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At what point did you all know that you had to be a doctor? That all this hard work is worth it? I'm studying for the MCAT right now and I definitly miss having some free time without stress.
Whatsamatta U said:At what point did you all know that you had to be a doctor? That all this hard work is worth it? I'm studying for the MCAT right now and I definitly miss having some free time without stress.
Whatsamatta U said:At what point did you all know that you had to be a doctor? That all this hard work is worth it? I'm studying for the MCAT right now and I definitly miss having some free time without stress.
thirdunity said:A multi-part process for me...
This feels like one of those "How did you know you were gay? How old were you?" kind of essays
I am telling the whole damn thing because if I do succeed in getting to med school, I will be one of those stories I would want people who don't believe in themselves, to know about.
1. I have always been interested in medicine and biosciences. In fact, I was a very geeky "egghead" type of kid who preferred to read in my room instead of play. I always came back to medicine as an interest. I liked to play surgeon with my stuffed animals, and do operations on them. I liked stories about doctors and patients. I liked science books and books about diseases (that weren't meant for kids). However, for some reason, people thought this was really weird. As a child, I was told that my interests were weird, and that I was weird for having academic type of interests at all. I didn't have many friends as a kid. Adults weren't always much friendlier. When I hit 13, in fact, one of my mom's boyfriends said about my science interests, "That's nice, but you'll want a boyfriend one day, and that (science) isn't very romantic."
There was also the fact that in my teens, it seemed like I had to be a different person in order for boys to like me.
Then there was the constant feeling of being misunderstood. On and off throughout my late childhood and early teens, I was fascinated with death and dying, and various psychologists were convinced that I had suicidal ideation. Other kids weren't interested in anything I was into, they were interested in... well, typical kid-stuff. I learned to keep quiet about my interests and keep to myself, only doing the "small talk" thing with other people and pretending I was a different person, the person others seemed to want me to be. It's only this year (at 32) that I feel OK with someone seeing me read a medical book. All these years I never considered myself a future physician, just a computer person with a weird hobby.
2. I never told anyone I wanted to be a doctor, because not very many people I knew seemed to believe in me. It was one of those things where, I would say to myself, "Well, if I were a different person - from the right background, a good student."
All my life, people thought I was crazy or dumb. I had various problems all through grade school, I dropped out of high school, and I ended up with serious anxiety that kept me from finishing college in my 20s. I thought I had learning disabilities (which turned out to just be anxiety). After a course of therapy and medication, and some very heavy tutoring, I discovered that not much really was wrong with me, and I came to believe I actually *could* get through the math.
3. The blood-soaked surgeon costume, Halloween, 2000
4. Any number of doctor/healer characters in various RPGs (yes - I AM A GEEK)
5. Pathguy.com.
6. All the medical-narrative books in my bookshelf over the years
7. Retraining in phlebotomy and finding I was comfortable around medical people in a way in which I'm not comfortable in other environments. If I'm working in a hospital and people see me reading a medical book, it isn't "weird". However, when I worked in computers, I killed whole afternoons in medical-related websites.
8. Being in EMT class and only feeling like I had to know more.
8. Knowing for years that I could only be happy in something I could really sink my teeth into, and if the right field came along, then I could live a fairly austere life (little money, no romantic partner, no children) if it meant I got to be in that field. I need something which will be fairly demanding of me. When I'm in something that's very, very demanding, I feel like my life has structure and purpose.
9. After the course of therapy and tutoring, I realized nothing was really stopping me from doing what I wanted to do, but myself, and I would really be unhappy if I did anything else.
10. Discovering that I am an extremely motivated person deep down, under the slackerhood and frustration all these years.
Anyway - I realize that's practically my life story - but there it is.
By the way I am 32, and only made the decision to go into medicine, this year.
I was wandering around my campus one day, wondering what the hell to do with myself. I was feeling frustrated. I had an appointment with a learning disability counselor that day. But right before going into my appointment, I found an abandoned biology textbook sitting on a table, mine for the taking.
Not long after that, my mom started telling me about people who went back to school at a later age to become doctors. She has been wonderful through this.
I still have not shared my decision with many other people, because if I change my mind or something happens, I don't want to feel like a fool. Part of me is still embarassed about wanting to be a doctor, for some reason. Even around pre-meds and med students... for fear some of them will say "Dude, you are too weird to be a doctor." Even though nobody really thinks I am weird anymore, I have many friends, and get along with lots of people.
So, I just keep to myself, study hard, and don't tell very many people.
Whatsamatta U said:But, and this is to you Law2doc, I know it won't get easier, but my hope is that nothing is like the MCAT, a test on pre-med science classes that have (virtually) no use to me in the future.
Hopefully, the stress that comes next is much more satisfying...
Thanks for sharing this! I think you're fabulous!thirdunity said:So, I just keep to myself, study hard, and don't tell very many people.
Law2Doc said:If there's someplace else you'd rather be (than a lecture hall or library or hospital for the next 7+ years), you may struggle. Good luck.
Whatsamatta U said:But, and this is to you Law2doc, I know it won't get easier, but my hope is that nothing is like the MCAT, a test on pre-med science classes that have (virtually) no use to me in the future.
Hopefully, the stress that comes next is much more satisfying...
Whatsamatta U said:I don't think every med student says, "Hey, let's go to med school so I can spend another 4 years in a lecture hall and library." I think it is a pretty fair statement that med students aren't going to med school to be in a library but rather to become doctors.
So, yes, being in a library and lecture hall for at least the next 4 years does scare me, but don't we do it to become doctors, not for the thrill of spending our saturdays with those sexy librarians?
prana_md said:I feel you, OP!
Good luck. The MCAT is the worst part. Even my friends in medical school agree. They love what they're doing, even if it's hard and stressful at times.
Whatsamatta U said:At what point did you all know that you had to be a doctor? That all this hard work is worth it? I'm studying for the MCAT right now and I definitly miss having some free time without stress.
DoctorC++ said:The MCAT is going to be one of the worst exams you will ever take. I cannot think of a more horrendous exam.
I know I'm not Law2Doc (yeah, it took me a while to figure that one out), but don't approach the MCAT as though the content is the important thing and this material is really going to help you out as a physician. I have a BS in biochemistry, but I rarely used my organic chemistry knowledge while I worked neuroscience laboratories.Whatsamatta U said:But, and this is to you Law2doc, I know it won't get easier, but my hope is that nothing is like the MCAT, a test on pre-med science classes that have (virtually) no use to me in the future.
jebus said:There isn't much that you actually need to know, though. My science knowledge that the MCAT tests can be summarized on 40 one-sided sheets of 8.5"x11" paper - and I did make these notes and I still have them.
I'm definitly feeling better. I was having a little panic attack from the sheer volume of information that stands before me. I've sorta changed around my study method and it seems to be helping a lot.
And to you Law2Doc, maybe other tests are harder, but this is like the SATs when going to undergrad right? A stupid standardized test that is in retrospect much easier than college itself but the pain of taking SAT and SAT IIs (at least for me) was much worse than that of studying o-chem.[/QUOTE