Wifty

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I am just curious and wanting to pick the brains of spouses who have gone before.

What has been the hardest thing that you have had to overcome/deal with during your first year of med school?

Now that it is behind you, it should be easy to look back on it all and give your words of wisdom. :)

With smiles,
An incoming spouse,
Wifty
 

12R34Y

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would love to hear about this also!

later
 

suwanee

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for me it was all the time alone without him. i had friends and things to do, but i missed just having him home. i made jokes about how he was at his other house, the library. when he was home for the whole evening it was a special treat. when he could go to the grocery store or the mall with me, it was like a big event. i am more used to it now though. when he first started med school, a friend told me that the most important thing i could do to help our marriage through med school was to develop my own independence so that i would not get resentful of how much time medicine takes up for him. that piece of advice has been especially important for us.
 
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Wifty

Wifty

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by suwanee:
<strong> when he first started med school, a friend told me that the most important thing i could do to help our marriage through med school was to develop my own independence so that i would not get resentful of how much time medicine takes up for him. that piece of advice has been especially important for us.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Thats great advice! :)
I have been trying to find a way to continue with my BA.....but there aren't alot of options in the little town we are moving to, so I have looked into distance programs.

What sort of things did you do to develop that independence?

Thanks for the input!! Every bit helps. :)
Rebecca
 

squeek

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I'm the medical student, and my poor husband has had to deal with "breakdowns" every month or so, on average--huge bawling crises in which I moan and cry and say "Why on earth did I ever get myself into this" and "I don't even LIKE what I'm doing!!!" :) Needless to say, my husband has been a gem through it all.

A helpful thing for both of us has been having HIM in grad school simultaneously. He will be having a very busy year during my third year (agh--it starts monday!), and so the time constraints I'll be facing will be happening to him, too. It makes it easier when he's as busy as I am.
 
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Wifty

Wifty

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by squeek:
<strong>A helpful thing for both of us has been having HIM in grad school simultaneously. He will be having a very busy year during my third year (agh--it starts monday!), and so the time constraints I'll be facing will be happening to him, too. It makes it easier when he's as busy as I am.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Squeek-
Thats good advice and I think that that is one of the major keys to surviving as a spouse - realize your student will be really busy, and find ways to be really busy yourself. :)

We are moving to a small town where there aren't alot of options for work or school for me.....but I am making a list of things that I want to accomplish (like learn gaelic and yiddish). :)
I plan on combining the two languages and having my own secret code! LOL J/k.

Thank you for the input....any other insights would be invaluable since it is better forwarned. :)

With smiles,
Wifty
 

commymommy

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Rebecca,

Have you looked at our distance ed database? I've had some personal experience with distance learning that I'd be more than happy to talk with you about......everyone is right....Stay Busy!!!

:)

kris
 
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Wifty

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by mommd2b:
<strong>Rebecca,

Have you looked at our distance ed database? I've had some personal experience with distance learning that I'd be more than happy to talk with you about......everyone is right....Stay Busy!!!
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Kris! Nice to see you around here! :)

That is a great idea about checking the database. I had looked at it way back when, and it was sparse at the time and totally forgot about it. Now though, it looks like there is TOO much to sort out! LOL

I have actually taken some distance classes, and loved them....but they were for the AA degree and now I want a BA degree that I can get online. So, I am off to spend the day at the database. :) Wish me luck!

We are moving at the end of the month!!! It seems just yesterday we were studying for the MCAT and hoping just to get in somewhere....and now the next life step is almost upon us! :)

Take care Kris and if you have any distance tidbits....write me. I would really appreciate it!

Rebecca
 

commymommy

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Rebecca,

I hope this won't sound odd...but I really am 'into' the whole distance learning approach, despite having only taken two classes. I've researched all kinds of programs for fun....so if you want to PM me and tell me what you are looking for, I'll go through the resources that I'm familiar with and see if I can help you find something. The fact that you already have your AA is a definate plus in terms of finding an online BA program.

So...PM your field and I'll do anything that I can to help you out.

Good luck with your move.....

Kris
 

Neuronix

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I'm getting married to another medical student. We go to two different medical schools in Philly and we met at the beginning of first year. We got pretty serious within a few months of dating, and were practically living together for the last six months of first year. Now engaged, we're moving in together for second year and we look forward to more good times.

We had a great time together this past year. Yeah, our lives mostly centered around school and school events. However, neither of us were particularly fond of showing up for class. Further, we found time to study together all the time. Even though we were usually studying something different, just being able to be around each other brightened our days. We often went out to coffeeshops and bookstores to study together. My conversations with her would consist of foot play with her every hour or two, but it was nice anyway. For me, even if we couldn't see each other all day until very late, the fact that I could snuggle with her in my bed at night brightened my whole day.

We really made time for ourselves when we could. We always had nice long dinners with alcohol whenever we could. Almost always we could find a couple hours in the day to be together without school. We watched movies or went out or whatever. The weekends were a good time to either cram for an exam or do minimal studying and go out together. We went skiing probably a half dozen times this past year. We also did some day trips.

I don't think first year is that bad. Though, both of us are not particularly worried about being in the tops of our classes. If there were rankings she'd probably be in the top 50th percentile and I'd be somewhere near the bottom :laugh: Both partners need to compromise. The medical student needs to recognize that family is more important and the partner needs to realize that they may be busy more and their schedules will be hectic. When all is said and done, I never had to spend a whole night alone from my SO and the total amount of time I put into med school was probably like a full-time job. What more can I ask for?

Sure, there's been some difficult times. We both get stressed before our exams. I'd say that's about the only time we get into arguments :D. But, I think we'd both rather be doing it together than not to have each other. If the other person is irritable you need to recognize that and be supportive, not defensive! This is words to live by for ALL relationships, and medical school is likely to test that. Both parties should look at themslves IMO. The person who's cranky should realize it before too long, and the person on the receiving end should be supportive despite the occasional flak.

The future is never easy. I'm an MSTP (MD/PhD) and she's a HPSP (Army). We're going to graduate at different times and have different expectations placed on us at different times. I think the key, as is the key with a good marriage, is flexibility and communication. I would leave my program if she couldn't be near me. We both want to choose residencies that will allow us time for family. We both wanted to be surgeons before we met each other. I think we've both tossed that idea completely.
 
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Wifty

Wifty

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WOW!!! Its been over 2 years since I first posted the question!!!

Now, I am an experienced med-spouse heading into the 3rd rotation year. YEAH!!!

I actually found being a spouse alot easier then I prepared for. Communication is huge!!!
At the start of every quarter, I get a copy of the schedule so I know when he has big tests coming. That way, I know in advance that he is going to be preoccupied and that makes it easier.

The hardest thing for me has turned out to be financial. We were poor when it was just the two of us - but now that we have a little one, things are tight and its a bit stressful.

Friends though have had a harder time then I have. Often its because spouses spend so much time studying in order to try and be the top of the class. My hubby studies enough to pass and is happy being a solid B student.
So, that compromise is important that the student make in order to have more time with family.

Another hard thing is the moving. We are moving next week for rotations - will move 2 years from then for residency - and then move wherever we settle down. I have moved 24 times in my life.....and that is hard.

But honestly, its been so much easier then I thought!!!

If you have any questions - let me know!!

With smiles,
Wifty
 
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