:
If you are a SI/HI psych patient that is drunk and high, with "PSYCHO" tattooed across your abdomen and have to be restrained due to being combative, you should definitely whistle ear-piercingly-loud to get somebodies attention. When we come to find out what you want, tell us that you want the f*#k out.

When we tell you that you can't be let out of the restraints, cuss us out some more and keep up this act of whistling and demanding to be let out so that we just draw your curtain, shut the door and ignore you. Because after a while you'll stop whistling because you want out and start whistling because you really need to crap.

Since we can't tell the difference we'll keep on ignoring you. You should then stick your butt out the back of your gown, between the rails of the gurney, and proceed to take the largest crap in history all over our floor while somehow managing to keep yourself strikingly clean.

Oh and be sure to be Hep C positive for all this, it will really brighten your nurses day!
Click to expand...

Last one of these I had was a combative drunk that took 2 cops, 2 ambulance EMT's and 2 of my ER medics to physically restrain.

Ketamine 100mg and haldol 5mg IV. Lights out in 10...9...8...!

Its not sedation, its chemical restraint.
 
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NateintheED said:
Last one of these I had was a combative drunk that took 2 cops, 2 ambulance EMT's and 2 of my ER medics to physically restrain.

Ketamine 100mg and haldol 5mg IV. Lights out in 10...9...8...!

Its not sedation, its chemical restraint.
Click to expand...

.... no hesitation no delay.... you come on just like special K.... just like I swallowed half my stash.... I never ever wanna crash.....
 
Hi, all! I've been reading this thread during my lunch breaks for nearly a month now. It has been highly entertaining!

I'm not a medical professional, but at the moment I work for a lab that does various microbiological and packaging tests on a wide variety of medical equipment. I hope to get into psychopharmacology at some point if I can. But for now, I have a story I want to share. It's a touch long because I'm just verbose like that.

I learned from a fellow patient the proper way to find midgets.

I am currently a patient of a local cancer hospital. I had surgery to remove a tumor last year, and now I'm being monitored for any recurrence. So far, so good. It seems that tumor was the first and that the traitor cells didn't have a chance to spread.

A few months back, I went in for my regular round of tests. I do blood draws and X-rays monthly and CT scans bi-monthly. This particular month was a CT scan month.

I checked in at the radiology desk and filled out the short form I always have to fill out before a CT scan. I handed it to the woman (receptionist / nurse, I think) behind the desk, and she said she'd call me back shortly. I thanked her and disappeared around the corner to pay homage to the porcelain god. I couldn't have been gone more than three minutes--four at the most.

While I was gone, the receptionist needed to ask me a question and had called my name (for this story, let's say I'm called Jason). For obvious reasons, I didn't hear and didn't come to the desk. When I came back from the restroom, I saw an older woman standing at the desk, and I didn't think anything of it until I tuned in on what she was saying as I found a chair.

Older Woman: (astonished, vaguely concerned) I don't see him!
Receptionist: ... Excuse me?
Older Woman: I don't see him anywhere!
Receptionist: Are you looking for someone?
Older Woman: No, you are.
Receptionist: Oh, well, I--
Older Woman: Is he a little person?
Receptionist: What?
Older Woman: That Jason you're looking for! Is he a little person?
Receptionist: A little person?
Older Woman: Like a midget! If he is, you can't see him when you're sitting down behind this tall counter!
Receptionist: But, I--
Older Woman: Come on, now! Stand up! You can't find midgets if you don't stand up!

I had to break in at that point. I should have broken in earlier, but my brain was moving rather slowly, partially from the contrast solution I had to drink before the scan and partially from this woman's absurd comments. I just went up to the receptionist and apologized for having to run away for a few minutes. Older Woman silently retreated to a chair.

I think she was trying to be helpful, even if she was doing it in a somewhat intrusive way... Her train of thought took a strange detour, though. Among other things, I wonder how she thought she could recognize me after having only heard my name. And where did she ever get the idea that I was a midget?


Keep the stories coming! You all do great work and deserve a reprieve like this.
 
JIMC5499 said:
The second one concerns people who think that the helipad is their own private parking lot. I spent some time in a Navy helicopter squadron. One day we had a guy get his lower leg crushed in an accident on board ship. While ship's Medical was getting him stabilized to be transported, we flew one of the Doctors in to a local hospital with x-rays and other information needed to try to save his leg. When we got to the hospital, the helipad that was used by LifeFlight was too small for our helicopter. The other, larger pad was covered in parked cars, ignoring the No Parking signs posted all over the place. We finally lowered the doctor and myself down by hoist. While the doctor took care of his business, my job was to get the helipad cleared so that the helicopter coming in from the ship, in about 30 minutes, could land to unload. I found the person who ran the PA system and she made several announcements asking people to move their cars. Several people did come out and move their cars, but about a dozen didn't. That was about the time I found the big Hyster forklift, with the keys in it. I had the helipad cleared in about 5 minutes, directed the helicopter in, unloaded the doctors and the guy with the bad leg, then I jumped in the back of the helicopter and we flew back to the ship. I don't think that I even shut down the forklift. I felt that they were lucky that I only moved the cars on to the grass, I thought briefly about stacking them on top of one another. I never heard anything else about it.
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It takes a special kind of a**hole to park on a LifeFlight helicopter pad.
flame.gif
 
Stryker One said:
It takes a special kind of a**hole to park on a LifeFlight helicopter pad.
flame.gif
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In all fairness to a**holes it wasn't a LifeFlight pad. It was a seperate pad further away from the building. The LifeFlight pad was too small for our helicopter (60 ft. rotor arc). What got me was most of the cars were Mercedes.
 
Messier said:
I'm Asian, but born in Canada and last week they wheeled this guy who had accomplished to nail gun himself to a board into the ER.
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So, not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree. :rolleyes:

Messier said:
I go in to take a look at him and he goes "I don't want no dirty chink doctor that moved here from China! Them chinks, they steal our jobs! He doesn't even know how to speak English!"
Click to expand...

Oh, niiiiice. Except, you know, not.

Messier said:
I just smiled and went "I'll be back with your tetnus shot."

We ran his Alberta health card and he hadn't paid his premiums. He was pissed when he got the government bill. Made me feel better though.
Click to expand...

Beautiful! :D

And a tetanus shot is no picnic for some people; I feel run down and really crappy for days afterwards. Let's hope he's in that group too. ;)
 
Messier said:
That was a great day. We had that wonderful fellow, a few guys who drank a bottle of hairspray, a kid who had his friend drive him to the hospital on his bike because they had been "cage raging" and didn't want their parents to find out.

The next day we had a kid come in really confused as to why his penis was sore. He had just had it pierced he told me.

Didn't tell me that it was self done...with a safety pin. And that was steralized with a cooler....and the "ring" he had in was a safety pin.

God, I love rig pigs.
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Piercing one's own penis with a barely sterilized safety pin. Wow. That's Darwin Award material right there! :p
 
this link was emailed to me a few days ago. i nearly passed out a couple of times from laughing so hard, but i did just read the whole thread - only skipping a few of the "inserted x into orifice y" posts... now i'll contribute my 2c:

one of my (fortunately few) visits to an emergency room may, in retrospect, have elicited a few chuckles after i left. you can probably guess the rest of the story when i say that, at the time:

1) i had never broken a bone in my body before,

2) as far as i knew, my throbbing big toe sure *felt* broken, and

3) i had no idea what "gout" was...

:oops:


thanks again to all of you on the front lines fighting traumas big and small! :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:
 
ArkansasRanger said:
If I may....

I've learned the following from what patients I've had in the prehospital setting some years ago. They're worth noting.

1. Don't use your foot to stop the moving heads of a stump grinder.

2. Don't dangle from a tree limb with one hand and try to use a chainsaw to, again one handed, cut the limb.
Click to expand...


Not a medical student, but I'm surprised not to see something about myself as I'm well known at the BMC ED here in Boston, and I have others to add:

3. do-it-yourself knuckle piercing is *not* a good idea.

4. Don't clean trophy cases at your high school standing on a chair in a cafeteria that has a smooth concrete floor.

5. Wear shoes when cooking- you never know when you're going to drop roux between your toes.

6. Make sure you don't get the same paramedics who helped you after a subway emergency brake misfires a year later when you have an anaphylactic reaction to eucalyptus at work. I was already on crutches when the brake failed between Lechmere and Science Park after forgetting about a step at a friends, and got thrown sideways w/crutches, nearly hitting my head on the other side of the seating. Then the EMTs had to take me down a flight of stairs because the Science Park stop is about 20ft above ground via the stair chair. Did not help the pain in body.

Oh, and I have Fibromyalgia, and didn't appreciate a couple of comments about it. It was triggered when I was 2, after running under a swing my brother Tim was on and necessitating reconstructive surgery to nose and sinuses. 33 years later, I had to have sinus surgery due to the fact I have chronic sinusitis, am allergic or sensitive to every antibiotic known to humans and my ENT had to remove a piece of cartilage the size of a dollar coin from my septum.

I also write FMS jokes. After living with it for nearly 35 years, I have to keep my sense of humor. ;)
 
How about something doctors really SHOULD learn from their patients?

If someone with a nerve stimulator implant in his back comes to the ER complaining of loss of feeling in his leg, don't accuse him of faking the pain to get narcotics after he states he doesn't want any and is under a narcotics contract with his PCP. Also, don't send him off for an X-Ray without turning the nerve stimlator off because it will end up damaged. Especially don't tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with him when he's collecting SSDI, has had two prior back surgeries, and has a nerve stimulator implant. Obviously, something is wrong. If you do all of the above, don't expect to not get turned in to the licensing board.
 
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