What to do about petty nurse

[EthylMethylMan]

There’s a nurse I regularly work with who recently started having a petty beef with me and is calling me by my first name without asking. I’m going to confront her on this next time we’re working together, but I anticipate she’ll refuse to play ball. What’s the next step in that case? While it’s ridiculously annoying, it doesn’t feel quite severe enough to bring up with my medical director. I’m a new attending and haven’t encountered this situation before.

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[JacobMcCandles]

It's petty on your part for this getting under your skin. The nurses should refer to you by "Dr. Lastname" in front of the patients but who honestly cares when not in front of patients?

Your medical director is going to think he's a kindergarten teacher if you bring this up.

 

[EthylMethylMan]

It's petty on your part for this getting under your skin. The nurses should refer to you by "Dr. Lastname" in front of the patients but who honestly cares when not in front of patients?

Your medical director is going to think he's a kindergarten teacher if you bring this up.

Totally fair assessment. Mainly annoying me because this person is only doing this to me and not the other docs. But I guess you’re right, just dealing with it is probably the only way to go I guess.

 

[doggydog]

what

 

[EthylMethylMan]

what

Yup, got it, I gotta deal with it lol

 

[HemorrhagicShock]

Please tell me I wasn't the only one who read the title as "What to do about a PRETTY nurse"

I got a few ideas...

 

[EctopicFetus]

If you have a difficult to pronoucne last name or a terribly long one that might be the reason. I am the antithesis of this though in patient rooms i expect to be called doctor. Outside of that my first name is fine and frankly in patient rooms they can shorten my last name I dont actually care.

I think the real question is are they doing this because they like you and are friendly or do you think this is being done in a manner to belittle you.

Re the medical director I agree but one caveat. You could bring it up to them as such "Hey medical director, i wanted to ask you a question. I am wondering if anyone else has had any issues with nurse ratched. I ask because my experience is x,y,z. If I am the only one dont worry about it but I wanted to see if there was some pattern there and to make sure you were aware."

 

[EMhawkeye]

There’s a nurse I regularly work with who recently started having a petty beef with me and is calling me by my first name without asking. I’m going to confront her on this next time we’re working together, but I anticipate she’ll refuse to play ball. What’s the next step in that case? While it’s ridiculously annoying, it doesn’t feel quite severe enough to bring up with my medical director. I’m a new attending and haven’t encountered this situation before.

Sounds like some nurse’s patients should be getting q5 min neurochecks/ full vitals and strict in and outs

 

[BoardingDoc]

Sounds like some nurse’s patients should be getting q5 min neurochecks/ full vitals and strict in and outs

I was thinking that every one of her patients who is mildly constipated should get an enema.

 

[sylvanthus]

Yaaa nothing to do about this one that wont make you look bad. Let it go. Turnover is so high in the ED maybe shell ragequit in 2 months.

 

[FlaminHotER]

If she is showing disrespect starting off with calling you by your first name, it could start leading to worse issues.

I would approach it as:

“Hey Nurse Y, Inside the hospital walls I am Dr. X, outside please feel free to call me by my first name, however inside these hospital walls I want to keep professional.”

 

[TooMuchResearch]

I have a nurse with 4 sets of nursing credentials behind her name in her nursing notes that is absolutely terrible (i.e. to the level of serious patient safety concerns) and has repeatedly reported me to the department for various BS likely because she has ****ed up badly on several shared patients and is trying to cover her tracks. This is the only time I've started repeatedly sending in anonymous patient safety complaints in on a nurse and will actually not pick up patients in her section if I know she's working. I will not bring it up with a medical director though.

 

[Angry Birds]

If she is showing disrespect starting off with calling you by your first name, it could start leading to worse issues.

I would approach it as:

“Hey Nurse Y, Inside the hospital walls I am Dr. X, outside please feel free to call me by my first name, however inside these hospital walls I want to keep professional.”

I might even consider downgrading it to, “I’m ok with you using my first name in private conversations but in front of patients please make sure to call me ‘doctor so and so.’”

 

[carw1801]

There’s a nurse I regularly work with who recently started having a petty beef with me and is calling me by my first name without asking. I’m going to confront her on this next time we’re working together, but I anticipate she’ll refuse to play ball. What’s the next step in that case? While it’s ridiculously annoying, it doesn’t feel quite severe enough to bring up with my medical director. I’m a new attending and haven’t encountered this situation before.

 

[lymphocyte]

There’s a nurse I regularly work with who recently started having a petty beef with me and is calling me by my first name without asking. I’m going to confront her on this next time we’re working together, but I anticipate she’ll refuse to play ball. What’s the next step in that case? While it’s ridiculously annoying, it doesn’t feel quite severe enough to bring up with my medical director. I’m a new attending and haven’t encountered this situation before.

Mate. Shut it down the first time anything like this happens with anyone. It's also very hard to respond without knowing more about this "beef" -- is there more to the story? Because you don't want to paper over the root of the issue.

Otherwise, in private, "I noticed you called me by my first name in front of Mr Smith. Did you notice that too? Is it okay if we use Dr So-and-So? It helps build the patient's trust." Smile and you're done with it.

This is clearly bothering you, so I would NOT let it go. Deal with it tactfully and professionally, but deal with it. And doctors that beef with nurses are a headache for medical directors, even if it's justified. Do as much as you can yourself, but be unscrupulously polite about it so nobody can fault you subsequently.

 

[gruemd]

Is it weird that we're all on a first name basis in my ED? They all keep it real in front of patients but IDGAF if the nurses/staff here call me by my name. But it's a pretty small ED and small group of docs.

 

[Apollyon]

Is it weird that we're all on a first name basis in my ED? They all keep it real in front of patients but IDGAF if the nurses/staff here call me by my name. But it's a pretty small ED and small group of docs.

I encouraged nurses to call me by my first name away from pts, and I couldn't get them to do it. Closet was "Dr. (first name)".

Although one nurse's husband was a PSP sergeant, and he called me "the pagan doctor", and I took that as high praise!

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

The thing about nurses (and people in general) like this is they peaked during their junior year at whatever Catholic college they were doing lines of coke at, have a nurse bumper sticker on their Honda Accord, are now dating / married to a cop they don't like, and are wondering where it all went wrong.

They only way to deal w a narcissist is to go grey rock. Ignore their attempts, be even nicer, don't let them see that it bothers you.

 

[ShockIndex]

The thing about nurses (and people in general) like this is they peaked during their junior year at whatever Catholic college they were doing lines of coke at, have a nurse bumper sticker on their Honda Accord, are now dating / married to a cop they don't like, and are wondering where it all went wrong.

They only way to deal w a narcissist is to go grey rock. Ignore their attempts, be even nicer, don't let them see that it bothers you.

A lot of people who go into nursing feel compelled to try and care for others as a means to compensate for an inability to care for themselves.

You know, it’s that nurse who comes to work and shows off her new tattoo on her waist memorializing the pit bull that she rescued…

 

[RustedFox]

A lot of people who go into nursing feel compelled to try and care for others as a means to compensate for an inability to care for themselves.

You know, it’s that nurse who comes to work and shows off her new tattoo on her waist memorializing the pit bull that she rescued…

Lol. So true.

They do it to put it on their social media accounts, too. "LoOk aT mY nEw TaTtOo."

Trashy.

 

[emergentmd]

Does she do it just to you - Not OK. If to everyone, just ignore
IF just you, approach with kindness. Compliments, bring her a coffee when u go downstairs. Kindness would fix almost everything and much cheaper/easier path. She is just miserable and would be so confused at this reaction

 

[Kryptocoin]

Never get into a beef with a nurse. They can hurt you more than you can hurt them. Unless it's a patient safety issue, just let it go. A scorned nurse can make your job a living hell.

 

[Kryptocoin]

Yes and no. I wouldn't purposely pick on a nurse but if the nurse it out of line professionally, they should be written up like anybody else and dealt with accordingly even if that includes termination. If a nurse is interfering with your patient care, you get up in their face and you tell them to knock it off!

Are you an attending? Or even a resident?

 

[deleted1074668]

Are you an attending? Or even a resident?

No they are a 40 year old non trad who start DO school this fall and disabled people from viewing their account history. They post a lot on these forums like they have the expertise of one 🤡

 

[emergentmd]

One of my best friends' wife is an OR nurse and she was explaining to me that nursing school was harder than medical school because she did classroom didactics and clinicals at the same time and in medical school they are split up. I just sat and listened and chuckled to myself but my point is there are a lot of nurses out there who might do things that leave you scratching your head because they really do think they are smarter than you because they have no idea what the process of becoming a doctor is even like. Like literally they have no idea.

I probably could be an excellent nurse in 2 wks of on the job training. Am I missing some skill or knowledge that should take much longer?

 

[JacobMcCandles]

There’s always more to the story. Maybe OP is a fresh attending who’s a little too big for their britches and this nurse is knocking them down a bit because they know it bothers them. Maybe they’re just two people who will never get along. Either way, there’s likely bigger battles to fight.

 

[Groove]

Just let this stuff go man. 100% new attending issues where confidence is low and perceived threats/subordination are high. You'll grow out of it and stop caring. If it helps, my nurses call me by my last name but I've had a few over the years call me by my first name. "Dr." in front of patients. In my experience, it's easier to keep the professional distance if you don't fraternize outside of work. I also keep my personal life very private.

FYI. Nurses like to pick on residents and brand new attendings.

 

[Birdstrike]

You're a new attending and the whole point of this is that she's testing you to see if you escalate something petty, to something more. If you show irritation or escalate it, "See! I knew Dr. X was a petty twit!" If you let it pass, for being the pettiness it is, she might gain some respect for you.

Nurses always due this to new attendings. It's their way of hazing new attendings, in the most petty way possible, of course. It'll stop after about 6 months.

 

[comp1]

Oh goodness, do not get into a fight with a nurse! They will wreck you and it'll be long and painful. Definitely support gray rock, but gray rock takes A LOT more effort than it seems from the name. Being passive aggressive is NOT gray rock. Alternatively, you can try actively showering her with kindness, but you also have to actually be able to do that without sarcasm or other hints that might belie a lack of sincerity. Ultimately, dude, consider therapy. Life is too short for this. People can call me anything they want. My patients tend to at least be extremely creative.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

I find it troubling that the majority of responses are in the vein of "your feelings are wrong...get therapy...who hurt you?".

OPs feelings are very justified. Do not gaslight them into thinking they're not.

100% support ignoring. Ignore ignore ignore. After shift this person needs to go back to their 1BR apartment or 1500 sq ft house in the crap part of town with slew of dogs, cats or bratty kids and empty bank account. It's a THEM problem.

 

[EMhawkeye]

One could also suppose that the overwhelming mentality of those who responded that way, is exactly how we have a widespread toxic nursing culture, because physicians refuse to stand up for themselves

I find it troubling that the majority of responses are in the vein of "your feelings are wrong...get therapy...who hurt you?".

OPs feelings are very justified. Do not gaslight them into thinking they're not.

100% support ignoring. Ignore ignore ignore. After shift this person needs to go back to their 1BR apartment or 1500 sq ft house in the crap part of town with slew of dogs, cats or bratty kids and empty bank account. It's a THEM problem.

 

[RustedFox]

One could also suppose that the overwhelming mentality of those who responded that way, is exactly how we have a widespread toxic nursing culture, because physicians refuse to stand up for themselves

I hear you. But unfortunately; until admins hold nursing accountable for their nonsense - then we are left to pursue items like this at our own peril.

Anyone want to do that? Show of hands?

Didn't think so.

We all know why.

 

[southerndoc]

This thread was not what I expected when I started reading, but then I realized that your title is about a petty nurse and not a pretty nurse...

 

[anonperson]

There’s a nurse I regularly work with who recently started having a petty beef with me and is calling me by my first name without asking. I’m going to confront her on this next time we’re working together, but I anticipate she’ll refuse to play ball. What’s the next step in that case? While it’s ridiculously annoying, it doesn’t feel quite severe enough to bring up with my medical director. I’m a new attending and haven’t encountered this situation before.

How new are you?

Does she call you Dr. xxx in front of the patient?

What's the petty beef?

It's childish on her end but how far do you want to escalate this?

 

[JacobMcCandles]

I find it troubling that the majority of responses are in the vein of "your feelings are wrong...get therapy...who hurt you?".

OPs feelings are very justified. Do not gaslight them into thinking they're not.

100% support ignoring. Ignore ignore ignore. After shift this person needs to go back to their 1BR apartment or 1500 sq ft house in the crap part of town with slew of dogs, cats or bratty kids and empty bank account. It's a THEM problem.

I don’t think anyone has said their feelings are necessarily wrong. They’re saying the OP is being a wuss about it. How sensitive do you have to be to let someone calling you by your name really get to you? That’s 10-ply soft.

 

[HemeOncHopeful19]

This thread was not what I expected when I started reading, but then I realized that your title is about a petty nurse and not a pretty nurse...

To be fair, OP never said she was ugly. Maybe he should try asking her out and seeing what happens!

 

[timpview]

Are you an attending? Or even a resident?

Seriously.. that’s some of the worst advice I’ve seen here

 

[GassYous]

Seriously.. that’s some of the worst advice I’ve seen here

Fast track to HR and a "hostile environment"

 

[rokshana]

Don’t repspomd to her when she calls you by your first name… like you didn’t even hear her… and when she finally calls you by dr last name , look up and say yes…

 

[emergentmd]

I thought we figured out how to handle this when we were in grade school. I find being nice or atleast a good attempt to be the best option. Burn bridges, and you never know when this bridge may be CNO. If nice doesn't work, then ignore bc her opinion is meaningless. If ignore doesn't work, then I will go deeper in the playbook but havent even needed to go deeper in my 50 yrs.

 

[RuralEDDoc]

Your medical director won’t be able to directly intervene, they will have to discuss with the nursing director, who will then have to handle it. It may be delegated to an assistant manager. Ask yourself if you want this issue to involve at least four people including top department leadership before taking this to your director.

 

[Radetzky]

It’s your name isn’t it? This whole hierarchical nonsense makes no sense to me. I would suggest collecting some wood, building a wall, then getting over it.

 

[comp1]

Definitely second not going to medical director. Almost everywhere nurses have an entirely different and aggressively separate chain of command.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

You're a bad doctor.

Internalize your feelings.

Who hurt you?

Do you think the neurosurgeon wants to be called "Doctor"?!?!

Did I mention you're a bad doctor?

 

[DOswag]

To be fair, OP never said she was ugly. Maybe he should try asking her out and seeing what happens!

top tier advice. Everything else should falls in second behind this lol. OP let us know what she says!

 

[Arcan57]

What you do to one nurse, you do to all nurses. Even if all the other nurses know this one sucks, they'll still blackball you out of professional unity.

 

[Goro]

No they are a 40 year old non trad who start DO school this fall and disabled people from viewing their account history. They post a lot on these forums like they have the expertise of one 🤡

Not anymore! RIP, courtesy of the Banhammer.

 

[TooMuchResearch]

What you do to one nurse, you do to all nurses. Even if all the other nurses know this one sucks, they'll still blackball you out of professional unity.

Our nurses openly gossip about other nurses while near me. I don't know if this makes me part of the team or an accomplice.

 

[comp1]

Oh nurses will stab each other in the back too. That's not mutually exclusive to unifying in going after the OP.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

Our nurses openly gossip about other nurses while near me. I don't know if this makes me part of the team or an accomplice.

It's a nuclear toxic environment. If you're not "in" You're wayyyyyyyyy "out."