What happens to your significant other?

[MedicineMike]

My gf lives up North and I am going to med school down south. She doesn't plan on moving down south anytime soon, and I don't plan on hanging around the south following med school. With that being said, what does everyone usually do in these situations? I don't want her to basically just 'tag along' with wherever I am, and she doesn't either. Even after school with the chance of my internship and residency being in different spots, what do people usually do? She wants/needs to further her career and that just isn't possible if she picked up and moved 3 times over 5 years.

Just wondering on what to expect I guess...

Thoughts?

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[Sheldor]

My gf lives up North and I am going to med school down south. She doesn't plan on moving down south anytime soon, and I don't plan on hanging around the south following med school. With that being said, what does everyone usually do in these situations? I don't want her to basically just 'tag along' with wherever I am, and she doesn't either. Even after school with the chance of my internship and residency being in different spots, what do people usually do? She wants/needs to further her career and that just isn't possible if she picked up and moved 3 times over 5 years.

Just wondering on what to expect I guess...

Thoughts?

Sorry to be harsh but if he was really all that "significant" she'd bend over backwards to move down there with you. OR you'd stay up north. The point is that if you guys aren't committed enough to both be willing to make sacrifices for the relationship it doesn't seem like one that's worth staying in to me.

Just my 2 cents...

 

[MedicineMike]

Sorry to be harsh but if he was really all that "significant" she'd bend over backwards to move down there with you. OR you'd stay up north. The point is that if you guys aren't committed enough to both be willing to make sacrifices for the relationship it doesn't seem like one that's worth staying in to me.

Just my 2 cents...

Well that was quite a judgement. The real reason being she was laid off after her first job (short-term) and finally got a job recently. You can't just pick up and move from job to job every 8 months if you ever want to have a career. Further, she just signed a 2 yr lease before i was accepted.

 

[BushidoBrown]

Sorry to be harsh but if he was really all that "significant" she'd bend over backwards to move down there with you. OR you'd stay up north. The point is that if you guys aren't committed enough to both be willing to make sacrifices for the relationship it doesn't seem like one that's worth staying in to me.

Just my 2 cents...

There are such things as successful long-distance relationships 🙄

 

[swamprat]

Well that was quite a judgement. The real reason being she was laid off after her first job (short-term) and finally got a job recently. You can't just pick up and move from job to job every 8 months if you ever want to have a career. Further, she just signed a 2 yr lease before i was accepted.

poor planning?

either way what kind of answer are you looking for... most likely the relationship won't work out long distance. every girl in my class cheated on their boyfriends during ms1, outside long distance relationships are hard if not impossible to maintain..its the nature of the beast.

 

[Sheldor]

Well that was quite a judgement. The real reason being she was laid off after her first job (short-term) and finally got a job recently. You can't just pick up and move from job to job every 8 months if you ever want to have a career. Further, she just signed a 2 yr lease before i was accepted.

So whats the plan? Come on to a forum ask for peoples thoughts and then defend against any of the thoughts you disagree with?

Life is hard man. Switching jobs sucks, but you can make it work. Breaking leases also happens, its not the end of the world. My point isn't to judge her worth, or how much you care about her, but any relationship thats set up like you laid out isn't going to work.

Be with your significant other vs switch jobs and break a lease. You're saying that the switch jobs/lease wins out. I'm saying cool, but that isn't a relationship that I think will last. My wife and I have had to make a ton of sacrifices to make our relationship and then our marriage work. I gaurantee you that if at a couple of different cross roads one of us hadn't been willing to make a sacrifice for our schooling or career (or financial) we wouldn't be here today.

So, don't take it as judgement, only the opinion of someone who's been in a relationship for 5 years, 4 of which have been marriage, which included 4 moves (2 across the country), multiple schools, many jobs and broken leases. I know hard it is, but we never thought twice about it.

 

[Sheldor]

There are such things as successful long-distance relationships 🙄

Based on my reading he's talking about a 7+ year long distance relationship. I don't think that could work, or that you'd want to make it work! Its totally different to do long distance for 6 months to a year, but longer than that it starts to get really, really difficult.

 

[cowme]

There are such things as successful long-distance relationships 🙄

Most long distance relationships end in med school. Not saying the OPs will, but given that he is just starting school, and has 4 years to go, the odds are against it lasting...

 

[Gabby]

Sorry to be harsh but if he was really all that "significant" she'd bend over backwards to move down there with you. OR you'd stay up north. The point is that if you guys aren't committed enough to both be willing to make sacrifices for the relationship it doesn't seem like one that's worth staying in to me.

Just my 2 cents...

That's a bunch of bull. Not everyone is 21 without commitments and other responsibilities. The OP said he doesn't plan to stay there past med school and given that he's going to DO school, he might even be able to do his third and fourth years up north with his girlfriend.

OP, my fiance and I have been doing the long distance thing. I won't lie, it's hard, but it can help your relationship grow if you're truly in love. We talk on the phone for hours every night. And I mean really talk since we don't have the luxury of just sitting in a room together quietly. It's helped us get closer in some ways because we talk about all sorts of things just to enjoy each others company. We watch TV together on the phone, rent movies together, stuff like that.

 

[Gabby]

poor planning?

What exactly was poor planning? Her getting laid off? Her signing an apartment lease? Him getting accepted to a med school?

every girl in my class cheated on their boyfriends during ms1

You know the details of the private life of every girl in your class?

 

[cpants]

It's tough man. I was in a somewhat similar situation starting med school, and it was very very hard. You need to talk to her every night on the phone, and you need to see her frequently at great expense of time and money. My girl ended up moving to me after a couple of years and made a career change. It was a huge sacrifice for her, but we ended up together. So I am telling you it can work, just don't expect it to be easy.

 

[Gabby]

Be with your significant other vs switch jobs and break a lease. You're saying that the switch jobs/lease wins out. I'm saying cool, but that isn't a relationship that I think will last. My wife and I have had to make a ton of sacrifices to make our relationship and then our marriage work.

The difference is that you're married. You'd advise a girl to break a lease, quit a new job, and follow her boyfriend to a town she doesn't know. Then what? If they break up, what is she supposed to do? Sorry, but you'd be asking too much of her. A long distance relationship CAN work if the two people involved are truly in love and committed to one another. That's called a sacrifice on both their parts, versus one person having to sacrifice when they're not even engaged yet.

So, don't take it as judgement, only the opinion of someone who's been in a relationship for 5 years, 4 of which have been marriage, which included 4 moves (2 across the country), multiple schools, many jobs and broken leases. I know hard it is, but we never thought twice about it.

I don't have a problem with that, but keep in mind that's not how it is for everyone. There is no cook book recipe to being a happy couple, so to make blanket statements about it isn't exactly helpful.

 

[MedicineMike]

Thanks for all the posts so far. I am 26 and so is she. I am not trying to defend at all, just providing more information!

We started off long distance for over a year while I was doing post-bacc, and we have lived together the past year working full-time in the same city, NYC. And breaking a lease in NYC is ~$10000+ at our apartment! Ive checked into it.

Anyways, I plan on doing some rotations up there during 3rd and 4th year for obvious reasons. I am not exactly sure how that works though.

I am not asking for advice on my relationship or whether it will last. I just want to know what other people do in similar situations.

 

[MedicineMike]

The difference is that you're married. You'd advise a girl to break a lease, quit a new job, and follow her boyfriend to a town she doesn't know. Then what? If they break up, what is she supposed to do? Sorry, but you'd be asking too much of her. A long distance relationship CAN work if the two people involved are truly in love and committed to one another. That's called a sacrifice on both their parts, versus one person having to sacrifice when they're not even engaged yet.



I don't have a problem with that, but keep in mind that's not how it is for everyone. There is no cook book recipe to being a happy couple, so to make blanket statements about it is exactly helpful.

Thank you Gabby. That is my point to all of this - I dont want her to just sacrifice her life to move to some rural town in the South from NYC where there is nothing remotely similar to her current career.

 

[Law2Doc]

That's a bunch of bull. Not everyone is 21 without commitments and other responsibilities. The OP said he doesn't plan to stay there past med school ...

Well, in his initial post he did raise the specter of not being in the same location as his GF during internship and residency as well. So we could potentially be talking 7-10 years of long distance.

The typical long distance relationship doesn't last this long. One of you guys is going to meet someone who fits into their plans better, or you may mutually decide it's not a good set-up. I'm afraid that's "what people typically do in this situation". I could see doing the long distance thing for a very finite period of time, eg a year for someone to finish up someplace and come join you, or vice versa. But you (OP) have described two career minded people who are going to go in whatever direction their jobs take them, which may not jibe.

 

[Gabby]

Well, in his initial post he did raise the specter of not being in the same location as his GF during internship and residency as well. So we could potentially be talking 7-10 years of long distance.

Actually, what he said was:

Even after school with the chance of my internship and residency being in different spots, what do people usually do?

Sounds more like a what if to me. That's four years away anyway. There's a lot that can happen between now and then. For right now, I think people need to focus on this year in giving advice. No one's to say his girlfriend won't decide he's the one and move second, third, or fourth year. No one's to say he can't move back up there third year to do rotations. I don't know where he's going to school, but LECOM-B, for instance, allows third and fourth years to be done wherever you want.

The typical long distance relationship doesn't last this long. One of you guys is going to meet someone who fits into their plans better, or you may mutually decide it's not a good set-up.

Or they may end up like me, planning their dream wedding and life together after years of long distance.

But you (OP) have described two career minded people who are going to go in whatever direction their jobs take them, which may not jibe.

So what's your advice? To end the relationship now because she isn't willing to move? I don't blame her for not moving. And I wouldn't be ready to call off the relationship without giving long distance a chance. One of three things will happen:

(1) They'll decide they can handle long distance for a couple of years and suck it up

(2) They'll decide it's too hard and she'll move to him or he'll work out a way to do third year up there

(3) They'll decide it's too much work and break up

Either way, I think it's premature to predict the outcome of the relationship.

 

[swamprat]

That's a bunch of bull. Not everyone is 21 without commitments and other responsibilities. The OP said he doesn't plan to stay there past med school and given that he's going to DO school, he might even be able to do his third and fourth years up north with his girlfriend.

OP, my fiance and I have been doing the long distance thing. I won't lie, it's hard, but it can help your relationship grow if you're truly in love. We talk on the phone for hours every night. And I mean really talk since we don't have the luxury of just sitting in a room together quietly. It's helped us get closer in some ways because we talk about all sorts of things just to enjoy each others company. We watch TV together on the phone, rent movies together, stuff like that.

your in fairy tale land, thats really cute but most people don't do that because most people won't be able to deal with long distance for 4+ years.

What exactly was poor planning? Her getting laid off? Her signing an apartment lease? Him getting accepted to a med school?



You know the details of the private life of every girl in your class?

yes since ive slept with everyone. get real.. med school is like high school and with facebook, and hard drinking and partying post exams everyone knows who has had a boyfriend, hooked up with so and so and still has one and/or their significant other found out and **** hit the fan.

 

[bonsaipalmtree]

Advice from my long distance relationship:

1.) Get Skype. It's free! Get a webcam if you don't have one yet. That way you won't burn your minutes.

2.) Get a credit card with miles. Make sure to take advantage of the 20-30K mile offers they run to get the card. Buy everything on it, especially all your expensive start-up costs in moving and beginning school- rack up those miles and use them to see each other! My SO and I get most of our tickets free this way.

3.) Visit as much as you can, talk on Skype when you can't, and make it a priority to stay involved in each other's life.

4.) Don't cheat (duh) and be committed to it working from the start. If you're not committed to making it work, don't bother. Someone up there said that every girl cheated in his class- that's likely untrue. Accept that it might not work though, and go with it anyway.

 

[Quinone]

Wow, lots of bitter folks in this thread. 🙄

OP, for what it's worth, not all long-distance relationships are doomed to fail. My boyfriend and I began dating in college, and when I left for med school the plan was for him to follow a year later and attend the same school...but, as it happened, we ended up at different med schools and don't see each other nearly as often as we'd like. We have been in an LDR for nearly 3 years and while it has been rough at times, we have made it work. It takes a lot of commitment and planning, but for us, it has been quite worth it. 🙂

I wouldn't say your relationship is doomed simply because you are going away to school. I would encourage you to sit down with your GF and have an honest discussion about where you see yourselves in the next 5-10 years, and what you each think will have to happen in order to make the relationship last.

 

[MedicineMike]

Wow, lots of bitter folks in this thread. 🙄

OP, for what it's worth, not all long-distance relationships are doomed to fail. My boyfriend and I began dating in college, and when I left for med school the plan was for him to follow a year later and attend the same school...but, as it happened, we ended up at different med schools and don't see each other nearly as often as we'd like. We have been in an LDR for nearly 3 years and while it has been rough at times, we have made it work. It takes a lot of commitment and planning, but for us, it has been quite worth it. 🙂

I wouldn't say your relationship is doomed simply because you are going away to school. I would encourage you to sit down with your GF and have an honest discussion about where you see yourselves in the next 5-10 years, and what you each think will have to happen in order to make the relationship last.

We def have done this as we do live together currently. Oddly enough it seems like I have more of a direction than her. I know where I will be for 4 years and then I know I will be somewhere else for another 4 years, just don't know where exactly. It's just hard for her going from working at a prominent Investment bank in NYC to rural south nothingness...

 

[cpants]

You didn't get into any medical schools nearer to NYC?

 

[Gabby]

your in fairy tale land, thats really cute but most people don't do that because most people won't be able to deal with long distance for 4+ years.

Most ADULTS will, if they love the other person and are mature enough to make a commitment. Obviously, you can't do that, but don't think you're the barometer for the rest of the world. In this thread alone, there are four posters who made long distance relationships work. Your overly pessimistic attitude about anyone who can make it work living in a fairy tale is plain hogwash from someone too immature to entertain the idea.

yes since ive slept with everyone.

Well, that is the only way to know. Otherwise, I call BS.

med school is like high school and with facebook, and hard drinking and partying post exams everyone knows who has had a boyfriend, hooked up with so and so and still has one and/or their significant other found out and **** hit the fan.

And just like in high school, whatever gossip everyone hears is 100% true. Whatever everyone brags about is completely true. No exaggerations, no lies. Everything's completely true. You're right. Every girl in your class has loose morals and no sense of commitment. Why? Because your buddies say so.

Hmm...My wife of 7 years and my 3 kids are coming with me. We're breaking a lease, which is going to cost us money, and she's having to take significant blows to her professional life. I don't know what I would do if I were in your shoes. I guess just try to make it work long distance, but don't be surprised if it doesn't work out. Good luck.

If your wife of seven years and three kids weren't coming, that would be an issue. This is an entirely different situation. It couldn't be more different, in fact.

 

[quepatho]

I guarantee you that if at a couple of different cross roads one of us hadn't been willing to make a sacrifice for our schooling or career (or financial) we wouldn't be here today.

Yeah, I was apart from my boyfriend (of 3 years, currently) for about 10 months when I first started school and it was very, very hard. Someone has to be willing to bend, somewhere. To the OP: the feminist in me hates that it's probably (practically speaking) your girlfriend who will have to bend in this situation. In my situation, my boyfriend WAS able to find a job near me (even though I'm living in a place that reminds me vaguely of hell). I was lucky that he was willing and able and didn't think twice about it.

During those 10 months, though, we skyped, called, visited each other as much as resources permitted (once every two months or so for a weekend). We watched TV shows together online on the weekend (seriously Skype is a miracle).

Even today, we don't live together, and I only get to see him on the weekends. So it's not ideal, but it's still 100000x better than doing long distance.

There is no real substitute for being with the person you love, unfortunately. Fortunately, my boyfriend was able to sacrifice for me, so far, and hopefully I will be able to sacrifice for him (if need be) in the future. Because he has been the most wonderful, supportive person in my life and frankly he deserves a gold medal for putting up with me during the most difficult two years of my life so far.

 

[startswithb]

How long is long distance? I am going to a school that is about a one hour drive away...

...also on a waitlist for a school that is in the same town in which BF lives and works.

We don't really think the one hour drive will be that big of a deal. Are we being naive?

 

[swamprat]

Most ADULTS will, if they love the other person and are mature enough to make a commitment. Obviously, you can't do that, but don't think you're the barometer for the rest of the world. In this thread alone, there are four posters who made long distance relationships work. Your overly pessimistic attitude about anyone who can make it work living in a fairy tale is plain hogwash from someone too immature to entertain the idea.

And just like in high school, whatever gossip everyone hears is 100% true. Whatever everyone brags about is completely true. No exaggerations, no lies. Everything's completely true. You're right. Every girl in your class has loose morals and no sense of commitment. Why? Because your buddies say so.

I'm immature because...? Look at the divorce rate. MOST people it wont work..kudos for you because it does in YOUR situation, but your not going to change my opinion overall.

I'm not talking about gossip, I've seen it with my own eyes..it didn't surprise me but you'd prob jump off a building for breaking such a commitment, OMG because cheating never happens when you live in the same town, in the same house even.. let alone 500 miles away.

 

[hrandani]

Barring religious extremism, extremely conservative family / ethnicity, statistically your relationship is over. Sure the 2% that are the exception will always trumpet their success against the odds but I know I couldn't live like that. Long distance relationships aren't real relationships and never have been.

And that's just life in these United States.

 

[Gabby]

I'm immature because...?

Because you won't entertain the idea that some make it work. It's not a fairy tale that couples can make long distance work. It's fact. No one said it was easy. All we said was that it's not impossible.

I'm not talking about gossip, I've seen it with my own eyes..it didn't surprise me but you'd prob jump off a building for breaking such a commitment, OMG because cheating never happens when you live in the same town, in the same house even.. let alone 500 miles away.

Who said it doesn't happen? But "every girl." Come on. Out of a class of 100-200 students, there isn't one girl there who can remain faithful? I find that extremely hard to believe.

 

[Gabby]

Barring religious extremism, extremely conservative family / ethnicity, statistically your relationship is over. Sure the 2% that are the exception will always trumpet their success against the odds but I know I couldn't live like that. Long distance relationships aren't real relationships and never have been.

And that's just life in these United States.

So because you couldn't live like that, it's not a real relationship? What exactly makes it "not a real relationship"?

 

[jdh71]

There are such things as successful long-distance relationships 🙄

Sure. Much like the ghost orchid. I know it exists because I've seen one in a texbook. I woudln't bank on long distance working out for four years especially with two people pursuing two separate careers.

Here's a cake. You may either have it and look at it all pretty, or you may eat it. Impossible to have both.

 

[nlax30]

It doesn't really matter what other people do in this sort of situation because each situation/couple is unique and has different priorities.

Ultimately you have limited options: Stay together and deal with a long distance relationship, one of you sacrifice and move or change education/career plans, or call it quits.

Really, you two just have to sit and talk this out. What's the end game here... is marriage still on the table? If it is then you have to decide if this is a deal breaker or if y'all want to have a go at making this work and dealing with the distance for possibly several years.

For me if marriage was not even ultimately a possibility then there's no way I'd even try to make something like that work.

 

[jdh71]

It's interesting to see it's the ladies almost desperately pushing the idea that this would work. While the men are much more reasonable about it all.

The only way to know is to try, and I'm not a betting man, but if I was, I'd put $20 on this not working.

 

[Gabby]

It's interesting to see it's the ladies almost desperately pushing the idea that this would work. While the men are much more reasonable about it all.

The only way to know is to try, and I'm not a betting man, but if I was, I'd put $20 on this not working.

Hm, let's see -- the women say "give it a shot; it may work." The men say "no way, no how, never in this lifetime! Are you nuts for even suggesting something like that?" and it's the men who are more reasonable about it?

That kind of myopic thinking must come in handy in med school.

 

[PTPoeny]

How often will you guys be able to afford to visit each other?

My now husband, then bf, and I did long distance for the first half of my MS1 year. But we both made some sacrifices and found ways to see each other every month of that time. He was willing to move across the country with me once he graduated and the local job market in his field was a big concern when I was picking my medical school.

You guys can probably make it work if you really want to. I know one of my friends has an SO in a decently far away city throughout med school and he moved to be with her in residency and it all worked out and they are getting married this fall. However, more couples do seem to fail than succeed in long distance relationships.

 

[swamprat]

Because you won't entertain the idea that some make it work. It's not a fairy tale that couples can make long distance work. It's fact. No one said it was easy. All we said was that it's not impossible.

Well it depends on the situation, the OPs situation I wouldn't entertain the idea..sure go for it OP but since both parties are career oriented and neither one will make a sacrifice I think 4 years is a little much.

Who said it doesn't happen? But "every girl." Come on. Out of a class of 100-200 students, there isn't one girl there who can remain faithful? I find that extremely hard to believe.

That obviously wasn't meant to be taken literally..maybe I should have used the word a lot.

 

[Gabby]

Well it depends on the situation, the OPs situation I wouldn't entertain the idea..sure go for it OP but since both parties are career oriented and neither one will make a sacrifice I think 4 years is a little much.

Again, who says it'll be four years? She could have a change of heart next year and decide she wants to move down because it's so hard. Or he could do third and fourth years up there. There's flexibility with some DO schools. Also, career-oriented has nothing to do with it. Perhaps they're not serious enough right now for her to give up her job, but they could be eventually. I think it would be silly of her to break her lease, quit her job, and move with him when they're not even engaged yet. Plus, in two years, they could be moving back.

 

[cpants]

It's interesting to see it's the ladies almost desperately pushing the idea that this would work. While the men are much more reasonable about it all.

The only way to know is to try, and I'm not a betting man, but if I was, I'd put $20 on this not working.

I'm a man and it worked for me. I have seen it work for others. It won't work if it is not a person to whom you are extremely committed, and it won't work without some end to the situation on the horizon. While we were long distance our relationship was basically on hold. We were faithful to each other, and things were good when we saw each other every few weeks or so, but we struggled a lot while we were apart. Things did not progress toward engagement/marriage/etc until we were in the same city.

I'd say for most couples in this situation, it probably won't work. That said, it might work. You may figure out how to hold on for a year or two until you can be together again. You may not. Either way there is not much risk to give it a go. Both have chosen to follow their careers for now. Either one person will bend or they will both stick to their path, but things will resolve themselves eventually. Good luck.

 

[metallica81788]

How long is long distance? I am going to a school that is about a one hour drive away...

...also on a waitlist for a school that is in the same town in which BF lives and works.

We don't really think the one hour drive will be that big of a deal. Are we being naive?

Not really. I did the one hour long distance thing for this past year. We saw each other basically every weekend, and it worked out pretty well. Now we're getting married in a couple of weeks.

One hour isn't that bad - it's just different than what you're used to.

It would be more difficult if you were doing it for 4 yrs, but you could always move in together somewhere halfway in between if it's only an hour.

 

[thedoctor8706]

My gf dumped me 4 months into med school starting. Not saying that will happen to you, but long distance is tough, so just be ready for anything. It's still really hard and I still miss her like hell but it does get better.

 

[jdh71]

Hm, let's see -- the women say "give it a shot; it may work." The men say "no way, no how, never in this lifetime! Are you nuts for even suggesting something like that?" and it's the men who are more reasonable about it?

That kind of myopic thinking must come in handy in med school.

wish into one hand, crap in the other, tell me which fills up first

realism is a bitch . . . it's not my world, I just live here

 

[johnmendes]

Gaby, he is cheating on you... Hope won't deny that

 

[hrandani]

My best friend in college had the world's best relationship. I watched it slowly die over the course of four years due to this stupid dream of long distance that girls pick up from stupid movies like the notebook. Long distance has all of the benefits of a relationship every fourteen year old girl wants, and nothing to offer the guy.

They made it, got back together and found out they weren't the same people and the relationship didn't work anymore. Bam, four completely wasted years. And you know who was the loser in that situation? My buddy. Completely destroyed him.

You can be in a long distance relationship long term but like the other guy said, it's on hold. It's not real. It will consume you.

 

[Amalgamate]

What exactly was poor planning? Her getting laid off? Her signing an apartment lease? Him getting accepted to a med school?

It's not like him going to med school was a split decision that came out of no where.

I didn't make the original comment but I agree with them, it is poor planning to watch your significant other fly around the country to interviews and not have it in the back of your head that relocation is a possibility.

I feel for the OP, trust me I'll be going through the same thing in a year or so because I'm a nontrad applying broadly but unless their significant others position is once in a lifetime, or the lease agreement said breaking it would be punishable by amputation than I'm sure they could make it work.

I think in life people are so afraid of being the bearer of bad news that they sugar coat everything and get emotional, it's time to face reality.... If she doesn't move, the chances of you working out are slim.

 

[alwaysaangel]

Most relationships end in med school.

Now its correct.

The vast majority of people in relationships at the beginning of my first year were single by the end of 1st year. By now (we're graduating) there are 3 that got/stayed married, and 1 that is still dating. 2 marriages ended.

OP - statistics are against you, but that shouldn't change what you do. You are going to give it your best shot and see where it takes you. Yes, some peoples SOs will follow them and move 3 times in 10 years; others will try the Long distance.

Decide whats best for you and good luck.

 

[juliedi]

How long is long distance? I am going to a school that is about a one hour drive away...

...also on a waitlist for a school that is in the same town in which BF lives and works.

We don't really think the one hour drive will be that big of a deal. Are we being naive?

Well I'm not in med school yet so I can't talk about that aspect of it, but I just wanted to say that my bf and I have been doing the one-hour-drive-away relationship for this entire year, and it's worked out just fine. We don't ever see each other during the workweek, but we've spent 99% of our weekends together. I can imagine med school will add another layer of stress, but I think you will probably make it work just fine.

Most relationships end in med school.

Now its correct.

The vast majority of people in relationships at the beginning of my first year were single by the end of 1st year. By now (we're graduating) there are 3 that got/stayed married, and 1 that is still dating. 2 marriages ended.

Can anyone else comment on this? Not that I am doubting your experience or anything, I'd just like to hear from people at other schools. Did you find that most relationships (even non-long distance) at your school ended?

 

[smq123]

Can anyone else comment on this? Not that I am doubting your experience or anything, I'd just like to hear from people at other schools. Did you find that most relationships (even non-long distance) at your school ended?

Yep, alwaysaangel's post sounds about right. Many people who come in to med school in a relationship will have it end sometime during MS1. Not all, certainly. But many.

 

[Instatewaiter]

My gf lives up North and I am going to med school down south. She doesn't plan on moving down south anytime soon, and I don't plan on hanging around the south following med school. With that being said, what does everyone usually do in these situations? I don't want her to basically just 'tag along' with wherever I am, and she doesn't either. Even after school with the chance of my internship and residency being in different spots, what do people usually do? She wants/needs to further her career and that just isn't possible if she picked up and moved 3 times over 5 years.

Just wondering on what to expect I guess...

Thoughts?

It will be hard but it can work. I know of at least 3 people in my med school who continued their long-distance relationship through the 4 years of med school. Most worked when people were willing to travel a few times a month. During the first 2 years most weekends will be completely free.

People need to stop being such pessimists.

My current gf's LAST boyfriend went away to medical school so I guess.....

I HAPPEN

And in a few months there will be another douche coming here talking about how you went to med school and he shacked up your girlfriend. Stop being a dick to someone who is worried his relationship isn't gonna work.

Barring religious extremism, extremely conservative family / ethnicity, statistically your relationship is over.

Oh yeah, or morals and self control...

 

[Gabby]

wish into one hand, crap in the other, tell me which fills up first

realism is a bitch . . . it's not my world, I just live here

Ah, the elegant reply of someone who just hit puberty. Once you grow up, be sure to re-join an adult conversation.

Gaby, he is cheating on you... Hope won't deny that

You're a *****.

My best friend in college had the world's best relationship. I watched it slowly die over the course of four years due to this stupid dream of long distance that girls pick up from stupid movies like the notebook. Long distance has all of the benefits of a relationship every fourteen year old girl wants, and nothing to offer the guy.

Girls pick up the dream of a long distance relationship because of movies like The Notebook? I can see why you're unattached.

They made it, got back together and found out they weren't the same people and the relationship didn't work anymore. Bam, four completely wasted years. And you know who was the loser in that situation? My buddy. Completely destroyed him.

And because it happened to them, it happens to everyone.

You can be in a long distance relationship long term but like the other guy said, it's on hold. It's not real. It will consume you.

Please, go on. It's giving me a chuckle listening to folks completely ignorant about such relationships make such statements.

It's not like him going to med school was a split decision that came out of no where.

I didn't make the original comment but I agree with them, it is poor planning to watch your significant other fly around the country to interviews and not have it in the back of your head that relocation is a possibility.

I feel for the OP, trust me I'll be going through the same thing in a year or so because I'm a nontrad applying broadly but unless their significant others position is once in a lifetime, or the lease agreement said breaking it would be punishable by amputation than I'm sure they could make it work.

I think in life people are so afraid of being the bearer of bad news that they sugar coat everything and get emotional, it's time to face reality.... If she doesn't move, the chances of you working out are slim.

No one's sugar-coating anything. Frankly, I don't think anyone should move for anyone else unless there's a ring on the person's finger or it's obvious that's where it's going.

I know of several people in my class who are doing the long distance thing. One couple of is married and the others are SOs. Yes, it can work. Those who deny it are too immature to understand that a *real* relationship isn't always the traditional "let's have sex every night, or else the guy isn't getting anything out of it" deal.

 

[medstudent87]

i'm 1.5 years into a long distance relationship and its going well so far (I just finished MS2). We see each other every 3-5 weeks, which sucks, but its not too bad. Neither he nor I are very emotionally needy, so that helps. We're both dudes, btw.

Us homos can't be too picky when it comes to relationships. Sex is easy to come by, but decent guys are not.

 

[quepatho]

Can anyone else comment on this? Not that I am doubting your experience or anything, I'd just like to hear from people at other schools. Did you find that most relationships (even non-long distance) at your school ended?

Well, I'm sure there are couples that ended that I don't know about, but of the reasonably committed couples entering my school, I know of 2 couples that have gotten married (one of the couples has since had a kid), 2 couples who recently got engaged, and at least 4 of us (four couples) who are still holding our relationships strong. At least two other couples entered school married and...well...they are not unmarried now, is all I can attest to.

All these relationships are with non-med students.

I'm sure there are probably lots of failures as well, but, at least at MY particular school I haven't seen it happen.

 

[45408]

From what I recall of med school, more than a few girlfriends moved across the country and subsequently became wives. I don't remember any boyfriends coming across the country, and I don't remember any long-distance relationships that turned into marriages. There might have been some, but I was aware of most of the relationships serious enough to result in marriage.

I don't think it's probable to plan on a long-distance relationship during all of med school.