What do I tell him?

[DetectiveAlonzo]

So.. not much of an avid thread starter here but this topic deserves it's own thread.

So.. I have a buddy who is a good study partner, and is a very bright guy, very smart and hardworking person (obviously.. or else he wouldn't be here).

Anyway, our first block finals ended and dude ended up with an 88 in the class when the average was a 82. He calls me up and is literally bawling over the phone. He keeps thinking he "failed" and isn't "AOA" material or whatever I have never have heard a grown man lose it over the phone over something like final grades...

At this point, all I can say is "listen... you did better than the average... so what you didn't get the A? There's next block!"

Yet he continues to state how he puts in many hours studying, sleeping 6 hours a night, attending lecture, and even memorizing those detailed lecture slides and tends to have had the right answers before switching it at the last minute and losing that chance to get the 90 he always blatantly aims for.

I don't blame him and I understand how frustrating it must be to not be able to get one small detail out of the 1500-2500 slides per exam but still... is it worth it?

I'm not trying to make fun of his situation at all or judge him, but I think he is doing really well and is much inspiration for me to do better.

Keep in mind this guy was literally above average in all of of our exams thus far (he is pretty open with his grades with me).

What do you guys say to somebody like this? Is there literally no way to console him? How do I help him chill out and kind of help him out because I think this dude is starting to lose it.. and I am genuinely worried for him.

Is there anybody here who is chill getting above class average and doesn't really care if they don't honor classes but the closer they are to that A (87-89) region is good enough for him?

Thanks for your contributions guys. I'd really appreciate it.

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[AlteredScale]

To add insult to injury, tell him that as a DO student he will never get AOA even if he was first in his class. Lol don't do that jk.


In all honesty, everyone is going to react differently to the changes that happen in med school. Almost everyone in the class was top of their class in undergrads or very highly ranked and are showered with academic accolades, as part of an elite set of students who are groomed to believe they are unstoppable. Then they hit med school.

It sounds to me like he has testing issues since he tells you he's changing his answer. Your best bet is to direct him to a learning specialist that'll hone his test taking schools.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[HotLunch96]

But in all seriousness, advise them to meet with counseling or their academic adviser.

 

[kenjixshadow]

Tell him that pre-clinical grades don't matter by showing him the PDs survey.
Tell him that he's doing it wrong if he's studying every single detail on the slides.
Tell him that he won't be an AOA as a DO and Sigma Sigma Phi doesn't hold the same weight to PDs.
Tell him that this is medical school, not some undergraduate degrees he used to hack, and that he needs to work smarter if he wants that A - sleep for only 6 hrs, attend daily lectures, and study all the time isn't the most efficient method.

 

[acapnial]

So.. not much of an avid thread starter here but this topic deserves it's own thread.

So.. I have a buddy who is a good study partner, and is a very bright guy, very smart and hardworking person (obviously.. or else he wouldn't be here).

Anyway, our first block finals ended and dude ended up with an 88 in the class when the average was a 82. He calls me up and is literally bawling over the phone. He keeps thinking he "failed" and isn't "AOA" material or whatever I have never have heard a grown man lose it over the phone over something like final grades...

At this point, all I can say is "listen... you did better than the average... so what you didn't get the A? There's next block!"

Yet he continues to state how he puts in many hours studying, sleeping 6 hours a night, attending lecture, and even memorizing those detailed lecture slides and tends to have had the right answers before switching it at the last minute and losing that chance to get the 90 he always blatantly aims for.

I don't blame him and I understand how frustrating it must be to not be able to get one small detail out of the 1500-2500 slides per exam but still... is it worth it?

I'm not trying to make fun of his situation at all or judge him, but I think he is doing really well and is much inspiration for me to do better.

Keep in mind this guy was literally above average in all of of our exams thus far (he is pretty open with his grades with me).

What do you guys say to somebody like this? Is there literally no way to console him? How do I help him chill out and kind of help him out because I think this dude is starting to lose it.. and I am genuinely worried for him.

Is there anybody here who is chill getting above class average and doesn't really care if they don't honor classes but the closer they are to that A (87-89) region is good enough for him?

Thanks for your contributions guys. I'd really appreciate it.

I worked in the tutoring center at my undergrad, and we had this happen on a regular basis at the beginning of the semester. It was mostly because they weren't used to trying their best and still not doing as well their classmates, which is probably what's going on with your buddy and it's messing with his sense of self worth. He really just needs to reframe what he sees as a good performance, which is something that takes time. If it's really getting out of hand then he would probably benefit from some therapy. It's pretty much impossible to talk people like this into being ok with their grades, so I wouldn't count on reasoning with him getting anywhere, but having someone listen with a sympathetic ear is always nice.

 

[samac]

This is why I'm a bad friend.
I'm the kind of person who would tell someone who scored above the class average that starts complaining to shush and get over it. I've actually told someone to stop complaining about the 2 questions they missed on an exam.
Glad you're a better person than me.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

I appreciate all the advice thus far y'all.

I told him to chillax in a nice way by being reassuring he is doing well.

I mean the dude is getting an 88-89 and is barely off by a few questions! lol I think he's doing pretty well.

I can understand if he really is obsessed with trying to do well... like I totally get it. But it's not worth questioning your self worth over a few questions when the difference between an A and a B+ is literally 3 questions lol

It is what it is I guess.

I'm sure he will go on to score well his STEP 1 if he just continues to work hard and keep grinding it out.

Hopefully lol

 

[DOFOSHO]

.

 

[coffee-doc]

no grown ass man would call another grown ass man over the phone to cry about grades. your friend sucks.

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

no grown ass man would call another grown ass man over the phone to cry about grades. your friend sucks.

Whoa... Relax homie. Lol

I wouldn't go that far as I like to judge people by their actions. He's a nice guy who always pulls through for me if I ever need small favors done here and there but I think the proper thing to say is that med school is getting to him.

Doesn't mean he "sucks" lol but I gotchu. Sorry.. Your comment just bothered me a little lol

But I get what you mean. He's taking it a little harder than he needs to do but..

That's med school for ya I guess huh?

 

[Azete]

You can tell him that even the smartest and hardest working of all medical students get less than an A sometimes. Even if you know all the details, and every bit of minutiae (which I wouldn't recommend anyway), sometimes you can just misread what the teacher is asking for -- do this a few times on an exam and you're at a B+. It's not reflective of your knowledge in any way, and I don't think there's a single PD out there that thinks there' s an appreciable difference between a 3.8 and 4.0 in med school.

 

[Goro]

Tell him to get his ass over to the school's counseling center, STAT.

So.. not much of an avid thread starter here but this topic deserves it's own thread.

So.. I have a buddy who is a good study partner, and is a very bright guy, very smart and hardworking person (obviously.. or else he wouldn't be here).

Anyway, our first block finals ended and dude ended up with an 88 in the class when the average was a 82. He calls me up and is literally bawling over the phone. He keeps thinking he "failed" and isn't "AOA" material or whatever I have never have heard a grown man lose it over the phone over something like final grades...

At this point, all I can say is "listen... you did better than the average... so what you didn't get the A? There's next block!"

Yet he continues to state how he puts in many hours studying, sleeping 6 hours a night, attending lecture, and even memorizing those detailed lecture slides and tends to have had the right answers before switching it at the last minute and losing that chance to get the 90 he always blatantly aims for.

I don't blame him and I understand how frustrating it must be to not be able to get one small detail out of the 1500-2500 slides per exam but still... is it worth it?

I'm not trying to make fun of his situation at all or judge him, but I think he is doing really well and is much inspiration for me to do better.

Keep in mind this guy was literally above average in all of of our exams thus far (he is pretty open with his grades with me).

What do you guys say to somebody like this? Is there literally no way to console him? How do I help him chill out and kind of help him out because I think this dude is starting to lose it.. and I am genuinely worried for him.

Is there anybody here who is chill getting above class average and doesn't really care if they don't honor classes but the closer they are to that A (87-89) region is good enough for him?

Thanks for your contributions guys. I'd really appreciate it.

 

[37Base]

Tell him you love him, buy him a pint of ice cream...maybe some tampons

 

[Mad Jack]

Tell him to get a prescription for some ****ing Xanax and that he needs to realize he's not some special snowflake genius that's going to be the best at everything he does forever, and the sooner he learns that the less fragile his ego will be, because right now it's about as stable as a cracked eggshell.

 

[Septo Shock]

Silly First World problems

 

[oOKawaiiOo]

So.. not much of an avid thread starter here but this topic deserves it's own thread.

So.. I have a buddy who is a good study partner, and is a very bright guy, very smart and hardworking person (obviously.. or else he wouldn't be here).

Anyway, our first block finals ended and dude ended up with an 88 in the class when the average was a 82. He calls me up and is literally bawling over the phone. He keeps thinking he "failed" and isn't "AOA" material or whatever I have never have heard a grown man lose it over the phone over something like final grades...

At this point, all I can say is "listen... you did better than the average... so what you didn't get the A? There's next block!"

Yet he continues to state how he puts in many hours studying, sleeping 6 hours a night, attending lecture, and even memorizing those detailed lecture slides and tends to have had the right answers before switching it at the last minute and losing that chance to get the 90 he always blatantly aims for.

The best thing is to support him. Listen and just agree to whatever he says.

 

[sazerac]

If he is a DO student, then good news! He is by definition going to be "AOA material" or he won't be able to maintain his medical license.

 

[SLC]

Tell your friend to get over it. Pre-clinical grades mean essentially nothing to residency programs. NOTHING.

Well not nothing, they matter if you fail. But if he's passing it's fine. If he's above average it might get a passing mention when he's being ranked (but won't help or hurt him).

There are many things worth worrying about. This is not one of them.

 

[JustPlainBill]

Oooo, so much room for shenanigans with this one ---- You could ask him if he remembered not to eat the crayon that he took his entrance exam with --- or start calling him a window-licker -- or see if he falls for the "Hey, I read this really great article about Dr. (make up a bizarre sounding French/European name here) who's doing the first brain transplant" -- when he bites off on that, act incredulous that he's never heard of Dr. whoever, scoff at his lack of medical knowledge having never seen or read this renowned article in the NEJM regarding the proposed transplant -- you can play it as far as you want --- I did that to a UTSouthwestern 3rd year in the FM clinic one day -- had him believing the resident he was going to work with was this renowned physician from Africa who had done the first brain transplant on that continent -- kid actually went for it -- had him going until one of his colleagues blurted out "Dude, you can't do a brain transplant!".....

Or you could casually comment that he's destined to be banished to primary care doing rectal exams on diabetic 65 year olds and PAPs on BMI > 45 for the rest of his life.....sucks to be you......

I think this person is secretly bragging and looking for attention. I would take the straight approach, tell him to man-up, grow a pair, get back to work and quit griping about his grades...plenty of people make 71s that would gladly trade places with him.....

Sorry, my sympathy for people like this goes right out the window -- had some of them in my med school class --- I'm busting my butt to break into the 80s and they're whining about making low 90s...could have cheerfully given a deep massage to the pudendal nerve with a steel toed boot......

 

[DetectiveAlonzo]

Oooo, so much room for shenanigans with this one ---- You could ask him if he remembered not to eat the crayon that he took his entrance exam with --- or start calling him a window-licker -- or see if he falls for the "Hey, I read this really great article about Dr. (make up a bizarre sounding French/European name here) who's doing the first brain transplant" -- when he bites off on that, act incredulous that he's never heard of Dr. whoever, scoff at his lack of medical knowledge having never seen or read this renowned article in the NEJM regarding the proposed transplant -- you can play it as far as you want --- I did that to a UTSouthwestern 3rd year in the FM clinic one day -- had him believing the resident he was going to work with was this renowned physician from Africa who had done the first brain transplant on that continent -- kid actually went for it -- had him going until one of his colleagues blurted out "Dude, you can't do a brain transplant!".....

Or you could casually comment that he's destined to be banished to primary care doing rectal exams diabetic 65 year olds and PAPs on BMI > 45 for the rest of his life.....sucks to be you......

I think this person is secretly bragging and looking for attention. I would take the straight approach, tell him to man-up, grow a pair, get back to work and quit griping about his grades...plenty of people make 71s that would gladly trade places with him.....

Sorry, my sympathy for people like this goes right out the window -- had some of them in my med school class --- I'm busting my butt to break into the 80s and they're whining about making low 90s...could have cheerfully given a deep massage to the pudendal nerve with a steel toed boot......

Lmao.

Dead.

 

[IslandStyle808]

I worked in the tutoring center at my undergrad, and we had this happen on a regular basis at the beginning of the semester. It was mostly because they weren't used to trying their best and still not doing as well their classmates, which is probably what's going on with your buddy and it's messing with his sense of self worth. He really just needs to reframe what he sees as a good performance, which is something that takes time. If it's really getting out of hand then he would probably benefit from some therapy. It's pretty much impossible to talk people like this into being ok with their grades, so I wouldn't count on reasoning with him getting anywhere, but having someone listen with a sympathetic ear is always nice.

Oh ain't this the truth. So sick of hearing of people I knew and SDNers who only put a weekend in of "real" work to get an A in the class. While, I would have to study through the week on top of cramming the day before the test day. Now in medical school I actually am see a lot more of "what I put in is what I get out." To me it is amazing I am keeping up with these similar people who only studied 2 days before to get their As in undergrad.

 

[Doctor Bob]

To add insult to injury, tell him that as a DO student he will never get AOA even if he was first in his class.

Tell him that he won't be an AOA as a DO and Sigma Sigma Phi doesn't hold the same weight to PDs.

I think I make this slight correction about once a year...

DOs can get into AOA (alpha omega alpha); they can do it as interns/residents/fellows/attendings. AOA chapters are given the option of inducting a trainee (intern/resident/fellow) and an attending along with their usual complement of students each year. Many chapters don't exercise this option, but if they do then the students who have been selected for AOA all get together and decide who they want to bring along with them.

So, to get into AOA as a DO you have to be at an academic training site affiliated with an allopathic medical school that has an AOA chapter that has decided to exercise its option to induct GME trainees/trainers as well, and be the person they select that year. It's a pretty rare event, but not impossible.

It won't be possible in time to help with residency apps, but it does help for fellowship apps, or job hunts if you're looking for an academic job.

I speak from experience here...