working, school, parenting, discouraged....

[agf09003]

So, I've been on this pre-med journey for a couple years. It continues to get harder. I've been working full-time, and taking 14-18 credits, and have an 18 month old. my GPA was a 3.51 up until last semester.......

I did terrible last semester. I got a new job, and it seems that as the baby gets older, its harder to study and do homework (newborn days were much easier!). I guess I'm looking for some motivation or something. I feel like what I'm doing is nuts. Up until recently I really thought I could do it. Will one bad semester ruin me? Any advice from anyone else who is doing the same thing? How do I juggle it all? It seems that everything must suffer. Schoolwork, being a mother, job performance......I guess I can't do them all perfectly.

I just joined this site, and have read some of the posts already........some of them are a bit mean and nasty. Please don't be mean to me. Just looking for some advice or anything......

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[7starmantis]

So, I've been on this pre-med journey for a couple years. It continues to get harder. I've been working full-time, and taking 14-18 credits, and have an 18 month old. my GPA was a 3.51 up until last semester.......

I did terrible last semester. I got a new job, and it seems that as the baby gets older, its harder to study and do homework (newborn days were much easier!). I guess I'm looking for some motivation or something. I feel like what I'm doing is nuts. Up until recently I really thought I could do it. Will one bad semester ruin me? Any advice from anyone else who is doing the same thing? How do I juggle it all? It seems that everything must suffer. Schoolwork, being a mother, job performance......I guess I can't do them all perfectly.

I just joined this site, and have read some of the posts already........some of them are a bit mean and nasty. Please don't be mean to me. Just looking for some advice or anything......

Can't give you advice on the mother issues, but one semester will not ruin you. However, you have to look ahead at where you are going, the semesters are not going to get easier (but harder) for many years. If you can't perform the way you want to now, you might take a serious look at med school. That being said, you can do it, but you have to realize that you can't be perfect in everything you do. You have to be willing to sacrifice say lower (not failing) grades for more time with you child, etc. Most of the time its a trade off and thats something to really consider. If your willing to not "honor" every class in med school and going into primary care, I dont see an issue, if you are one of those that just has to honor every single class and wants to go into derm or something, you might have to look at your goals and whats important to you now.

Hope that helps a bit. You can do it, many before you have, you just have to decide if its still the right thing for you. If so, dont look back, keep your head down and you will get there!

 

[Gisele0820]

I'm not a mother so this may be worthless to you…

I think you are being too harsh on yourself to expect that you can be supermom, earn good grades with a full course load, have a successful career, prepare for med school and occasionally sleep. It is even harder to do any of this if you don't have an amazing support system. No one can do all of this successfully (and I'm not sure they are being entirely honest if they said they did).

(This is my only semi-harsh spot...it wont be too bad.) The difficult thing is that there are opportunity costs to everything we do. It seems like this is the point where you need to make some difficult choices. Can you cut back at school and apply to medical school three years later than you had intended? Can you switch to part-time? Can you move closer to a support network? Can you afford more child care?


Take a deep breath. You can and will find a path that works for you. The best thing about being a non-trad is that you will get there…eventually. Don't be afraid to take things slowly. It is OK to put things off for a few years.



If you are looking for a pick-me-up, read some non-trad ages posts...there is no "right time" for everyone.

 

[SalemK]

A good friend of mine (also nontrad) was just accepted to two MD schools and she's waiting to hear on several more. She has a three-year-old and a two-month-old!

You can do this. And you don't have to do it all RIGHT NOW. Slow and steady wins the race, yes?

 

[DitchDoc73]

As a Father of an 18 m/o who works full time and went to school full time, I can say that it is not an easy road. Being a mother only makes it harder. Lets face it, kids want their mothers more than they want their fathers when they are young. Do not get discouraged! One "bad" semester is not going to kill your med school chances. A progressively downward trend over several semesters WILL hurt your chances. My advice would be to lighten your course load some (maybe drop to 12 hours a semester), and possibly extend your anticipated timeline to going to medical school. Also, you do not mention, but is there a significant other in the picture? If there is, he needs to realize that he is going to have to pick up the slack for this to be successful for you! If not, you need to develop a strong support structure to help you achieve your goals! You can do this, but it is only going to get harder...I am not trying to scare you away from your dreams, just be realistic about them! You may not get into a top tier med school, but you will get in somewhere. Be strong and don't be discouraged!

 

[sindadel]

Take it easy. There's enough time in the world to do everything. And kids do get to take less time as they get older (I am a mom of three). Do you have a supportive partner? What kind of childcare do you have? Where does your heart pull you? Work? School? Baby?

MUCH better to take a leave, or a lighter courseload or whatever than to bomb another semester. Interviewers are parents too. They will understand when you get to that point.

 

[faith2]

I am a mother, and it just gets harder. You have to decide how bad do you want it, and are you being realistic? I had my daughter by C section on a Sat and limped to school Mon that was 2.5 years ago, and now after my acceptance I am quitting my job in April so I can have a much needed mini break before I start army training in june and medical school in aug. i have no family in my current city, eventually I have made friends that I can trust my daughter with so I do get more breaks now. However soon I will be moving to my med school city with no friends or family so the pressure will be on me alone again. My daughter does not understand mommy is busy she only understands her needs. I am happy with my decision and yes when there is a will there is a way. It will include 3 hour naps at night and studying with a large cup of coffee to stay up. The pay off is huge though, now I am so happy and proud of myself that I did it and my status will go from pre-med to med student. Good luck we are woman an we are responsible for giving life.....getting in medical school is much easier.

ACCEPTED UCF 2014
GO ARMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[sumstorm]

It may also help to talk to the working mothers of poorer families; the ones who balanced multiple jobs and had to teach their children to be independent early. I think we have moved towards a model of hovering parents, particularly mothers, but it doesn't have to be that way. Obviously toddlers will have more needs that you have to fullfill for them, but even by 4-5 years old, I knew and understood that mom went away for school (6 hours away for 2 years) and that dad worked during the day, and was an on call fire fighter at night. Things have changed, but at that time, I could go on fire runs and sit in the truck. I think that it was normal to me because my folks didn't fret over it, put quality over quantity, and shared the workload. It has definitly made me an independent, centered, and appreciative adult. I am a foster mom; infants and pre-teens in distress (short term foster.)

 

[kristieb1]

Have you already taken out all the federal loans that you are allowed? If you are able to borrow more then you should consider doing it. Then use the money for more child care and then you can also work less (if you budget well).

I mean, if you are going to medical school you are going to have tons of loans anyways. Whats a few more in the long run when you are making $100k+? lol

ETA: Oh, I have a 3.5 month old baby girl. I am going to have to find a day care center that I trust in order for me to attend classes and get any studying done (in the fall). My husband works full time but he is a trucker. So he is gone for weeks at a time. The income is nice but being on my own with the baby all the time leaves very little time to study!! lol

 

[Crelal]

You really need to examine each component of your life and make some adjustments... as it was said previously, a continued downward trend will hurt you- one semester will not.

I have three children- 7, 5, and 3. The last two were born while I was going back to school to complete premed requirements. I planned c/s based on tests, was in class within a week of surgery, and continued to work full-time at a professional position. That being said, I only took 6-9 credits at a time. We have limits, and part of becoming a physician is realizing them and accepting them as a reality.

Can you cut down on work? Take out more in student loans? If you cut down on work, do you qualify for financial assistance in the area of daycare/medicaid/etc?

One of the things that allowed me set study time was implementing 'quiet time' in our house- a half hour after meals, two hours post-lunch (they usually fell asleep within minutes) in which the children were in their rooms on their beds either looking at books or listening to music. It gave me set time to study, especially on the weekends, when my husband was working.

Also, just in general, making sure there is a set schedule for your child is critical. Mine currently have an 'in-bed' time of 7:30 pm, which gives me a solid 3-4 hours of study time before I go to bed.

Let go of the things you can- laundry in our house gets done when there is time. Sometimes that means we go 10 days without doing it, sometimes it gets done twice in a week.

Lastly, rally your support system, whoever that may be. Whether its a significant other (in that case they better be 110% on board) or parents or friends, be honest. Tell them you need help, and see what happens.

Good luck- it is a difficult road, but (at least from my vantage point thus far) so worth it!

 

[murfettie]

if your parents or the dad's parents can take care of the kid sometimes it would really help.
i know america is a pretty atomized society, but maybe the grands really want some time with the grand babies.
also... i was wondering why do you need so many classes?
isn't one year worth of science classes enough to fill the preqs?
i'm applying after one year of 12 unit semester.. so.. yeah..

 

[Csdoc]

I know how you feel. Its tough, but you can do it just stay motivated. I am married, have three kids under six years and work a full time job. I also go to school full time. about 14 or so credit hours a semester. right now i cant go to school at all cause i am deployed to Afghanistan. I dont think one semester will hurt you. I believe that people can do anything if they put their mind to it. Good luck!

 

[jinx520]

So, I've been on this pre-med journey for a couple years. It continues to get harder. I've been working full-time, and taking 14-18 credits, and have an 18 month old. my GPA was a 3.51 up until last semester.......

I did terrible last semester. I got a new job, and it seems that as the baby gets older, its harder to study and do homework (newborn days were much easier!). I guess I'm looking for some motivation or something. I feel like what I'm doing is nuts. Up until recently I really thought I could do it. Will one bad semester ruin me? Any advice from anyone else who is doing the same thing? How do I juggle it all? It seems that everything must suffer. Schoolwork, being a mother, job performance......I guess I can't do them all perfectly.

I just joined this site, and have read some of the posts already........some of them are a bit mean and nasty. Please don't be mean to me. Just looking for some advice or anything......

There has been plenty of good advice on this thread already, but this is a truth that needs to be reiterated. You CAN'T do it all perfectly. No one can, so stop beating yourself up over it. Don't waste energy comparing yourself to other people who seem to be "having it all" because you don't know what their reality is like. Just do your best. Like others said, cut back where you can. You don't need 14-18 credit hours to be a full-time student. I hope you have family support to help out with the kiddo when you need it, if you don't, SEEK IT OUT. If you continue to try to be Superwoman and do everything perfectly, and have more on your plate than the average woman, something is bound to crack at some point. Be more flexible with your goals. It is okay to say "if I take all these classes this semester I can apply next year"--then end up dropping a couple of classes and putting off application to med school 'till the next cycle. Med school ain't going anywhere, but your sanity might. Please don't be so focused on the Golden Ring that you forget to take care of yourself.

 

[vanslix]

Can Dad pitch in?

 

[dotdash]

Don't be discouraged! You are juggling an INCREDIBLE number of hard things -- of course some of the balls are going to drop. You just pick them up and try again, maybe making an adjustment here or there... You can't be the same perfectionist you probably once were, so embrace the "good enough" of working motherhood.

One bit of hard-learned advice: try to work serially not concurrently. It gets harder and harder to entertain a baby/toddler while you are doing something else and they get smarter about drawing your attention. If you are trying to study, that can drive you nuts. So build in some babysitter time for studying, and build in some baby playtime when you can be doing just that. It'll hold the guilt and stress at bay.

Good luck!