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signomi said:**** all over your room.
People will obsess over what that **** could be.
signomi said:**** all over your room.
signomi said:If you want the nurse's attention, you WILL get it if you do the following:
Strip off all your clothes.
**** all over your room.
Sit in the midst of it in the lotus position.
Oh and doing it during shift change gets you bonus points.
Apollyon said:People will obsess over what that **** could be.
Annette said:Socute, maybe he put the bandaid on because he didn't want one of his best prospects hurt by the intern? Besides, putting a bandaid on your own finger can be a bit difficult.
Darwin award frontrunner.ISR said:3. No matter how cool that new prosthetic hand you saw a CNN special about looks, if you have a perfectly good hand of your own, you don't need one. You especially don't need to try to amputate your own hand by wrapping wire around your wrist and plugging it into your house current. (on a side note, he did lose his hand. And his arm. And part of one leg. And part of the other leg. And his life. In that order.)
ISR said:3. No matter how cool that new prosthetic hand you saw a CNN special about looks, if you have a perfectly good hand of your own, you don't need one. You especially don't need to try to amputate your own hand by wrapping wire around your wrist and plugging it into your house current. (on a side note, he did lose his hand. And his arm. And part of one leg. And part of the other leg. And his life. In that order.)
NOT something I learned from a patient, but something I learned you shouldn't do in the ED: It's not appropriate to swish Mountain Dew around in your mouth after drinking it from a specimen cup and, after spitting it back into said specimen cup, announce "Negative for leukoesterase, but 2+ positive for ketones and glucose". The look of shock on people's faces is priceless.
Dude, that's just wrong.
Dude, that's just wrong.
That's probably one of the few things that it wouldn't test positive for. I've always wanted to run it through an ABG machine and see what you get (other than fired for probably throwing the analyzer wildly out of calibration)Yeah, Mountain Dew definitely contains leukocyte esterase.
"PCO2- 9254, PO2- 1, HCO3- 23, pH- 3.4, iCa++ 18.4, K+ 11.2, Gluc- 98,434....."That's probably one of the few things that it wouldn't test positive for. I've always wanted to run it through an ABG machine and see what you get (other than fired for probably throwing the analyzer wildly out of calibration)
That's probably one of the few things that it wouldn't test positive for.
Good question! The simple answer is yes. ERs cater to a strata of society who are marginalized for one reason or another. Many of our patients are sexually inappropriate, mentally ill, status post head injury with frontal syndrome, have poor impulse control due to drugs, alcohol or other issues. These people usually have various health problem in addition to their masturbations issues so they wind up in the Ed a lot. You can also imagine that if someone were on the street and were to whip it out and begin their personal program they would wind up in the ED. Just like all ED patients there's a great deal of boredom and waiting. These folks just have a very inappropriate way of dealing with it. So not only does the ED attract these folks it also brings out the worst in them. In fairness though, as annoying as these patients are I like them better than the spitters.But the question I needed to pose here is:
Is it common for ER patients to feel the need to either masturbate or get naked?
Many of our patients are sexually inappropriate, mentally ill, status post head injury with frontal syndrome, have poor impulse control due to drugs, alcohol or other issues.
Or the ever popular default choice: F. All of the above.
This is why, if you're going to imbibe, you should grow your own, or get a source who does so who is relatively trustworthy....lolIf you are a habitual pot smoker whose friends describe you as a mellow, stoner guy you should be aware that pot is often laced with PCP. If you inadvertently get a hold of a bunch of PCP laced pot and smoke it you may feel compelled to go up to a cop who has pulled over a speeder on the street and tell him that you are being chased by a giant rabbit. The cop may get kind of freaked out when he notices that you have blood all over your hands and pants. When you keep advancing on the freaked out cop while you are covered with blood and shouting about the giant rabbit you will get tazed. Once you are strapped down to a board by EMS and a dozen cops and it becomes apparent that you have gone to town on your package with some type of sharp object EMS will ask why you did it. You should justify your genital self mutilation by saying The rabbit was after me, man! because that will clear everything up.
If you have chest pain and you know taking an aspirin is a good idea, then taking 20 must be a BETTER idea!
Do you hear that ringing?
The rabbit was after me, man! because that will clear everything up.
They'll be spitters, it just takes a little while
-Mike
In fairness though, as annoying as these patients are I like them better than the spitters.
They'll be spitters, it just takes a little while
-Mike
You are terrible. I love it.
The more they spitt the dirtier their face is making it harder to tape an o2 mask on them.
You knew Feb, the first step to getting help, is admitting you have a problem.To be fair, at least heroin does have some painkilling effects. I've learned (several times) that crack is a lousy analgesic.
I learned from my patients that the correct response to this is, "Shut the f**k up! You don't know me! Who the f**k do you think you are, ya bal'headed motherf**ker? Don't call me no motherf**kin' junkie!"You knew Feb, the first step to getting help, is admitting you have a problem.
I have a problem in that I frequently and uncontrolably start laughing when these guys get in my face. Sometimes they start laughing too which is good. Other times they get really pissed which is funny too.I have also learned that if you watch enough movies, people swearing at you will sooner or later just start to seem like a pathetic attempt to be as menacing as Samuel L. Jackson. Many will try, and few will succeed.
Or do what I saw happen in a military ED.....the patient (a big drunk Marine who probably couldn't touch his own shoulders) slugged a nurse in the face, a bunch of us (6 or 7 of us) pinned him down and the security forces showed up, and one of them drew a pistol, placed it to the patients head and goes "Calm down! NOW!"Angry and quiet can be very dangerous. Angry and stupid is frequent source of much amusement. But "angry and quiet" means they are thinking. Use generous supply of restraints: physical, chemical, or combination of both.
Or do what I saw happen in a military ED.....the patient (a big drunk Marine who probably couldn't touch his own shoulders) slugged a nurse in the face, a bunch of us (6 or 7 of us) pinned him down and the security forces showed up, and one of them drew a pistol, placed it to the patients head and goes "Calm down! NOW!"
You know we didn't hear a word from him the rest of the night. BTW, none of us realized that the cop had removed the clip from the pistol before doing this.
I cant figure out how to format this for this thread so Ill just say dont do this:
I get this frequent flier homeless guy in the ER who has various, changing, chronic pain issues. He came in with his buddy who is not a patient and is sitting in a chair next to the bed. Im booting the guy with a script. He says he wont be able to fill it because he gots no money. He askes if he can have himself a Vicodans in the ED. I say OK. He then axes me ifs he can have 2. Im already playing drug dealer so why not. I tells the nurse 2 Vicodans for bed X. 10 min later theres a Mr. Rush called to bed X which is a security response. I go in and the patient is all in a lather because he wanted to share the Vicodans with his buddy and cant understand why the nurse wouldnt let him give the buddy one of the pills because they was HIS. This got even more ridiculous when security was taking them both out. The nurse was telling the buddy that we cant give him drugs because hes not registered as a patient. So he starts saying that hell just register and then can he have some pills.
If he has no money to fill his script, how the hell is he paying for the ED trip? People amaze me. Not in a good way.
If he has no money to fill his script, how the hell is he paying for the ED trip? People amaze me. Not in a good way.