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Watch this and and you might be singing a different tune on marriage. Beware.
This guy’s whole channel is fascinating.
Watch this and and you might be singing a different tune on marriage. Beware.
Yeah, I mean a well written last will and testament and medical power of attorney along with an advanced directive would solve all of those aside from the health insurance issue.As someone who is not very pro marriage:
-ability to get health insurance if one partner goes 1099 or cannot work
-maybe cleaner estate planning
-cleaner laws regarding assets: for instance I think I'd rather have a prenup and have my house ownership governed under that rather than some weird amalgamation of real estate and civil law if I were to co-own a house w an unmarried partner
-more well defined paternity laws?
1. My 3 kids go to private school and all 3 are in club sports which hits about 100K all together1) what kids activities are 100k/year lol
2) why can't the SAHM go out and get a job? The penalty for divorce, as you say.
Exactly. If I quit my job to be a stay at home father for 10+ yrs then after a divorce my doc wife tells me to get a job and put the kids in public school while sending me 2k/month for child care would be ridiculous.Lol… there seem to be plenty of men who are getting alimony from their physician wives ( at least on the physician community fb page).
Haha this reminds me of an interview with a really popular divorce lawyer, Laura Wasser.Lol… there seem to be plenty of men who are getting alimony from their physician wives ( at least on the physician community fb page).
All the women I dated who were interested in mothering insisted that I put a ring on it if we were to raise children together.I’ll ask a question. What exactly is the point of marriage anyway? What benefit does it offer in this day and age?
There's a lot of magical thinking going on here about the realities of returning to the workforce, career trajectory, and retirement planning after staying home with the kids for several years.
How many of you would be champing at the bit to offer a job to a physician 7 years out of clinical practice? How about a nurse who hasn't touched a patient in 6 years, an accountant who hasn't dealt with the 2018 tax code, or a programmer who last committed code in 2015? Even if that person gets a job, they've given up years of promotions, raises, and just general career growth and opportunities.
There's a lot to complain about alimony--and there are some real horror stories out there (even in this thread)--but the concept of alimony for a stay-at-home parent of several years shouldn't be controversial.
Who's saying they shouldn't work? Read my post again--I certainly didn't.Oh, I see.
They can work, but they don't want to work.... because they didn't have to work.
Now, divorce is imminent, and they recognize how good they had it?!
Well, isn't that too bad, then.
I have to work. Now you have to, as well.
Equity.
Who's saying they shouldn't work? Read my post again--I certainly didn't.
Yes, people should strive for self-sufficiency, which includes work. As someone who cares about work and career, you should recognize that a stay-at-home-parent doesn't just put their job on a magical pause which allows them to return to it with no career/financial repercussions. Those were years of retirement contributions, pay raises, promotions, professional education, networking, and other opportunities that they can never get back. The working spouse didn't have to take a hit to their career to raise the kids. Alimony is a way to get that equity/equality/fairness that you claim you want.
Almost like those years of contributions were paid in the form of... "not having to work while all the expenses are paid."
There's a lot of magical thinking going on here about the realities of returning to the workforce, career trajectory, and retirement planning after staying home with the kids for several years.
How many of you would be champing at the bit to offer a job to a physician 7 years out of clinical practice? How about a nurse who hasn't touched a patient in 6 years, an accountant who hasn't dealt with the 2018 tax code, or a programmer who last committed code in 2015? Even if that person gets a job, they've given up years of promotions, raises, and just general career growth and opportunities.
There's a lot to complain about alimony--and there are some real horror stories out there (even in this thread)--but the concept of alimony for a stay-at-home parent of several years shouldn't be controversial.
But room and board isn't the only think you get out of your career. You get experience, seniority, and the work history on your CV to allow you to jump to a better job.
If you married a Moh's Surgeon and the two of you decided you would stay home with the kids for 6 years, what do you think your EM job prospects would be like when you went back to work? Say you go through a physician re-entry program and start your new attending job, are you objectively in the same place in your career as if you had been working for those 6 years?
If you're married and you've taken the decision that one of you will stay home with the kids, it may not be "we're going to put your job on pause for x years so you can raise the kids" but rather "we're going to throw a huge wrench into your career so you can raise the kids for x years". I think that's something that gets lost in these conversations of "she got a roof over her head and free food, what's the big deal?".
So they should be entitled to collect alimony for the rest of their life. We can agree that 2-3 yrs alimony is a good middle ground, but people should not support another able body to the rest of his/her life.Who's saying they shouldn't work? Read my post again--I certainly didn't.
Yes, people should strive for self-sufficiency, which includes work. As someone who cares about work and career, you should recognize that a stay-at-home-parent doesn't just put their job on a magical pause which allows them to return to it with no career/financial repercussions. Those were years of retirement contributions, pay raises, promotions, professional education, networking, and other opportunities that they can never get back. The working spouse didn't have to take a hit to their career to raise the kids. Alimony or some form of support is a way to get that equity/equality/fairness that you claim you want.
Problem your premise is that a sahm is lying on the couch, eating bonbons…Oh, I see.
They can work, but they don't want to work.... because they didn't have to work.
Now, divorce is imminent, and they recognize how good they had it?!
Well, isn't that too bad, then.
I have to work. Now you have to, as well.
Equity.
Problem your premise is that a sahm is lying on the couch, eating bonbons…
The couple that decides that a spouse is staying home to take care of the house and the kids IS doing a full time job… and then some….and if they have done that for 10-15 years+…their work needs to be taken into consideration.
And let’s face it… the work is never equally divided…in general, the female physician is taking on the bulk of the child rearing and housekeeping over the male physician in the couple…things are changing… but not that much.
Problem your premise is that a sahm is lying on the couch, eating bonbons…
The couple that decides that a spouse is staying home to take care of the house and the kids IS doing a full time job… and then some….and if they have done that for 10-15 years+…their work needs to be taken into consideration.
And let’s face it… the work is never equally divided…in general, the female physician is taking on the bulk of the child rearing and housekeeping over the male physician in the couple…things are changing… but not that much.
Let me link you to a page that if read without any context (and a healthy dose of pre-existing biases) would come across as a bunch of people, many likely medicating and self-medicating, who also seem to do nothing but complain about how hard they have it: Emergency MedicineIt's not the reality that I live, but I see it everywhere. Xanax'd up mommies on 3+ SSRI/SSNIs who simply don't -want- to do anything besides complain about how hard they have it...
If you're a mom, you're a mom. I get it. Mom-ing is work, but its' not 75-100K per year tax-free work (and Dad pays the taxes before the money goes away). But the only reason a mom can even be a mom is because there's a DAD out there earning so mom doesn't have to. Think about that, moms. Maybe appreciate what you have.
Lol… the only reason a dad is a dad that can be around his kids is because of a mom… though I guess they can go the surrogate route …a woman can be a mom without the sperm donor really staying involved… no surrogate needed.The situation that you described (lying on couch, bonbons) is far more common than you think.
Come to Florida.
That Led Zeppelin lyric rings freaking TRUE.
al-i-mo-ny, al-i-mo-ny, paying YOUR bills
(livin', lovin'... she's just a WO-man)
When your con-science hits, you knock it back with pills.
(livin', lovin'... she's just a WO-man)
It's not the reality that I live, but I see it everywhere. Xanax'd up mommies on 3+ SSRI/SSNIs who simply don't -want- to do anything besides complain about how hard they have it...
If you're a mom, you're a mom. I get it. Mom-ing is work, but its' not 75-100K per year tax-free work (and Dad pays the taxes before the money goes away). But the only reason a mom can even be a mom is because there's a DAD out there earning so mom doesn't have to. Think about that, moms. Maybe appreciate what you have.
Fox, not trying to be a d*ck but fairly confident you don’t have children.The situation that you described (lying on couch, bonbons) is far more common than you think.
Come to Florida.
That Led Zeppelin lyric rings freaking TRUE.
al-i-mo-ny, al-i-mo-ny, paying YOUR bills
(livin', lovin'... she's just a WO-man)
When your con-science hits, you knock it back with pills.
(livin', lovin'... she's just a WO-man)
It's not the reality that I live, but I see it everywhere. Xanax'd up mommies on 3+ SSRI/SSNIs who simply don't -want- to do anything besides complain about how hard they have it...
If you're a mom, you're a mom. I get it. Mom-ing is work, but its' not 75-100K per year tax-free work (and Dad pays the taxes before the money goes away). But the only reason a mom can even be a mom is because there's a DAD out there earning so mom doesn't have to. Think about that, moms. Maybe appreciate what you have.
Do you guys not help with the kids or cook when you get home? Why would you equate it to a 24/7 jobs?Fox, not trying to be a d*ck but fairly confident you don’t have children.
From a pure work standpoint, if you asked me to choose between an intern year and caring full time for one toddler for a year I’d take the intern year as a slam dunk for less work.
It’s worth it because the little bastard is mine, but it’s a lot of time and effort.
Also regarding the salary question: I pay about $20,000 per child per year for daycare (it’s not even the full time fee) for 8 hrs a day. If you tried to hire a nanny, it’s more than that for the same time. I do not live in a high col area.
Now picture the salary for a full time nights weekends and holidays 24/7 nanny, and the answer is actually probably about 75-100k. That’s what you would be charged for that service. Especially if you also expect the nanny to cook the child’s meals and do their laundry.
Things do get a lot easier as the kids get older, but it’s still not covering the opportunity cost which is substantial.
Realistically it’s probably more like 14-16h/7d.Do you guys not help with the kids or cook when you get home? Why would you equate it to a 24/7 jobs?
Fox, not trying to be a d*ck but fairly confident you don’t have children.
From a pure work standpoint, if you asked me to choose between an intern year and caring full time for one toddler for a year I’d take the intern year as a slam dunk for less work.
It’s worth it because the little bastard is mine, but it’s a lot of time and effort.
Also regarding the salary question: I pay about $20,000 per child per year for daycare (it’s not even the full time fee) for 8 hrs a day. If you tried to hire a nanny, it’s more than that for the same time. I do not live in a high col area.
Now picture the salary for a full time nights weekends and holidays 24/7 nanny, and the answer is actually probably about 75-100k. That’s what you would be charged for that service. Especially if you also expect the nanny to cook the child’s meals and do their laundry.
Things do get a lot easier as the kids get older, but it’s still not covering the opportunity cost which is substantial.
Maybe if you're living in a high COL place where nannies/child care cost more than most places...1. Absolutely don't have kids.
2. Have several buddies down here that are stuck in the above-described alimony hell.
3. Neither me, nor anyone else is buying any article or opinion that being a SAMH is earning 150k+ a year. Think that one thru.
100% agree 150k is absurd, probably even in ca or ny.1. Absolutely don't have kids.
2. Have several buddies down here that are stuck in the above-described alimony hell.
3. Neither me, nor anyone else is buying any article or opinion that being a SAMH is earning 150k+ a year. Think that one thru.
This is a bunch feminist hogwash.Lol… the only reason a dad is a dad that can be around his kids is because of a mom… though I guess they can go the surrogate route …a woman can be a mom without the sperm donor really staying involved… no surrogate needed.
And apparently the salary would be $184k/yr
If SAHMs were paid, their salary would be $184K/year
According to the latest data from salary.com.www.mother.ly
Like most of them… the average household income is around $50k a year ?This is a bunch feminist hogwash.
There are SAHM with partners that do not even make 100k/yr
This is a bunch feminist hogwash.
There are SAHM with partners that do not even make 100k/yr
The source of that article seems to come to the figure by tallying up work hours and multiplying that by an hourly rate (including overtime, I believe).Like most of them… the average household income is around $50k a year ?
This “184k” line of reasoning is bizarre to me as a mom of 4 tbh
Sometimes it doesn’t matter. If somebody loses interest, no amount of communication will fix itAny of you all have resources to improve
Your communication skills w the wife…I’m generally a Queit person and it being labeled as I don’t talk enough I don’t communicate enough ….
You were a quiet person when you married her , right ? And she said yes… What’s different now?Any of you all have resources to improve
Your communication skills w the wife…I’m generally a Queit person and it being labeled as I don’t talk enough I don’t communicate enough ….
You were a quiet person when you married her , right ? And she said yes… What’s different now?
Kids taking up your time and your energy?
Burnout from work?
Is she spending less time with family/friends/coworkers and looking for you to make up the difference?
Etc
The solution depends on what the actual problem is 😉
Many warning signs. I’d get out before having kids. Plus, if it’s within a certain period, pretty sure no alimonyI would like to know what’s different know myself, but when discussed I don’t seem to get an answer. I get blamed a lot saying I don’t communicate but I say it’s not just me it’s both of us,
How can you solely blame one person in a two person relationship idk. She says it’s all me. In general she has always been a lot more chatty her work involves her talking a lot holding meetings
Yes I was quiet before marriage too, no kids and don’t feel burnout life is better as an attending than a resident for sure. If anything she is spending more time w family we moved to be much closer to her family and friends. She sees them much more than ever before esp over the 6months
Idk is this normal? I can’t tell I don’t really discuss my problems with anyone like other guys and I don’t have any siblings to talk to about this. I know it’s not all roses, things seem to go well mostly recently since we moved closer but there are still moments where I feel like I can’t do anything right.Many warning signs. I’d get out before having kids. Plus, if it’s within a certain period, pretty sure no alimony
Actually if you leave the country child support still has to be paid - it is an international thing. If you stop working, you will still have to pay unfortunately as it would be viewed as intentionally reducing your income. If you get fired that's a different story.This is when I leave the country. Or just stop working and move into Mom's basement. Can't garnish wages that don't exist.
Do you guys not help with the kids or cook when you get home? Why would you equate it to a 24/7 jobs?
I would like to know what’s different know myself, but when discussed I don’t seem to get an answer. I get blamed a lot saying I don’t communicate but I say it’s not just me it’s both of us,
How can you solely blame one person in a two person relationship idk. She says it’s all me. In general she has always been a lot more chatty her work involves her talking a lot holding meetings
Yes I was quiet before marriage too, no kids and don’t feel burnout life is better as an attending than a resident for sure. If anything she is spending more time w family we moved to be much closer to her family and friends. She sees them much more than ever before esp over the 6months
She works from home earns around 175KIt’s not really helping it’s just doing your part however, the mother always does more. Cooking on my off days is different than cooking every single day.
What does your wife do? What is her salary?
Also you are able to be home more EM is lifestyle friendly for couples with no kids.
Kids make everything harder you need to see what plans she has.
Does she want children? How many? Does she want to work after children?
Actually if you leave the country child support still has to be paid - it is an international thing. If you stop working, you will still have to pay unfortunately as it would be viewed as intentionally reducing your income. If you get fired that's a different story.
She works from home earns around 175K
Yes I know kids complicate things we got a puppy recently and it was hard early on but it’s better now
Yes she wants children at least one, she has a cush job and wants to keep working even with kids
I would like to know what’s different know myself, but when discussed I don’t seem to get an answer. I get blamed a lot saying I don’t communicate but I say it’s not just me it’s both of us,
How can you solely blame one person in a two person relationship idk. She says it’s all me. In general she has always been a lot more chatty her work involves her talking a lot holding meetings
Yes I was quiet before marriage too, no kids and don’t feel burnout life is better as an attending than a resident for sure. If anything she is spending more time w family we moved to be much closer to her family and friends. She sees them much more than ever before esp over the 6months
She works from home earns around 175K
Yes I know kids complicate things we got a puppy recently and it was hard early on but it’s better now
Yes she wants children at least one, she has a cush job and wants to keep working even with kids
I would like to know what’s different know myself, but when discussed I don’t seem to get an answer. I get blamed a lot saying I don’t communicate but I say it’s not just me it’s both of us,
How can you solely blame one person in a two person relationship idk. She says it’s all me. In general she has always been a lot more chatty her work involves her talking a lot holding meetings
Yes I was quiet before marriage too, no kids and don’t feel burnout life is better as an attending than a resident for sure. If anything she is spending more time w family we moved to be much closer to her family and friends. She sees them much more than ever before esp over the 6months
This is feminist, left wing, hogwash. I go to work 40 hrs, come home and spend 40 hours taking care of the household/kids. So we both work 80hrs overall. So does that mean all working parents should be paid 80K too for the 40 hrs they spent at home?The source of that article seems to come to the figure by tallying up work hours and multiplying that by an hourly rate (including overtime, I believe).
I can't say I fully agree with their methodology, but if you go by their reasoning, the husband's salary doesn't factor into the calculation.
I am not a marriage counselor or have much if any answers. The only advice I can give people (which my wife agrees) is Most if not all women are crazy. You have to find the mildly crazy ones who can understand what is important and not make an issue out of what is not.I would like to know what’s different know myself, but when discussed I don’t seem to get an answer. I get blamed a lot saying I don’t communicate but I say it’s not just me it’s both of us,
How can you solely blame one person in a two person relationship idk. She says it’s all me. In general she has always been a lot more chatty her work involves her talking a lot holding meetings
Yes I was quiet before marriage too, no kids and don’t feel burnout life is better as an attending than a resident for sure. If anything she is spending more time w family we moved to be much closer to her family and friends. She sees them much more than ever before esp over the 6months
DO NOT HAVE KIDS. If you think it was hard with a puppy, you are not ready for kids with infinitely more issues. You are at a fork in the road. Heed it. You have a good income, she has a good income. I am not a proponent of divorces, but you need to really reach deep inside to see if this would be better for the both of you.She works from home earns around 175K
Yes I know kids complicate things we got a puppy recently and it was hard early on but it’s better now
Yes she wants children at least one, she has a cush job and wants to keep working even with kids
This is feminist, left wing, hogwash. I go to work 40 hrs, come home and spend 40 hours taking care of the household/kids. So we both work 80hrs overall. So does that mean all working parents should be paid 80K too for the 40 hrs they spent at home?
SAH parents are tough, hard work. No doubt.
My wife stayed home with 3 kids and I would NEVER be able to do it or do as good of a job. No doubt. Much respect. Kids much better off.
BUT, after 10yrs and all 3 kids in school, there is NO ONE at home during school. She has 8 hours every day to do anything she want including massages, volunteering, or whatever she wants.
She has it really good that she paid her dues. Its tough but there is a finite workload before kids go to school