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Things I learn On TV that I didn't learn in medical school

Discussion in 'Medical Students - DO' started by group_theory, Jun 21, 2008.

  1. group_theory

    group_theory EX-TER-MIN-ATE!'
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    Things that I learn on TV that I didn't learn in medical school


    Hospital shifts start at a decent morning hour - Surgery interns arrive after the sun rises
    Asystole is a shockable rhythm
    There's no ancillary staff at most hospitals
    Doctors routinely perform their own radiological imaging
    Despite working 80+ hours a week, residents still have time to look beautiful
    Happy Hour is the worst time to be a patient since all the residents and attendings are at a bar drinking together
    Attendings get to sleep with the "star intern"
    Face masks are sterile and can be placed on after you wash, glove and gown
    A surgical intern can diagnose congenital heart disease in the nursery better than a pediatrician
    For new onset afib, the appropriate service to consult is CT Surgery
    Doctors are not allowed to have any kind of relationship to anyone who is not a doctor
    Interns are assigned to one patient per day.
    Residents rarely do paperwork
     
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  3. JaggerPlate

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    Mike Rowe likes dirty jobs ....
     
  4. scpod

    Physician Moderator Emeritus 10+ Year Member

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    :laugh::laugh::laugh:
     
  5. smq123

    smq123 John William Waterhouse
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    Even if you're trained as an internist, you can act as a surgeon and do all your own biopsies in the OR yourself.

    It's perfectly okay to barge into an OR while wearing street clothes and carrying your cane.

    People don't consult other services in the hospital. They do all radiological studies, biopsies, and autopsies themselves.

    It's acceptable, even recommended, to get the CT and the MRI BEFORE you get the X-ray.
     
  6. medschoolsoon

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    As an intern I am guaranteed to sleep with at least an attending, a few fellow interns, and a handful of nurses.

    Eye protecton is rarely worn in the OR, even in high splash risk cases.

    Doctors run almost all of their own labs.
     
  7. DocWahwee

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    There is some disaster that will bring numerous "cool" critical patients to the ER at least once a shift

    there are more common presentations of uncommon diseases, than uncommon presentations of common diseases in hospitals


    I can say anything I want to my patients or their families without getting into trouble


    Patients only have autonomy if it will cause the shift/episode to be more dramatic
     
  8. DaveinDallas

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    An attending and an intern having a nice, quiet romantic dinner won't have squat to say to each other.....

    There will be someone within the restaurant or an accident immediately outside the restaurant that will provide an emergent case that mere paramedics/EMTs cannot possibly hope to resolve....


    Springing into action, the attending will coach the intern through the immediately necessary, done with field expedient implements, lifesaving
    procedure and accompany said patient to the ER.

    Lifesaving surgery will then be performed....

    Patient's family will be profusely, effusively thanking said couple.

    <SUDDEN DRAMA MOMENT ON> The attending and intern will realize that
    they had more to talk about when saving this patient and voila', a General Foods International Coffees moment occurs <SUDDEN DRAMA MOMENT OFF>
     
  9. roc

    roc
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    resident get a $1million from an insurance policy and because of goodness of her/his heart, they will donate all of it to a hospital sponsored charity

    attending will save a drowning victim who has been underwater for over 30mins

    all the female residents are 10s and everyone would have slept with eachother atleast once
     
  10. Toohotinvegas33

    Toohotinvegas33 Currently Glasgow 3
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    I thought this was common knowledge? Why else did you go into medicine :confused:
     
  11. group_theory

    group_theory EX-TER-MIN-ATE!'
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    For the sake of "patient care", physicians are allowed to break into people's houses without the need for warrants or permission.

    You can do your entire 3rd year medical student rotation in an inner-city community ER (and wear a long white coat the entire time)

    There is no need for "trauma alerts", the paramedics enjoy running through the door unannounced, take the stretcher on a ride around the entire ER before arriving at the trauma bay, while speaking 60 words a minute (and no one else is recording or listening).

    The presence of a trauma surgeon during a major trauma is optional

    As an off-service rotator through surgery, you get to do the entire surgery as the primary surgeon (with the attending giving you verbal cues)

    ER docs and ER nurses love to take care of pregnant ladies in active labor - there's no need to ship them up to L&D

    There is a makeshift basketball court outside every hospital
     
  12. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    People having or dying from diseases is just fantasy...everyone is fully cured in 30 minutes or less.
     
  13. bravotwozero

    bravotwozero Chronically ambitious
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    You can walk into a morgue, shoot a 9 mm bullet into a dead body, then stick the body into an MRI, to see if the bullet is ferromagnetic. All without any conesent of course.

    And if it turns out the bullet is infact ferromagnetic, and as a result, the million plus dollar MRI machine is completely WRECKED, it's OK. The hospital will pick up the tab, and not fire the attending responsible for the fiasco.
     
  14. jonb12997

    jonb12997 I'm a doctor!!
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    - your chief of surgery who uses a gold platted stethascope will first get his arm cut off by a helicopter, then another one will land on him in the middle of the ambulance bay
    - you will have a shootout where one of your nurses gets kidnapped
     
  15. slim78

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    There really is one of these at the hospital I work at. Makes me laugh every time I go by it because it is so cliche.
     
  16. igcgnerd

    igcgnerd Hawkeye
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    the list continues:
    -The survival rate for cardiac arrest is 95%
    -Everyone wears tailor made scrubs that excentuate every curve
    -Every doctor looks like a supermodel
    -You can't go into the call room without catching someone in the throws
    -There is only one Dr cox ( HE seems to pop up under many doifferent names here I mean doctors, nurses, RT's he changes sex, race, and age so often its hard to keep track needless to say they are everywhere)
    -medicals students are willing to sell over their own mother for honors (oh wait that one's true too :laugh:)
     
  17. JaggerPlate

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    Hahahah, mine too.
     
  18. mrs rowdy

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    1. Anaesthetists know nothing. The surgeon is always in charge.:D
    2. There is always a full theatre team ready for any emergency which flies through the door.:cool:
    3. Scrub nurses always have fantastic eye makeup:love:
    4. Surgeons always discuss their affairs/private lives over the patient as if nobody else is listening.:idea:
     
  19. supermariobros

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    if you want to be a hot female doctor you must wear high heels... for all 16 hours of your shift.... every day....
     
  20. Daedra22

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    Everyone is double- or triple- board certified and under the age of 40. Also, since you're a young, beautiful genius you are automatically "world-renowned."

    House is the only exception to this rule. He trades youth and beauty for manipulating the cosmic probabilities.
     
  21. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    Someone brought this monster back to life? Oh well,


    You can become fellowship trained in endocrinology after only five days

    Fourth year medical students can and do perform brain surgery

    Physicians make mistakes, nurses are perfect

    During a code, 90% of people survive
     
  22. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    This one is true.
     
  23. Siggy

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    The acute psychatric patient will have zero supervision will slip out, grab the cake knife left on top of one of supply carts, and proceed to stab both an attending and a medical student (or what ever those two were at the time). Of course these two are also screwing each other.
     
  24. Siggy

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    Of course, because if you don't the nursing lobby comes after you for doing things like never showing nurses defibrillating patients.
     
  25. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    They now have a facebook group about how nurses save lives and doctors don't. I laugh about that every time I stop a nurse from killing a patient on the floor.
     
  26. Siggy

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    Facebook group? Link please, I could use a good dose of humor once school starts again. After all, why spend 8 years getting through undergrad and medical school (more if for us SMP people) when I could have gotten an ADN in 2-3 and apparently be just as good as some uppidity know-it-all physician.
     
  27. csmittyB

    csmittyB happy fellow
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    Damn. I've made the wrong career choice. F*ck that Emryo/Histo exam tomorrow. Instead of getting back to studying, I'm gonna get my nursing school app together. Do you think being admitted to a medical school will be an advantage?:rolleyes:

    Back to the books...
     
  28. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=40169018121&ref=search

    I think there was a bigger one that this but I can't find it...maybe they finally took it down.
     
  29. Evergrey

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  30. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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  31. willen101383

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  32. SmokD

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    Does anybody find it incredibly ironic that theres a discussion on that board about RN's versus CNA's(Certified Nursing Assistant). CNA's saying they deserve the same respect as RN's. I think an RN replied to that, "Go through 4 years and get back to me."
     
  33. JaggerPlate

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    Hahaha. Man, there is NO shortage of people in this world who want a slice of the health care "pie." I wonder how long it will be before dental techs want the right to be called doctor and perform open heart surgery?
     
  34. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    Got told by a nurse today that we needed to place a patient on complete respiratory isolation because had shingles. Oh and I had to change the diagnosis from herpes zoster to shingles. Yep, this is why I am the doctor.
     
  35. Colbert

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    I looked at an x-ray today and said, "oh that's a fractured clavicle" to which the nurse replied, "no, I think it's the collarbone."

    I stopped the conversation right there.
     
  36. Jamers

    Jamers Sexy Man
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    Got told I needed to do vagal maneuvers on a patient in AFIB
     
  37. JustPlainBill

    JustPlainBill Attending
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    And people wonder why I become a foaming at the mouth, raving lunatic when I hear an NP say that they're just as good as doctors and want independent practice rights......I've seen that stat on this board that something like 75% couldn't pass a watered down Step III.....
     
  38. Kittenmommy

    Kittenmommy Owned By Cats
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    Courtesy of TV Tropes (the biggest time waster on the 'net): You Fail Your Medical Boards Forever (scroll down to "Shocking The Flatline"). Subtrope is Magical Defibrillator.

    Same link as above, scroll down to "God's in His Heaven, the Surgeon's in the ED, and the Internist Is in Surgery". Subtrope is Open Heart Dentistry.

    :D
     
  39. Dissected

    Dissected All bleeding stops eventually
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    When your heart stops, even if it's asystole, if there is a crash cart in the room you have an 80-90% chance of being resuscitated.

    It doesn't matter how fast or slow you squeeze the BVM, as long as you do your best, the patient will receive their oxygen

    Even if you place your stethoscope on backwards, things will work just fine

    Aseptic technique is overrated

    There are such things as super doctors that act as internists, infectious disease physicians, surgeons (with no limitations in sub-specialty), radiologists, and emergency specialists. While doing research on the side.
     
  40. Dissected

    Dissected All bleeding stops eventually
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    Bah!

    They probably learned it on TV.
     

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