Urrrrgh ...single?

I don't know if this was already mentioned (sorry in advance if it was). But you might consider going to church or another religious affiliation. The "normal," "clean" girls in the Appalachian region are usually always there, ya know, Bible Belt and all

He's said that he isn't religious and doesn't want to mislead those women into thinking he is.

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How about librarians? Many librarians I know are singles or know someone who is single. Just go to the library and be friends with the librarians. :)
I can't believe I read all the posts in one day. :(
 
How about librarians? Many librarians I know are singles or know someone who is single. Just go to the library and be friends with the librarians. :)
I can't believe I read all the posts in one day. :(

It's an entertaining thread, eh? ;)

I've never met any librarian who is not geriatric. I saw a teacher who was relatively young (in her early 30s, which is getting long in the tooth for women because of the biological clock) on Match, but when I messaged her she read it and never responded.

I saw a nurse in our hospital who I'm vaguely interested in, but not really. She seems like a nice person, but she's chunky. When she's wearing her nurse's uniform, she has this weird spare tire around the area above her waist -- it's like a muffin top, but not because of her scrub pants. It's just a spare tire, which is pretty unattractive, particularly because I think she's in her early 20s, when she's as fit as she's going to be.

I guess you could argue "beggars can't be choosers," but I'd be going into it only semi-interested in her. It's basically like "eh, there's nobody else around ...wanna go out?" So I don't know if that would really be fair to her, either, asking her out.
 
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It's an entertaining thread, eh? ;)

I've never met any librarian who is not geriatric. I saw a teacher who was relatively young (in her early 30s, which is getting long in the tooth for women because of the biological clock) on Match, but when I messaged her she read it and never responded.

I saw a nurse in our hospital who I'm vaguely interested in, but not really. She seems like a nice person, but she's chunky. When she's wearing her nurse's uniform, she has this weird spare tire around the area above her waist -- it's like a muffin top, but not because of her scrub pants. It's just a spare tire, which is pretty unattractive, particularly because I think she's in her early 20s, when she's as fit as she's going to be.

I guess you could argue "beggars can't be choosers," but I'd be going into it only semi-interested in her. It's basically like "eh, there's nobody else around ...wanna go out?" So I don't know if that would really be fair to her, either, asking her out.

Maybe no one has ever introduced fitness to her.

Find out if you like her as a person, and maybe she'll be the best running partner you've ever had.
 
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Maybe no one has ever introduced fitness to her.

Find out if you like her as a person, and maybe she'll be the best running partner you've ever had.

Well, two things:

First of all, let's be honest, she knows about fitness. This is the middle of nowhere, but there are still copies of "People" and "National Enquirer" at the dinky grocery store that breathessly discuss stars who have "great beach bodies!!" or who looks hideous. (BTW, total aside, but I saw one of the gossip magazines which had a picture of Kim Kardashian and she looked really good. I can never figure her out because sometimes she looks amazing and other times you see her ass and you're like "WTF tumor is growing out of this woman's ass??!?" I once saw a picture of her in profile where I sincerely believed I could have sat on her ass like a bench or used it for shade.)

Anyways, the point is that saying she doesn't know about fitness is like if I said "what? People lift weights? Huh??" I know people lift weights. I just don't. But it's not like I'm unaware of the general practice. When I was in college, a lot of girls did this thing where they stayed thin by just trying not to eat much. Some even would bring their own low-fat salad dressing to the dining hall, believe it or not. But they had no muscles because they didn't exercise, so their legs would be unattractive thin sticks that connected to their gigantic-in-comparison skeletal pelvises. And a lot of women just continue to do that, which doesn't work past age 25 for most women. I think that's her.

Second of all, let's also be honest: even if you're married to a woman, there's no good way to tell her that she's fat and needs to lose weight. So for me to befriend her and/or date her and get her to start working out would probably win me some sort of national award.
 
I keep saying it, but if you're mildly interested, invite her out. You may find yourself willing to overlook her less than perfect physique...it happens. And maybe she doesn't care about looking like someone on the cover of People magazine.
 
I somewhat agree with ruralsurg here. It is unwise to start dating someone expecting to "introduce" her to exercise later on. If she likes running and doing aerobics, it wouldn't be unreasonable to think you can bring her to the gym and have her lift weights with you but if she is not into any kind of physical activity, change will be extremely unlikely.
 
I keep saying it, but if you're mildly interested, invite her out. You may find yourself willing to overlook her less than perfect physique...it happens. And maybe she doesn't care about looking like someone on the cover of People magazine.

Well, this may be a "guy thing" (or a "me thing") but I probably wouldn't be willing to overlook it. I could see her being a little overweight if it was "well distributed" and actually there are several nurses here who are like that (but who are apparently married). By that I mean, if she was generally a little "thicker" everywhere but in proportion, I might be OK with that. But she's more like thin legs with a flat butt and then the spare tire right over her waist. She has an OK face and, since she's overweight, a largish chest, but other than that it's pretty grim. So I know all the woman will say this is shallow, but I really can't see myself in a long-term relationship with her.
 
By the way, am I the only one who knows what I'm talking about with this "spare tire" thing? It's like how women are supposed to have hourglass figures, where they have their hips and then it curves inwards as you go up, but instead of doing that she has this roll of fat around her body right there, so nothing ever curves in. It's seriously disturbing.
 
By the way, am I the only one who knows what I'm talking about with this "spare tire" thing? It's like how women are supposed to have hourglass figures, where they have their hips and then it curves inwards as you go up, but instead of doing that she has this roll of fat around her body right there, so nothing ever curves in. It's seriously disturbing.

Yeah, I've mostly heard the "spare tire" thing when referring to guys. With women, I've always heard people call it a "muffin top."
 
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Yeah, I've mostly heard the "spare tire" thing when referring to guys. With women, I've always heard people call it a "muffin top."

It's a "muffin top" only when it occurs due to clothing, as far as I understand it. Usually that happens just because the pants (usually jeans) are too tight. But if the woman was naked, for example, she wouldn't have it. In this girl's case, it's not due to her clothing because her scrub pants are around her hips and then she still has this spare tire a few inches above the waistband under her scrub shirt. So if she was naked it would still be there.
 
Do you actually do anything interesting aside from being a surgeon? Trying to get to the heart of your problem here.

Not particularly. That's the issue, lol. I hate going out and I don't drink or dance. Since I've moved to this rural place, I've made an effort. I actually went to a club on New Year's, which I never do (I have never seen the mystique of "oooh, a new year!!") and met a cute girl. I think she basically used me, since she told me she had a boyfriend, who wasn't there, so I guess she didn't want to just be alone with her girlfriends. When she told me she had a boyfriend, I was like "uh ...oh, OK, well, have a good night" because I didn't know what to do and she goes "it's not that serious." So I stayed with her for the rest of the night. (By the way, I'm amazed what you're allowed to do in clubs. Like, I was groping her all over and probably should have been arrested for sexual assault, but since she didn't say anything, I just kept going, lol.) But I texted her once afterwards and then called her a few days later and she never replied. I really don't feel like doing that every weekend. Every time I go to clubs (all of three times in my entire life), I am hoarse from yelling and inhaling all the smoke and I'm half-deaf from the music.

Since then, I did a painting class, which I did just to learn painting and not to meet women. (It sucked, the guy didn't teach any technique.) I happened to be the only guy there, but the other women were two grandmothers, two nurses who were divorced and had kids, and two girls who were teenagers who worked at a fast-food restaurant. I would have gone back if the actual painting was any good, but it wasn't.
 
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Well, this may be a "guy thing" (or a "me thing") but I probably wouldn't be willing to overlook it. I could see her being a little overweight if it was "well distributed" and actually there are several nurses here who are like that (but who are apparently married). By that I mean, if she was generally a little "thicker" everywhere but in proportion, I might be OK with that. But she's more like thin legs with a flat butt and then the spare tire right over her waist. She has an OK face and, since she's overweight, a largish chest, but other than that it's pretty grim. So I know all the woman will say this is shallow, but I really can't see myself in a long-term relationship with her.

But your interest was piqued, so there was something. But it's cool, you're allowed to feel that way about looks. Just sayin it might be worth a shot.
 
But your interest was piqued, so there was something. But it's cool, you're allowed to feel that way about looks. Just sayin it might be worth a shot.

Yes, as I said she has a nice face (it's sort of average, but she has nice eyes). But every time I see her body, I'm just like "ehhhhh ..." I keep staring at her and she catches me a lot and thinks I'm really attracted to her, but usually I'm just staring at her and sort of weighing the disaster that is her body to her face. (Just being honest here, lol.) As I said, it's basically a case of "everyone else around here is married or uglier than you," which I can't see as lasting too long in the physical attraction department. (The place I went for New Year's was in the college city about an hour away. It's got a bunch of good-looking girls, but they're all doing the clubbing thing and as I said I can't see myself doing that much.)
 
By the way, totally unrelated, but I was just watching TBS and there was an ad for "Cougar Town" and Courtney Cox was on it. What happened there? She used to look great and now it looks like her face has been hit by tons of plastic surgery. It looks horrendous.
 
Yes, as I said she has a nice face (it's sort of average, but she has nice eyes). But every time I see her body, I'm just like "ehhhhh ..." I keep staring at her and she catches me a lot and thinks I'm really attracted to her, but usually I'm just staring at her and sort of weighing the disaster that is her body to her face. (Just being honest here, lol.) As I said, it's basically a case of "everyone else around here is married or uglier than you," which I can't see as lasting too long in the physical attraction department. (The place I went for New Year's was in the college city about an hour away. It's got a bunch of good-looking girls, but they're all doing the clubbing thing and as I said I can't see myself doing that much.)

You could always try being a stand-up comedian. you are seriously funny in a sarcastic way. try it with the girls.

but don't tell them they're fat
 
By the way, totally unrelated, but I was just watching TBS and there was an ad for "Cougar Town" and Courtney Cox was on it. What happened there? She used to look great and now it looks like her face has been hit by tons of plastic surgery. It looks horrendous.

It's called growing old. Don't worry, you'll get there some day, or die trying.
 
You could always try being a stand-up comedian. you are seriously funny in a sarcastic way. try it with the girls.

but don't tell them they're fat

Most women don't like sarcastic humor. Or, to be more accurate, it's fine online but if you say the same things in real life people react differently. People are conditioned to expect and accept certain behavior on the Internet. For example, a common meme a few years back was to say "RAPE TIME NOW?" And people understand that if you use it online and find it amusing in many cases, but if I said it in real life, even in front of the exact same people, probably most of them would be disturbed. I tend to find that in real life women typically only like to hear knock-knock joke type of benign humor.
 
It's called growing old. Don't worry, you'll get there some day, or die trying.

No, I'd get it if she just grew old. What's disturbing is how unnatural her face looks. She has very pronounced Skeletor cheekbones and what appear to be injected blowfish lips. Don't get me wrong, as I get older I also worry about looking old. I've got like twenty white hairs and I rip them out any time I see them (yes, very metro of me). But I wouldn't look like a freak show to "stay young." It's too bad because she used to look great back in "Ace Ventura" or even in "Friends." But seriously compare how she looks now to then, you'll see what I'm talking about.
 
Most women don't like sarcastic humor. Or, to be more accurate, it's fine online but if you say the same things in real life people react differently. People are conditioned to expect and accept certain behavior on the Internet. For example, a common meme a few years back was to say "RAPE TIME NOW?" And people understand that if you use it online and find it amusing in many cases, but if I said it in real life, even in front of the exact same people, probably most of them would be disturbed. I tend to find that in real life women typically only like to hear knock-knock joke type of benign humor.

To be fair, you should never use internet memes in actual conversation anyway. That's isn't sarcastic humor, it's juvenile humor. Which is fine when you're just dicking around online, but in reality no one acts like that. Oh god. I went to a Reddit meetup a few years ago out of morbid curiosty, and all they did was talk in memes. It was.....disturbing.

Many of us DO like sarcastic humor. The problem is, a lot of people (especially guys trying to make an impression) confuse sarcastic humor with sounding like an ass. They can pull it off fine in writing, but they have no idea how to deliver it with the proper tone, body language, etc. Especially people that spend a lot of time online developing those sarcastic jokes but not actually learning proper social cues IRL. I've met many guys who write very well, but simply cannot interact in person. Not saying you specifically are doing that, but as a woman that's what I've noticed.

Edited to add: Not to say women don't do it as well. I write differently than I speak, as most people do. I've also made a lot of joke mistakes and felt a fool ;) Everyone does.
 
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To be fair, you should never use internet memes in actual conversation anyway. That's isn't sarcastic humor, it's juvenile humor. Which is fine when you're just dicking around online, but in reality no one acts like that. Oh god. I went to a Reddit meetup a few years ago out of morbid curiosty, and all they did was talk in memes. It was.....disturbing.

What did you expect from a Reddit meetup, lol? The Algonquin Roundtable? I would have been shocked that everyone showed up with pants.
 
I think you should stay away from humor if you're not a funny person in general. Seeing guys trying to be funny in front of girls to just to impress them is painful to watch. There is a reason why only certain people can do live comedy.


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I think you should stay away from humor if you're not a funny person in general. Seeing guys trying to be funny in front of girls to just to impress them is painful to watch. There is a reason why only certain people can do live comedy.


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Oh, don't worry, I know I'm not a stand-up comedian and I definitely don't try it. I make entertaining observations, which is different.
 
Many of us DO like sarcastic humor. The problem is, a lot of people (especially guys trying to make an impression) confuse sarcastic humor with sounding like an ass. They can pull it off fine in writing, but they have no idea how to deliver it with the proper tone, body language, etc. Especially people that spend a lot of time online developing those sarcastic jokes but not actually learning proper social cues IRL. I've met many guys who write very well, but simply cannot interact in person. Not saying you specifically are doing that, but as a woman that's what I've noticed.

That may be true, but what I think is that most people don't like to deal with sarcasm in real life. It really only works because you know the person is not being serious, or is serious but doesn't mean it in a rude way. But that requires you knowing the person first, so you know that. If someone you've never met is sarcastic, the first question is usually "are you serious?" I've gotten that a lot, particularly because I have a very serious face. To be frank, that's too much work for most people to deal with.
 
That may be true, but what I think is that most people don't like to deal with sarcasm in real life. It really only works because you know the person is not being serious, or is serious but doesn't mean it in a rude way. But that requires you knowing the person first, so you know that. If someone you've never met is sarcastic, the first question is usually "are you serious?" I've gotten that a lot, particularly because I have a very serious face. To be frank, that's too much work for most people to deal with.

That's true as well. I like sarcasm, but as you said, if that's all that comes out of that person's mouth and they can't deliver it properly and/or I don't know them well, it doesn't work as well as it could.
 
I'm the wrong person to say what a woman likes, obviously, but I tend to think women just like benign, "nice" humor that is very vanilla. At least at the beginning. When I meet women, that's how most of them like to act. They make jokes on the level of what you would tell a little kid, essentially knock-knock type humor or riddles. I think if you opened up with some really dirty joke to most women, they'd immediately be turned off (which is fine by me, since I don't know any). Likewise, any "mean" humor would probably turn off most women.
 
I'm the wrong person to say what a woman likes, obviously, but I tend to think women just like benign, "nice" humor that is very vanilla. At least at the beginning. When I meet women, that's how most of them like to act. They make jokes on the level of what you would tell a little kid, essentially knock-knock type humor or riddles. I think if you opened up with some really dirty joke to most women, they'd immediately be turned off (which is fine by me, since I don't know any). Likewise, any "mean" humor would probably turn off most women.

That's the key.

I mean, nobody likes people who spout of dirty jokes ALL the time, but once you get to know a girl, being sarcastic or telling dirty jokes occasionally will more than likely make her laugh, same as anyone.

It's more of a "when" and "how much" debate versus a "what type of humor women like, period" debate.
 
That's the key.

I mean, nobody likes people who spout of dirty jokes ALL the time, but once you get to know a girl, being sarcastic or telling dirty jokes occasionally will more than likely make her laugh, same as anyone.

It's more of a "when" and "how much" debate versus a "what type of humor women like, period" debate.

I actually don't like people who make dirty jokes at all. Not because I'm offended by them, but because I don't get them. Almost none of them are actually funny and you just go "yeah, I used to tell these when I was ten years old, too."
 
I had to go to the college town today to review some stuff with the administrative staff of our hospital system. Pretty boring until the end when they introduced me to some chick whose position I don't even recall. SCHWING!! Not my usual type, but she had a very pretty face and a nice voice. (I couldn't scope out her body because she was wearing a pant suit.) Unfortunately, she had a rock on her hand. :thumbdown:
 
So, vaguely related question that I ran into when I was PMing with someone. Does this make me a "bad" person? Someone told me that in order to get over my idealization of the one girl (who, again, is now married and so there is no shot), I have to think negative things about her. So I started thinking about her getting older and less attractive, maybe gaining weight. That's actually sort of working. But at the same time, I feel bad about doing that because it basically feels skeevy. Like "man, she's getting old and ugly ...OK, now I can go out with younger women! It worked!" (By the way, I already know studentp0x's response, lol.)


Are you really 35?
 
You seem kinda immature, no offense.
 
Or at least outside of work, that is. During work, I'm probably more mature than most people here.
 
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By the way, this whole concept of "maturity" is hilarious to me. For example, I get what that guy/girl means when he/she says I'm "immature" -- they mean "you don't think like many adults do about sex." That's defined as "being mature." And yet most adults are very immature about sex -- that is, they act irresponsibly, without wisdom or thought, and do foolish things. So it really depends on what you really mean by "mature."

Here's an example. As I said, it would bother me to date a woman knowing (or pretty sure, let's say, so as to not bother some people) that I am not interested in a long-term relationship. By definition, that would mean that I'm dating her to have sex with her. That would be MY intention. Her intention could be the same or it could be that she incorrectly thinks that there's a good possibility that I'm interested in a permanent relationship. The longer I use her for sex, the more she thinks that, unless I directly tell her otherwise. Now, this isn't a made-up situation. Lots of women do this, where they wait and wait and wait to hear a proposal and it turns out the guy wasn't thinking that at all, so they break up after 10 years.

If I SAY that's what I'm essentially doing (i.e., write it out here), then people say "you're immature." Whereas if I just DO it, then suddenly I'm not because you can't read my mind. In other words, all I did was the "adult" thing of going out with a woman to find out if we like each other and, due to social views on sex these days, we probably had sex fairly early on, and then I never saw her again. Totally mature. Suddenly I'm an adult.

That's what's funny to me.
 
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People certainly act immature all the time and the situation you brought up does happen but it's not what happens all the time. I don't have any statistics on it but in my experience after a month or two of dating both parties know exactly what to expect out of the relationship. Also, you're not taking into account that people change their mind in either direction after getting to know a person better.

Lastly, to me it just seems that you might have a low sex drive. I don't get how you can go on for so long not having sex and not feeling like you need it.
 
Lastly, to me it just seems that you might have a low sex drive. I don't get how you can go on for so long not having sex and not feeling like you need it.

Meh, I feel like this is a bit of a leap. I find that to be very relative to my current situation, whatever it may be. Especially since it seems to be feast or famine in that regard.

I definitely miss sex less when it's been 4+ months than if it's been 4 days.

But that may be men vs women issue.
 
I definitely miss sex less when it's been 4+ months than if it's been 4 days.

But that may be men vs women issue.

Nah, I think it's normal. I mean, you hear varying things, none of which are scientific, about sex in marriage, for example. The consensus, however, seems to be roughly that once you get married -- and definitely once you have kids -- the amount of sex people have basically goes off the cliff. Basically, people's lives just get so busy that they just sort of "forget" to do it and at some point it becomes normal. (To be clear, I'm not saying "not having sex is the normal human condition." I'm saying that it becomes normal to that couple to not have sex due to their lives.) Someone might scoff at the possibility of only having sex once a month, for example, but I'm pretty sure it's not that unusual among a good percentage of married couples. I mean, when I look for dating advice online, you'd be amazed at how many articles there are about marriage and how the writers are like "make sure you have sex."

The other thing is, this may be me, but I kind of think that you need to have feelings to have sex. I mean, look at porn stars. I honestly wonder if they even care about sex. I'm not trying to be rude, but after a while, do you really care about something going in and out of your vagina? Probably if there was no camera, while one guy was drilling them down there, they'd be reading a magazine or watching television after a while like "oh, let me know when you're done, OK?" Not to say that, if you told a guy he could have sex with any woman he wanted that he wouldn't go crazy for a few months or whatever, but even that has to get old at some point.
 
Oh, also, I think there's this odd belief that everyone is constantly having sex. Not that I'm not EXTREMELY unusual, but I think that most people spend a significant amount of their lives not having sex. Maybe I'm wrong about that, I dunno.
 
How is it the one person's brain I need to pick got banned?

I hope he gets some stress relief, LOL!
 
There isn't anything immature about using tactics to overcome your fear of talking to a really hot girl. If you need to picture her on the toilet doing her business, then so be it. Some guys have this idea in their head that a really hot girl is some heavenly and divinely blessed being, and sometimes they need to come back down to earth and be realistic.
 
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I'm single, never married, very intelligent and I cook .
 
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You are all very funny. I am female, a lawyer, single mom, late 40s, in pretty good shape, and on here originally looking for Neuro/Addison's info. I don't date for many of same reasons ruralsurg mentioned and I'm in LA! It is difficult to find a caring, intelligent partner when you are busy with career and/or parenting. But I do know for a fact that law is full of beautiful, intelligent, single women who want to date/marry/start family with professional men. Maybe start attending local bar events?
 
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