what to do?

[murph]

I am confused! I really want to be a doctor, and I know that I have the apptitude to do it, and the will to help. but I am worried about the sacrifice it will put on my family, both getting through school and after, I feel torn. I know It would be worth it in the end, but I am not sure my family feels the same. They think I just want to be a doctor for the money and they don't take me seriously, even my wife. Please help me.

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[kappapiomega]

I think that what you decide needs to be heavily dependent on the needs of your family. If your wife won't support you through the rigorous years of school, then you might not make it anyway. Try to seriously talk with your family and explain to them that this is your dream! Tell them that you really need their support and that the money means nothing to you! If your wife is an understanding woman then she will see your sincerity and maybe offer some support. Well good luck and remember, you chose to be a family, you can't choose to do something now that will hurt them or cause strife. They are your first priority now!

 

[Dr. MAXY]

kappapiomega,
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but I think you have to sit your family down and talk to them. Hopefully they would listern, but if they don't, you have to look deep down and make a decision on what you want the most. Maybe if you start med school, they might come around if they realize how serious you are about becoming a physician.

GOOD LUCK

 

[kappapiomega]

I wasn't saying to give up on your dreams, but what you have to base your decision on is what is right for your family. It is not just about you anymore, so if they don't support you on it, then you have to take their wishes into serioius considerarion. keep in mind that you have to be happy too, but you owe it to your family to respect their opinions and make the best choice for the group. This is just my opinion, I understand if other people view family responsibility differently, but in all honesty, work is work, Family is life.

 

[SexyEgptnDr]

Why don't you apply and see if you get in first...then you can make a family decision about it.

I find that when talking about a "what if" situation, my opinions are a little different than when I am actually in that situation. So, if you do happen to get into a medical school, especially if it is near your home where your family will not have to relocate, your family may be a little more supportive.

Good luck!

 

[drchris33]

Murph--

I am in a similar situation so to speak. First off, where are you in your education? Have you taken all the pre-recs and such? Because, to me, if you haven't taken them yet, I would get the situation figured out before going through the grueling courses, MCAT, applying for med school, interviews, etc.

I have only been married for three years. I got my undergrad in 1999 and was married that summer. I had decided to become a doctor in 1998, at the beginning of my senior year. I explained to my wife, she wasn't my wife at the time, that this is what I want to do. Nothing would make me happier, and I repeatedly asked if she was cool with it. At first, she said oh yeah that is great. I will totally support you and such. Well my first year into my pre-recs (I graduated, then moved and attended a junior college for my pre-recs), we tended to fight alot because I was either studying all the time or working (worked as a nurse's aide and later a respiratoryt therapist). Then to top it off, we acquired two of her nieces that are still with us (very long story). But we stuck with it. We have since had two children of our own. I was accepted to UHS in January and have been on Cloud 9 ever since. My wife was not very happy for me at first, but now I think she is. Our oldest who is 7, tells everyone that my dad is going to Dr. school. Our 5 year old thinks it is pretty cool too. Our other two (20 months and almost 5 months) really don't have an opinion at this time.

The worst part about it is that I am living solo for the first year. We currently live in a town of about 400 people and upon moving to Kansas City, our finances would drastically change. It was my wife's idea, which I was surprised with. I got an apartment and am moving in a few weeks. I plan on coming home most weekends so I will study my butt off during the week and then have the weekend for my family. I am going to miss them so much, but I have a very positive attitude, thinking it will only be for a year. Plus during the week I can totally concentrate on school and won't have to feel guilty about not spending time with them, since they won't be around anyway.

So hopefully this helped you a little bit. I have a wife and four kids and I feel that we will make it. It just depends on the support you will receive from your family. I have talked with others that are married and have kids, and they seem to tolerate it fine. You just have to set up a schedule and stick to it, always working in time for your family.

If you have any questions/comments feel free to email or PM me!

Chris

 

[jimdo]

What kind of family would not support a decision of this magnitude? We always hear about how selfish it is to put the family through this kind of rigor, but this may be a case where the family is being selfish. To deny someone their dream because it may put you out of comfort for a time seems incredibly selfish to me. Of course we all make sacrifices for medicine, and you will be no different. But if you choose not to pursue medicine, you may regret it for the rest of your life and grow to resent your family. It may be time to re-evaluate your marriage if your wife will not support you in this decision. If the roles were reversed, would you support her? If you do not pursue medicine and grow to resent your family for it, how happy of a life will that be. Remember that you have several decades of life left, and youll have to live with the consequences of whatever decision you make. You may become unhappy, possibly divorce and still have never pursued medicine, or have gone into medicine and the same may still happen. YOU WILL HAVE TO SACRIFICE FOR YOUR FAMILY, BUT AN EQUAL AMOUNT OF SACRIFICE FROM THEM IS JUST AS NECESSARY. DONT FORGET THAT YOU ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT OF A MEMBER AS ANYONE ELSE AND THAT ALL OF THE SACRIFICE NEED NOT COME FROM YOUR SIDE. I wish you the best and hope that your family will support you in a decision that is so very important and one that is not made on a whim. Make sure its what you want in life and work to get it. Sacrifice will and must come from all around.