Update-Personal Statement

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
Status
Not open for further replies.

Miss155

Senior Member
15+ Year Member
20+ Year Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2003
Messages
323
Reaction score
1
Hi

Can someone take a look on my revised essay? Thanks.


“Benefit not from the illness of man” was a premise upon which my grandfather based his practice of traditional medicine. A farmer by trade, medicine was his calling – a sort of “hobby.” Never charging anyone for his services, he believed that the herbs he used (roots, leaves, tree-barks and stems) were God’s gift to humanity and the knowledge of his traditional medicine was a divine favor. Throughout my life I wrestled with this complex conflict, which was a personal proverb of mine as I grew up, surrounded by traditional medicinal healers. The answer to my dilemma began to slowly unravel as I became the patient and not the observer. I became interested in medicine during childhood due to a series of unfortunate events and it dawned upon me that physicians, western or traditional, meet most people as “patients”: sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable people in need of help. What concerned me was that physicians in the western hemisphere are immeasurably rich compared to their traditional counterparts and hence that notion conflicted with my grandfather’s syllogism.

Being born and raised in Houston, I have always asked how one practices medicine here without “benefiting from man’s illness.” This was my predicament until about four and half years ago when I became severely ill. The intense and excruciating pain radiating through my body was unbearable. I ended up in a local hospital’s emergency room and in an instant I became a “patient,” a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable person in need of help. I was no longer an observer or an outsider looking in. I was an insider and the reason for action. I was made comfortable and later cured. After my experience in the hospital, I became interested in gynecology and did some research on ovarian cysts, the cause of my illness. I experienced how it felt to be a patient and would like to become as competent as Dr. Nosaville, my physician, because his knowledge and compassion gave me confidence that I would recover completely.

My personal experience only partially provided the resolution to my original problem; it was not until I witnessed my sister in a hospital bed that I discovered that the answer laid right in front of my eyes. She was found under a bus with fractures from her right femur through four ribs to the radius and right ulna. Again, we ended up in the hospital where my little sister was transformed to a “patient,” a sick, injured, unhappy and vulnerable person in acute need of help. Once again, I was an insider. Metallic pins, plates and needles were used to mend her broken frame. As I witnessed the kindhearted doctors repair the broken pieces of my sister’s body, it provided inspiration to me that I could also do the same for other injured patients.

During my undergraduate studies at the University of Houston, I volunteered at Ben Taub Hospital in the labor and delivery unit. I can recall assisting the physician by acting as a labor coach to encourage Marie, the patient, to push as hard as she could because several hours had elapsed and the doctor was suggesting a C-section. As I supported Marie throughout her entire labor it dawned upon me what a difference I could really make in someone’s life.
In my junior year, I also shadowed a primary care physician in my area, Dr. John Mohney, where I was humbled by his selfless determination to treat the homeless, poor immigrants and citizens without health insurance coverage. This physician risked his life to treat his patients (some with H.I.V and other communicable diseases) knowing the consequences of any mistakes. I was touched and impressed by the passion of Dr. Mohney and his intense commitment to saving lives. These are the same characteristics I would like to demonstrate, because the real reward is making a difference in people’s lives.

Through my various experiences, I came to terms with my grandfather’s paradox. My grandfather treated each person who sought his aid with care and compassion just as was exemplified by Dr. Mohney and the physicians at Ben Taub Hospital, but his maxim was misdirected. Physicians expose themselves to the same sicknesses being treated; hence, any remuneration received during their services may never be equated to their invaluable sacrifice and love for life and well being of humanity. I am fortunate to be able to have a philosophy, which incorporates both influences, my grandfather and Western physicians. I believe that if we commit ourselves to practice medicine we should work with other healthcare professionals as a team to save priceless lives. The medical profession is not only a noble profession but also a humbling calling for the compassionate and tenderhearted with strong ethics to render altruistic services to the sick. My cultural background, upbringing, and personal experience as a patient has worked together to engender in me a genuine compassion for the sick, in particular, and empathy for human suffering in general. As a medical doctor I will not see in any patient anything but a fellow human being in pain, and will execute my lofty responsibility of relieving the pain and doing good.
 
Its pretty good, well written. But you are probably basing it on the length for AMCAS essays which are roughy 2300 characters longer than the limit for AACOMAS essays. In AACOMAS, you are only allowed 3000 characters or roughly 500 words. You need to be much more concise and really pick and chose your story to fit. I think the story of your grandfather would work well here as well as your experience working in the hospital. For me, your experience and your sister's experience tend to convey the same message; that you truly know what happens in medicine and what it means to be a patient. Additionally, I would like to know what else you have done to make you a complete candidate. We see your experience with your grandfather, as a patient and then assisting in the hospital. This is probably enough, and dont think I am the be all, end all of knowledge cause I am just applying too. Overall, good job explaining why you want to be a doc and what has led you in this direction.

PS, If you want to read my personal statement, here is the link to mine: http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=207437
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top