What would you do?

[stefspets]

Ok, quick scenario, just want some feedback.

My first interview of the season was at a school that I really loved and it was my number one choice at the time. I told them this at the interview. Having now finished interviewing, there are two other schools that rose pretty high on my list, if not higher than the original school. Part of that is due to cost and location, which were factors I was aware of initially, but I thought I wouldn't be happy at either of the other locations pre-interview so the cost and location didn't matter much if I couldn't even see myself there. Post-interview I realized I could be happy at pretty much any program so thus the rearranging of my list.

I have been accepted to the first school and one of the other two. It is possible I will decline my acceptance at the first school but I haven't decided yet. In this scenario, would you:
1) Decline in a professional but generic way
2) Decline and give more details as to how another school impressed me and changed my mind
3) Attend the original school because of what I said at the interview

Obviously this type of scenario is why you shouldn't tell a school they're your number one....I was being honest with them but now it will look like I wasn't if I decline. Thoughts?

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[Neurocentric]

Ok, quick scenario, just want some feedback.

My first interview of the season was at a school that I really loved and it was my number one choice at the time. I told them this at the interview. Having now finished interviewing, there are two other schools that rose pretty high on my list, if not higher than the original school. Part of that is due to cost and location, which were factors I was aware of initially, but I thought I wouldn't be happy at either of the other locations pre-interview so the cost and location didn't matter much if I couldn't even see myself there. Post-interview I realized I could be happy at pretty much any program so thus the rearranging of my list.

I have been accepted to the first school and one of the other two. It is possible I will decline my acceptance at the first school but I haven't decided yet. In this scenario, would you:
1) Decline in a professional but generic way
2) Decline and give more details as to how another school impressed me and changed my mind
3) Attend the original school because of what I said at the interview

Obviously this type of scenario is why you shouldn't tell a school they're your number one....I was being honest with them but now it will look like I wasn't if I decline. Thoughts?

I'm kind of torn between 1 and 2, and only because I would be the same at wanting to explain more, since I said at the interview something different. However, things change, and minds change. I don't think they gave you the acceptance simply because you said it was your number one choice (probably, in hindsight, it wasn't a good idea). If you were accepted at a school you love, take it. Don't attend the original school simply because you had told them something at the interview; you will likely end up regretting it. Just my two cents.

 

[EternalKnight]

Ok, quick scenario, just want some feedback.

My first interview of the season was at a school that I really loved and it was my number one choice at the time. I told them this at the interview. Having now finished interviewing, there are two other schools that rose pretty high on my list, if not higher than the original school. Part of that is due to cost and location, which were factors I was aware of initially, but I thought I wouldn't be happy at either of the other locations pre-interview so the cost and location didn't matter much if I couldn't even see myself there. Post-interview I realized I could be happy at pretty much any program so thus the rearranging of my list.

I have been accepted to the first school and one of the other two. It is possible I will decline my acceptance at the first school but I haven't decided yet. In this scenario, would you:
1) Decline in a professional but generic way
2) Decline and give more details as to how another school impressed me and changed my mind
3) Attend the original school because of what I said at the interview

Obviously this type of scenario is why you shouldn't tell a school they're your number one....I was being honest with them but now it will look like I wasn't if I decline. Thoughts?

You don't want to lie, and saying that they were your number one choice at the time sounds like it wasn't a lie. Priorities change, minds change, and so you should not feel guilty. It sounds like they asked you if they were your number one choice, not if you would take their acceptance no matter wherever else you got accepted. You have in no way obligated yourself to attend that school.

I personally would not comment to the school about how another school impressed you and changed your mind. You never know what's going to happen down the road, and you could either wind up having to apply to that school or running in to someone who interviewed you, or whatever. Be professional and honest, maybe mention that priorities changed and now location is very important, but I wouldn't mention that another school costs less or has a more impressive program or anything that would appear to put down the school you are declining.

 

[MedPR]

Ok, quick scenario, just want some feedback.

My first interview of the season was at a school that I really loved and it was my number one choice at the time. I told them this at the interview. Having now finished interviewing, there are two other schools that rose pretty high on my list, if not higher than the original school. Part of that is due to cost and location, which were factors I was aware of initially, but I thought I wouldn't be happy at either of the other locations pre-interview so the cost and location didn't matter much if I couldn't even see myself there. Post-interview I realized I could be happy at pretty much any program so thus the rearranging of my list.

I have been accepted to the first school and one of the other two. It is possible I will decline my acceptance at the first school but I haven't decided yet. In this scenario, would you:
1) Decline in a professional but generic way
2) Decline and give more details as to how another school impressed me and changed my mind
3) Attend the original school because of what I said at the interview

Obviously this type of scenario is why you shouldn't tell a school they're your number one....I was being honest with them but now it will look like I wasn't if I decline. Thoughts?

I thought you're supposed to make every interviewer/school think they are your first choice?

I would do number 1, but if you feel compelled to give an explanation, send it directly to your interviewer(s).

 

[ChE04]

1.

I really doubt that if the school had rejected you that they would have taken the time to outline what impressed them more in other applicants. 3 is just crazy... You don't want to hurt their feelings?? This is business and it's your life for 4 years you are talking about here. They no doubt have other applicants lining up for your spot should you turn their offer down.

 

[MedPR]

Btw, congratulations

 

[QofQuimica]

Definitely option #1. The admissions process isn't personal, so don't overthink this as if you were breaking off a real relationship. They don't remember that you said they're your #1, and they don't care why you're not coming. No need to worry about how they'll take it; they have a whole waitlist full of people chomping at the bit to be given the spots you vacate. So once you've made up your mind where you want to go, you should send a brief, professional withdrawal email to all of the other schools, and then let it go.

 

[LingoLaine]

#1. The "you're my number one choice" thing is only truly believable (and binding) when you apply early decision.

 

[hopeful22213]

If cost is the major factor, you could always explain that honestly. There have been stories on SDN of students receiving scholarships to lower your tuition to the same amount as the less expensive school. But if location is the driving force here, I say go with option #1.

Good luck

 

[ejw5075]

I did something similar but instead of saying they were my top choice, I wrote it in a letter. Oops. To be fair it was completely true at the time and remained my top choice until FA awards came.

I wrote another letter to the school explaining my situation and said I would be matriculating at the other school unless my scholarships were matched. They didn't like me that much But at least I don't feel guilty about it and put the ball in their court so to speak. And I got my deposit back which was a nice surprise. Looking back I probably could have just declined the acceptance and moved on.

 

[LegendaryPunk]

Option #1

Decline the accpetance while thanking them for the opportunity. Schools receive many of these letters, and once you're off their list, they will forget you ever existed as they move on to the next potential candidate. As Q said, your vacancy will easily be filled by a waitlisted student.

Don't think of this as being dishonest or disingenuous; in this case a quick professional letter is more appropriate than a drawn out goodbye.

Also - congratulations

 

[NuttyEngDude]

This is business and it's your life for 4 years you are talking about here. They no doubt have other applicants lining up for your spot should you turn their offer down.

Minimized "4 for years", would have put a strikethrough on it for more effect. It isn't just 4 years, it's contacts, peers, and sets the stage for your future.

Here's a hypothetical: I once slept with a woman and told her that I loved her and would like to one day marry her, since then I have fallen out of love with her but have decided that instead of breaking up with her that I will marry her out of fear of hurting her feelings.

^^It's not that far fetched of an analogy. I once spoke to the director of admissions of a medical school who basically said it like this "by looking over your application and inviting you for an interview, we like what we see and are deciding if we want to marry you."

Hope that drove the point home without offending you

 

[Tiercelet]

Here's a hypothetical: I once slept with a woman and told her that I loved her and would like to one day marry her, since then I have fallen out of love with her but have decided that instead of breaking up with her that I will marry her out of fear of hurting her feelings.

I think you're overstating the case here. This is more like worrying about a marriage commitment after having a nice dinner & saying you could see the two of you having a future together.

They'll get over it. For the school there are not only other fish in the sea, there are fish flinging themselves at the gunwales hoping for the chance to flop around in the bottom of the boat.

 

[Neurocentric]

I think you're overstating the case here. This is more like worrying about a marriage commitment after having a nice dinner & saying you could see the two of you having a future together.

They'll get over it. For the school there are not only other fish in the sea, there are fish flinging themselves at the gunwales hoping for the chance to flop around in the bottom of the boat.

Interesting analogy.. and the vision that goes with it.

I commented earlier about what I would do, but I can't stress the Congrats that you should receive for being accepted.

 

[stefspets]

Thanks for the support and input. Realistically it was a choice between #1 and #2 (if I decide I don't want to go there #3 makes no sense) but I just wanted a sanity check to see if I should feel any guilt about it. I appreciate it!

 

[NuttyEngDude]

Tiercelet, you may be right, lol.

Stefspets, One suggestion, when you write them the rejection notice, please add "but you can give my spot to this guy on SDN named NuttyEngDude"

Thanks