When to have a baby??

[Roses]

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I need some advice from some women in the OB/GYN field. I am a 2nd year medical student, who just got married. I want to go into obstetrics and gyn., and I need to know when is the "best" time to have a baby?
3rd year
4th year - and if so, what do interviewers think when they see a pregnant interviewee?
Residency???
I would prefer not to wait until after residency to have my first child.

Thanks for any advice.

 

[CANES2006]

I don't think that there is a "best" time to have a baby. I know plenty of medical students having babies throughout medical school. I also know of OB/GYN residents having their 1st babies during 3rd year. Don't know if this is the greatest time either, since this is a major surgery year. I wouldn't want to miss ANYTHING from 3rd year of residency. I mean, you are the primary surgeon on most cases. Of course, I will have no choice about the time to have a baby. It will be sometime AFTER residency, since I don't see the hubby anywhere in sight. 😉

 

[calot's 3angle]

One of my friends seemed to time it pretty well. She and her husband got pregnant in march of 3rd year and she had her baby before residency interviews got underway. you could just schedule your lighter rotations at the end of 3rd year and beginning of 4th year. Good luck!

 

[G2P0112]

I got pregnant at the end of my 2nd year. It was a surprise. Although my husband and I had talked at length about when to have a family, we never would have chosen the middle of 3rd year to do it. However, sometimes things happen the way they are supposed to. I wouldn't change it if I could. We were also struggling with the "when do we have the 2nd baby" question, which was answered for us when we found out there were 2 babies. I tried to get as many rotations done as I could before they were born and delivered 1 1/2 weeks after I finished IM. I took 2 1/2 months off total and then finished 3rd and 4th year. I decided to take a 5th year, which was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. I have had this year to focus on my family and on some research. So much happens during the first 2-3 years of life and it was very importnant for me to be a part of that. My school (except for the chair of IM who announced to a group of >30 people that I had really poor planning and then told me I would have to repeat IM if I went into labor at any point before the final) was very supportive.
As far as interviews go, programs seem to view families either positively or negatively. You can get a sense about this by the # of residents who have babies. I was very upfront about the importance of my family and the programs that did not view this as an asset, didn't invite me for an interview. But, screw them, why would I/you want to be anywhere that didn't support me/you as a person? I'm sure that programs would view a pregnant woman in much the same way as they viewed me with 2 2 year-olds. Although I think I did not get some interviews because of the family factor, I had plenty and ended up cancelling several.
Most people will tell you that there is no good time, but there really is no bad time either. There just may not be a "best" time. Whenever it does happen, you will be able to make it work and you will receive the same excellent training that your fellow residents/classmates receive.
Sorry for my rambling.
Let me know if you have questions.
Good Luck!

 

[community]

I say go for it and have it now. I wish that I had a baby during med school, especially since I will be starting obgyn residency in june/july. I spent the past month in a reproductive endocrinology and infertility clinic and realize that as women, we must live for ourselves. It was very sad b/c some of these women (some physicians) will never be able to have a child. Can you imagine that? You work hard in your career to share your blessings with no child? Where will your program director or medical school dean be then???? Live for yourself and your family. Good luck with your decision!

community

 

[Diane L. Evans]

I say go for it and have it now. I wish that I had a baby during med school, especially since I will be starting obgyn residency in june/july. I spent the past month in a reproductive endocrinology and infertility clinic and realize that as women, we must live for ourselves. It was very sad b/c some of these women (some physicians) will never be able to have a child. Can you imagine that? You work hard in your career to share your blessings with no child? Where will your program director or medical school dean be then???? Live for yourself and your family. Good luck with your decision!

community

Fertility best age 27. Agree c above. Family always is #1 career #2. Use this when you accept a residency slot as well. My opinion ONLY!!
Best time for kid 4th yr med school. Best time in residency year 3/4.
Worst time 1st yr med school or 1st year residency or 1st year in practice....

 

[sophiejane]

I spent the past month in a reproductive endocrinology and infertility clinic and realize that as women, we must live for ourselves. It was very sad b/c some of these women (some physicians) will never be able to have a child. Can you imagine that? You work hard in your career to share your blessings with no child?

Some of the women you have seen on your rotation may have been trying to conceive since their 20s. Not everyone who goes to an IF clinic is someone who "waited to have a child" because they selfishly put their career first.

And as for imagining never having a child...yes, I can imagine it. It may not be a reality for me or for many, many women who very much want to have a child of their own. The world will not come to an end and we will still lead happy, fullfilling lives full of people we love and who love us.

 

[Roses]

Fertility best age 27. Agree c above. Family always is #1 career #2. Use this when you accept a residency slot as well. My opinion ONLY!!
Best time for kid 4th yr med school. Best time in residency year 3/4.
Worst time 1st yr med school or 1st year residency or 1st year in practice....

Thanks so much for the advice. I have been leaning toward trying to have a child my 4th year (med school), and I just wanted some encouragement.

 

[Roses]

G2PO112 - Thanks for the words of encouragment. I like to hear stories of women who have succeeded in raising a family and in pursuing career goals. Congratulations on twins! That must be very exciting.

 

[Pinki]

Hi! My husband and I decided to have a baby Nov. of 2nd year of med school - we got pregnant Feb of 1st year when anatomy lab was over.🙂 I knew that skipping classes was a reality vs. skipping clerkships and am sooo glad we decided to become parents now versus later - not that I had much of a choice - I'm an older student, looking "advance maternal age" in the face this year, and didn't want to risk waiting too long. We're going to have another baby next year - hoping for a spring baby. From my perspective - do it now. You'll never have a chance to take off a chunk of time that won't add a ton of work to your colleagues (residency) in the immediate future. And like a PP said, the first few years are so dear and go SOOO fast - I'm overthetop pro-breastfeeding so I also knew that pumping and getting up in the middle of the night to nurse are much more feasible as a medical student then as an intern (at my school we don't have to take overnight call.) That having been said, remember you shouldn't fly in the last month of a low-risk pregnancy, keep that mind if interviews are near your due date.
People always say, wow how do you do it? And honestly, it's not that hard. The key to me, personally, is having a hubby who has a super flexible job (architect) for our daughter's sick days and having top-notch childcare. I don't worry one minute about my daughter's safety or comfort. Another caveat, in my area you have to get on wait lists for quality daycares MONTHS in advance, so if your area of the country is anything like ours, as soon as you get that + HPT, start your research. We ended up doing 1/2 preschool and 1/2 nanny - that way if we have to stay late, we don't have to rush to daycare by closing time. It's $$$, but the peace of mind is worth it! Good luck - being a Mom is the absolute GREATEST thing you will ever do!

 

[community]

Some of the women you have seen on your rotation may have been trying to conceive since their 20s. Not everyone who goes to an IF clinic is someone who "waited to have a child" because they selfishly put their career first.

And as for imagining never having a child...yes, I can imagine it. It may not be a reality for me or for many, many women who very much want to have a child of their own. The world will not come to an end and we will still lead happy, fullfilling lives full of people we love and who love us.

I apologize if I have offended you or anyone else on this board. Yes, this is a very delicate issue. The clinic I worked at may have been a skewed population b/c most were in the age range of 38 - 51. This was the population I worked with mostly. Of course there are other reasons for infertility. Lastly, I do not think that an individual is selfish if they put their career first. It just may not be the right time for them to have a child. I wish all of you the best with these difficult life decisions we have ahead of us!!!

community : )

 

[sophiejane]

I apologize if I have offended you or anyone else on this board. Yes, this is a very delicate issue. The clinic I worked at may have been a skewed population b/c most were in the age range of 38 - 51. This was the population I worked with mostly. Of course there are other reasons for infertility. Lastly, I do not think that an individual is selfish if they put their career first. It just may not be the right time for them to have a child. I wish all of you the best with these difficult life decisions we have ahead of us!!!

community : )

It's okay, community--I know you didn't mean any offense, and I appreciate your clarifying that. I don't take personal offense, because I know peoples' hearts are generally in the right place. But I think as future OBGYNs, it is crucial that you (we) become EXTREMELY sensitive to all the emotions surrounding this issue. We should never make a woman feel bad for having "waited" and we should never assume that she could have chosen to have a baby earlier (not that you did this--I am just making a point).

Furthermore, we should never assume that choosing or ending up childless is not a life-affirming and positive outcome. There are so many ways to be creative--not to mention adoption--and to have a fulfilling life outside of parenthood. I realize that most parents feel otherwise, but for those of us who have never or may never have the experience, it is so important that our doctors validate our emotions and our particular situation, whatever it may be.

Just understand that when people go on about how being a Mom is the "GREATEST" thing you will ever do...well, how does that make people feel who are dealing with infertility? Not very good, I can tell you. Now is the time in our careers to start developing that sensitivity. We all are aware (some of us painfully so) of the unique joys of having a child of your own. Perhaps we should start being more aware of the people among us for whom that might not be possible.

Best of luck to all you medical student/resident moms. You are to be commended for being successful with such a huge undertaking!