What would you do?

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Monty Python

Monty Python

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I've received replies to my question on the anesthesia forum; I wanted the general consensus from the generic resident forum as well.

As background: I've been a CRNA since 1995, making a nice six figure living. I'm 49. Med school has been on my mind for 20 years, but I always had a legitimate life hurdle in the way, until two years ago. After knocking off MCAT rust and going through the process, I was accepted to VCOM starting this fall. My wife was superficially supportive of my efforts.

After going through the MCAT/application/interview process, my wife celebrated my acceptance phone call back in December with a grimace.
She stewed about it for three months, then she shared her deepest fears and thoughts about this major fork in the road in our lives. She gave me the ultimate choice: her or school.

I reluctantly called the school in early April to relinquish my seat. I've been steaming internally ever since.

What to do? What to do? The school has unofficially given me until May 1 to request reinstatement of my seat, for which I've already deposited $1,000.

If you were in my shoes (49 years old, making six figures, retirement account almost 100% funded, serious spouse isues, but still wanting to go to med school) what would you do? Thanks.
 
Well, its really not much of a choice. You may be bitter initially at your spouse for forcing you to choose, but she could be bitter at you for life if you go through with this and start to work even harder during what should be the time you guys start to relax and 'enjoy life'. I mean, this is 8 more years. Do you want to be starting a job at 57-58? The opportunity cost will totally offset any additional salary you will earn (i.e. giving up 6 figure income for 8 years) and you are already 'in medicine', so the only thing to gain is the letters. Trust me, youll be disappointed when you get out of school and say, "thats it?" and then you still have residency!!

I guess it also matters a lot how much you love your wife...if there were already 'spouse issues', then maybe there are other problems in the marriage. If not, and you are happy together, then realize that this is going to make her miserable and if you value your marriage, dont go to med school.

edit: also, your wife should have made her fears known earlier, that woudl definitely make this easier. i remember my wife failed to make it known how much she hated a particular city until after I had certified my ROL and that program was #3. Poor form.
 
You've got the VCOM in your sig. Seems like you already know what you want to do, you just have to work up the steam to do it. Would your spouse be happy if she wanted to make a career change and you didn't support it? I'm sorry, but her approval comes second to your happiness IMHO.
 
Tough call but I think Idiopathic hit the nail on the head. IMO life is all about being happy. My choice would be easy (the wife) but everyone has different goals in life.
 
Hmmm normally I would say that going back to do medicine really depends on what you want to do. Do you want to do anesthesia again? If so, I wouldn't recommend it. If you want to explore OTHER areas of medicine, then perhaps it is worth the monetary sacrifice to you.

As for the spouse issues, I can't imagine having a spouse who wouldn't support you in any endeavor you truly had your heart in. It sounds like you initially acquiesced in order to make her happy, but have been unable to let it go and it seems to be a major stumbling block for you at this point... one that I think has a risk of getting bigger as the years go by and you question your decision more and more. Ultimatums in a marriage are never good, especially when it is one person putting their comfortable lifestyle ahead of their partner's dreams and ambitions (which is what it sounds like here). Of course, there may be more confounding factors here, as well.

I don't know, it's a tough choice, and there is no easy answer, but if it were me, I think I know what I would do... it's not a matter of choosing one over the other... to me it's a matter of being made to choose. Just my $0.02
 
Another question that perhaps the OP should address is why is your wife not supportive? Is there something going on there. It would seem strange to me for a partner not to support the other partner in an endeavor like this. There may be other issues involved and they need to be discussed.
 
Not worth it to go back to school. No monetary compensation whatsoever and you lose your domestic life as well.
 
Sheesh you need to defer your acceptance and get into marriage counseling right now! 🙂
 
Do you really want to go from 49, retirement almost paid, making at least $100K to 57 (post residency), OWING at least $200K?
 
Medicine is not all it is usually touted to be...it sure looks nice from the outside but once you get in it you see that although rewarding there are "other" just as rewarding endeavors...it seems that you are doing well for yourself and have a good solid career....why jump into something that might jeopardize your relationship?
 
Ouch. I feel for you. 🙁

My first thought is to wonder why she waited until you had been accepted to express her deepest fears and thoughts about this major fork in the road in your lives.

Was it living through your studying and ap process that brought it home to her? Did she hope you wouldn't be accepted, sparing her the guilt or stigma of being a non-supportive wife?

Did she try to tell you by being "overtly superficial" in her support and hope you wouldn't put her in the position of giving the ultimatum?

My next thought is to wonder how long you've been married and how much she has supported you until now. If you only recently married, it is one thing. But if her investment into this life partnership with you has been sacrificial as well, then she may be seeing a lot of her own dreams die.

You became a CRNA when you were ~38; how long had you been a nurse? Did she support you through those careers/changes?

Do you have kids that need financial help? How would they be affected by either choice?

Is your [almost 100% funded] retirement account enough for you two to retire as comfortably as you both would wish? What happens to your savings and other finances if you go to med school?
 
I don't want to dicourage you. I'm in the same boat. Altough I'm 36, RN (thought about CRNA or NP). I also ventured out to Carib (ROSS), without my family. And withdrew after two semesters. Because I felt there was no support anymore for my quest.I'm now going through the process of applying to US schools. That could take up to another 2 years. Meanwhile we continue to live in "suspence". I don't know how much of that they will be able to take.But to get back to your OQ...only you could decide that. The worst thing is to go through life being bitter, and with regrets, and "what if".But in reality, so many ppl ask after it's all set and done "Is it all there is to it? WTF did I get myself into?"Do you just want those letters after your name? Do you want to be called a Dr......? Those are the Qs only you could answer. CRNAs perhaps are the mostindependent "breed" of RNs out there, in most States.The best advice I could give you is DO NOT take advice of complete srangers (including me) on the ananymous internet forum. This decision will have impact on you and your family for the rest of your lives. Talk to your wife again,and ask yourself "Why" do you want to do it?

Hope it will work out for you.

Good Luck
 
Did your wife actually give you an ultimatum, or is that your assumption? Are you dreading the fights, or an actual divorce?
 
As was stated earlier, take advice off any internet site with a grain of salt but...

I left a very comfortable life to go back to medical school. My advice, you only get one shot at life so to me nothing would be worse than to be 80 and look back and say "what if." Life is going to go by no matter what you do. I made the decision after realizing that life doesn't stop while you're in medical school. It’s not you are in a cave for four years. Sure it's a lot of work but you can still enjoy life you just have to be disciplined.

As to the wife thing, nobody can answer that for you. I would have a big problem with an ultimatum. Try to figure out exactly what her hang up is (money, time, etc.) and compromise. As a CRNA you could always try to work a shift in once in a while and make some extra cash.
 
trinityalumnus said:
I've received replies to my question on the anesthesia forum; I wanted the general consensus from the generic resident forum as well.

As background: I've been a CRNA since 1995, making a nice six figure living. I'm 49. Med school has been on my mind for 20 years, but I always had a legitimate life hurdle in the way, until two years ago. After knocking off MCAT rust and going through the process, I was accepted to VCOM starting this fall. My wife was superficially supportive of my efforts.

After going through the MCAT/application/interview process, my wife celebrated my acceptance phone call back in December with a grimace.
She stewed about it for three months, then she shared her deepest fears and thoughts about this major fork in the road in our lives. She gave me the ultimate choice: her or school.

I reluctantly called the school in early April to relinquish my seat. I've been steaming internally ever since.

What to do? What to do? The school has unofficially given me until May 1 to request reinstatement of my seat, for which I've already deposited $1,000.

If you were in my shoes (49 years old, making six figures, retirement account almost 100% funded, serious spouse isues, but still wanting to go to med school) what would you do? Thanks.
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Divorce the wife AND keep your cRNA job.

How dare she give you such an ultimatum?
 
DO NOT GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL. You are getting an early taste of what a medical career will do to your personal life. Keep the CRNA job and retire in 10 years - your mind and your sanity will thank you (and so will your wife). There is no comparison to the medical education process - none - and no matter how prepared and how ready you will be to get there, it is not worth what you will be facing this late in your life. Enjoy what you have accomplished now and don't start at the bottom this far into the game of life...
 
Ditto on a previous post here -- have you and your wife tried some counseling? It might be nice to have some neutral space where you and your wife could discuss all of this. That's a really tough situation to be in.
 
NinerNiner999 said:
DO NOT GO TO MEDICAL SCHOOL. You are getting an early taste of what a medical career will do to your personal life. Keep the CRNA job and retire in 10 years - your mind and your sanity will thank you (and so will your wife). There is no comparison to the medical education process - none - and no matter how prepared and how ready you will be to get there, it is not worth what you will be facing this late in your life. Enjoy what you have accomplished now and don't start at the bottom this far into the game of life...
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this must be a joke. sadly i'm going into gas and if i were in your shoes, i would NOT go to med school. you're making 6 figs now and you want to throw that away to muster up AT LEAST 200K in loans? and then what? residency? dude, lets be honest...divorce the wife and keep the job. you'd be able to score some hot 20 yr old with the dough you're bringin home as a single dude. you'll be much happier.
 
KluverBucy said:
this must be a joke. sadly i'm going into gas and if i were in your shoes, i would NOT go to med school. you're making 6 figs now and you want to throw that away to muster up AT LEAST 200K in loans? and then what? residency? dude, lets be honest...divorce the wife and keep the job. you'd be able to score some hot 20 yr old with the dough you're bringin home as a single dude. you'll be much happier.
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An interesting proposition - divorcing the wife AND keeping the job. KB could be on to something here (possibly mind altering drugs) - or off of something (his mood stabilizers).

Seriously you need to weigh your options as two seperate decisions. If you want to stay married you should stay married - if she is the right one than going to med school shouldnt change her mind. If she is seriously putting down an ultimatum than its time to drop her like she's not hot.
 
trinityalumnus said:
The school has unofficially given me until May 1 to request reinstatement of my seat, for which I've already deposited $1,000.
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Um that was last week. That means either you made the decision before you posted or it's too late.
 
Where is the OP? Can we get an update on your situation?
 
Stay with your current job, save up $$, retire in 5 years, and do whatever the heck you want.
 
If what you've always wanted to be was a doctor, then I say go for it! Regardless of your decision, your wife will still love you.

In terms of your loan issues, etc. I wouldnt sweat it. Yo ucould always moonlight as a nurse adn pull in some serious cash while you are in med school (I had a few buddies in dental school that were doing side jobs as nurses while in school).
 
Guys? With regard to the "Remain a CRNA but dump the non-supportive, ultimatum-giving wife" advice:

We might wanna think about how the words we say affect the OP's ability to live happily ever after. Do we really want to say things that make him underestimate the love of his wife, increasing the likelihood of his losing both contentment in his marriage and his dream of being an MD?

"Ultimatums" sound so bad, but say you married a sweet petite and she later decided to follow her Roseanne Barr dream of chocolate-indulging sofa-sitting? What would you say to her girlfriends who, when she told them you said you were leaving if she didn't get her fat butt into shape, said you were a jerk for not loving her and sticking with her through poor choices?

My point is that the ultimatum alone, with the little he has given us to go on, is no indication of her being shallow or selfish. She might (or might not) be totally justified.

Furthermore, she may have put the ultimatum in words, but his actions are a sort of ultimatum too, I think; "This is MY dream, and if you REALLY love me/are a Good Wife, you'll suffer through it with me."

For all we know, she may have married a nurse because she liked the low-pressure lifestyle. Then, because it was his dream, maybe she already worked her own butt off for years to support him or cut corner$ through his CRNA school. Maybe she had dreams too, like staying home with her children or having a career, but put them aside to be a good wife and/or mother.

Marriage is a partnership. Even when based on traditional male-dominant roles, both parties invest their lives into building the life they desire as a couple. If one wants to re-direct that investment at the age of ~50 into his/her own dreams, who's being self-centered?

I don't condemn him for wanting to pursue med school. (I'm kind of in the same boat) But I sure wouldn't blame her for not wanting to pay half the price of his dream at this point. Even if she's a Trophy Wife, unless their financial situation stays the same, he's done a bait and switch on her. Is that fair?

I'm sorry, but even as a very submissive "stand by your man" type as I am, I would give the same ultimatum at that age, unless I knew this was a strong possibility going in.

Anyway, it may well be that she deserves being dumped as y'all suggest. But I don't think she should be condemned just for giving an ultimatum.
 
MissMuffet said:
I'm sorry, but even as a very submissive "stand by your man" type as I am, I would give the same ultimatum at that age, unless I knew this was a strong possibility going in.
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I think the problem (as described herein) is that she didnt give the ultimatum at the beginning of the process when things seemed so far off. Now that an acceptance is in hand, its awfully difficult to turn down, and its especially cruel to ask someone to turn it down...it woudlnt be anywhere near as bad to have just said many months ago, "not a good idea".
 
Solideliquid said:
Where is the OP? Can we get an update on your situation?
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1. My apologies for a prior typo, which someone noticed. I unofficially have until June 1 (not May 1) to call the school and request reinstatement of my seat.

2. More background info: my wife is 44 and her elderly parents live 1/2 mile from us. They're still independent but I already sense the painfully slow decline and downward spiral about to overtake them. My wife's useless brother and sister live in Texas. We're in central Louisiana. Med school is in Virginia. For reasons which I completely support, my wife will not leave close proximity of her parents ... yet she is not open-minded to us having a long distance relationship of a short term nature. She sees (a) me being a med student several states away (with all the time commitment inherent in that), and (b) me not being there to help when she needs assistance with her parents.

My wife's father is the last of the Marcus Welby type: only GP in our small town for years (in fact the only MD in town for years). Retired at age 80 only due to painful spinal stenosis and unstable angina (CABG in 1991 still patent). Still feels guilty about "abandoning" his patients. My wife knows full-well what's entailed in a medical education and training. And her father is gently trying to persuade her to persuade me NOT to pursue it.

If we were in our 20s or 30s I'd just wait a few years, wait for their passing, and re-apply to school. Unfortunately I don't have that luxury. I had to wait until I was 49 for other previous life hurdles to get taken care of before I was free to apply this time. I don't want to wait any longer to start, as I have no desire to be a 70 year-old intern.

Path of least resistance is to continue living and working locally as a CRNA, being there for her when her parents need help and pass on, etc. Being able to retire from fulltime CRNA practice in five years if I choose. Then probably spending the rest of my life wondering, "what if .......?"
 
Dude, it really isnt worth it, to lose your wife - in med school, you definately need a support system - over something like this. Certainly medicine may be a life goal for you, but at your age, it may not be the best choice. Think about it, if you go off to school, and she stays, your in laws' declining health on top of medical school tuition will put a serious strain on your financial resources. Coming out of med school and into residency, you 'll be pulling in $40-50K a year for four years, and you may not even match to a place near your family again.

If she doesnt stick with you, again, divorce settlements and tuition will strain your saved money, and another 8 years of living in poverty will go by. You will be starting to practice medicine at age 57, and will be able to do so for about 10 years or so. During that time, usually a time one relaxes and enjoys the twilight of a long career, you'll be trying to build up your practice, and you wont even have much of a home life to get back to.

It seems to me that this dream may just not seem to be. Listen to your wife, and keep your job. You havent mentioned disliking it, and so I'm assuming you are relatively satisfied with it. You pull in a very comfortable income and should be able to enjoy your accomplishments as a CRNA as much as any doctor at the end of your career.

I hope this helps,
All the best.
 
trinityalumnus said:
If you were in my shoes (49 years old, making six figures, retirement account almost 100% funded, serious spouse isues, but still wanting to go to med school) what would you do? Thanks.
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So you're thinking about divorcing your wife so you can go to med school (four years), then do a residency (4+ years), so you can start practicing medicine with $200K of debt at age 58? And finish paying off your loans at 73?? Against the advice of a doctor?

I'm sorry, I just think that's nuts. You've been doing medicine for a long time. Isn't there anything else you might find fulfilling to do with the next twenty years of your life? Learn to play an instrument? Write a novel? Join the Peace Corps? Travel to an underdeveloped country and put your medical skills to use for people who need them? Anything other than start at the bottom of the totem pole and work your way slowly, painfully back up just in time to pay off your debt before you die??
 
amojan99 said:
Dude, it really isnt worth it, to lose your wife - in med school, you definately need a support system - over something like this. Certainly medicine may be a life goal for you, but at your age, it may not be the best choice. Think about it, if you go off to school, and she stays, your in laws' declining health on top of medical school tuition will put a serious strain on your financial resources. Coming out of med school and into residency, you 'll be pulling in $40-50K a year for four years, and you may not even match to a place near your family again.

If she doesnt stick with you, again, divorce settlements and tuition will strain your saved money, and another 8 years of living in poverty will go by. You will be starting to practice medicine at age 57, and will be able to do so for about 10 years or so. During that time, usually a time one relaxes and enjoys the twilight of a long career, you'll be trying to build up your practice, and you wont even have much of a home life to get back to.

It seems to me that this dream may just not seem to be. Listen to your wife, and keep your job. You havent mentioned disliking it, and so I'm assuming you are relatively satisfied with it. You pull in a very comfortable income and should be able to enjoy your accomplishments as a CRNA as much as any doctor at the end of your career.

I hope this helps,
All the best.
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I completely agree. You need to stick with your wife. She needs you now. It's a little shelfish of you to suddenly leave her like this, especially at this critical time in her life. Most of us have to go through losing our parents at about your age, I wouldn't want to go through it alone either.

If you really wanted to go to med school you have had the last 25 years to make an oppurtunity for yourself.

I'm sorry if this comes out a little harsh but I am trying to look at it from your wife's point of view. What makes you think that in 8 years from now when you are alone, won't you also think "what if..." what if you never left your wife?

Here is something to think about, you may not EVEN MATCH. Most programs will not take older med students, and if you do it will most likely be Family Med.
 
trinityalumnus said:
1. My apologies for a prior typo, which someone noticed. I unofficially have until June 1 (not May 1) to call the school and request reinstatement of my seat.

Path of least resistance is to continue living and working locally as a CRNA, being there for her when her parents need help and pass on, etc. Being able to retire from fulltime CRNA practice in five years if I choose. Then probably spending the rest of my life wondering, "what if .......?"
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Someone once wrote that as we grow older, we realize that it is better to regret about "what if i did...", than to regret about "what if i didn't..."

i think all of us have things that we wish we could have done, that we sacrificed for our loved ones. that's life, and we make our terms to live with it. it's also often true that the choices that we didn't make end up seeming more tantalizing because they are out of reach. i guess what i'm trying to say is, if i was in your shoes, i would ask myself: what makes me want to become a doctor? to help people? to save lives? make no mistake about it, if you find medicine to be a calling, it is a very fulfilling experience. but do you think that it is the only thing that can give you fulfillment and meaning? that the pursuit of it is worth the potential loss of the other things that make your life meaningful? or perhaps, there are other things you havn't thought about, that perhaps are not in so much conflict with your obligations, but can give you the sense of meaning that you are looking for?

because from reading what you wrote, my impression is that this is not so much about whether or not to go to medical school, but about how to live with the choices and sacrifices you have made, and whether you can still find something worthwhile for yourself after it all. but we all struggle with that, and find our own answers, as I'm sure you'll find yours.
 
Idiopathic said:
I think the problem (as described herein) is that she didnt give the ultimatum at the beginning of the process when things seemed so far off. Now that an acceptance is in hand, its awfully difficult to turn down, and its especially cruel to ask someone to turn it down...it woudlnt be anywhere near as bad to have just said many months ago, "not a good idea".
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Yes. That was my first thought as well. (I talked about it in my earlier post.) I just felt the need to respond further to the whole unfair idea that a good wife who loves you wouldn't give such an ultimatum, but would support your dreams no matter what it does to her own.

The delay does seem cruel, but she might have just put it off hoping such an agonizing ultimatum could be avoided. She probably hoped he would be accepted in-state, or that he would make the choice on his own not to ask her to move out of state.

I honestly think both of them are just victims of time and circumstances. And I can relate to both of them from personal experience. It sux to be in either shoes.
 
No matter how difficult it is, it has been done before, even by those who are older. But the question should always be "Why" do it? I don't want to start some stupid CRNA vs MD/DO A arguement. But what it is that you will be doing that you can't do now, other than being addressed Dr.....? Most CRNAs I know are actually administering anestesia, while docs do countless paper pushing, and overseeing the cases. I hope you are not kidding yourself by doing it for money reason. You know better than anyone that the income gap between CRNAs and docs is ever narrowing. Just ask any of the docs you work with. Are they better off today than 10 yrs ago. My guess is that for the most part they are not. But that's how long it's going to take you to get there, assuming you want to be a gas doc. All of that while throwing serious $$$$, and ruining your retirtement, and looks like your family for a title? I know it's not quite the same a doc or CRNA. But really, it's as close as it gets anywhere in the health field. You know, this thread is beginning to look like a next morning family intervention session on an alcoholic :laugh: (Sorry). But only you could answer those questions. There is no absolute right or wrong here. It's unfair to ask you to be very understanding of your wife, while not demand the same of her.But no matter how you slice it, you need her support. Also, are you sure of your physical ability to take on 8-10 yrs journey, esp residency? I don't mean to be a wise guy. Just be honest with yourself. You know it better than most on here. It's a hell of the Road. I'm not even 36 yet, but have my own health issues. It's a major factor in my [in]decision. Is there any chance you could be accepted or transfer soon to the place where your family stays now? DUNNO man. I really feel for you, as I'm somewhat in the same boat here.

GOOD lUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DECIDE TO DO 🙂
 
Okay so you have till june 1 which gives you some time to think about things. Now, you have to sit down and look at this from all angles.

I'm not sure what I would do in your situation but three things came to me while I read this:

First, I can tell you - and most people will agree - med school is the most glamorous place in the world till you get in. Just take a look around the board and see how many people keep asking themselves "Is this worth it?" "Why am I here?" "Can I do this?" And that doesn't include all the 3rd years and 4th years who are tired and burnt out and literally gasping their way to the end only to start the cycle again in residency. If you do this make sure you're totally committed. It would be awful if you started, especially against her wishes, and didn't finish.

Second, while I would resent the ultimatum, I don't think the "divorce your wife" suggestions are that great. If you stay in your current job then what's the point of divorcing her and if you really do go back to school it would be to your benefit to have her on board. I don't know how I'd cope if my family wasn't there for me after some of those days on ward. Plus, I've seen people who failed semesters because they broke up with a 2 month girlfriend. I can't imagine what leaving your wife of years will do. There has to be a compromise here if you talk to her.

Finally, you need to see this from her side. Maybe she had plans too. You're close to retirement and she's probably thinking "Yay! We'll have more time together" when all the while you're packing up to move across country. I'd be pissed too.
 
Grass is always greener...

If you are scientifically interested, go get into a lab.
In just 5 years, Taadaa! You're a doctor AND a happily married CRNA.

OK, maybe not the best suggestion, but it is a suggestion.

Bottom Line: Ain't worth it.

(Started med school at 31, 6 year program in Sweden)
 
Thanks to everyone for their forthright and thoughtful perspectives. It's been very interesting reading the various viewpoints. Again, I appreciate everyone's concern.
 
My husband was born and raised in New Orleans. When I went to school in AZ it put a huge, huge strain on our relationship. I scheduled half of my ms3 rotations in NoLa and all of my ms4 rotations there. After Katrina, all but 2 of my ms4 rotations there were cancelled. Then - I matched in Alabama. My husband is in Louisiana and we are having a serious divorce conversation. My advice is to think about deferring and working every angle you know to get into LSU or Tulane. I know first hand the overwhelming hold that area has on its people. I am sure it is not that your wife is not supportive or doesn't want you to be happy. The idea of leaving her city (that she probably loved before she met you) has scared her silly.

I have never had an intense relationship with a location so I don't understand the feeling - but I see it in my husband. He is miserable when he is not in Nola and he is miserable to be around.

It sucks to be on the losing end of a love triangle with a freaking city. Oh well how can I expect to compete with 24 hour liquor sales, drinking on the street, strip clubs and fat city.
 
5 cents:

- 'Ultimatum' and 'marriage' don't quite fit into the same paragraph.
- Your situation is another good illustration how the conservative concept of marriage with a 'provider' and a 'beneficiary' has certain inherent risks.
- Ignore your age in this decision. I know excellent physicians practicing in their 70s. If you remain mentally fit, age alone is not a limit to the practice of medicine.
- As others pointed out, given your current career and the absolutely unreasonable expense to attend medschool in the US, your plan is financially a looser. Try to isolate the entire argument from the money aspect. Think about what you would do if your dream was not to become a doc but rather to attend seminary?
- Anybody who is trying to tell you 'how hard medschool is' or 'how residency will strain you to the max', apparently never had to do real work for a living. Yes it is trying, but I can see plenty of people around me who make marriage and family work through medschool and residency. It takes work, it takes committment, but it is not as impossible as some people try to make it seem.
- A lot of people throw the '200k in debt' argument around. You mentioned that you are making a six figure income at this point. I would assume that you are thinking about investing some of your retirement savings or your real-estate equity for medschool. Financially, this might not be such a sound decision, but I don't think you will necessarily be ridden with '200k in loans' like the typical medschool grad who is in his late 20s and had no opportunity to build a modicum of wealth before attending school (the actual number is more like 140k of average debt, but 200k just sounds so much more impressive).
 
Sugar72 said:
My husband was born and raised in New Orleans....... My advice is to think about deferring and working every angle you know to get into LSU or Tulane...... I know first hand the overwhelming hold that area has on its people. .
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Yep .. I was born and raised in New Orleans. Had to leave Tulane and NO after my freshman year to get serious about college. I'm still the black sheep of the family over that - we have Tulane grads going back generations.

Tulane and both LSUMCs are unfriendly towards someone as extremely non-trad as I am. I checked at those schools before officially applying elsewhere.

My mother was also born and raised there. Her house had 6 feet of Katrina water. She's using the insurance settlement to repair the house and move right back in. She'll never leave.

My best wishes for your own marital situation.
 
Mayhem had a good post on the subject. Medicine becomes 90% less glamorous even during your M1/2 years. When people (family, friends etc) talk about how impressed they are you politely thank them but you realize that their is nothing glamorous about most of the job. The first two years of med school are spent with your nose in a book dreaming of the day you can put the Krebs cycle behind you.

This has been alluded to before so sorry if I'm repeating, but I've known some pretty salty CRNAs. I mean, if you've been doing it for that long chances are you're pretty d*mned good at it. Are you sure you want to go back to the bottom? I can tell you, as someone who has had a pretty successful life to date it is no fun to be standing around as the med student who knows soooooo much less than everyone else.

And the age thing is big. I mean, Surgery is 9 years away from you right now (4 med school, 5 res). Subspecialties of IM are at least 9. Heck, even EM, FP, Peds, or Psych is 7. I don't think it's very realistic for some of the posters to talk about annecdotal evidence of docs they know who are 75 and still going strong. Most people are retired and many have multiple health problems at that age.

My $.02, best of luck in a difficult decision.
 
Fo' shizzle my doctor-izzle to be. You totally need to go to med school. Your wife is being severely ******ed. you obviously worked VERY hard to get an acceptance to med school and you obviously want to go. You wrote this post to get some old fashioned enabling. Here it is: GO TO MED SCHOOL!!!!! You really want to! It's been your dream and it's finally within your reach. Your wife will come around if she really loves you. If not, she doesn't love you and doesn't deserve to be your wife. Couples counseling may help but you should still GO TO MED SCHOOL!
 
This guy have Kids? If he has kids I would say stick it out with the wife and work through life... If not kids and wife will not support him in a dream, then she is more a figure then a wife. A wife or husband is a bond that two people share and support each other. When he got into med school was not the time to tell him that she will leave him. She should spent more time thinking of this prior, and not paying attention to what her buddies tell her at yoga class.


So my advice is if you want to go and have no kids and this is not your only marriage issue then bail. If you have kids and this the only issue, seek help, because this one issue should not put her to the edge to leave.
 
Solideliquid said:
I
Here is something to think about, you may not EVEN MATCH. Most programs will not take older med students, and if you do it will most likely be Family Med.
Click to expand...

This part is BS. Go look at the non-trad forum. LOTS of older students (40s-50s) in every specialty including anaesthesiology and surgery. There may be lots of good reasons not to go to med school in your situation, but this is not one of them.
 
fomites said:
Fo' shizzle my doctor-izzle to be. You totally need to go to med school. Your wife is being severely ******ed. you obviously worked VERY hard to get an acceptance to med school and you obviously want to go. You wrote this post to get some old fashioned enabling. Here it is: GO TO MED SCHOOL!!!!! You really want to! It's been your dream and it's finally within your reach. Your wife will come around if she really loves you. If not, she doesn't love you and doesn't deserve to be your wife. Couples counseling may help but you should still GO TO MED SCHOOL!
Click to expand...

Why? Dreams are sometimes supposed to remain just that. Everyone who wants to, cant...and everybody who can, shouldnt.
 
i've got some years on me too. i finished med school, internship, and residency. been happily married for years also. no offense, but i'd caution you to weigh just how much life experience the posters on this forum actually have before considering their advice. you've definitely got some tough choices ahead of you. some pointers though...

NO ONE here understands the complexities of your marital relationship and family dynamic. i'd NEVER trust the opinion of ANYONE who would advise on a forum for me to leave my wife. NEVER!!! 😡 it just resonates that the person doesn't know what they're talking about.

you know your dream is impractical. gotta just ask yourself if it's worth it, and whether the balance will truly make you happy. 👍

BTW, what did you end up telling the med school?
 
Whatever happened here? Finish the story Trinity!



trinityalumnus said:
I've received replies to my question on the anesthesia forum; I wanted the general consensus from the generic resident forum as well.

As background: I've been a CRNA since 1995, making a nice six figure living. I'm 49. Med school has been on my mind for 20 years, but I always had a legitimate life hurdle in the way, until two years ago. After knocking off MCAT rust and going through the process, I was accepted to VCOM starting this fall. My wife was superficially supportive of my efforts.

After going through the MCAT/application/interview process, my wife celebrated my acceptance phone call back in December with a grimace.
She stewed about it for three months, then she shared her deepest fears and thoughts about this major fork in the road in our lives. She gave me the ultimate choice: her or school.

I reluctantly called the school in early April to relinquish my seat. I've been steaming internally ever since.

What to do? What to do? The school has unofficially given me until May 1 to request reinstatement of my seat, for which I've already deposited $1,000.

If you were in my shoes (49 years old, making six figures, retirement account almost 100% funded, serious spouse isues, but still wanting to go to med school) what would you do? Thanks.
Click to expand...
 
cowbell said:
i've got some years on me too. i finished med school, internship, and residency. been happily married for years also. no offense, but i'd caution you to weigh just how much life experience the posters on this forum actually have before considering their advice. you've definitely got some tough choices ahead of you. some pointers though...

NO ONE here understands the complexities of your marital relationship and family dynamic. i'd NEVER trust the opinion of ANYONE who would advise on a forum for me to leave my wife. NEVER!!! 😡 it just resonates that the person doesn't know what they're talking about.

you know your dream is impractical. gotta just ask yourself if it's worth it, and whether the balance will truly make you happy. 👍

BTW, what did you end up telling the med school?
Click to expand...

Cowbell raises exactly the reasons this thread pissed me off and why I regret it was bumped. Most of the posters have obviously never been married and are still thinking like teenagers. In the real world it is NOT okay to do whatever the heck you want to do without considering others and expect everything to be just great. It is a partnership. The wife in this scenario could just as easily post her story and describe her dream of staying near her dying parents and people could tell her to dump him because if he really loved her he'd stay with her and support her decision to help her parents. Just ridiculous and the numero uno thing I don't like about SDN. 👎
 
Agree with most people that said that going back to school is insane.. grow up. Life is not all about you. You got a family. We got plenty of bitter divorced doctors out there.. no need for more, they just make the lives of everyone under them miserable... misery loves company.
 
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