Why get married?

[shmrshines]

Obviously, marriage has lost its value in many parts of society, due to the devaluation of the number of religious people.

Many non-religious people still yearn for marriage though. Besides the rites that take place during a wedding, they'll leave religious ideas out of the marriage. Maybe they'll adopt similar values, but they won't add a religious reasoning to it.

Which makes one wonder what is the purpose of a marriage in such a situation. If you're not religious, then why do you need a religious ritual to acknowledge your commitment to eachother. Of course it can be a nice symbolic gesture but there is no actual need for it.

Psychologically, things can change as it make you believe that because you're married to someone you're commitment to that someone is stronger than the sense of commitment in a relationship where people aren't at least engaged to eachother. But that's just a figment of our imagination.

And I won't knock on people who want to celebrate their love for eachother, more power to them. But apparently such a celebration often costs a whole lot of $$$, while there needs to be a minister involved. Their choice, but I'll pass on that.

I hear ya..

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[Finding Chi]

As half of a non-religious married couple, some things to keep in mind...
In addition to marriage being a signed, stated commitment to each other, it is also for the families. After marrying, I felt like I gained a whole new family. As someone not terribly close to her own family this was a nice thing. I don't think it would have been the same if I had simply dated my husband for a long time.

Also, there are certainly legal implications as far as taxes, insurance, inheritance are concerned, although many states have "common law" marriage statutes. In TX I believe that you are considered "married" under state law if you have co-habitated for 7yrs. It might be worth seeing what your local laws are.


As others have said, a marriage certificate takes away the option of walking out the door when the going gets rough. Maybe that's helpful when you are in the middle of a hard times and you might make a rash decision to leave instead of working things out. But if you are unsure of the foundation of your relationship when times are good and your head is clear.... maybe you still want the option to leave unlitigated on the table.

 

[shmrshines]

Yeah, I'm def. not the type of person who wants to spend so much money on a party that will last for one day.

 

[Rogerswife]

I'm afraid I don't have much intellectual to contribute to this discussion, but I can say that this month I have been married to my husband for 3 years, and we dated for 5 years before that. Honestly, getting married was the best thing I ever did. I absolutely love the stability that comes with it, but I also love that he has the same stability. I love that when we have kids some day they will have the same last name as both myself and my husband, and that together we are a unit that has more claim to one another than even our parents do to us (we're still trying to convince his mom of this though!). We had an absolutely fabulous time dating, but I was VERY ready to become his life partner. But then again I was absolutely positive that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband. If you are not sure, I really wouldn't get married. It's too hard. There are certainly financial & legal benefits, as others have said, and maybe with kids those benefits are enough. I really don't have an answer for that.

 

[SwimSwam]

I think that people marry to make a public statement to their friends, family and society that they are going to stay together and share financial responsibility. For those with traditional beliefs in the necessity of ceremony and ritual, I can see how this is important.

I personally don't think that taking part in a ceremony will keep anyone together. Such ceremonies and their permanency are constructs of society. I believe that the only thing that truly keeps people together is their personal vows to each other - whether this was made in the "official" sense or not.

The only reason I married in the official sense was to please my family. My husband and I have been together for 13 years and the ceremony has not altered our commitment to each other. It has given us a lot of financial perks. If our kids were born out of "wedlock", I would teach them to be strong enough to supress the taunts of the small-minded and ignorant.

 

[drelizabeth292]

I don't know. I think that its old-fashioned and expected of people. You grow up, you go to college, have a career, get married, have kids and then grandkids and then die. This is pretty much the path that the world expects from you. God forbid you dont want to follow it. I think that you can have a perfectly fulfilling relationship without marriage. I personally don't need a piece of paper or ring to remind myself or prove to myself that I do want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. Although rings are very nice and shiny.... If you can spend 50 years with someone, whether you are officially married or not, should be about love and not what anyone else expects or thinks of you.

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

when then Im sorry you have repeatedly procreated with a man who by your standards is unworthy of being a life long mate....this is sounding like a total trainwreck.

What your grand plan? To trade up on this guy after you popped out 3 rugrats with him and went to graduate school?? Maybe land a doc? LMAO!!!!!!!
Sheesh, he should run for the hills now.

Agreed. Many women have taken this path before.. which is why I agree with Mythos219

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

Here's a male perspective.

I will not get married in the US unless I meet a woman who makes substantially more money than I do. The divorce statistics are alarming and 3/4s of the time its the women who file for divorce first. Now, one can argue that the men did something for the women to pull the trigger but the bottom line or as Machiavelli would say the "effective truth" is that statistically speaking she's the one who is taking the affirmative step towards divorce a majority of the time.

Its the higher income earner who gets screwed in a divorce which has usually been the man by virtue of him focusing solely on his career and women generally marrying up to someone more successful. The saying no good deed goes unpunished is especially true in marriage. The more you do for you wife, the better you try to make marital life from a financial standpoint the more you are liable. For example, alimony is financial support given to a spouse who cannot be financially self sufficient. This means that if you decide to become the sole income earner so that your wife can stay home and raise a family thereby causing her to leave the workforce, she can later claim that after being out of work for a lengthy period of time she needs alimony until she can become financially self sufficient again. This can mean anything from a few years to paying for any higher education she chooses to receive. Worse yet, if you marry a stay at home wife who never worked you can be liable for long term alimony and in some states depending on the length of the marriage it can be lifetime alimony. Since alimony terminates on the death of the paying spouse or remarriage by the receiving spouse, a common litigation tactic by divorce attorneys is to petition the court to force the alimony paying spouse to take out a life insurance policy on himself naming the alimony receiving spouse as sole beneficiary so that payments can continue even after you are dead! This doesn't even take into account separate payments for child support and division of property and other assets based on the mother being granted custody of the children b/c she's considered the primary care giver by the courts 90% of the time. As a man the only way to gain custody is to prove through evidence that the mother is a drug addict or engages in behavior that endangers the welfare of the child/children.

The above are what happens to the higher income earner which has traditionally been the man. However, the tide is turning and more women are out earning men as they become the higher income earners in marriages. This is good news for guys. If I do get married it will be to a woman who makes a lot more money than I do so that she can assume the liabilities of the higher income earner. I'll also refuse to sign a prenup claiming that she doesn't trust me, marriage is about love, blah blah blah. In today's world Machiavelli's axioms are needed more than ever.

Great post!

interesting links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_strike

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fathers'_rights

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men's_rights

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

Ah the truth comes out....so he drinks a 12 pack with his buddies while playing guitar hero on the Wii eh? Meanwhile you are left to deal with the lil army of crying rugrats on your own.

I get it now....

But please I beg you, once you accomplish your medical school dreams and kick this guy to the curb as he slips back to the abyss of complacency...do NOT get all "tarted out" and try to hook one of my professional colleagues, we have a enough problems in the medical profession with insurance companies, big government and multinational corporations trying to screw us....

Hey LADoc00, maybe we should at least attempt to let this guy know what he's in for so he can at least prepare himself. You know.. hire a good attorney.. I mean they're defacto.. he has fathered (presumably) a few offspring with her.. and she's going to be a successful doctor. He should at least be eligible for some serious lifelong palimony here. no?

 

[shmrshines]

I don't know. I think that its old-fashioned and expected of people. You grow up, you go to college, have a career, get married, have kids and then grandkids and then die. This is pretty much the path that the world expects from you. God forbid you dont want to follow it. I think that you can have a perfectly fulfilling relationship without marriage. I personally don't need a piece of paper or ring to remind myself or prove to myself that I do want to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. Although rings are very nice and shiny....

lol


If you can spend 50 years with someone, whether you are officially married or not, should be about love and not what anyone else expects or thinks of you.

I agree

 

[shmrshines]

Hey LADoc00, maybe we should at least attempt to let this guy know what he's in for so he can at least prepare himself. You know.. hire a good attorney.. I mean they're defacto.. he has fathered (presumably) a few offspring with her.. and she's going to be a successful doctor. He should at least be eligible for some serious lifelong palimony here. no?

Haha... your assuming he's a saint, and I'm the horrible woman out to do him wrong. I've seen episodes of law and order about men who think like this. lol...

Presumably? Do you think we need an episode of Maury? This is not the case. hahaha...I'm just not that kind of girl

 

[shmrshines]

Agreed. Many women have taken this path before.. which is why I agree with Mythos219

I did not know that. But listen, I've always been a woman who has done for myself. If not then I would have just about nothing. I don't see that changing anytime soon. Hey, I'm the person who said I wouldn't want to win the lottery for millions because it would take away from my own accomplishments... My my how we prejudge...

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

Haha... your assuming he's a saint, and I'm the horrible woman out to do him wrong. I've seen episodes of law and order about men who think like this. lol...

Presumably? Do you think we need an episode of Maury? This is not the case. hahaha...I'm just not that kind of girl

Doesn't matter really... You have both had children together. You are "defacto", so if you split up.. he is probably entitled to half your assets and alimony and child support.

 

[shmrshines]

Doesn't matter really... You have both had children together. You are "defacto", so if you split up.. he is probably entitled to half your assets and alimony and child support.

Do you mean if we're married, or just because we have kids together?

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

Do you mean if we're married, or just because we have kids together?

Just because you live together and have children together. Hence the term "defacto".

 

[Leukocyte]

Why get married?

So the kids do not get F'ed up in the head. PERIOD.

If you do not plan on gaving kids, then do whatever the hell you want...

Frankly, if I am going out with a girlfriend who tells me she does not plan on ever getting married....I will break-up with her in a NY-minute.

 

[shmrshines]

Why get married?

So the kids do not get F'ed up in the head. PERIOD.

If you do not plan on gaving kids, then do whatever the hell you want...

Frankly, if I am going out with a girlfriend who tells me she does not plan on ever getting married....I will break-up with her in a NY-minute.

It's small minded views that make the world what it is. It's not really the marriage that makes kids secure it's the stability, which we have in our household in much more abundance than many I've seen.

 

[shmrshines]

so to update, I did wind up getting married, and so far feel great about my decision!! thanks to all who contributed and gave me some points to consider. I actually do feel more stable and unified now, it's strange!!

 

[Tired]

so to update, I did wind up getting married, and so far feel great about my decision!! thanks to all who contributed and gave me some points to consider. I actually do feel more stable and unified now, it's strange!!

Horrible mistake. It'll never last.





kidding, kidding. I love being married, best choice I ever made.

 

[Aceofspades]

Great post!

interesting links:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_strike

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fathers'_rights

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men's_rights

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud

There is no way to escape being taken for half. De-facto or common law marriages exist in many states. This states that if you live with a woman for X amount of years you are essentially married. If you split up, you can be liable for 50% of all your property, investments, etc. as well as alimony and child support just like in a traditional marriage. Some states don't even have an X amount of years - they just go on if you act like a married couple or if the "community" thinks you are married. The worst thing about a common law marriage is that you can't sign a prenup. You are better off signing a prenup and getting a traditional marriage. Either way, prenups are known to be thrown out of court and disobeyed anyway so be prepared to be taken for at least half. The only way to escape this is to marry up or not have relationships at all .

 

[LADoc00]

Single mom planning to "trade up" upon completion of medical school, bad.

Bad for everyone.

 

[shmrshines]

Single mom planning to "trade up" upon completion of medical school, bad.

Bad for everyone.

It's interesting that you think you can predict the future... You obviously didn't read my most recent post before this one. jeez...

 

[shmrshines]

Horrible mistake. It'll never last.





kidding, kidding. I love being married, best choice I ever made.

haha... like I said I feel great being married. I guess it was a committment phobia all along. If you had even the slightest glimpse into my life you would understand. Even my own husband says he wouldn't like to spend a minute in my brain,lol...

 

[shmrshines]

There is no way to escape being taken for half. De-facto or common law marriages exist in many states. This states that if you live with a woman for X amount of years you are essentially married. If you split up, you can be liable for 50% of all your property, investments, etc. as well as alimony and child support just like in a traditional marriage. Some states don't even have an X amount of years - they just go on if you act like a married couple or if the "community" thinks you are married. The worst thing about a common law marriage is that you can't sign a prenup. You are better off signing a prenup and getting a traditional marriage. Either way, prenups are known to be thrown out of court and disobeyed anyway so be prepared to be taken for at least half. The only way to escape this is to marry up or not have relationships at all .

I'm not sure if common law holds up in NJ, but right now we are equal financially speaking. RN and construction worker. However it's obvious where we will stand after med school for me. As I have stated previously we have an awesome family and have always been dedicated to our children. Marriage has simply sealed the deal for us.

 

[trustwomen]

A lot of people still don't understand correlation vs. causation.

Married people are, on the whole, more stable than unmarried people. Therefore their kids, on the whole, turn out better. But there is nothing magic in that piece of paper that makes your kids' lives any different. If you are in a stable, loving, emotionally committed, unmarried relationship, your kids will have the same advantages as they would if you were in a stable, loving marriage.

The only advantage I can see in marriage is the legal considerations, and those can be arranged via contracts. You do need to put the thought into them though (wills, powers of attorney, insurance policies, separation contingency agreements, etc.).

 

[shmrshines]

A lot of people still don't understand correlation vs. causation.

Married people are, on the whole, more stable than unmarried people. Therefore their kids, on the whole, turn out better. But there is nothing magic in that piece of paper that makes your kids' lives any different. If you are in a stable, loving, emotionally committed, unmarried relationship, your kids will have the same advantages as they would if you were in a stable, loving marriage.

The only advantage I can see in marriage is the legal considerations, and those can be arranged via contracts. You do need to put the thought into them though (wills, powers of attorney, insurance policies, separation contingency agreements, etc.).

exactly my point

 

[HurricaneKatt]

Love, comfort, knowing someone will be there

 

[MacBook]

Stability. For your relationship and for your kids. Also, taking a vow to stay together (and meaning it) may cause you to stick out difficult situations longer than if there is no vow made. You might possibly be able to stick out the tough times until they improve.

I couldn't have worded things better myself.

 

[Pharmavixen]

The legal considerations are the main thing, really. I've been married for 16 years, and it makes no difference in the relationship whether you're married or not. I got married because we wanted children, and there's more legal protections if you end up splitting.

There's this mythology that getting married makes the relationship stronger, and it's a damaging falsehood because people in struggling relationships get married, thinking the ring on the finger magically fixes things, instead of dealing with their problems in some constructive way.

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

I agree with Pharmavixen in that there are more legal protections (for women) if you end up splitting.

However, this is not the case for men. This is one reason why more and more men are not interested in getting married these days.

Read this: "marriage strike".

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

because this is the god rules on woman.then only we can share all things..

?What?

Can you rephrase that into sentence we can understand?

 

[CaMD]

If you have two high-income earners marriage can end up costing a lot of extra $$ in taxes. Marriage is really only of financial benefit if someone makes a lot more money than the other one or if you both don't make much.

You can always set up legal documents separate from "marriage" and then continue to file as singles.

Do the numbers or have an accountant do them.

 

[THP]

So marriage becomes something for appearance sake (whether by fear of social stigma or loyalty to tradition/religion) or for love. Neither of these justifies the legal implications of marriage for the higher income earner should it fail, which at an average of 50% is a significant percentage.

.

You have no understanding of what a marriage means to religious people if you think it is something done for appearance sake out of loyalty to religion. At least from a Catholic point of view.

 

[mp1106]

Here's a male perspective.

I will not get married in the US unless I meet a woman who makes substantially more money than I do. The divorce statistics are alarming and 3/4s of the time its the women who file for divorce first. Now, one can argue that the men did something for the women to pull the trigger but the bottom line or as Machiavelli would say the "effective truth" is that statistically speaking she's the one who is taking the affirmative step towards divorce a majority of the time.

Its the higher income earner who gets screwed in a divorce which has usually been the man by virtue of him focusing solely on his career and women generally marrying up to someone more successful. The saying no good deed goes unpunished is especially true in marriage. The more you do for you wife, the better you try to make marital life from a financial standpoint the more you are liable. For example, alimony is financial support given to a spouse who cannot be financially self sufficient. This means that if you decide to become the sole income earner so that your wife can stay home and raise a family thereby causing her to leave the workforce, she can later claim that after being out of work for a lengthy period of time she needs alimony until she can become financially self sufficient again. This can mean anything from a few years to paying for any higher education she chooses to receive. Worse yet, if you marry a stay at home wife who never worked you can be liable for long term alimony and in some states depending on the length of the marriage it can be lifetime alimony. Since alimony terminates on the death of the paying spouse or remarriage by the receiving spouse, a common litigation tactic by divorce attorneys is to petition the court to force the alimony paying spouse to take out a life insurance policy on himself naming the alimony receiving spouse as sole beneficiary so that payments can continue even after you are dead! This doesn't even take into account separate payments for child support and division of property and other assets based on the mother being granted custody of the children b/c she's considered the primary care giver by the courts 90% of the time. As a man the only way to gain custody is to prove through evidence that the mother is a drug addict or engages in behavior that endangers the welfare of the child/children.

The above are what happens to the higher income earner which has traditionally been the man. However, the tide is turning and more women are out earning men as they become the higher income earners in marriages. This is good news for guys. If I do get married it will be to a woman who makes a lot more money than I do so that she can assume the liabilities of the higher income earner. I'll also refuse to sign a prenup claiming that she doesn't trust me, marriage is about love, blah blah blah. In today's world Machiavelli's axioms are needed more than ever.

WOW!! what woman bit you in the ASS. I am a woman and I never wish to marry a man unless a prenup is signed. And I have been dodging marriage proposals left and right. I think marriage is a trap. Sometimes I wonder whether or not if children that are raised by single parents are more emotionally independent than those that come from parents that have been together for an eternity.

Most of my friends grew up with parents that have been together since before we were born. SO they and I spend most of are teenage and adult years searching for that special someone only to get slap in the face a zillion time by heart ache. I mean sometimes I wish I was not a good girl. I wish I could exist without the need to find true love yadiyadiyada. That cinderella crap.

 

[mp1106]

when then Im sorry you have repeatedly procreated with a man who by your standards is unworthy of being a life long mate....this is sounding like a total trainwreck.

What your grand plan? To trade up on this guy after you popped out 3 rugrats with him and went to graduate school?? Maybe land a doc? LMAO!!!!!!!
Sheesh, he should run for the hills now.

What is the point of this hostility? This is not even a religious debate already you are trying to convert someone. OMG!!! Chiil out. Marriage is not for everyone. The most important thing in this world are those children as long as they are loved by both parents that's all that matters. All that popping kids left and right ****. What is all this stereotype? Apparently, she knows what she is doing?

Not everyone needs a marriage license to validate their love life. Personally, I am all for getting married but only when you feel like it is the right time for you and with the right person.

No need to rush take your time onde day it will all make sense whether or not it is for you. GOOD LUCK!!!!

 

[dpmd]

There isn't really a reason to have a big wedding, unless you want to for traditional or religious reasons. However, a marriage is more than just the wedding and the paperwork. People seem to ignore that. It is a spoken and written agreement to unify your lives that you then participate in for the duration of the marriage (ideally for life). Why do it? If you have found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and they want to spend the rest of their life with you, you make it known to each other and to those around you. This way everyone knows of your commitment and should support it. With no one trying to divide you, and with the legal implications of mingling your finances, housing, and futures tucked away you are conceivably more free to participate daily in being together. Sure, it doesn't work out well for some (although I think the 50% number might be from counting people more than once if they have more than one marriage, and may not be comparable to those that make a better choice for their partner). But if it does it can be a more complete feeling relationship. You don't necessarily need to make it the offical legal marriage down at the courthouse, but I think taking it from the assumption stage to a declared commitment is good for a relationship that is right for both people.

 

[potato head]

I just would like to hear opinions about why it's beneficial to get married if one isn't traditional or religious?

i think if you don't want to get married, then don't get married. i see no problem in it.

anyways, i agree in trustwomen that if you choose a relationship while raising your kids, hopefully it will be a stable one.

personally, having been a product of a similar situation, i did not benefit by the fact that my father figure was not a permanent feature in my family. i would've rather been raised by my mother alone than by my mother and sometimes-father.

 

[Dr.Millisevert]

i would've rather been raised by my mother alone than by my mother and sometimes-father.

? So, you think 1 parent is better than 1.5 parents?

Someone has to work and earn a living... If you are only raised by a single mother and she works all the time. How is that better? I'm confused.

 

[mededu]

I vote for choice over living a trapped and abysmal life any day of the week.

i would personally vote for this too!

God gives us one life and we need to live it to the fullest, without being exploited and thrashed, just because we are women.

 

[xscpx]

Let me ask you this. If you're fully committed to each other, stronger than ever, blah, blah, blah, then why NOT get married.

I disagree with that. Not everyone believes in religious nonesense and that marriage is "the right thing" to do. And who is everyone here to judge? Especially that promiscuous comment! LOL Since when is doing what your body is made for a bad thing? And since when does it have anything to do with your parents relationship?

My parents have been married for 40 years and are still very much in love, so no broken home here. I have a very, very, close relationship with my parents. I've been an Honors student my entire life, graduating college with highest honors in two majors, etc so I guess the "intelligence" part is there. But sex? Seriously? What does my sex life have to do with my parents? I guess I was what is meant by "promiscuous" as a teenager, but my parents taught me to make my own choices on my own terms. I wanted to have sex and I did, and I protected myself accordingly because I knew the risks. What the hell is wrong with that?

As far as marriage, I do not believe in it. Religion, in my opinion, is crap. I have been with my SO for 4 years and couldn't be happier. How dare anyone on here doubt my commitment, or the OP's, because we do not follow the christian values you hold?

I would take a step back and look at yourself before making such judgments. Not everyone believes in the same thing, not everyone lives their life by what some book says.

We have discussed getting married, mostly for tax breaks. So if I sign the damn paper to get more money back does that make my commitment valid? What a joke...


To the OP: You are the only person who can make decisions for you. You know your situation and only your opinion of yourself matters. Do what you feel is right. Get married or don't! Who cares? It's no one's business. Do as you will and screw everyone else.

 

[Medicinewarrior]

No one will really feel married life to its fullest challenge until they have had more than one child.

Until you have children, you can really extend out your lubby-dubby honeymoon period for long periods of time. The true test comes when screaming babies enter the picture and all the chaos, sleepless nights, resignation from social scene due to commitment to child rearing, and your new challenge to find freedom in going on dates/personal freedom becomes elusive unless you are rich enough to afford babysitters or lucky enough to have your mom/in-laws watch/raise your babies for you

 

[klassicBeauty]

1

 

[SmKN808]

because i want to... though, NOT any time soon

 

[medicalmatins]

OP, just putting in my two cents:

It always seemed to me that marriage was more natural than moving around. Girls want commitment (oxytocin, anyone?), and any healthy male should be able to offer that commitment.

 

[Residual]

Well worth a necropost to point out that LADoc is a vicious ignorant c*nt.

 

[touchadream]

Here's a male perspective.

I will not get married in the US unless I meet a woman who makes substantially more money than I do. The divorce statistics are alarming and 3/4s of the time its the women who file for divorce first. Now, one can argue that the men did something for the women to pull the trigger but the bottom line or as Machiavelli would say the "effective truth" is that statistically speaking she's the one who is taking the affirmative step towards divorce a majority of the time.

Its the higher income earner who gets screwed in a divorce which has usually been the man by virtue of him focusing solely on his career and women generally marrying up to someone more successful. The saying no good deed goes unpunished is especially true in marriage. The more you do for you wife, the better you try to make marital life from a financial standpoint the more you are liable. For example, alimony is financial support given to a spouse who cannot be financially self sufficient. This means that if you decide to become the sole income earner so that your wife can stay home and raise a family thereby causing her to leave the workforce, she can later claim that after being out of work for a lengthy period of time she needs alimony until she can become financially self sufficient again. This can mean anything from a few years to paying for any higher education she chooses to receive. Worse yet, if you marry a stay at home wife who never worked you can be liable for long term alimony and in some states depending on the length of the marriage it can be lifetime alimony. Since alimony terminates on the death of the paying spouse or remarriage by the receiving spouse, a common litigation tactic by divorce attorneys is to petition the court to force the alimony paying spouse to take out a life insurance policy on himself naming the alimony receiving spouse as sole beneficiary so that payments can continue even after you are dead! This doesn't even take into account separate payments for child support and division of property and other assets based on the mother being granted custody of the children b/c she's considered the primary care giver by the courts 90% of the time. As a man the only way to gain custody is to prove through evidence that the mother is a drug addict or engages in behavior that endangers the welfare of the child/children.

The above are what happens to the higher income earner which has traditionally been the man. However, the tide is turning and more women are out earning men as they become the higher income earners in marriages. This is good news for guys. If I do get married it will be to a woman who makes a lot more money than I do so that she can assume the liabilities of the higher income earner. I'll also refuse to sign a prenup claiming that she doesn't trust me, marriage is about love, blah blah blah. In today's world Machiavelli's axioms are needed more than ever.

Since the typical "financial plan" of doctors I see is to "work harder", its nice to see you have figured out what southern women have taught their daughters for generations: "You can marry more in a minute than you can earn in a lifetime, honey."

 

[Mahliah]

I think its what society expects. If you're 30ish or so and you're still single, it's seen as abnormal. Children must be born in marriage lest they forever be branded as bastards. It is unfortunately a male dominated society.

 

[kevindement]

I married my wife because i was madly in love with her and i still am too this very second..... We had to speed the wedding up a little because we discovered she was pregnant soon after i proposed...

 

[LupaCupcake]

It is symbolic of the commitment between two people. I am not old fashioned (I am a military veteran and one day a doc..enough said). I am not religious ( not married in a church) and that whole "to obey" part was not put in our wedding vows.

We are married because we love eachother, we love our family. The rings on our fingers are symbols of that commitment and dedication. Marriage is not all fun and games. It is difficult sometimes and it takes compromise and real dedication to that person. A marriage is a team, someone who will always have your back (at least they should) the one person in the world you can rely on more than anyone else, your rock, your best friend, your lover. Don't forget that lover part. Those people that say married couples don't have sex must have crappy marriages.

Marriage is not a necessity and I really don't care what people think is normal. Honestly, some people judge me harshly because of my looks(body art although I can cover it) but I really don't care. I see nothing wrong with a 40 year old woman that has never married or a single mother. Who cares? Live your life.

 

[jetta86s]

Why not get married? If its tradition or belief why not? If it’s a matter ofchoice, why not get married? If your living in a free country why not? Therecould tons of reasons why marry someone and perhaps it’s the same for those whodoes not believe in it.

Not all married couples are successful or happy couples. On the other side of the boat, are allun-married couples happy? Obviously not! I personally think it does not workeither ways and should be viewed in a bigger picture. I mean if your family isokay either ways then it’s good for you. Again it’s a matter of choice and welive with it day by day.