this app process is tearing us apart

[caligirl714]

i wanted to go to med school for a while, my i guess now ex fiance just decided to so that he could be with me

but the whole app process has been getting us a both irritated at each other and now i cry every night and cant take much more

i want to be a doctor, but is it worth losing the man i thought i was suppose to be with forever?

i just cant take it anymore

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[Eiko]

i wanted to go to med school for a while, my i guess now ex fiance just decided to so that he could be with me

but the whole app process has been getting us a both irritated at each other and now i cry every night and cant take much more

i want to be a doctor, but is it worth losing the man i thought i was suppose to be with forever?

i just cant take it anymore

Whoa. Have you thought that perhaps it isn't the application process that is the problem... and that it is just an excuse or the means by which you too are venting your frustrations?

Something else is going on here that is deeper than the application process going on here.

Tell me:

How are these "irritation" bouts starting?

Is one of you doing better in the process than the other one? And if so, who and how is it being handled by the other one?

Are you two feeling that you're not spending enough time together or too much?

Does your fiance (or ex-fiance) seem to be feeling as though you're putting medical school in front of him?

There are a lot of factors that could go into this.

 

[Dentist2B'sGF]

Awwe! You poor thing. You sound so stressed out! I understand how HARD the application process is. My boyfriend and I have had our share of fights during his application to dental school! It is a stressful process. But, I do hav to give you one word of advice that I stand by firmly...do not give up your dreams!!!! If you want to be a Dr. then you have to go and do that! Maybe you could go to med schools that are close to each other, or even if you have to do a long distance relationship. Long distance relationships get bad wraps... but they can work. I have been told that I should give up my career that I have started and follow my b/f to dental school... but I am not doing that, and he understands... and I have every ounce of faith that we will still be together, or married by the end of dental school. You can't giveup your identity or what you love... for someone else, because there will be resentment in the future, if you do that. You just have to try and support each other through it all, careers, applications, and everything else! Good Luck and if you want to talk about this further.. e mail me [email protected]

 

[DrIng]

The application process sucks, it's really hard on you and your relationship. Med school is also hard on you and your relationship.
Family life and being happy is more important than any job.
hoever, what if it's not the applciation process at fault but your relationship and you give up on getting into med school and the relationship falls apart anyway. Or what if you give up on med school and are together forever until you hit 50 and realise that you never did what you wanted to with your life because of this man and IT"S ALL HIS FAULT!!! AND IF ONLY HE"D SUPPPORTED YOU AND so on and so on. I'm just saying this i a series of decisions you'll live with forever. There aren't many people in my med class who were still in the same relationship at the end of med school as they were at the beginning- I'm one of the few but it was tough upon occaision.

 

[fourthyearmed]

Please don't give up on your dream for a guy. If he doesn't support you 100% in what you've always dreamed of, he's not the guy for you. On the other hand, he shouldn't decide to go to med school just to be with you. Med school requires a lot of hard work and dedication. You sound like you're ready for it but he should not do it if he is not 100% sure he wants to. It's not like college, it consumes your life. I suggest you go ahead with your dream and have a talk with him about finding a career he loves as well. I have many friends in med school who are married to non-medical people. They keep them grounded in a way the rest of us aren't.

 

[LADoc00]

The application process sucks, it's really hard on you and your relationship. Med school is also hard on you and your relationship.
Family life and being happy is more important than any job.
hoever, what if it's not the applciation process at fault but your relationship and you give up on getting into med school and the relationship falls apart anyway. Or what if you give up on med school and are together forever until you hit 50 and realise that you never did what you wanted to with your life because of this man and IT"S ALL HIS FAULT!!! AND IF ONLY HE"D SUPPPORTED YOU AND so on and so on. I'm just saying this i a series of decisions you'll live with forever. There aren't many people in my med class who were still in the same relationship at the end of med school as they were at the beginning- I'm one of the few but it was tough upon occaision.

You sound like you should be posting on IVillage, you probably do. Who cares, you arent even in medical school and you have this level of stress??

Walk away now, when I see premeds wound this type in the app process, they NEVER make it, its a pointless exercise in suffering.

 

[dancinjenn]

you need to really take a look at what you are doing right now...If you are having issues over time/where to go/money/whatever just over the application process then you need to do some real soul searching on how this relationship is going to affect you in med school. My hubby is very supportive, he was willing to move away from his family, get a new job, etc. so I could go where I got in. Thankfully I got into the local med school. I know this sound harsh, but think of it like tough love. You can't be super unstable in med school there is just not enough time to deal with loads of emotional stuffage on top of all the school time you will have to put in.

 

[brains]

I think that if he wants to be with you, then he should support you all the way. Have you tried talking it out with him? Talking always helps and lets you know where exactly you stand in your relationship. I don't think you should have to give either of these to be happy and successful. Ask him if he REALLY wants to go to med school or is he just doing it because.

Let us know what happens

 

[brains]

dancinjenn,
Are we suppose to put our info or yours for the ipod?

 

[commymommy]

i wanted to go to med school for a while, my i guess now ex fiance just decided to so that he could be with me

but the whole app process has been getting us a both irritated at each other and now i cry every night and cant take much more

i want to be a doctor, but is it worth losing the man i thought i was suppose to be with forever?

i just cant take it anymore

Caligirl...breathe in/breathe out! And disregard anyone who tells you that your relationship won't survive training becaues of how much you are struggling now. Geeesh.

The initial adjustment to some of these earlier stressors is worse than the major stressors in training. I remember flipping out over stupid things like the time he took to study for the USMLE Compared to months in a row of q3 call though, it was laughable...but adjusting to those changes can be hard. I wonder how much of his reaction is also just that discomfort that this is 'really happening' and your lives are about to really change! Take some time to really listen to how he feels about moving and the changes that are going to take place and remind him that you love him and he will always come first...and then include him as much as you can in the process.

Hang in there...