Unsupportive Wife

[Yehoshua24]

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I have been a special education teacher for four years, and I have been married for three. While in college I supported my fiance' (now my wife) while she made two major/career changes. Back in college I looked at switching to pre-med path, but my advisor told me to make sure that there were no other career paths, so I stuck to special education. However, after being a teacher for a few years now I still have the strong passion to be a doctor, however my wife does not support the career change and says that I am just following random urges. How do I show her that being a doctor is more than just an urge? Or am I being selfish in wanting to make a career change at this point?
Thanks

STC55,

I too am a non-traditional married student. I'm 6 years removed from when I finished by bachelors and started my first career. Also having 2 kids, a 4 and 2 year old, I am the sole provider. When I first talked with my wife about becoming a physician, she laughed it off like it was a joke. But when I did research and created a plan of what it would take to achieve this goal, she took it much more seriously. Honestly it was scary for the both of us. I had just started a new job in a new state about 6 months prior. Also we had just purchased our first home.

I can't speak for your wife but I can tell you about the fears that my wife had. My desire was directly threatening the security and household that we worked to establish. Med school means I would give up my job, and we would have no income unless she worked. Also, knowing that her career field wouldn't be paid as well as my current field. She knew I'd spend long hours in class, studying, and rotations. All of this before finding a residency for a minimum 7 year stint (depending on which residency I get).

As a summery it was a world shaking news that meant sacrifice for her, me and the kids. She is more that sane to question you.

How we made it work
I needed to do 5 semesters of pre-med courses. We agreed to do a 1 semester trial run of pre-med where,

1. I would still be working full time.
2. Doing premed as online/evening classes.
3. When I am home and the kids are awake, there is no studying.
4. Also I still make time for just my wife and I.

Along with these items, if at any time she says stop, I stop. My view of marriage, is that it comes first and foremost to any career.

With all these stipulations, I can say that I am now on pre-med semester 3 of 5 with a 4.0 and kept all of the stipulations . It's a lot of work, but I honestly couldn't do it without my wife's support. I hope that if you do decide to pursue medicine that you and your wife will do it together.

 

[bidiboom]

Humans.. hurt, need understanding and leaders. Lead her. If you believe in yourself and your goal, she feels this and makes a choice: either takes place on your side, or against you. To choose med education is your freedom.. to join you or to leave you (at this point) is her freedom. If we respect others' freedom, eventually we win.. either by winning them, or by losing them (and gaining a more genuine life, relations etc.).. in any case, with respect and patience, "you" win 🙂