Write your own rejection letter (2009-2010 cycle)

[xwu74]

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Dear you,

We hate you!

F you,

School of F

 

[red10]

Dear red10,

After months of making you feel , we have finally reviewed your application. After careful consideration, the committee was split between and 😆. Our final decision was a difficult one but we settled on .

Better luck next year.

Sincerely,

 

[Ischemic]

Dear Ischemic,

Applying to med school is like trying to date that hot chick everyone wants a piece of. You try to build yourself up (extracurriculars), show them that you can provide for them (GPA/MCAT), lavish them with attention (letters of intent), and even get your friends to talk you up (recommendation letters). Well, how did that go for you? Yeah ... you struck out majorly didn't you? She laugh in your face maybe? Take advantage of you financially (ungodly secondary fees)? Well guess what? We just did the same to you!! Gotcha. Anyway, maybe you should aim a little lower. You know, date the ugly band chick i.e. apply for bio grad school, we hear they take anybody these days. Pretty sure you can score with them ... literally. Anyway, thanks for the effort it amused us greatly and we appreciate you picking up the tab, urm secondary fee.

Too good for you,

Dean Hot Chick On The Block

 

[Jihad]

Dear Jihad,

After thorough review of your application, interview notes, recommendation letters, criminal background, SDN comments, facebook, tweeter, deleted MySpace, hard drive, tapped calls, and old highschool yearbook photos, we have decided not to offer you a spot in the entering class. Please know that our decision in no way reflects your value as a human being.

Sincerely,
Dr. LoLWuT

 

[Krak]

Dear Krak,

When pigs fly.

Dean pizzle

 

[hazmat2]

Dear hazmat2:

Thank you for taking the time to apply to and interview at our wonderful school of medicine. We chose to save time this year by only interviewing 351 applicants, 350 of which we accepted--four months ago. Yes we only have 100 spots, but we are not a state school and therefore can accept as many as we'd like and then temporarily push people until the next year as required.

As we cannot divulge the specifics as to why you have been rejected, we can offer you some guidance. First we would like to mention that you may have misunderstood the entire application process.

1. The admissions committee does not look at MCAT scores or GPAs; the computers do.
2. They also do not read through any essays; that is what first-year med students are for.
3. We cannot require that you mark your race on your application, as this is illegal; we do require photos and an interview to get around this though.
4. All of our interviewers are actors. We apologize if they didn't actually answer any of your questions. However, be advised their comments are the only things that the admissions committee takes into consideration.
5. No matter what we may say over the phone or on our website, we don't accept re-applicants.

And if you haven't figured it out by now, 351 - 350 = you.

The Dean

 

[FutureDoc17]

Dear hazmat2:

Thank you for taking the time to apply to and interview at our wonderful school of medicine. We chose to save time this year by only interviewing 351 applicants, 350 of which we accepted--four months ago. Yes we only have 100 spots, but we are not a state school and therefore can accept as many as we'd like and then temporarily push people until the next year as required.

As we cannot divulge the specifics as to why you have been rejected, we can offer you some guidance. First we would like to mention that you may have misunderstood the entire application process.

1. The admissions committee does not look at MCAT scores or GPAs; the computers do.
2. They also do not read through any essays; that is what first-year med students are for.
3. We cannot require that you mark your race on your application, as this is illegal; we do require photos and an interview to get around this though.
4. All of our interviewers are actors. We apologize if they didn't actually answer any of your questions. However, be advised their comments are the only things that the admissions committee takes into consideration.
5. No matter what we may say over the phone or on our website, we don't accept re-applicants.

And if you haven't figured it out by now, 351 - 350 = you.

The Dean

P.S. The dean of admissions would like to thank you for contributing to his early retirement with your $125 application fee. It's not like you needed the money anyways. Randomly rejecting 9 of every 10 applications is difficult, time-consuming, and extremely expensive work.

 

[Medgirl55]

I figured I'd post the acual UC Davis rejection email I received in 2009. Please note the bolded misspelled word:

Dear Applicant:
Thank you for applying to the UC Davis School of Medicine.

After careful consideration, we are unable to offer you a position for the class entering
in July 2009. We received applications from a highly competitive pool of nearly 5,000
students like yourself. Wiith only 105 seats available, the Admissions Committee faced
an extremely difficult task.

Best wishes for your future endeavors.

Admissions Committee
University of California, Davis
School of Medicine
Office of Admissions


Dear Csmittyb,

You aren't even good enough for spell check. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!

UC DAVIS SOM

lol love it. I went to davis for undergrad and the med school straight up rejected me faster than almost any other med school i applied to. Gee thanks Davis!!

 

[tulli]

Dear Applicant,

Although you already paid secondary fees towards the Osteopathic/Allopathic Physician program we would like to offer you our Master's Program. See our Master's program will only cost you $25,000 and 2 more years of your life, but it will strengethen your science gpa by .004 points then you can reappy! Isn't that great! There is even a bonus: if you still don't get into medical school this master's will be pointless and will not help you in any other field. Not only are we physicans but we are businessmen too.

Sincerely,

[Insert School of Your Choice]

Haha yeah, that really pisses me off! I hate schools that send follow up mailings to their other programs as a consolation prize 😡

 

[Trexate]

Dear Trexate,

*waves hand* We don't need to see your secondary.
*waves hand* We aren't the school you're looking for.
*waves hand* You can go about your business.

- Dr. Kenobi

 

[poox]

Dear Poox,

We love you, but we can't accept you. Not cause you ain't good enough.. its cuz.. you don't got the greencard baby..

 

[csmittyB]

lol love it. I went to davis for undergrad and the med school straight up rejected me faster than almost any other med school i applied to. Gee thanks Davis!!

Seriously. I work at a med school (went to their undergrad) and was rejected via email with a typo. Talk about a slap to the face

 

[IHeartSleep]

Dear Applicant, [because my name is not good enough for them]

Remember how a couple months ago, we made national headlines when we said due to the budget, we weren't giving out any more cookies (see: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/09/education/09harvard.html?_r=1) at our faculty meetings? Well, we found a way to solve that and it was to get more overwhelmingly unqualified applicants like you to apply.

Don't worry. If we had invited you to interview, it would have cost you a couple hundred dollars to fly here for your free lunch and Harvard folder, then it would have cost you enormous amounts of stress to get strung along by us for a couple months before finally rejecting you. So see? We look out for our wonderful, unqualified applicants.

These cookies are delicious by the way. Nomnomnom. Can you please apply to some of our other graduate programs?

Signed,
Harvard University

 

[call me x]

Dear X,

We know you would probably expect to receive an interview from us due to the fact that while completing the master's program at our medical school you out-performed two-thirds of our first year medical students in their own course or because you received two glowing lor's from highly regarded faculty here but....yeah.....that's not how we roll here.....that would imply we actually looked at your lor's, or even bothered to see that you completed our master's cause let's be real, all we did was toss you out after looking at your undergrad gpa....damn you're stupid wtf were you doing for four years....i mean, shouldn't the fact that our secondary doesn't have any essays clue you in to such practices?

betta luck next time sucka,
dean of my fav school EVER

.....but i'm not upset about it or anything 😉

 

[The Poet Sings]

i know this is about writing your OWN rejection letter, but i just had to share this one i got today. i never completed the secondary, so i was well aware it was coming eventually.

"Thank you for your interest in XXX School of Medicine. Please find attached a letter from the Admissions Committee regarding your application status for Fall 2010."

but this is the good part. the attached document was titled "Rejection.pdf" lmao. takes all the suspense out of it!

 

[auburnO5]

i know this is about writing your OWN rejection letter, but i just had to share this one i got today. i never completed the secondary, so i was well aware it was coming eventually.

"Thank you for your interest in XXX School of Medicine. Please find attached a letter from the Admissions Committee regarding your application status for Fall 2010."

but this is the good part. the attached document was titled "Rejection.pdf" lmao. takes all the suspense out of it!

USCSM? Haha I got that today too. Honestly I had forgotten that I had even applied there. It's always nice to wake up and check your email and find a surprise rejection.

 

[The Poet Sings]

USCSM? Haha I got that today too. Honestly I had forgotten that I had even applied there. It's always nice to wake up and check your email and find a surprise rejection.

lol i took out their name and you just had to fling it back in there

 

[hazmat2]

i know this is about writing your OWN rejection letter, but i just had to share this one i got today. i never completed the secondary, so i was well aware it was coming eventually.

"Thank you for your interest in XXX School of Medicine. Please find attached a letter from the Admissions Committee regarding your application status for Fall 2010."

but this is the good part. the attached document was titled "Rejection.pdf" lmao. takes all the suspense out of it!

I think it's funny that schools send an attachment at all. I personally love the "decision.pdf" ones. Then they're really getting your hopes up.

 

[The Poet Sings]

I think it's funny that schools send an attachment at all. I personally love the "decision.pdf" ones. Then they're really getting your hopes up.

i know, it seems like more effort to make sure the letter is attached. they might as well use that time to cut and paste the rejection letter right into the email.

 

[ChrisTyra]

Dear Applicant,

Who has two thumbs and got into medical school?
Not you.

Sincerely,
Dean IgotmyMDbiatch

 

[RTP424]

Dear Applicant,

After careful consideration, we are unable to offer you an interview position at our medical school. We will be sending you a medical bill, as one of our adcoms actually vomited while reading your application.

Although you were not accepted to our main medical school campus, we would like to extend to you an invitation to apply to our satellite medical program, at the Ronald McDonald School of Medicine. We feel as though your application will be more competitive there.

Why go to RMSOM? Well, RMSOM offers many unique opportunities that typical medical schools do not offer. We have medical rotations at the fryer, grill, and drive through window. Use our state of the art Fisher Price toy surgery kits instead of real ones so you don't harm yourself. The most successful student in each class will have an opportunity at the end of the year to be the clown at pediatrics at our main hospital site. Now how can you pass this up?

Once again, we are unable to extend to you an interview invite. Please note that this rejection does not mean you are not qualified to be a physician.....oh wait... yea it does. My bad.

Sincerely,

Dean Chuck Norris

 

[RTP424]

University of Awesome, April 1, 2011

Dear RTP,

Thank you for applying to our medical school. After carefully reviewing your application, we have decided you are a perfect fit for our university. We would like to extend to you an invitation to an interview with our admissions committee, faculty, and current medical students, so we can get to know you a little better. We were extremely impressed with your application, and cannot wait to meet you in person to bask in your awesomeness. Once again, Congratulations, and please read carefully the directions below concerning your interview.

Since you are so awesome, there is no need to come in dressed up all fancy- shmancy. We know how awesome you are and we really aren't concerned with how you look. That said, why don't you get a face tattoo, we hear they are pretty "hip" nowadays. When you arrive at our school, we will have a butler waiting to take you to your suite and provide you with 24 hour room service. On interview day, please hand in your ticket to the secretary and wait to be called. Once your name is called, please approach the interview door and knock exactly THREE times. A person will ask you for the password, and you must reply...

APRIL FOOLS!

Love,

The Admissions Committee

P.S Just to let you know, your application sucked, but you were very helpful this application cycle. You had us laughing the entire way through the Screening Process.

 

[Lack of Name]

Dear Lack of Name,

In the words of the late, great Colonel Sanders;
"I'm too drunk, to taste this chicken."

Kind Regards,
The Finger

 

[Miss Dee Dee]

Dear Miss Dee Dee,

After no consideration whatsoever, we have decided to reject you from our awesome program 24 hours after your secondary submission. We take delight in the fact that you spent so much time on your secondary (which we didn't read). However, your secondary means crap to us. We are a new school and numbers mean more to us than anything right now. The mission is total BS as well. That's just something to put on the website so we don't seem like total elitist tools.

Thanks for throwing your money away.

-Medical College of Too Good For You

 

[MIAmedica]

Dear Miss MIAmedica

After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that we must decline you a seat at our school. Even though you spent over $50,000 in our SMP, made excellent grades that exceded both SMP and medical students, and are still working on a thesis towards earning your MA, we still do not think you are a fit for our school. Mostly because your "improved" MCAT does not fit into our prestigious standards.

Thanks for your blood, sweat, tears, and (most importantly) your dinero,

Sincerely,
All your professors from Blah Blah University

 

[jeepy]

Dear Applicant,

After careful consideration, we are unable to offer you an interview position at our medical school. We will be sending you a medical bill, as one of our adcoms actually vomited while reading your application.

Although you were not accepted to our main medical school campus, we would like to extend to you an invitation to apply to our satellite medical program, at the Ronald McDonald School of Medicine. We feel as though your application will be more competitive there.

Why go to RMSOM? Well, RMSOM offers many unique opportunities that typical medical schools do not offer. We have medical rotations at the fryer, grill, and drive through window. Use our state of the art Fisher Price toy surgery kits instead of real ones so you don't harm yourself. The most successful student in each class will have an opportunity at the end of the year to be the clown at pediatrics at our main hospital site. Now how can you pass this up?

Once again, we are unable to extend to you an interview invite. Please note that this rejection does not mean you are not qualified to be a physician.....oh wait... yea it does. My bad.

Sincerely,

Dean Chuck Norris

👍

 

[rafflecopter]

Dear Applicant,

We are writing to inform you of what may be disappointing news. We are unable to offer you a spot in our Fall 2011 class. This in no way indicates that you were an unqualified applicant – to the contrary, you were too qualified of an applicant. This year our school received over 10,000 applications and if you do the math 10,000 applications times $130 dollars an application means 1.3 million dollars. This means big moola for us.

We know your numbers were above our averages, and that's why we rejected you. See, our median accepted numbers were carefully achieved by a mathematician who created a complex mathematical formula to attract the most number of applicants possible. Our position as a "middle-of-the-road" medical school means that we receive applications from all the average applicants who view us to be within their range of numbers, but we also receive thousands of applications from people like yourself who view us to be a safety and from others who view us to be a reach. If we accepted you, our acceptance numbers would be skewed higher and fewer people would apply. Which is completely unacceptable, considering we really want those plush swivel chairs made from baby seal skins that we have been eyeing.

Of course, we could have accepted you and someone with lower numbers to balance it out, but we spent enough money on the first mathematician that we didn't feel like hiring a second one to figure it out.

Sincerely,

Dr. Clubber of Baby Seals
Dean of Admissions,
That Middle of the Road Medical School

 

[afob100]

Dear Applicant,

We are writing to inform you of what may be disappointing news. We are unable to offer you a spot in our Fall 2011 class. This in no way indicates that you were an unqualified applicant – to the contrary, you were too qualified of an applicant. This year our school received over 10,000 applications and if you do the math 10,000 applications times $130 dollars an application means 1.3 million dollars. This means big moola for us.

We know your numbers were above our averages, and that’s why we rejected you. See, our median accepted numbers were carefully achieved by a mathematician who created a complex mathematical formula to attract the most number of applicants possible. Our position as a “middle-of-the-road” medical school means that we receive applications from all the average applicants who view us to be within their range of numbers, but we also receive thousands of applications from people like yourself who view us to be a safety and from others who view us to be a reach. If we accepted you, our acceptance numbers would be skewed higher and fewer people would apply. Which is completely unacceptable, considering we really want those plush swivel chairs made from baby seal skins that we have been eyeing.

Of course, we could have accepted you and someone with lower numbers to balance it out, but we spent enough money on the first mathematician that we didn’t feel like hiring a second one to figure it out.

Sincerely,

Dr. Clubber of Baby Seals
Dean of Admissions,
That Middle of the Road Medical School

Haha..school sounds familiar. in DC?

 

[Scorpiomd]

I wanna play!

Dear ScorpioMd,

Thanks for your application. Everything was perfect and you are a beautiful match for our school BUT you are a native of New Orleans. We are in the heart of Atlanta and there will be NO Who Dat'n here! Try LSU where the rest of the Aints go!

By the Way, Rejected! Gooooooo Falcons!!!!

Sincerely,
Dirty Bird, MD

 

[samuraiR]

Dear Samurai,

Ninja Please

-Dean