When should we get married?

This forum made possible through the generous support of SDN members, donors, and sponsors. Thank you.
K

kittalin

Full Member
10+ Year Member
15+ Year Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2007
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
Members don't see this ad.
I KNOW there's got to be a thread already, but I'm too lazy to search...

I'm planning on getting married - the sooner the better. So when is the best time? A med student girlfriend of mine told me to do it next summer, after my first year. Is it out of the question during 3rd and 4th years? Also, this is a stupid girl thing, but I've always wanted an October wedding. Is it at all feasible to just come home for a weekend in Oct and get hitched?

I hate being the bride...is there any way to trick him into planning all of it?
 
Hmmm, hadn't thought of that.

If anything, I think we would be better off financially because his income could support us both, and I'd only need loans for tuition, not living. I could try to talk him into being my sugar daddy for a while, support me without getting married...
 
NEVER!!!!!!!!!!

J/K. I plan on marrying my lovely fiance between year one and two, but not having some kind of Oct wedding.
 
I got married last summer before starting first year, but we'd been together a while and there wasn't much sense in putting it off... it was almost a two year engagement anyway. If you're already living together, I'd say it's not going to make much difference, just whenever it's convenient. If you're not, I'd say the sooner the better, especially if there's a considerable distance between you.
 
I got married between first and second year. I was the first in my class to get married while in medical school (there were several other married students, who were mostly nontraditionals). Of course, I'm a dude so it wasn't very stressful for me at all ("Sure honey, that sounds like a great idea") and I was still able to get in some good projects between first and second year. A friend of mine got married between first and second year. She's a super smart girl, but I can't imagine how she juggled wedding plans, getting married, AND taking Step 1 all at the same time.

Between third and fourth year...not the worst, not the best. Your school probably gives you a little bit of a break. Fourth year schedules are traditionally more free form than third year so you could push when rotations start and stop around (especially if you're giong to an away rotation at the start). This is of course, assuming you don't have to repeat rotations from third or whatever.
 
kittalin said:
I KNOW there's got to be a thread already, but I'm too lazy to search...

I'm planning on getting married - the sooner the better. So when is the best time? A med student girlfriend of mine told me to do it next summer, after my first year. Is it out of the question during 3rd and 4th years? Also, this is a stupid girl thing, but I've always wanted an October wedding. Is it at all feasible to just come home for a weekend in Oct and get hitched?

I hate being the bride...is there any way to trick him into planning all of it?
Click to expand...

A lot will depend on how involved you need to be in the planning, or if you are okay just showing up to the wedding. Summer after first year is optimal as you don't really have other entanglements during that period and your classmates you invite can actually attend. During winter break during second year seems to be the most popular second alternative. Summer after second year is possible but a pain as you have to work around Step 1 studying. Third and fourth year is harder because thrid year rotations don't give you that much free time, and fourth year your focus will be on interviews, you may want to be doing away rotations etc.
 
Thank you all for the input!
 
My experience was that being married was very different from being attached. Even though I lived with my husband before we got married, the first year of marriage was kind of a struggle (we've now been married 9 years and are very happy, etc..., so it wasn't a fundamental problem with us). That said, I would advise getting married anytime but right before 3rd year, as that is the most stressful and demanding year of school and you won't have much time with your new husband.

October weddings are lovely, but you'll be so happy that any time of year will seem great, so take your more essential needs into account first when setting a date.

And, of course, Mazel Tov!
 
Hey,
I have a couple of friends that are getting married this summer, right before third year. I would never be able to do that and study for the boards. I couldn't imagine if the option was either look through first aid or look at theknot.com. I can't even resist student doctor I would never have the will power.
At this point, I have no idea when my fiancee and I are going to get married. we've lived together for almost 4 years- but it looks like its gonna be a while longer. Plus- HOW DO PEOPLE PAY FOR THIS STUFF? like, really, its gonna cost like 20k. I don't get it.
and also don't try to get him to plan it. Unless you like cans of bud and his buddy jim's band. Twinkies are like wedding cake, right?
good luck!
 
Rugby MD said:
Plus- HOW DO PEOPLE PAY FOR THIS STUFF? like, really, its gonna cost like 20k. I don't get it.
and also don't try to get him to plan it. Unless you like cans of bud and his buddy jim's band. Twinkies are like wedding cake, right?
good luck!
Click to expand...

Depends on what sort of wedding you want. If you have a ceremony in a church with a reception to follow immediately in the church's reception hall this makes things quite inexpensive. Basic decorations, do it yourself photography, no alcohol, no band (church's sound equipment and CD's you bring yourself, have a relative play DJ), hors devours you get yourself at the local Sam's Club or Costco, flowers from Sam's Club/Costco, cake from Sam's Club/Costco, plasticware from Sam's Club/Costco etc (seeing a theme?) then you can have a nice simple wedding (even with a lot of guests) for around $2500 or less.
 
Dakota said:
Depends on what sort of wedding you want. ... no alcohol,...
Click to expand...

In many cases/families, drink is the difference between a good and a bad wedding. People aren't going to stay dancing into the night without the social lubrication. I would skimp on the cake and photographer before I would make it a dry event. But to each his/her own.
 
I know you want to get married in Oct but why not do it over winter or summer break when you are out of school and can really enjoy it.

I say sooner is better to adjust to being married so that you do not have to adjust to med school and married life at the same time.

Most importantly, all of this depends on the both of you. You got to have the 😍!!! plus understanding, sacrifice, compromise, etc.
 
i've been married once too bad it didnt work out. I guess anytime would be the right time as long as u feel like it.
 
I agree with J DUB. What's important is after the wedding. It's all the adjustments.
 
What about winter break of 3rd year? I'm thinking about that myself right now. There should be enough time then to take a honeymoon right afterwards which wouldn't be possible many other times of the year. Anyway, good luck with all your planning🙂
 
Law2Doc said:
In many cases/families, drink is the difference between a good and a bad wedding. People aren't going to stay dancing into the night without the social lubrication. I would skimp on the cake and photographer before I would make it a dry event. But to each his/her own.
Click to expand...

Well, looks like beer and fried twinkies for Law2Doc's wedding . . . actually that doesn't sound so bad. :laugh:
 
I think an Oct. wedding during your 2nd year would be totally feasible. You could do the bulk of the planning the summer between 1st and 2nd year (the biggest stretch of downtime you'll have in your med school career), and just show up and get married in October. You could put off your honeymoon to Xmas break, and voila! Fall wedding. If your school has test blocks, even better-- just schedule the wedding for right after a test block, and you could probably even sneak in a short honeymoon that way. Most of the people telling you to just have a summer or winter wedding are probably boys-- if you've always wanted a fall wedding, you should have one!! You'll remember it for the rest of your life-- it should be exactly what you want. Good luck, and congratulations!!
 
Dakota said:
Depends on what sort of wedding you want. If you have a ceremony in a church with a reception to follow immediately in the church's reception hall this makes things quite inexpensive. Basic decorations, do it yourself photography, no alcohol, no band (church's sound equipment and CD's you bring yourself, have a relative play DJ), hors devours you get yourself at the local Sam's Club or Costco, flowers from Sam's Club/Costco, cake from Sam's Club/Costco, plasticware from Sam's Club/Costco etc (seeing a theme?) then you can have a nice simple wedding (even with a lot of guests) for around $2500 or less.
Click to expand...

Definitely agree with this-- my wedding was lovely, and well under $5000, everything included. I had an outdoor wedding at a beautiful park on school grounds (free, since I'm a student) and a reception at a family friend's church fellowship hall (free, but make sure it's not a teetotaling protestant church-- the Episcopalians and Catholics are going to be the most easygoing about alcohol). I had appetizers and little sandwich fixings (not wonderbread or anything-- it looked much more elegant than it sounds), wine and champagne (bought myself at a discount liquor warehouse), and of course punch and cake. A few friends of my sister's were in charge of refilling the food and serving the wine/champagne, and they did it for $20 each plus free food and wine. Got most of the food and the plasticware from Sam's club, got the napkins/cups/etc. from Hobby Lobby, made my own pretty centerpieces (let the guests take them home, and they lasted much longer than expensive fresh flowers), etc. etc. etc. In a nutshell, very pretty wedding, didn't look cheap at all, and didn't spend anywhere near $20k.

EDIT: Also forgot to mention using a DJ instead of a live band-- we got a really quality DJ for less than $500.
 
I JUST got married (2 weeks ago) and it is A LOT more work than you think. It really depends on a lot of factors...are you just starting first year this fall? How large do you want your wedding to be? Do you want something formal or informal? Do you have a lot of money to spend (yours or family gifts) or will you have a budget? How many people in your family are willing to help (and actually will with little complaint)?

What is the church like (if you are getting married in one)? Ours required us to take classes (four total) and we don't live in our hometown, so that required a lot of travel. Will you be getting married in the same city you will be living in? If not (which was the case for us) you will have to do a lot of out of town planning and travel to see the vendors you want to hire.

I would suggest that the sooner you can get married, the better. There is a lot of stress and work involved, and the less busy you are the better it will be for your planning. Also, don't focus on perfection, just be laid back, because it will be a beautiful day, and you don't need the extra stress!

If you do decide that you want to get married between first and second year (next summer?) start planning now. Find the hall you want and book it. Book your date for the church (or syangogue, someone said Mazel Tov?). Find your dress and the dresses for your bridesmaids. Get the tuxes out of the way. You'll be so happy you did...I did all of this a year in advance. There are so many people to meet with, the dj, the florist, the bakery, stationary etc! Try to do it all in advance if you can, it makes it much easier so you can focus on studying.

I honestly think an October wedding could be possible, because the week of you only have things like beauty appts. Get your schedule in advance and find a date that there isn't an exam for a week in October...plan your honeymoon for the next summer, or for winter break. You'll have to live with your wedding anniversary all your life, so you should like it 🙂

Good luck to you, PM me with any questions you have or advice you need, whatever. I think it's doable, just make the most of your downtime and you'll be fine.
 
I got married between first and second year too -- I think either that summer or spring or winter break during first or second year would be the least complicated times to do it. A few students in my class got married after second year, but it was greatly complicated by taking the boards and starting clinical rotations. That said, you can make just about anything work. For me, second semester 1st year was about the most free time I had during the first 2 years. Wedding planning can be as simple or complicated as you make it -- for us it was a bit of a struggle because of decision making/balancing family preferences/etc, but it really didn't take all that much time. You should make sure your schedule is fairly clear for the week before the wedding, so you can take care of all the last minute things that pop up. It would be doable over a weekend if you can make sure your class schedule for the week before is fairly light (and skippable). Otherwise, I'd try to do it over a break. How far away is home for you? Keep in mind that it will make things a bit more complicated if you are trying to find and coordinate a reception site, catering, cake, etc a couple hours away. Of course, it's doable, you just need to figure out how much you can delegate to people who live in your hometown and how much you can do yourself.

Good luck, and try not to get caught up in the details too much. Weddings tend to make everyone a little insane, so just try to keep things in perspective. Congratulations!

ETA: I forgot to mention budget concerns -- we did our wedding for about $5000. The ceremony and reception were at nice barn-style building at a local park -- about $400 which included all the tables and chairs we needed for the day, we did spring for a full catered buffet meal for 100 guests for about $12/person, and found a great recent journalism grad to do our photos for about $800. Those were the main expenses, but of course the devil is in the details. Figure out what is really important to you and your fiance, and try to save on everything else. Easy things to save money on are clothing for the wedding party, alcohol (depending on your needs and caterer, we didn't have any), favors (unnecessary), and decorations.
 
Law2Doc said:
Better than wedding cake if you deepfry them. 🙂
Click to expand...

Law2Doc said:
Yeah, I'm nothing but classy and top shelf all the way. Maybe add a few slim-jims for the non-vegan crowd. :laugh:
Click to expand...

Dude, you've got to be from the South....deepfried twinkies, a couple kegs of Bud, and a platter full of Slim-Jims...makes for an awesome wedding 😎
 
I think we spent around $3K on our wedding and it was more extravagant than I originally planned (but if I did it again I'd probably make it more estravagant than I did). I was cheap about EVERYTHING. My dress cost something like $275 (and was actually very nice), we just had cake, punch, and mints at the reception, and our reception was at the same location as the wedding. I had friends or family in charge of music, videotaping, serving punch, etc. We didn't have a DJ or alcohol or anything like that at the reception but we're both from pretty conservative families so to have a dance or alcohol would've actually been frowned upon.
 
I think if you keep it small the cost shouldn't be too extravagant (assuming you don't have to have the latest Vera Wang wedding gown). And if you're near the Canadian border there's always duty-free liquor to keep the party going :laugh:

If not, MOONSHINE!
 
Dakota said:
Depends on what sort of wedding you want. .....then you can have a nice simple wedding (even with a lot of guests) for around $2500 or less.
Click to expand...

I spent almost that much just being a bridesmaid in my friends wedding!!!(travel, dress, shower, bachelorette, shoes, alterations, hotel room....etc) My fiancee is has spent about 1k being his brother's best man.
meanwhile we are eating store brand cheerieos for 3 meals a day so we can get back on our feet. If I have to go to one more freeking wedding this summer they are gonna repo the house!😱
 
Rugby MD said:
I spent almost that much just being a bridesmaid in my friends wedding!!!(travel, dress, shower, bachelorette, shoes, alterations, hotel room....etc) My fiancee is has spent about 1k being his brother's best man.
meanwhile we are eating store brand cheerieos for 3 meals a day so we can get back on our feet. If I have to go to one more freeking wedding this summer they are gonna repo the house!😱
Click to expand...


No kidding. My brother is getting married on Saturday, and I'm SOOO sick of spending money. We threw her a $600 shower....divide that by 4 bridesmaids....awesome.
 
Rugby MD said:
I spent almost that much just being a bridesmaid in my friends wedding!!!(travel, dress, shower, bachelorette, shoes, alterations, hotel room....etc) My fiancee is has spent about 1k being his brother's best man.
meanwhile we are eating store brand cheerieos for 3 meals a day so we can get back on our feet. If I have to go to one more freeking wedding this summer they are gonna repo the house!😱
Click to expand...

Thats nuts. I thought it was bad that I had to spend $50 on a flower girl's dress for my daughter last summer. (Brother in law's wedding)
 
I think never is a great time to get married 😉

With finaid, the meaning wasn't shared income, it was how your fafsa would look.

We did our wedding on the cheap (way before I was ready for MS-0), our church was free (we did give a donation), my aunt is a florist, so she gave us the flowers at cost, and we did a barbecue for the reception (at my dad's farm, it was a lot of fun, actually). My mom bought many bottles of wine and champagne as her gift, and I bought my dress for $50 on ebay, the bridesmaids dresses were $20 (also online). Most of the expensive stuff my parents desperately wanted (a photographer, a dj), so they paid for it.

If you start telling your mom and future mother in law you want the reception to be deep fried twinkies and a keg, they might suddenly decide to help pay and plan 😉

Ditto on the check with the church and state way ahead of time -the RCC likes 6 months notice, and some states are quicker about supplying the license than others.


I think people often choose to have very expensive weddings to impress people, but it's just as easy to do that by having a wedding that actually has meaning to you, or just food and music that doesn't suck.
 
montessori2md said:
If you start telling your mom and future mother in law you want the reception to be deep fried twinkies and a keg, they might suddenly decide to help pay and plan 😉
Click to expand...
👍👍

I think people often choose to have very expensive weddings to impress people, but it's just as easy to do that by having a wedding that actually has meaning to you, or just food and music that doesn't suck.
Click to expand...

This is sooo true! The things my husband and I really cared about were getting our friends and families together and having great music and good food. The rest took care of itself (or my mother and aunts took care of it on account of the abovementioned fried twinkies :idea:)
 
I also agree with doing it at a time when you can have some free time after the wedding to relax, whether you do a traditional honeymoon or not. Even if it's just a weekend hitch trip it's nice to not have to immediately come back to school and stress.

My wife and I got married in May of '06 right after I graduated undergrad and before her last year of grad school so that we'd have time for a nice little trip and time to get settled in before continuing with school.
 
Rugby MD said:
I spent almost that much just being a bridesmaid in my friends wedding!!!(travel, dress, shower, bachelorette, shoes, alterations, hotel room....etc) My fiancee is has spent about 1k being his brother's best man.
meanwhile we are eating store brand cheerieos for 3 meals a day so we can get back on our feet. If I have to go to one more freeking wedding this summer they are gonna repo the house!😱
Click to expand...

OMFG. I just got an other wedding invite. for my stepmom's brother. in ohio. plane tix, hotel. another thou. It was nice to have a house while it lasted!:scared:
 
Law2Doc said:
In many cases/families, drink is the difference between a good and a bad wedding. People aren't going to stay dancing into the night without the social lubrication. I would skimp on the cake and photographer before I would make it a dry event. But to each his/her own.
Click to expand...

Agreed!!!
 
The medical student here in my lab at the NIH (he was an HHMI/NIH intern, took a year off after MS3 for research) got married this summer.
 
We married 9 days after taking Step I (between m2 & m3), spent about 10K with honeymoon to Mexico (all included), and it was a great time. We had a catered barbecue in the town where we go to school (yes, we're BOTH med students, thus it was a team effort), which provided a strain on guests to come as we're 4-10 hours for family. However, this kept down the guest list and kept things financially manageable. Photos were important to us, so we spent a bit on those, but we regrettably hired a DJ with little experience, though cheap. (Recall, you get what you pay for)

Whatever time you choose, make sure it's the right person...whatever part of medical training you go through or the medical career you choose will be high stress and is not always understandable by an "outsider." This comes from my own experience (I was engaged to an "outsider" when I arrived at med school, but obviously it didn't work out) and also the observation that the majority of pre med school relationships fell apart in the first year and others followed subsequently. So, be cautious in hurrying.

October is lovely and if you wanted, depending on your school, it's possible to schedule a break in third year. That gives you time to test how things will go with the odd changes that happen to you when you become a doc in training.
 
montessori2md said:
I think never is a great time to get married 😉

With finaid, the meaning wasn't shared income, it was how your fafsa would look.

We did our wedding on the cheap (way before I was ready for MS-0), our church was free (we did give a donation), my aunt is a florist, so she gave us the flowers at cost, and we did a barbecue for the reception (at my dad's farm, it was a lot of fun, actually). My mom bought many bottles of wine and champagne as her gift, and I bought my dress for $50 on ebay, the bridesmaids dresses were $20 (also online). Most of the expensive stuff my parents desperately wanted (a photographer, a dj), so they paid for it.

If you start telling your mom and future mother in law you want the reception to be deep fried twinkies and a keg, they might suddenly decide to help pay and plan 😉

Ditto on the check with the church and state way ahead of time -the RCC likes 6 months notice, and some states are quicker about supplying the license than others.


I think people often choose to have very expensive weddings to impress people, but it's just as easy to do that by having a wedding that actually has meaning to you, or just food and music that doesn't suck.
Click to expand...

Yeah, my fiancee looking into getting a job as a consultant (which pays pretty well)...will that blow my EFC of $0.00? I'm assuming yes, but any experiential wisdom would be appreciated.
 
I'm pretty ignorant of finaid stuff, but I'd say yeah, and maybe do some nosing around in the finaid forum or talk to finaid at your school, or maybe even a loan counselor.

The advantage of marriage, for tax purposes, is that if your hubby is making money to the point that he is taxed a lot, and you are making negative money, he could declare you as a dependent, and thus pay less.

The other things you'll want to look into have probably been discussed before, but the two of you, before you start sharing a home, and preferably before you're busy with med school, need to make a date to talk money, and determine how the simple things, like who will take care of the bills each month, and in whose name they'll be.

You also need to sit down with each other's credit reports, and a list of all your debts (cc, loans, etc) and make sure all the cards are on the table before you start sharing expenses, so you both know what you're getting into. That will also help you figure out what works for financial aid. Our first year married I ran an online tax program with us filing jointly, and with us filing singly, so I could see which version worked out best.

I think being in the position of having no income for awhile, and needing financial, puts you in sort of a vulnerable position, and it's important that you talk about it ahead of time so you don't end up arguing/resentful/annoyed while you're in the middle of your 3rd year. It's really easy to blow up about small (or big) stuff when you're hardly ever seeing each other and stressed about exams, etc.

Congrats! by the way 🙂
 
beavisredwood said:
Yeah, my fiancee looking into getting a job as a consultant (which pays pretty well)...will that blow my EFC of $0.00? I'm assuming yes, but any experiential wisdom would be appreciated.
Click to expand...

It most certainly will.

That said, you should still be able to take out private loans and, perhaps, even some federal subsidized ones.
 
Your eligibility for federal loan money probably won't change much.

My husband has a well paying job but we still get the full subsidized loan amount. Our EFC is 100% of my tuition, but every year I just go up to the financial aid office and say I want to borrow the entire tuition amount and they adjust the numbers, giving us the full subsidized amount allowed plus the left over unsubsidized amount to cover it.

The main problem is with school based aid. Our school requires you to submit your parent's information (even if you are a non traditional student, married or unmarried, and even if you do not receive any aid from your parents). Since my parents also have well paying jobs, being married doesn't really change anything, the school would never give me any aid. However I would suspect, that if you did happen to have parents who are not well paid and then you married someone who was well paid, you may not get school based aid. This is of course based on what my school does/requires. You may want to contact your school to find out about their aid programs and eligibility.
 
kittalin said:
I KNOW there's got to be a thread already, but I'm too lazy to search...

I'm planning on getting married - the sooner the better. So when is the best time? A med student girlfriend of mine told me to do it next summer, after my first year. Is it out of the question during 3rd and 4th years? Also, this is a stupid girl thing, but I've always wanted an October wedding. Is it at all feasible to just come home for a weekend in Oct and get hitched?

I hate being the bride...is there any way to trick him into planning all of it?
Click to expand...

I got married after M1 and I think this is about the only time you could get married as a med student.

After 2nd year: Boards !!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

N
Married couple moving to Maryland- do we change our state of residency?
Replies
5
Views
1K
notanorthobro
N
W
Will we get interviews from programs we don't signal? (anesthesia residency)
Replies
2
Views
3K
Dr. Anonymouss
Dr. Anonymouss
G
When were you notified of your merit or need based scholarships?
Replies
0
Views
457
GratefulTN
G
D
  • Locked
When do we find out the 2023 average Step 2 score?
Replies
28
Views
26K
gyngyn
gyngyn
dococt25
What kind of ipad or tablet should I buy
Replies
2
Views
518
Nontrad_FL_LGBT
N
Top