Waiting for the perfect time to get married?

[calex22]

Right now I am engaged. My fiance will begin DO school in 2 months. I will be attending a Physician Assistant program in January. The schools are about 2 hours apart from each other. Originally we talked about getting married when I finished PA school, thinking we would be able to spend more time together at that point. I have been thinking recently, however, that may not be the case, and I don't want to wait 4 more years until he is done with school. We have been together for over 5 years. Would it be dumb to get married and then live apart for a while? Has anyone else done anything similar?
Also, it might be helpful to know that we are very in love and have had our relationship tested with some pretty big issues (starting college together, transferring colleges together, career decisions, and a major illness that required several surgeries and a break from school). I do not fear that us going to school apart will cause us any issues that we can't deal with. I had to withdraw from school after an illness and we spend most of a semester apart, and we dealt with it fairly well. We also are not expecting being married to change our relationship in any major way after having lived together for several years and being completely committed. We just know we want to be together and would like to be married.

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[Nrohgof]

Well if you've both been through some trials and tribulations without being married, I don't see why it would even matter at this point since you've been together for a while. Though I'm not saying you should not get married at some point in the future. From what you've conveyed, sounds like you guys have a healthy relationship.

One suggestion is that you might want to discuss with your SO the prospect of waiting a few years before tying the knot when you and/or your partner are more financially stable to pay for a wedding. Unless of course you take the not so costly route of getting married by a judge without all the family/relatives/friends hoopla.

 

[calex22]

Neither of us have any desire for a wedding. A marriage, yes. But a wedding seems like a waste of money whether we are financially stable or not. Not to mention, neither of us are big on being the center of attention.

 

[Velocity]

There is no "perfect time" in my opinion. If you both want to do it, then do it. My wife and I got married during the winter break of her 2nd year of medical school, figuring that third year would be even more hectic. We weren't in a rush or anything like that, but we just didn't see things becoming any more free over the next few years. It meant a lot to us to get married, and we both wanted it, so we did it.

At this point it looks like we may need to live apart for the next four years... but regardless of whether we were married or not we would still want to be together, and regardless of whether we were living together or not we would still want to be married to each other.

Maybe I'm missing what the issue is?

 

[calex22]

Thanks, Velocity. I appreciate the advice. There really isn't an "issue". I just wanted to know if anyone else had been in the same situation and what they did.

 

[Velocity]

Ah, gotcha. In that case, do what ever the two of you want to do, and if you choose to get married in the near future, then welcome to the club!

 

[gostudy]

No perfect time but each year has it's advantages and disadvantages.

Before year 1. Adv: before anything gets started and crazy. Presumably have time to schedule and plan wedding before med school starts. Also the chance to "go through" med school together as a new married couple.
Disadv: may feel like have to spend time with new spouse and thus not get to know new classmates. First year can be stressful and in turn put stress on the marriage.

Before year 2. Adv: Seems like the most ideal time to do it. First year is under the belt. Have had one year to get acquainted with classmates without the responsibility of being married. Also in the traditional 2 pre-clinical 2 clinical years schedule the first summer is one for vacation/research. Disadv: none really.

Before year 3. Adv: Most people on the classic schedule get a few weeks of between Step 1 and the beginning of 3rd year so there is time to schedule a wedding. Disadv: Probably the worst time to get married though imo. Planning a wedding and studying for Step 1 is not for the faint of heart. Plus the first year of marriage is during 3rd year clinicals which can be tough for the couple.

Before year 4. Adv: it's an undercover good time to get hitched. It's when I did it. Your first year of marriage is during 4th year which is hands down the best year of med school. The first half of the year can be tough with sub-Is, aways, and interviews but come spring it is chill time until intern year starts. Plus you can get a year of marriage under your belt before the craziness of intern year starts Disadv: as mentioned, the first half of the year can be hectic and stressful on the marriage. Plus finding time to schedule a wedding between the end of 3rd year and the beginning of 4th year can be tough.

Before intern year. Seems like a logical choice to many (and also to many parents that want their young student doctors to finish med school first). Adv: time at the end of 4th year to plan and schedule wedding. Time between 4th year and intern year for a wedding and extended honeymoon. Disadv: intern year is a beast in terms of time, emotions, and spirits. Imo it would be a tough year to be the first year of marriage. If a couple is ready to get married at some point during med school I say do it and not wait until just before intern year. It's a strain for any marriage let alone a brand new one.

In the end you and your partner have to decide what's best for YOU in YOUR own unique situation. All others can do is give advice and perspective but no advice and perspective is perfect.

 

[osumc2014]

what about DURING 3rd year? In the beginning in a less time intensive rotation such as psych or family med? And honeymoon end of 3rd year?

 

[soniat2]

You will know when the time is right. Good luck.

 

[J ROD]

I just wouldnt do it 3rd yr.....

 

[gostudy]

what about DURING 3rd year? In the beginning in a less time intensive rotation such as psych or family med? And honeymoon end of 3rd year?

Third year is not ideal unless you are doing it at the end of third year. Honeymoon if possible shouldn't be delayed, you'll thank me later.