Highlsnds3

UTCVM c/o 2014 !!!!
10+ Year Member
Apr 3, 2009
152
0
0
Status
Veterinary Student
This is not an issue for me (no husband or kids),but I'm curious, those of you that have family, do you place family or vet school first on your list of priorities? Also, are there any single parents (kids younger than high school) out there going through vet school? I'm trying to help out a friend who was rejected this year:(, hoping to get her in next year! Thanks all for your input!!
 

sofficat

AU CVM c/o 11
10+ Year Member
Apr 12, 2007
648
4
0
Status
Veterinary Student
Can't help out much, but there are people out there who do it all. Family definitely comes first, but my husband also understands that the night before a final... well... studying technically comes first then ;). A guy in my class just had a baby and he made a promise that he'd be home for dinner every night. No more late study nights at school and no more free dinner meetings. You have to decide what is more important and at what times.
 

Armymutt25A

Cranky VSST OIC
7+ Year Member
Oct 9, 2009
697
15
151
Pineland, NC
Status
Veterinarian
I'm limiting the schools I apply to due to my wife being in pharmacy school. Since we've been apart for 2 of our 3 years of marriage, I decided that it's more important to live together than be 6+ hours apart. So, until 2013, it's NCSU or nothing.
 

livvie

UF c/o 2014
10+ Year Member
Mar 15, 2009
86
0
0
Gainesville, FL
Status
Veterinary Student
I worked with my husband when chosing schools and only applied to schools that were realistic places for him to work and were financially workable. If we have a choice after the job situation is worked out, it'll come down to finances vs. being close to family. I'm not sure what's going to win out there yet....
 
Last edited:

jmcgintee

OSU c/o 2014!!!!
Dec 10, 2009
129
0
0
Columbus, OH
Status
Veterinary Student
I was wondering about this too...my bf is coming with me to Ohio in the fall and he's supportive and knows that most of my time will be taken up by school and studying. How are others dealing with this? I'm worried that he will feel neglected and that me worrying about spending time with him is going to add more stress to my life. What are things (even little things) that people in relationships while in vet school do to make it work??? :confused:
 

eringobraugh

DVM
10+ Year Member
5+ Year Member
Sep 25, 2008
227
3
91
Colorado
Status
Post Doc
I was wondering about this too...my bf is coming with me to Ohio in the fall and he's supportive and knows that most of my time will be taken up by school and studying. How are others dealing with this? I'm worried that he will feel neglected and that me worrying about spending time with him is going to add more stress to my life. What are things (even little things) that people in relationships while in vet school do to make it work??? :confused:
I'm in a similar situtation. My fiance is coming to Colorado with me this fall. We were up there this weekend and he asked a second year who is married what we could both to help each other out. He said that SO's have to be prepared and understand that we won't have all the free time in the world to spend with them anymore, at least during the week. He did say that its totally possible to be home for dinner every night before you study, and to take at least one day of the weekend off to spend on things other than school work. From what I understand from the dozen or some people I know in school right now is that this is essential to keep from burning out anyways. Iperrsonally study better on my own rather than with a group so at least I can be a presence in the house even if we aren't doing things together. At least he will know that I'm not out studying with people he's never met and can be home if I need to be.
 

nyanko

total trash mammal
10+ Year Member
Sep 8, 2006
8,811
3,135
281
CoMo
Status
Resident [Any Field]
I would think that in general though, family should come first?
I don't think there's really a "should" in this situation. For some people that's the first priority, for others it isn't, and in my opinion there's no right or wrong.
 

sumstorm

10+ Year Member
7+ Year Member
Apr 5, 2008
3,331
16
151
NC
Status
Veterinarian
I guess I mean in a dire situation with children, such as taking your kid to the ER or helping them with some important homework they're having troubles with (or making room to afford for a tutor if you don't have time), or whatever else might be considered a pressing issue etc. IMHO, I think that if you *do* have kids... it's unfair not to make them the main priority?

Now, if becoming a vet will also make their lives better (ie: happy mommy, more money for the family, whatever), that's great, but coming from a family where my dad was way too consumed with his work all the time, I would gladly have traded some of those luxuries for him to be around a little more. I guess I'm just scared of, if I happen to get pregnant during vet school, to not be able to give them as much attention as I think they deserve?


A critical and urgent situation will come first, whether that is school/work or child/spouse/other family. My family may have to accept that I won’t be at dinner if I have a crashing patient on the table. My work will have to accept that I will leave if my child was just in a car crash and is taking an ambulance to the hospital.

I don’t rank ‘helping with homework’ as the same as ‘emergency room’ in priorities, though. I believe my job is to teach my kids to be self-sufficient and able to help themselves. Obviously, that will take time, but a kid who ask ‘mom, what’s this word mean?’ is going to hear ‘the dictionary is on the shelf.’ I will help with homework, but the child will have to figure out where they are having problems; ‘I just don’t get it’ isn’t going to work….I have to know where they are stumbling before I can show them how to figure it out. Also, I am fortunate to have a great spouse, and I have no doubt he will help with homework as well.

I will never be a helicopter parent; I think that is detrimental to my well-being and to the development of the child. So no, I do not think my child must be my main priority. Actually, I think keeping myself and my relationship with my husband healthy will be more important, even if I wasn’t in vet school or working in a demanding career. Over the long term, having a solid, loving relationship with mutual support will help a child more financially, emotionally, and mentally than if I spent every waking moment prioritizing their lives.

My parents both worked FT growing up and operated the farm after working hours. I do not feel that I was ever neglected in that fashion; but I was expected to contribute day in and day out. I did a lot more chores than most kids, I earned every cent I had, and my parents never gave me freebies. While I felt disadvantaged as a child, and I do wish I had more in general growing up (only because it would have made me a more ‘normal’ child) I also realize that their tough, self-sufficient love is what ensured that I could handle a demanding and challenging life as an adult.
 

nyanko

total trash mammal
10+ Year Member
Sep 8, 2006
8,811
3,135
281
CoMo
Status
Resident [Any Field]
I think it's cool to learn from others who are at a better point in their lives to comment on the topic though, gives me more things to think about.
To be fair, the point of view from which I approach this is one where to me, my education and career are the absolute first priorities in my life. Before a relationship (backed up with leaving my last ex after 5 years because he didn't agree with me about those priorities), before my friends and before my own family. My friends and family come second. I understand that this is atypical, particularly for a woman. I also am perfectly okay with never getting married and either way plan not to have children.

I'm not antisocial and I don't hate kids; this is just how I'm happier. And obviously everyone's different in this regard. I really think most of the reason why I don't care about getting married or having kids is because I know I couldn't put my whole self into those things. My loyalties lie elsewhere and always will. :oops:

I'm definitely the type who has to remind myself to leave the lab and go socialize with people. The only thing I leave early for is hockey (incidentally, that used to be my first priority... :laugh: )
 

cowgirla

Oklahoma 2014
7+ Year Member
Oct 6, 2009
3,623
1,982
181
mid-atlantic
Status
Veterinarian
To be fair, the point of view from which I approach this is one where to me, my education and career are the absolute first priorities in my life. Before a relationship (backed up with leaving my last ex after 5 years because he didn't agree with me about those priorities), before my friends and before my own family. My friends and family come second. I understand that this is atypical, particularly for a woman. I also am perfectly okay with never getting married and either way plan not to have children.

I'm not antisocial and I don't hate kids; this is just how I'm happier. And obviously everyone's different in this regard. I really think most of the reason why I don't care about getting married or having kids is because I know I couldn't put my whole self into those things. My loyalties lie elsewhere and always will. :oops:
:thumbup::thumbup: